allsub Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Simplely enough, I've looked around here a little bit and I haven't seen this asked too much, and if I missed it I'm sorry, I'm new here and looking for some fresh opinions :-) Sorry if this is kind of rambling... My girlfriend and I are in our 20's and have been together for 3 years. We are both very friendly people but she's much more outgoing than I am. More specifically, she enjoys going out and dancing with friends if she gets the chance, while the only dancing I'm up for is slow dancing...I've got no groove so I don't want to make a fool of myself ont he dance floor :-) I've always been ok with her going out with a coupl eof friends every now and then to dance because I know how much she enjoys it and I've always trusted her. She has always emphasized that she usually dances alone and if anyone gets too close into her space she's make it clear she's not interested. Last weekend she was out with a friend at a country line dancing bar where they were playing three main types of songs: normal songs to line dance to, couple-dancing songs that were with a partner but not very close, and slow songs. She was sitting out all the slow songs and couple dance songs when an older gentleman asked her to dance for one of the faster couple songs. She agreed to dance with him and after the song they went their seperate ways. Later in the night one of the guys working at the bar who was about her age saw her sitting out for one of the slow songs. He took her hand and pulled her towards the dance floor and she slow danced with him for one song. When I talked to her the next day she told me about the older gentleman she danced with and I was ok with that but when she told me about slow dancing with the guy her own age it kind of hit me hard. I don't mind her dancing near someone or even with them...as long as it's a faster song, but I've always kinda felt slow dancing was for couples...especially if you're in a relationship. It's especially hard on me because that's the only kind of dancing I'm willing to do and enjoy doing with her. It would have been completely different if it had been a friend of mine or someone I already know, I would have been ok with that. My question for all of you...am I over reacting? Would you be ok with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife slow dancing with someone at a bar? Thanks for any input, sorry this is so long. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I'm potentially going to go through the same thing, my girlfriend's going to a wedding with a friend from high school and I'm sure they're going to slow dance and it does bother me. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I go to some singles' dances here in town; there's lots of dancers I know that go to them, like me, just to dance. I have a 'no slow groper' policy, too, because I also don't like to be wrapped around a stranger although lots of people there don't seem to have similar qualms. Last time, though, I ended up dancing some of them with some of the fellows. You don't have to actually be pasted to each other during a slow dance, though sometimes it takes a firm arm to keep the distance LOL. I managed to escape relatively unscathed and had a bit of a chance to chat with a couple of the gents, which was ok. It's not that she slow dances, it's how she slow dances that I'd worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Originally posted by allsub My question for all of you...am I over reacting? Would you be ok with your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife slow dancing with someone at a bar? No way. I'd be upset as well. Slow dancing with other guys at a bar? That would be out of bounds in any kind of relationship I would want to have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allsub Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 Thank you everyone for your input, moimeme - you're definately right, it just as important how it was done as just the fact it was done, and I do believe her that there was no intention of foul play on her part, but I just get the feeling she was sending off the wrong sort of message, and the fact that she never even gave it a second thought shows there's a little gap in our opinions about comfort levels and what is appropriate. Regardless, I love her to death so I'm definately gonna get this worked out with her :-) Thanks again for the input and any more input would be appreciated :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author allsub Posted October 16, 2003 Author Share Posted October 16, 2003 Oh yeah, I forgot to reply to UCFKevin - if you're bothered by the idea of it then definately at least talk it over with her before she goes, I know you don't want to seem too insecure or anything, but I made the mistake of assuming my girlfriend felt exactally the same way as I do about this, and I think if we had talked about it earlier before it ever even happened I would be much happier right now because I would have at least had an idea how she would act, and I probably would already have her assurance that things would be innocent :-) Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 i think you people are over-reacting. it's just a dance! so what if she hugged some guy for a few minutes?? as long as it's not dancing with the same guy frequently, it's fine, to my mind. besides, if you're so worried, you could go with her, and dance with her through all the slow songs. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I'm going to talk to her tonight, hopefully, about it. Link to post Share on other sites
RedneckRomeo Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I wouldn't think too much of it - it was just a dance. I know a lot of people that will slow dance with others just because they're either just sitting out looking lonely, or because they just like dancing, and would dance with anyone for any dance - but that doesn't mean it means anything to them. I've danced with girls I never had feelings for on slow dance songs just to be out there dancing, no other reason. As for not having a groove - thats all in your head. I'm sure you could be a great dancer at ALL the songs, its just a state of mind. I know personally. I always thought of myself as a person without a groove for the longest time. I never liked fast dances as I would never be out for them, but I could slow dance just fine. But I went to some events were my friends MADE me dance for the fast songs, and once I relaxed and started just to enjoy myself, I started to find this 'groove' that I thought I didnt have. As time passed, I got more comfortable dancing, and enjoy it so much now - I can't believe I missed it for so long just because I thought I couldn't dance. All you gotta do is relax, move to the music, and not worry about making a fool out of yourself. Everyone else used to think that too - but they're out there, and many are worse than you, but they're having fun, and thats what counts. We dance cuz its fun - not cuz we're good at it, but when we realize that its all about having fun, then we start to be good dancers too. Take it from me, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
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