lostsoulmate Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 So my 30th bday was Sunday. Yes, I know Easter. Anyway on Friday my now boyfriend (was fiance) had his father watch our 4 year old so we could go out to eat and a movie. We went out to eat, but didn't make it to the movie. We stayed home and watched one instead. I have no issue with that, what I do have an issue with is that after we left his aunts house (Easter dinner) he decided to go to a local race track. It was too cold to take our daughter, so he left me home alone on my 30th bday. I am mad as hell! Do I have a right to be? Am I being petty? Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 What a Di#k. I'd took you to an expensive resturant for a nice dinner. Then a show or dancing, whichever you prefer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 What about the gift. I asked for a new Dyson Vac (for my bday and mother's day all in one). I really wanted the vac, got diamond earrings instead. I can't believe I am saying I am mad about getting diamond earrings, but I wanted the damn vac!!! We are in counseling. Apparently on my end things are not getting any better. Thanks for the responses. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You know, you are totally opposite to my wife. She would be happy to take the earrings. By the way I would consider the Kirby before the Dysan if carpets are your main target. I will give a technical explanation if you want it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 You know, you are totally opposite to my wife. She would be happy to take the earrings. By the way I would consider the Kirby before the Dysan if carpets are your main target. I will give a technical explanation if you want it. One of the reasons we are not engaged anymore is because I don't think he listens to me. I really wanted the vac, this was he free pass to get me a appliance for a gift. Duh!! We have two long haired cats, I want it for the extensions and to use on the bare floors. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 So my 30th bday was Sunday. Yes, I know Easter. Anyway on Friday my now boyfriend (was fiance) had his father watch our 4 year old so we could go out to eat and a movie. We went out to eat, but didn't make it to the movie. We stayed home and watched one instead. I have no issue with that, what I do have an issue with is that after we left his aunts house (Easter dinner) he decided to go to a local race track. It was too cold to take our daughter, so he left me home alone on my 30th bday. I am mad as hell! Do I have a right to be? Am I being petty? considering what you are about to put him through, and that you cheated on him...yes, I think you are being petty. You plan on taking his daughter away from him, and cheated on him. and you are mad as hell because he went to a race track? Most women would be happy as hell that is the worst thing their husbands/boyfriends ever did. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 What a Di#k. I'd took you to an expensive resturant for a nice dinner. Then a show or dancing, whichever you prefer. Read her history and you might think differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 considering what you are about to put him through, and that you cheated on him...yes, I think you are being petty. You plan on taking his daughter away from him, and cheated on him. and you are mad as hell because he went to a race track? Most women would be happy as hell that is the worst thing their husbands/boyfriends ever did. Thank you for bringing me back to the here and now. I am such a b*tch. I can't believe I forgot. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Thank you for bringing me back to the here and now. I am such a b*tch. I can't believe I forgot. Not trying to bring you back to anything. just find it perplexing that after what you have done to him, and are about to do to him, that you expect the utmost courtesy out of him. Honestly, I don't even know why you'd even expect him to be with you. You are going to end the relationship anyway and I think he knows that whether you told him directly or not. You did break off the engagement, so he knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 In and of itself this would make him a jerk but after everything you have put him through you kind of deserve it. It's not like you have been good to him. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Excuse me, but you are a treacherous cheater. You have told this board how you love your ex, but how you want to trap the man you don't love into marrying you. He buys you diamonds and you want a vacuum cleaner (An absolute no no, when giving a woman a birthday present, no appliances). You spent your birthday alone. Do you have a concept of what a train wreck you are. You don't love him. You sleep with your ex. You talk smack about him. And now that you have betrayed him, you are angry because he won't marry you. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 the last two posts have made me feel as low as I am. because of statements like these, people do stupid things like stay in a situation that is toxic. yes, I cheated. yes, I am unhappy. yes, I want to move home. yes, I put up with everything he did to me for the last six years. yes, I tried to do the right thing. yes, I tried to tell him how I felt before I cheated. yes, I tried to communicate with him about my feelings. yes, I tried to get him to communicate with my about his feelings. yes, I tried to reinvent myself to fit better in his picture. yes, I gave up pieces of myself to fit better in his picture. yes, I waited too long to be at the end of my rope. yes, I did my best to make this work (one sided) for two years. yes, I cheated. It was wrong. yes, I care if I hurt him. yes, I am not cold hearted (as some of you may think) yes, I get tired of the beatings (IMO) that get thrown up here, by people who don't want to help, but want to express their disgust for what I have done. I am looking for constructive criticism, something that may help my situation not make me feel less than I already do. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Did you realize that there were 24 "I"s in reference to yourself in your last post. I don't understand what you want. Do you want to leave him or do you want to stay? Did you ever tell him you slept with your ex? I guess you're all over the map here. If you don't love him. Why do you stay? What are the choices he has? You worry about hurting him if you leave. So you stay and cheat and pine for you ex. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Don't have anymore to give to him. Don't know what to want? