innocent Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I am 17, and I am scared, so incredibly scared of dying. I have no reason to be it just is on my mind constantly. I have been roman catholic all of my life, but I am not even sure if God exists? How are people comfortable with this? I know many other people question it. I pray all of the time, and Sometimes I feel better, but do I feel better because my mind is playing tricks on me and convincing myself that I feel better? I hate going to sleep I often worry about whether or not I will wake up. I don't have a good reason why. Once I fainted and when I woke up i had no Idea what happened, and that scares me so much. What if there is nothing after you die? What will happen?What is the point of living? I am seriously needing help with this I feel alone and that the world is pointless. Has anyone else here hve any good advice for me? Please help me Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Please talk to your school counsellor or your priest. They will help you with your fears. Link to post Share on other sites
poocake007 Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Look somethings I think like that too but you just have to make the best of your life and have fun.I mean come on if your just gonna worry about death your gonna miss out on a lot of things. So forget about dying and focus on living. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocent Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 Thank you all for replying, I really do appreciate it. but has anyone really felt depressed about this? and found answers? or just something that has helped them? Link to post Share on other sites
Robo_Hadoken Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 There was a time in my life where I didn’t care if I lived or died. I thought that everything was pointless and that I was doomed to depression. So I went through every day not caring at all what happened. About the time I hit my 18th birthday I (as corny as this sounds) began to open my eyes. All of a sudden I saw the entire world in a different light and was surrounded by beauty. I don’t really know what brought this change about. Perhaps I finally reached a new level of maturity? Or perhaps I had just been so sad for so long I had nothing else do to but get happy. (Bear with me I am getting to your point.) After this mental breakthrough I was hit with a new frightening revelation. When I was depressed and had nothing to lose, I viewed death as an escape from my wretched existence (so incredibly wrong!), But know that I was happy I had everything to lose and became deathly afraid (no pun intended) of dying. I now had a spiritual hole in my being which needed to be filled. I found my answer in the newfound beauty I was experiencing all around me. (I am aware this sounds like something out of "American Beauty" but once again. Bear with me. It's true.) This next part is kind of hard to explain but I will do my best. Have you ever watched a spider spin its web? Just dropped everything you were doing and thinking about, to simply watch this magnificent creature go about the very purpose it was designed for? Have you ever stepped outside of your warm house in to a brisk autumn day and enjoyed the fact that you could FEEL the temperature change all over your body? Try listening to the sound of rain falling or a bird singing or a good piece of music (nothing like pop or rap, something with meaning like jazz or classical). Just try breaking free from the man made hum drum meaningless rat race and actually live for once. To most, all of which I have described above may seem ordinary, because they take it for granted that things like those will just be there for them everyday. To the trained eye how ever there are things in every day life, which are more breathtaking and spectacular then the most dynamic of fireworks displays. I then decided there is too much magnificence in the world for it all to be here by chance. God exists and lets us know in very subtle ways. Look around (really look). You will find him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocent Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 Thank you that really does help a little bit. I just worry about what happens after you die alot. I guess that I am just strange. Link to post Share on other sites
cliche_boy Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 when i was 16 a little something like that kinda happend to me, just not on the big scale like u. Its prolly cos the only reason ya praying to jesus is due to fear of death, quit thinking about jesus, praying is what makes u think of death. Try not praying. Even if ya were to die soon, its not like its gonna hurt or ya gonna know whats happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocent Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 Originally posted by cliche_boy Even if ya were to die soon, its not like its gonna hurt or ya gonna know whats happening. That is what scares me more than anything Link to post Share on other sites
iceprincess Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Hi, there. I went through the same exact phase. I questioned my religion and wondered if there IS a GOD, but I've come to the conclusion that it's all a mind thing. I DO believe there is a higher "being" but for now, I'm not going to worry about that stuff. I believe that after we die, there is nothing left, but that's just my opinion. Most people believe that they will go to heaven or to hell or be reincarnated. I think that it's whatever you feel most comfortable with. Don't stress out on it too much, live your life, do what you want, reach for your dreams and don't ever give up. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Originally posted by innocent I am 17, and I am scared, so incredibly scared of dying. I have no reason to be it just is on my mind constantly. I have been roman catholic all of my life, but I am not even sure if God exists? How are people comfortable with this? I know many other people question it. I pray all of the time, and Sometimes I feel better, but do I feel better because my mind is playing tricks on me and convincing myself that I feel better? I hate going to sleep I often worry about whether or not I will wake up. I don't have a good reason why. Once I fainted and when I woke up i had no Idea what happened, and that scares me so much. What if there is nothing after you die? What will happen?What is the point of living? I am seriously needing help with this I feel alone and that the world is pointless. Has anyone else here hve any good advice for me? Please help me I swear, this is EXACTLY how I felt at your age. It could have been me writing these exact same words. Eerie. It definitely helps to talk about it. There is nothing unnatural about fearing your death. You just have to try to not let this fear, or any other fear, control your life. I, too, was Roman Catholic at 17, and this simple question - is there really an afterlife? - caused me to re-evaluate my religious beliefs. How could I truly be Catholic, if I could not accept what the central figure of my faith proclaimed, that in dying to sin I could be reborn to a new life after this? I talked this over (a lot!) with priests, relatives, atheists, etc. As I saw it there were two possibilities - 1) There is an afterlife. Heaven, the perpetual presence and love of God, if one is open to accepting this. (You know, you might like some of C.S. Lewis' non-fiction writing, maybe "The Great Divorce?") Eternal bliss. 