Wife moved out and into her own place...should I get her a housewarming gift?

[desperate]

My wife left a little over a month ago...

 

She finally got an apartement this week, and she moved all of her stuff out last night.

 

She is the one who wants to end the marriage...

 

Should I get her a "house-warming" gift?

[ArdeaCandidissima]

No. House warming presents are hardly common for apartment moves, and besides, you really just want a way to show her a loving gesture. Somehow a little present is both too much, and also way too little.

 

Have you ever talked with her honestly about feelings - yours and hers?

[desperate]

She knows exactly how I feel. About the marriage, about her, about our son. I have made no small attempt to try and make her re-consider.

 

I guess I feel as though a house warming gift would help lift any feelings of guilt she has over leaving me, and perhaps make it a little easier for us to communicate.

 

What does everyone else think?

[cindy0039]

I would say no, a house-warming gift is not appropriate in this situation. If you're still friends (and it sounds like you are), maybe you could just offer to help her do something she needs done around the place once she gets settled. Beyond that, I think it just gets a little weird.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

I'd have to say no ,It's awkward or out of place.

 

If you don't mind my asking, why is she leaving you?

[desperate]

Why?

 

I'll give you the quick & easy explanation--although it is far more complicated... Over the last 2 years (the length of our marriage) my wife and I have never really communicated. She bottled up anger and resentment from day one of our marriage. I'm certain that she tried to communicate things to me, but I didn't really "hear" what she was saying. I, on the other hand, am the type of guy that can let just about anything just roll off my shoulders. I never held onto anything that she has done to me. The bottled up anger & resentment has simply made her unhappy to the point that she just wants out. No counselling, no "trying to make it work," no nothing except goodbye.

 

That is the Cliff notes version...

 

I posted more detail on a previous thread...

Back Story...

 

That would be the longer version...

 

So maybe I won't get her a house warming gift after all. I guess I need to worry more about getting back on my feet financially anyway so I will be able to afford child support.

 

If anyone has any other advice on my question...I would still be interested in hearing it.

 

Thanks

[mixedup1]

Ummm, no compromise...thats a no win situation. If she really loves you and has a mature attitude, she would come to her senses very soon and would move back in wanting to resolve things. You might take a closer look at the situation, even hire a Private Investigator to monitor her movements when you can't. If you two are still talking to each other, that is good. If she is not responding to your phone calls, or avoids you, something else may be up. It takes two to make it work. If one spouse is not going to try, man you have a tough road ahead of you. OH, Heavens no, don't give her a house warming gift! Man wake up, she moved out of the house you two are supposed to be married and living together in. Why would you endorse her decision to move out by giving her a gift unless you are a little bit of a thinker and want it to make her feel guilty indirectly. Reverse psychology in other words?? Then your getting into the head game thing. Sounds like you two need to sit down and talk, have a husband / wife meaningful discussion. She can't bottle up her feelings, you two need to communicate everything to each other. You took those vows when you were married, break out those vows...read through them, then have her read them. I recently did that, man its rather a steamy teary eyed session. They are some strong commitments to each other. Good Luck my friend.