justme2781 Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 my best friend is engaged to a an and they have been together for 9 years, i feel like he is a best friend now too. so she started dating/ hooking up with another man and i hate it. i was at her fiances sisters house and i told his sister. i am a terribel friend i guess, but i am so sick of it it will crush him. i feel awful. what shoudl i do from here? Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 It not your fault it his fiance's. Let her blame you. Big deal. If she would betray him. You don't think she would betray you. Just be sure to let any boyfriend you're involved with know what you have done, in case she seeks revenge. Do you know the back story. Let us know how it turns out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme2781 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 she shouldnt have cheated and she shouldnt have put me in the middle. but i shouldve kept y mouth shut. i an idiot and i feel like the worset person on the planet. i fessed up to her on her vmail and apologzed but i probably lost y best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Yea you should have stay out of it. Reason I'm saying this is because if they get together and the guy thinks that you're lying then chances are that you can lose them as friends and you'll be seen as the bad girl who try to break them apart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme2781 Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 he wont. i have kniwn them for 10 years. we are good friends as well. i know i should have stayed out of it, i a seeking advice on how to handle it going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
In Like Flynn Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 So you would have stayed out of it and sat there eating popcorn while this happened? Sat there at a bar all together and acted like everything is OK? Doesn't sound like the cheater was much of a person anyway. So what kind of friend would that person truly have been??? When in doubt of what to do....always do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 The fact is. She was laughing behind his back. She would have sat in front of him and the other guy and would have been laughing under their breath. She would have excused herself to go to the bathroom. He would have had to make a phone call. And she would have been in the alley out back going down on him. They would have come back to the table talking and laughing. The fiance would say. "You have something on your lip" She would say oh its lip balm. And would rub it all over her lips. She made her fiance a cuckold. As far as your BFF, you need to tell her that you would have told her if her fiance was being a cheater like her. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 he wont. i have kniwn them for 10 years. we are good friends as well. i know i should have stayed out of it, i a seeking advice on how to handle it going forward. I think you had to tell, and you should not feel bad for it. He will thank you later. Secrets just hurt everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
DunnoWhat Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You had to tell. If he's a friend and you didn't tell him then it wouldn't be very nice of you. No reason why you should feel bad. The cheater has caused this whole problem and everybody else has to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme2781 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 she told me i ruined her life. i feel like i betrayed her trust, i did. i should not have done it the way i did. but i guess i just couldnt hold it in anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I don't really think that she can be serious getting married after nine years. She is looking at other players. I think that she is ruining her own life and you are her wake up call. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 she told me i ruined her life. i feel like i betrayed her trust, i did. i should not have done it the way i did. but i guess i just couldnt hold it in anymore. Her cheating ruined her life, not being told on about her cheating... besides, if you are also friends with the fiancé and have been for ten years, then what kind of a friend would you have been to him if you didn't tell? Don't fall for her guilt trips... if she didn't want to be found out, she shouldn't have told anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
7117 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I know a thing or two about the best friend thing.Just tell the truth it will come out in the end trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Did you tell her that if her fiance was cheating on you. You would have told her? And I would have told her, it wasn't my telling your fiance sister that ruined your life, it was you taking your panties off and letting another man do you. That's what ruined your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme2781 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 i did betray her trust though. now she says that u was just trting to bond with his sieter and take her down a nothc!!! lol. im like uhm i am friends with her, and huh?? she is just mad and venting. so i let it go. i betrayed her trust but she should not have put me in the middle. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 How you proceed from here depends on what happens between your former best friend and her fiance. There is always the possibility that they will decide to stay together, in which case you will have to be prepared to be put out of the picture. There is also the possibility that she could lie her way out of this and make you look like the bad guy.... Again, pushing you out of the picture. I've been in this situation before. My ex best friend was male and I saw his wretchid gf kissing another man. I did not disclose this information to him because I knew I would end up looking like the bad guy. He never would have believed me- or if he did, he would have forgiven her. I kept it to myself after a stern warning to her. If they do break up, you'll still have your male friend. If they don't break up- or they get back together... She'll do everything in her power to ostracize you. I hope he does break up with her. It was your decision to tell- so just be ready for a rocky road if they decide to stay together. You did what you felt was right, nothing wrong with that- but even doing the right thing could have consequences you might not like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme2781 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 she is still y friend i think its a lil early to say we wont be friends again, and the same fir her man. who knows Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Just me - you did absolutely the right thing. Wouldn't you have wanted someone to tell you if your boyfriend was cheating on you? You did the right thing. Edmund Burke the great philosopher said something like: "all that is needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing". You did not destroy her life, rather her actions of cheating and betraying her significant other caused this to happen. If she was not cheating on him then there would be no issue. I am proud of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 my best friend is engaged to a an and they have been together for 9 years, i feel like he is a best friend now too. so she started dating/ hooking up with another man and i hate it. i was at her fiances sisters house and i told his sister. i am a terribel friend i guess Why would you want a triflin' ho as a friend like that anyway? a friend of my xW was in your same position when I was engaged. She never said a word to me or anyone about what my xW did......until AFTER the marriage. She actually talked to me about it one day after she found out I was divorcing her and I was floored. I asked, "you mean you let me marry her knowing what you knew??" she told me she felt bad about knowing and not saying anything, but she couldn't betray her friend, who she no longer talks to anymore anyway. I told her I considered her a friend too, but that I no longer did. but i am so sick of it it will crush him. i feel awful. what shoudl i do from here? don't fret it, you did the right thing. Whether he leaves her or not is up to him, but at least he'll be informed he has a skank for a fiance. he now has the power to decide how he wants to live his life. If you didn't tell anyone, and he never found out, she would end up marrying him and cheating on him throughout the marriage....or even worse, support someone elses child thinking it is his. It may crush him, but if you didn't say anything, his world will come crumbling down later if he marries her. I can attest to that first hand. You did the right thing. If your "friend" gets mad, so be it. I wouldn't want her as a friend anyway....you don't want to be scum by association. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 It not your fault it his fiance's. Let her blame you. Big deal. If she would betray him. You don't think she would betray you. . Good point. If she can screw over her fiance, then she wouldn't be anyone I'd trust around a boyfriend. she'd no sooner sleep with the OPs man and wouldn't worry about any friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 she told me i ruined her life. i feel like i betrayed her trust, i did. what the hell does she know about trust? and you didn't ruin her life....she did that all on her own. And if she is cheating on him, what the hell does she care if a wedding is called of? She must be marrying him for money or security. She sounds like my xW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme2781 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 now she is liying and somehow making me the bad guy. i promissed her i wouldnt say anymore, but i feel like i should if i want to be a feriend to him, what should i do?? should i just leave it alone?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justme2781 Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 what really set me off was that she was mad at him, he fell asleep on a medication and her grandma had died he didnt answer teh phone after falling asleep and she was mad that she wasnt there for her. then the next night she had her other man over at THEIR home. im liek how are you mad? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Your friend is some class act. She humiliates her boyfriend by having the guy she is cheating with come to their home. What a pig. Please inform the boyfriend. You will be saving his life since he now needs to be checked for STD's. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 You did the right thing. If she's the type to do that to the man she professes to love, she would have eventually stabbed you in the back anyway. With friends like her, who needs enemies? Link to post Share on other sites
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