What makes guys emotionally attached?

[CandyGirlXO]

Most people know that when MOST girls have sex with a guy she gets emotionally attached even when she doesn't even want to. I know this is not true for MOST guys.

 

So my question is, what does make a guy fall for the girl, if its not through sex. What makes him emotionally attached to her. Just curious....

[Sephirothh]

EASy thats the "nice guys" job who get emotionally attached to a girl then the girl knows she has the upper hand and plays him like a fiddle until she is done with him or realizes that he is the one and settles down.

 

Alot of us don't like to get emotionally attached because then girls think of us as "wussies" and it is the wussy thing to do it is also becoming a "turn off" for reasons that still to this day women don't know why they feel like that.. Too many times women just take this for granted and slowly take advantage of the man. When more women actually deal with this a little better and stop with the "just friends" kiss of death that usually occurs once a guy tells a girl his true feelings, then maybe you will see more and more men treating there women better and getting emotionally attached.

 

Fact of the matter is 9 out of 10 times women don't want a man to get Emotionally attached to her because it makes him look weak.

[BCCA]

I honest think women only value something if they have to work on someone else to get it. If a guy lets a girl know he wants to marry her someday, its probably never going to happen. If a girl has to pester a guy forever to get him to purpose, then she cherishes it.

 

Men and women train each other, and most guys have been trained to be aloof, not want to label relationships or say I love you first, and never be the first to bring up marrige. Doing so will almost always result in a quick trip to the curb on the 'youve been dumped' express.

 

So, to answer your question, men are going to be standoffish about their attachments out of survival. If we open up with our feelings, women are immediately turned off and/or bored and dump you.

[JohnnyBlaze]

You know when a girl gets emotionally attached to a guy before sex? Well, guys get attached for probably the same reasons. It's nothing that can really be qualified. I know all the signs, but I can't really say that I know a "reason".

 

Whether or not we admit it openly is another matter, but (at least, in my experience) that's the way things go. You know that Police song, "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic"? When we hit that feeling, we know we're there.

[somedude81]

Most people know that when MOST girls have sex with a guy she gets emotionally attached even when she doesn't even want to. I know this is not true for MOST guys.

 

So my question is, what does make a guy fall for the girl, if its not through sex. What makes him emotionally attached to her. Just curious....

You're right, sex does not get guys emotionally attached. That's why many men are fine getting hookers or having one night stands.

 

What does get a man attached is repeated exposure over time. Whether or not a man has sex with a woman, if he sees her on a repeated basis for a couple of months or so he will probably fall for the girl. A stronger man may take longer to fall.

 

Once the attachment is made it's very difficult to break

[Yamaha]

A man can fall in-love with a women without having sex with her.

If he is attracted to her, feels a connection and spends enough time then he can/will fall for her. Men fall in-love emotionally and women seem to fall in-love physically.

[Awesome84]

IMO... What makes a guy emotionally attached is communication. Some women have to learn how to talk guys. Guys especially don't like it when girls get overly emotional & start talkin about love WAY too soon. I always find that guys open up to me because I am usually able to recognize the differences in how men & women communicate..... Or Guys & Girls (For the Kids):-)

[Trialbyfire]

A man can fall in-love with a women without having sex with her.

If he is attracted to her, feels a connection and spends enough time then he can/will fall for her. Men fall in-love emotionally and women seem to fall in-love physically.

Not true. We fall in love emotionally first, then we bond tighter with sex. Once you seal the deal, it's really difficult to break.

[Mahatma]

You cant really say what causes it.

 

For some reason this thread is becoming more about what makes women more attached ...go figure....

 

I think women just wont have sex UNTIL they are attached. It is unfair to say they get attached because of sex.

 

Guys and girls get emotionally attached for many different reasons.

 

I am emotionally attached to my woman because I can relax completely with her and I can tell she is totally relaxed with me. She puts me in a wonderful mood, and I put her in one.

[Yamaha]

Not true. We fall in love emotionally first, then we bond tighter with sex. Once you seal the deal, it's really difficult to break.

 

Then why is it that so many guys get feelings for their women friends but women seem to just see them as friends? Women need the sex to feel the bond but men can bond without it.

[samspade]

Lack of perspective and/or experience.

 

I used to get more emotionally attached in my greener days. Part of that was just that I thought it was natural to bond with a woman and be open about it, even in the early going. What I didn't realize was that I was mistaking infatuation and physical satisfaction for what I thought was love (or some early form of love).

 

By pushing the envelope, I was interfering with the natural flow of things. But now that I've had more experience, I realize that I wasn't enjoying things for what they were. I was expecting a relationship, and my expectations were forcing me to behave in an emotionally attached way when I should have been much more easy going.

 

Now, I feel like I have a better idea of when to open up to that sort of attachment. Part of it is having the self-respect to walk away at any time if I feel the need. Part of it is knowing she can do the same. Obviously, when I spend time with a girl and have sex with her, emotions will come into play. It's just a matter of keeping proper perspective, and enjoying the moment, and building the connection so that I know for sure she's someone worth getting to know me better than most people ever will.