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 You two are obviously on two different pages when it comes to the importance of the relationship and future as whole. Him choosing NOT to spend the evening with you on your bday, well, I'm sorry that it hurt you, but in bigger picture - HE may not have felt ready to be romanic and loveydovey...Was it wrong of him to go out? Sure it was, but the fact still remains, he still has anger and hurt inside of him about your cheating. I'm sure he is asking himself if he truly can trust you 100% again and is it worth marrying you. Just talk to him, be completely honest. What has he done to you for 6 years that has hurt you so badly? IF it's that bad, then why stay with him? If he isn't willing to work WITH you to make a future together, then it's time to end it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 You two are obviously on two different pages when it comes to the importance of the relationship and future as whole. Him choosing NOT to spend the evening with you on your bday, well, I'm sorry that it hurt you, but in bigger picture - HE may not have felt ready to be romanic and loveydovey...Was it wrong of him to go out? Sure it was, but the fact still remains, he still has anger and hurt inside of him about your cheating. I'm sure he is asking himself if he truly can trust you 100% again and is it worth marrying you. Just talk to him, be completely honest. What has he done to you for 6 years that has hurt you so badly? IF it's that bad, then why stay with him? If he isn't willing to work WITH you to make a future together, then it's time to end it and move on. He doesn't know I cheated. He put his hobby before me or our child. He was gone every weekend from April to October. We live where his family is, and 14 hours away from mine. So when he was out having fun (continuing his life as mine came to a stop) I was home alone with our little one. No family, friends. I stay because me being unhappy seemed like no big deal until now. I was going to settle. I realize that is wrong for me to do, not just because I wouldn't be happy, but because he deserves someone else. Leaving him would mean I move back home. Our daughter will now be without one parent forever. Why do I keep coming back here to hash this out? Why can I just do the right thing? Why is it so hard for me to be selfish? I screwed up, I made this bed, I will not lie down anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I am looking for constructive criticism, something that may help my situation. Looking for something that may help your situation? You mean the situation of being with someone you intend to dump and being upset that the stb-dumpee went to the track on your bday? my head is spinning. You asked if you were being petty, so I'm answering that question....given what you did and what you intend to do to him, yes, you are being petty. You don't love him, you are going to move his child 14 hours away from him, and you cheated on him. So here is the question....why do you care WHAT he did on your bday? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 sound sorta whinny to me, i want this,i want that.you want him to hand you everything BUT you don't love him! take responsibility for your actions and what your future hold and either leave him,or try to make it work.you play WAY to many games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 All holidays that are between April and October he is gone. I thought maybe just maybe he would hang out with me on my 30th. I should have known better. I have been here for six years, why would things change now just because I told him I was unhappy. Everyone here who throws stones because I am the cheater... IMO I now know why. Everyone has feelings, everyone. No matter what/who/where/ how/when/why they have/would/could do or done. So because I am a cheater, I should expect to be treated like dirt, still??? That's ridiculous!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 All holidays that are between April and October he is gone. I thought maybe just maybe he would hang out with me on my 30th. I should have known better. I have been here for six years, why would things change now just because I told him I was unhappy. Uh no, its not simply because you told him you were unhappy. You broke of an engagement, you told him and are planning to move 14 hours away and take his child from him. yes, you cheated, but according to you he doesn't know that. but anyone that has been cheated on knows something is amiss on even the smallest level. So because I am a cheater, I should expect to be treated like dirt, still??? No, because you cheated on him and plan to move away, the question is...why the hell do you care what he does? Its like you can do whatever you damn well like, and he already knows you are going to leave....so why should he feel obligated to even be with you at all on your birthday. its like saying..."I can treat you like dirt....but you can't treat me that way" That's ridiculous!!! No....its not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 DM, Why do you bother posting in my threads? Why? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 OK I will post then. I totally agree with Dexter. I cheated on my H. At least I told him and gave him the chance to decide on whether he wanted to be with me. You cheated. You have not told your bf and now you are complaining that he is not running around meeting your every whim and desire. Are you meeting his every whim and desire? For heaven's sake - you are even complaining that he bought you diamond earrings and not a vacuum cleaner! Get over yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 OK I will post then. I totally agree with Dexter. I cheated on my H. At least I told him and gave him the chance to decide on whether he wanted to be with me. You cheated. You have not told your bf and now you are complaining that he is not running around meeting your every whim and desire. Are you meeting his every whim and desire? For heaven's sake - you are even complaining that he bought you diamond earrings and not a vacuum cleaner! Get over yourself. In our MC sessions he said I was meeting all his needs. So if he is happy, I should be too. The therapist told him to get over himself. If one of my needs was for him to listen to me, then when I told him I wanted the damn vac, buy the damn vac. I don't even wear f*cking earrings!!! Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 I should think one of his needs is that you are faithful to him Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoulmate Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 This is all so pointless. I apparently shouldn't expect anything less than nothing. Beat down again.... Link to post Share on other sites
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