jih Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I am just looking for a bit of feedback, to try and get a bit of perspective on my current situation. About six years ago I was in a relationship with a young woman. Distance was a major obstacle, we were separated by a drive of about five and a half hours. I would usually be the one to make the journey to stay with her, because my work was more flexible. I found myself making more and more of the effort to make the relationship work, it seemed the more effort I put in, the less she felt she needed to make. In the end we both realised the relationship wasn't working and called an end to it, more reluctantly on my part as I was deeply in love with her at the time. Not long after the split i got into a relationship with another friend of mine, I think I rushed into it a little too quickly. She moved in with me after a couple of months and things were going well, but I couldn't say with all honesty that I had very deep feelings for her, don't get me wrong we got on really really well. I knew that she loved me a lot and had done for quite some time. At about the same time as my girlfriend moved in with me, my ex sent me a letter, to cut a long letter short it said and I paraphrase, "sorry for treating you so badly, I miss you and please please give me a second chance". Like i said, i was still very much in love with her. I knew there was only one thing I could do though and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, not a word of exaggeration. As it turned out doing the right thing was for the best, I had a few of the happiest years of my life with my girlfriend, whom I grew to love passionately. Then a few months ago our lives underwent some fairly big changes that the relationship didn't survive. Finding myself single again I was feeling quite lonely, when out of the blue my ex, that I'd had the long distance relationship with, got in touch with and asked for the second chance again. I agreed on condition that I wasn't the one making all the effort this time. It started off fine, but things have been getting more and more strained and I don't know whether I should be more or less patient, am I judging her by the standards of my previous relationship, which would be unfair. Like I said, I just need some perspective, comments and questions are welcome. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 In order for any of us to make any kind of assumption and be able to give you any advice you're probably going to need to tell us some more info about what is going wrong in your relationship this time around. It'd be easy for us to just tell you to dump her because it'll end out just like the first time, but if the issue is just that she doesn't like the same type of music as you, it'd probably be pretty silly(although I'm sure that's most likely not one of your issues) for us to give that particular bit of advice. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jih Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Sorry, I wasn't very clear. There isn't necessarily anything going wrong, I am more than anything concerned about whether or not I am being unfair on her and judging her be the standards of my previous relationship. From a selfish point of view, I don't think it is unfair, given our history, to expect her to be making more of the effort this time around, as I don't want to make the same mistakes again. By the same token I don't want to judge what she does put into the relationship by the standards of something completely different and I think she has every right to expect an equal amount of effort to be put in on my behalf, as i did the first time around. Also she hates my music..... I can't cope Link to post Share on other sites
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