YearningforMore Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I'm not sure where this post fits best but I'll try here. Nearly 10 years ago I had a wonderful FWB relationship with a man 10 years my junior. We didn't 'break up' - we just went our own ways. It was a very exciting, fun relationship with never a harsh word between us. I think there was some regret on both sides that things couldn't be different but we never really progressed to boyfriend/girlfriend due to our goals and age difference. My biological clock was ticking and I married another man and had kids. He was starting out in his career. He kept in touch - rare meetings (non sexual) and the occasional email. We live a long way from each other. I never initiated the contact. Now after years of no contact, he contacts me again. Him keeping in touch has continually surprised me. Now I'm in my 40s, in an unhappy marriage which I'm not going to do anything about due to the kids and custody issues. I know I will have a chance to see him again and I want to rekindle the FWB relationship. He's not married. But it's been so long and it's not something I want to discuss with him by email. I don't know how to do it given I'll probably just see him for a day. Any thoughts on this? My head is spinning. I feel like it should be simple but it's not. I'm comfortable with cheating on my loveless marriage and not looking for lectures there - it's the things in life I don't do that I regret. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 The ethical options you have, the ones which will cause the minimum of damage to other people, are these: 1) End the emotional affair with the OM. Cut off all contact and work on your marriage. 2) If you choose not to work on your marriage, then seek a divorce and pursue the OM, if you so choose, once the divorce is final. Don't kid yourself that you can keep your affair (whether emotional or physical) a secret from your husband or kids, or that you can have your cake and eat it too without destroying lives. Choose between the OM and your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YearningforMore Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Like I said I'm comfortable with the cheating. Done the marriage counseling, it takes two to make it work. A divorce would deprive my kids of one parent given it'd become an international custody battle. Regardless of who 'wins', my kids would lose one parent for most of the time given our circumstances. I'm talking about a FWB not a potential 2nd husband. I wouldn't actually be seeing my friend regularly or often so keeping it a secret would not be a problem. It hasn't seemed like an emotional affair - he's an old friend and my husband knows about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I can tell you how one of my old FWB did it with me. She basically sent me a long text saying that she wanted to see me again. I guess we both knew what that meant. I agreed, because I really did miss hanging out with her... and yeah, on the first night we were back to our old selves. I guess everyone has a different approach, and 10 yrs is a long time, but sometimes the direct approach is best. Of course, he may not want to get involved in that way again because of your situation. With all due respect, I know I wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YearningforMore Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Thanks for the input. I was wondering how quick it would be to be back to our old selves. That's interesting it only took you a night. That's how I imagined it. my "situation" - you mean being married? I know he's gone out with married women before so I don't think that's a huge issue. My age and kids might be. Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Yeah I'm referring to the kids... if I were him, that would give me pause. But he might not care. Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 I may be being abit on the thick side here, but what the hell does FWB mean?? Ive spent the last 4 months de-coding everything but its is one that hasnt clicked in my head. Thanks loveshackers ) F-future? W-????? B-boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 "Friends With Benefits". Yearning is a married woman who wants a f*ck buddy on the side, but who also doesn't want to be "lectured" about how truly f*cked up her thinking is. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YearningforMore Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Charles, yes I think me having kids might give him pause because we were such good friends, not just f** buddies as Gorilla terms it. Gorilla, my ethics not agreeing with yours doesn't make my thinking "fu**ed up". My question wasn't about WHETHER to do this, it was about HOW. Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge. If I just wanted a f*** buddy, I'd get a regular, local one. I want the intimacy and sex I used to have with an old friend. Anyway I think this post has answered my question. I liked this friend cause we always thought alike - so I'm thinking he'll be happy with rekindling our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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