[Trialbyfire]

Then why is it that so many guys get feelings for their women friends but women seem to just see them as friends? Women need the sex to feel the bond but men can bond without it.

There are plenty of women who end up bonding with men through friendship, wanting more and never getting more.

 

As a guess, there are more men than women who try to get close to a prospective, through friendship, even though they're attracted and don't really want to be friends.

[Yamaha]

There are plenty of women who end up bonding with men through friendship, wanting more and never getting more.

 

As a guess, there are more men than women who try to get close to a prospective, through friendship, even though they're attracted and don't really want to be friends.

 

I will agree with this statement. Men use friendship as an avenue to love.

I think it comes down to the fear of rejection factor for men.

[somedude81]

I will agree with this statement. Men use friendship as an avenue to love.

I think it comes down to the fear of rejection factor for men.

Yup. Men know that most women will not reject a friendship. So becoming friends with a woman is the "safe" way to get close to her. I have been guilty of this on several occasions.

 

I realize now that the "good" memories we had together are not worth the pain I've been feeling for the past month. Becoming friends first is not the way to go.

[CandyGirlXO]

 

Now, I feel like I have a better idea of when to open up to that sort of attachment. Part of it is having the self-respect to walk away at any time if I feel the need. Part of it is knowing she can do the same.

 

Yeah, I agree here. Seems likes when I was younger my BF's were quick to say I love you, but now that I am older its completely different. Not only can I tell he is hesitate, so am I.

 

It is fear for me completely. I am scared to fall, I am scared to be hurt. I know all to well that they can just leave one day, before when I was younger I believed in that fairy tale, now I am realistic about it.

 

I want to fall, and I am but I am terrified all at the same time.

[CandyGirlXO]

EASy thats the "nice guys" job who get emotionally attached to a girl then the girl knows she has the upper hand and plays him like a fiddle until she is done with him or realizes that he is the one and settles down.

 

Alot of us don't like to get emotionally attached because then girls think of us as "wussies" and it is the wussy thing to do it is also becoming a "turn off" for reasons that still to this day women don't know why they feel like that.. Too many times women just take this for granted and slowly take advantage of the man. When more women actually deal with this a little better and stop with the "just friends" kiss of death that usually occurs once a guy tells a girl his true feelings, then maybe you will see more and more men treating there women better and getting emotionally attached.

 

Fact of the matter is 9 out of 10 times women don't want a man to get Emotionally attached to her because it makes him look weak.

 

I don't know, maybe I am not like most women, but I like it when a guy seems emotionally attached to me. It makes me even open myself up more to him, and makes me feel like I am not wasting my time.

[CandyGirlXO]

Men and women train each other, and most guys have been trained to be aloof, not want to label relationships or say I love you first, and never be the first to bring up marrige. Doing so will almost always result in a quick trip to the curb on the 'youve been dumped' express.

 

 

That is interesting, I have NEVER said I love you first, or bring up marriage first. I know all too well that most guys would run if you say it too soon.

 

All of my exes have said it within the first 3 months, but now that I am in my late 20's, it just seems different now. I wouldn't be surprised at all if my BF took a year to say those words to me. And I don't blame him, those are strong words, that you really should mean and not just throw around.

[Sephirothh]

Its not supposed to be like this though, both sides should fall for each other whether its the guy or the girl who falls for who first it shouldn't matter, all the new BS dating politics shall we say in this generation is so fail that nobody knows what to do anymore, and when they get feelings for someone they try and play games thinking its going to work when it doesn't.

 

If you love someone and they love you then it should be as simple as that, the girl shouldn't be dump a guy to the curb if he opens up to her and tells her he loves her, she should be happy. And the guy needs to learn how to treat his girl that has fallen for him also. If people would just act on their feelings instead of "over thinking" everything then dating would be alot more simple. These new games and rules to dating are just making things worse, and the more we try and adapt the higher the divorce rate goes up

 

It all comes down to being REAL with one another, if you can find that person you will be set for life. But this requires alot of maturity from both sides.

[CandyGirlXO]

Its not supposed to be like this though, both sides should fall for each other whether its the guy or the girl who falls for who first it shouldn't matter, all the new BS dating politics shall we say in this generation is so fail that nobody knows what to do anymore, and when they get feelings for someone they try and play games thinking its going to work when it doesn't.

 

If you love someone and they love you then it should be as simple as that, the girl shouldn't be dump a guy to the curb if he opens up to her and tells her he loves her, she should be happy. And the guy needs to learn how to treat his girl that has fallen for him also. If people would just act on their feelings instead of "over thinking" everything then dating would be alot more simple. These new games and rules to dating are just making things worse, and the more we try and adapt the higher the divorce rate goes up

 

It all comes down to being REAL with one another, if you can find that person you will be set for life. But this requires alot of maturity from both sides.

 

 

Hmmm.... so if I am feeling like I am falling in love with him, should I just tell him?