2) There is no afterlife. Nothing. You will not feel anything, since you will be incapable of feeling. You have come to an end. Either way, life is not pointless. If #1, and you believe the Catholic teachings, you should be seeking to do God's work among His people. Bible's pretty clear about what this entails: feed the hunger, clothe the poor, etc. NOT necessarily, because you want to go to heaven, but because the love that God shows in inviting us to join Her after we die is the same love that should reverborate through your own daily life, heedless of a get-me-into-heaven motive. If #2, then there is no God, because a truly loving God would not create us, care for us, and then callously take all He had nurtured and destroy it. Why would She expend all that effort? Amusement? That is not the kind of God I could praise or worship. If there is no God, and there is no afterlife, than your life's purpose is up to you. Some take an homocentric view - the advancement/protection of the human species. Others may seek to be stewards of the environment. A few may choose to live their lives in pursuit of their own pleasure, heedless of others. Etc, etc, etc. If you believe #2 then you can pretty much define your life in whatever manner you wish. As for me, I found my beliefs in Catholicism were very much strengthed after this period of questioning. And, I believe, that to be truly active in whatever faith you choose, multiple periods of questioning and (hopefully) affirmation are necessary. I'll not advocate either of the two aforementioned choices, but you need to come to a decision. It is doubt that torments you now. It is hard to face a fear when it hasn't got a face yet. I will say that the fear of death has never left me. On rare occassions, the fear has awoken me from sleep. But I just repeat my beliefs to myself. Even if there is nothing after death, the more important thing is living. ~~~~~* Hmm...this whole discussion kind of makes me think of the play-turned-movie, "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead." "Have you ever pictured yourself as dead, lying in a box with a lid on it?....Nor do I, really." Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 what a timely topic to bring up, innocent, and I appreciate your asking for our thoughts. Right now my family is trying to cope with the idea that pretty soon my mom is going to die, she's been pretty ill off and on, her immune system is shot to hell and everyday, it seems like she's a little bit less, if that makes sense. anyhow, it's got me thinking all about life and death and things like that, especially because my mother has told me that she doesn't want to die just yet. Not because she's afraid of dying or the afterlife, but simply because she doesn't want her children to be sad or crying or hurt because she died. On the one hand, it's been encouraging to know that because she is strong in her faith, she's not worried about death itself, but on the other hand it distresses me to think that she would put off her destination with God because she's worried about her "babies." that got me to thinking about the whole death thing overall, and in talking to a priest friend, who said it was perfectly understandable to pray to God that my mother experiences a happy death -- even if that death is far off -- I've come to realize that the act of dying isn't the important part, because it's only another part of the circle of life. I think maybe I'm more scared of missing those opportunities to do right by people during my lifetime than I am about death itself, because when you die, only the physical shell of you is affected. Your soul still remains. And I hope to be among that number that gets to hang out with God and Jesus when the time comes ... I, too, come from a long line of Catholics, and I've found comfort in that body of belief. Hard to explain, but in short, I've inherited a fine set of prayer warriors and confidantes in those role models called saints; more importantly, there is a sense of continuity in the Mass and in the Catholic lifestyle that sustains me even when I'm beset by worry or by problems. It's mine, it works and I'm grateful to have it. I think I must have been about 13 or 14 when the question of whether God exists literally hit me, and just imagining what it was like to not have him in my life scared the hell out of me. It was like being sucked into a big, black, scary void with nothing to replace the idea of God. LOL, I sort of think of it as my "scared straight" experience, something to make me make that choice of claiming the gift of faith I was given. What you are going through right now is scary, but I think as you think this through, and look for evidence (however you want to classify it) that he's real, you're going grab solidly onto the faith you'd been given and find it affirmed everyday. someone once asked me, how do I know God exists. How could I prove it? my answer is, how do I know that God doesn't exist? the proof, to me, is all around. it's in those things like that blade of grass or that leaf that knows to turn brown every autumn. It's in the brand-new baby who started out as a cell from his mom and a cell from his dad; it's in all those people who, even though they don't know me, witness Someone by their kindnesses and caring. It's there in those people who create all these wonderful things for us to enjoy, things that make our lives a bit simpler and a lot safer. His hand is behind all of that, and I think that when you look using your faith, you see it ... My final thought: I am simply amazed by computers. How do they know what to do? How does Google know where to find answers to what I'm searching for? How can it do it so quickly? The answer is that someone very gifted created those programs to retrieve data. If man can do that with a computer, then who does that on a wider scale with people? how does that one egg and one sperm know what to come up with? how is it scripted? Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocent Posted November 5, 2003 Author Share Posted November 5, 2003 I guess maybe I need to see a thearapist or something because I think about this stuff constantly, I am so scared of dying, I really do not want to, and it just makes me feel competely empty and hollow inside to even imagine what happens, and I really do not want it to, I don't think that most people really do but it just cause so much pain and sorrow in me, it hurts to think about it... and I guess that I am just asking for more help, anyone please I just want to be happy and able to go to sleep at night and live my life without feeling so used, like this is just torture, all of us waiting around, to basically die.... and all of us running around trying to grasp on to some kind of belief to make ourselves feel better, but it just makes me feel worse... I hope and pray there is an afterlife, where we can live forever in just happiness, but it is kind of hard for me to believe right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 But, innocent - as Robo and Quankanne and others have said - there is SO much here to love and enjoy and delight in! Can you not turn your mind to loving life rather than fearing death? A few other people have tried the thought-stopping trick which, basically, is to tell yourself STOP whenever you find yourself thinking about the things that bother you. If you cannot implement that successfully, then do seek help. You may be suffering from obsessive thoughts. I was present at my mother's death. She had gone in and out of coma for a week; it was good because she was afraid of suffering and of dying but she slipped into unconsciousness and never came back out so she didn't realize it was happening. The day she died, my husband and a friend and I came back from having lunch in the hospital to be told by the attending nurse that her breathing had changed and the end was not far away. She breathed a little less deeply each time and the time between breaths lengthened until she took one last little breath, exhaled, and was gone. I have no words to describe the love and peace and joy that filled that room at that moment. We all felt it. There was no sadness and there were no tears. She had been very ill for almost a year and had suffered. She had a good death and we were all happy for her that she was at peace. I'm not afraid of death; I'll just be some ticked if it comes before I do the rest of the stuff I want to do while I'm here. Quank: more importantly, there is a sense of continuity in the Mass and in the Catholic lifestyle that sustains me even when I'm beset by worry or by problems. I feel the same. An awful lot has happened in my life; wherever I go, the Mass is a constant in a life that changes in every way. As such, it's a haven for me. I may not go all that often, but I know it's always there for me. Not many other things are. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 You are not strange - I used to obsess about death too. I was raised in hospitals because it seemed that there was always someone in my family in crisis. My dad had MS (in the hospital at least twice a year) my grandmother had every disease known to man, mom had cancer, (is it any wonder I married a man with health problems! ) Death is coming for all of us and it doesn't matter what you believe or if you worry about it all the time, or don't give it a second thought. Its coming for all of us. What used to bother me is the fear of the unknown. I'm one of those people who, if I have an appointment someplace I'll try to drive it before hand so that I know exactly where it is on the day of the appointment and I'm not late. I can't peruse death so that I know what to expect when the time comes. My father was fully conscious up to the second of his death. He struggled to breathe, he was awake and aware. He had a minute of panic and then he was gone. My grandmother thought she was drinking coffee with friends and was lifting an imaginery cup to her lips and smiling and murmuring, then she she "sat her cup down" and fell asleep and died. I don't know if they just stopped, or if some part of them (soul?) traveled to heaven or hell, or if different things happend to them, but they didn't know what to expect either and it didn't matter. Knowing or not knowing is not going to change the fact of death. I finally quit worrying about the unknown - it's going to happen, I can't change that, and I'm not going to be scared about something that I have no control over. As for an afterlife - I'm agnostic. I don't think there is an afterlife - at least not a conscious one. Maybe some energy trail is left behind for a while, but that's all. Maybe the christians are right and there is a heaven and hell. maybe its one of the other religions that is right. maybe they all are, or none are. I don't know, and I quit caring. If you keep having problems then you really do need to talk to a counselor. I would suggest secular as well as faith based counseling. And don't worry - you are not the only one to feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Candygirl925 Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I'm not catholic but I believe in God and Jesus and still have times when I'm afraid that there will be nothing after I die. I don't understand why that thought is so scary, it just is. But when I have these thoughts it's usually at a time in my life when I'm in some kind of emotional crisis. Prayer helps me now, but it wouldn't have at 17. Are there other things going on in your life right now? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 all of us waiting around, to basically die it's about filling that space with something meaningful and worthwhile. Somewhere, there's a poem out there about "living my dash," talks about the dates on a tombstone and how the dash between the dates (1900-1999) accounts for more than what can be said on a piece of rock. what do you value? what appeals to you? is it something you can pursue so that it gives your life color and meaning? Once you become involved in that (taking up a hobby, volunteering, finding that kick-butt job, meeting someone new) your obsession with death and dying will lessen. Link to post Share on other sites
Riles Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I haven't read all the replies, but I really hope you feel better. I know it sucks to be 17 and terrified of something. But you know what anything you can deal with, you seem strong enough to find ways to get yourself through your fears. Maybe talking to a councelor would really do you some good. And maybe mention anxiety? It's okay, it's perfectly normal. Almost everyone has a fear of death, I think that is completely natural. You are not alone. You could probably find an online community specifically targeted about "fear of dying" and maybe talking to them would also help. Link to post Share on other sites
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