beautiful.bronte Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Hi, I would like to know if it is possible that after a wife cheated, if men are able to have a healthy relationship with their exwifes. I am separated of my husband. I cheated and it took almost five years after he found out for him to leave. We have two kids in common and after 7 month living apart, he told me this weekend that he can´t talk to me or see me anymore because he wont be able to forget me and this is the only way for him to move on. He told me that I destroyed his life and my kids childhood, and I know he is rigth. So my question is, how many of you got over and had a "nice friendly" relationship with your exwife and How long did it take? I would like to know male opinions, (others are wlcome as well), mainly because I know that women can forget and forgive.... Thanks:) Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You have some men who forgives and you have some men who cant. Did you do everything to make the marriage work, was you still messing with the OM, did you go No Contact, Do you have custody of the kids, Have you brought him out the house. Have you atoned for all the damage you have done to the family that y'all built? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 It all works out over time. My ex and I have a very cordial email relationship. We exchange 5-6 emails a year and it's only been 8 years since the divorce. If your ex feels this way now, give him a decade or so. He'll come around. Seriously, it's his choice isn't it? A lot of men (and women) never forget or forgive. If he's able to communicate enough to take care of your kid business consider yourself lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I think it depends on whether you did any work to try to repair the damage. Some folks think the mere passage of time is enough. But, I think to be forgiven a person really needs to express remorse and give the injured party many opportunities to voice his/her pain. Seems a lot of people that cheat just move on and leave a path of destruction behind. Both my XWs cheated serially. One, in working her 12 step program, came to me years later and apologized and owned her actions. I have a decent relationship with her(but I know never to trust her). My second wife just bailed and has never acknowledge her cheating and will, most likely, never apologize. I just want nothing to do with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You guys will probably never be friends. The best that you can expect is to be able to communicate effectively for the children, period. After several years my ex and I can do that- but there is no chatty chatty how are you kind of stuff. Will never be probably and I'm okay with that. ps- I was the one who cheated and left. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 My XW cheated on me repeatedly. I didn't know about any of it until she dropped the bomb after seven years of marriage had passed, by which time she wanted out. A brief period of attempted reconciliation came to nothing, mostly because she wasn't into it. For the first two and a half years or so after we split, the relationship between her and me was pretty poor, mostly because I was devastated and pretty angry and hostile towards her. I didn't want to have to interact with her any more than absolutely necessary, because having to see her or speak to her was a reminder of the betrayal and heartbreak. After that, my anger started to dissipate. That point was reached just about three years ago, and things now are quite good between us. I'm able to be civil and even friendly towards her, without forcing it. Mostly it's because I've completely moved on in my life. I don't feel much of an emotional connection to her on any level -- she's just there. I doubt we'll be close friends again, and once the kids are grown up, I don't expect we'll see each other very often. But I won't have a problem being friendly towards her. Overall, I think I've forgiven her. But I'll never forget. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 So my question is, how many of you got over and had a "nice friendly" relationship with your exwife and How long did it take? I don't have a "friendly" relationship with my X. I have a civil one. I want to only communicate with her with regards to my children. Any other small talk or chit chat is something I am not the slightest bit interested. I would like to know male opinions, (others are wlcome as well), mainly because I know that women can forget and forgive.... Thanks:) Really...hmmm...sorry, I've seen enough women on the boards to know that if THEY were the ones cheated on, they aren't any more forgiving that some of the men on this board. And you are wrong...NOBODY will "forget". Forgive?...that depends on the situation. And there isn't anything wrong with not forgiving. Nobody is entitled to be forgiven. Alot of times forgiveness is doled out when it really isn't meant. And even those that forgive still will never forget and doesn't mean they don't think poorly of their betrayer now and then. And of course you'll think that women can forget and forgive where men can't....you were the one that cheated on him...not the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I recently saw the girl who cheated on me with her ex and now she's married to someone else. I didnt walk up to her on the street or congradulated her. (she was mad that I was gonna bring a date to her wedding so I didnt go. LOL) I just kept my head down and kept it moving. because she did so much damage and lying to me. I was like why would I want to even associate with a trifling chick like that? She's an idiot. Sometimes the damage can be so great the guy will never want to communicate with you on a friendly level. You should just accept it. If he wants to be friends then he'll have to forgive you for himself first and foremost it doesnt work on your timetable. The memories are always gonna stay with him that YOU destroyed your family. not him. that's what sucks the most. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You may have had an alcoholic husband who abandoned you for alcohol. Your cheating was not the answer. One can understand his reluctance to engage. He is trying to keep himself sober and sadly you may even have been the key that turned him sober. Write him a nice letter explaining your feeling of neglect and your infidelity in choosing someone other than him. Write how proud your are of his present condition and how sorry you are that you could not share it with him. But there is no guarantee that he will read it. Link to post Share on other sites
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