[Lovelybird]

Its not supposed to be like this though, both sides should fall for each other whether its the guy or the girl who falls for who first it shouldn't matter, all the new BS dating politics shall we say in this generation is so fail that nobody knows what to do anymore, and when they get feelings for someone they try and play games thinking its going to work when it doesn't.

 

If you love someone and they love you then it should be as simple as that, the girl shouldn't be dump a guy to the curb if he opens up to her and tells her he loves her, she should be happy. And the guy needs to learn how to treat his girl that has fallen for him also. If people would just act on their feelings instead of "over thinking" everything then dating would be alot more simple. These new games and rules to dating are just making things worse, and the more we try and adapt the higher the divorce rate goes up

 

It all comes down to being REAL with one another, if you can find that person you will be set for life. But this requires alot of maturity from both sides.

Totally agree

 

somehow man and woman have to overcome the curse that started from beginning--Adam and Eve---the wall between man and woman

[2sunny]

i think men get emotionally attached when they have common interests or goals with a gal that compliments them and their approach to various situations.

 

from what i understand, men say they love it when a woman makes them feel important, sexy, smart and validated.

 

if those components are there - the interest level goes up - most will see it as a green light to move forward and follow with pursuit.

 

i'm not sure most men get as attached by the physical side of a relationship as women do... they mainly want to know that they are going to get it often enough... a lot of men marry for that reason alone; regular sex and a woman to take care of his home.

[UCLAMike]

yup. Men know that most women will not reject a friendship. So becoming friends with a woman is the "safe" way to get close to her. I have been guilty of this on several occasions.

 

I realize now that the "good" memories we had together are not worth the pain i've been feeling for the past month. becoming friends first is not the way to go.

 

agreed 100%

[UCLAMike]

Its not supposed to be like this though, both sides should fall for each other whether its the guy or the girl who falls for who first it shouldn't matter, all the new BS dating politics shall we say in this generation is so fail that nobody knows what to do anymore, and when they get feelings for someone they try and play games thinking its going to work when it doesn't.

 

If you love someone and they love you then it should be as simple as that, the girl shouldn't be dump a guy to the curb if he opens up to her and tells her he loves her, she should be happy. And the guy needs to learn how to treat his girl that has fallen for him also. If people would just act on their feelings instead of "over thinking" everything then dating would be alot more simple. These new games and rules to dating are just making things worse, and the more we try and adapt the higher the divorce rate goes up

 

It all comes down to being REAL with one another, if you can find that person you will be set for life. But this requires alot of maturity from both sides.

 

If I was a girl, I'd date you. Since I am a guy, I'd have a beer with you.

 

I agree 100% and this is how I will be. This is what I will tell the next girl.

[MeMyself&I]

I found these communication styles helpful:

 

MEN:

 

• Understand that men communicate to share information, not to establish relationships. This means a conversation with a man might not always be as satisfying as a conversation with a girlfriend.
  
• Don’t be frustrated when he’s not as interested in chatting as you are. Men tend to speak half as many words as women do on a daily basis.
  
• Try to talk less. Most men are bottom-line oriented and will be better listeners if you get to the point quicker.
  
• Be more direct in your communication. Men lose interest when you take a circuitous route to the point of your story.
  

Women:

 

• Realize that women communicate to establish relationships, so they might be chattier and more personal in their conversation.
  
• Understand that not every question from a woman is a problem begging for a solution. Be certain she’s asked for your help before you jump in with help because sometimes, she just wants to blow off steam.
  
• Realize that it’s a fact of life that women use twice as many words as men do. Don’t be frustrated by it.
  
• Listen, listen, listen.
  
• Move beyond two-word answers and get chatty, especially on the phone. You’ll win her over for sure.
  

I once had a boyfriend say to me. "I'm really not that complicated. When I'm tired......I sleep. When I'm hungry........I eat. When I want to be alone..........I need to be alone (doesn't mean I'm mad at you) etc"

 

So exactly like above men emotionally attach to women who understand these things. They give them space when they need it. They want short......to the point answers/questions. They want a partner that takes care of themselves physically (I don't mean you have to be a model or even a size six) I mean that you have what god gave you and u take care of it and take pride in yourself. Men like women who are self-sufficient but men also want to feel needed (want their women to be proud of them). Men also want a woman to take pride in their man's career/job. There are more but these are good points to remember if you want to get your man to emotionally attach to you.

 

Men don't have to be emotionally attached to a women to have/enjoy sex (some women don't either). So although great sex is important in a relationship if a man doesn't feel comfortable he can provide for you, help you solve a problem, hang with the guys (sometimes), introduce you to friends and family, or just sit and say nothing with you but also converse intelligently with you.......it may be hard to have him become emotionally attached.

 

No not all men are the same. So some of this applies to some men and not others.

 

Are men really not that complicated??? LMAO

[Isolde]

As my mom always says--men may claim not to want commitment, but when they meet a girl they're really into, they will be the first to verbalize that they want commitment.