Update with Easter

[monkophile]

You guys are not going to freaking believe what he did! I’m upset but the upset feeling is starting to go away and now I’m just freaking pissed at him!

 

Came home Wed. night, stopped by his office Thurs. afternoon. There was one student in the room when I stopped in so didn’t hug him or touch him in any way for fear it would embarrass him. He gave a big grin and said “oh my God, look who’s here.” Then started laughing saying “all your funny emails.” He told me to sit down next to him. While the student was there he was leaning back in his chair away from me but once the student left he sat forward. The way he sat back with the student present was odd: his legs were spread apart and his hands were clenched behind his head; a very inviting and sexual position. He asked me how my flight was and I told him and he asked how my brother was and I told him. He then went into his family which astonished me as he had never gone into specifics about his family before. We briefly talked about meeting on Saturday as he said (and these were his exact words) “I was thinking of meeting at Starbucks…like…you know…like before.” And when he said “like before” he looked at me out of the corner of his eye and had a sly smile on his face, like he very much remembered “before.” I only had 20 minutes to spend with him as my parents had to pick me up, so I said “I have something for you.” He gasped and I handed it to him but he looked a little uneasy so I laughed and said “don’t worry, it’s not ticking.” He opened it very slowly and then broke out in a big grin. I told him I remembered he used them in his class I took and he said “I love these things.” He kept thanking me profusely for the gift and said “well I was just going to take you to Starbucks but because of your nice gift I think I’ll take you to lunch.” I had to go but we agreed we were going to lunch on Saturday. He said he had to take his dog into the vet in the morning but the rest of the day was free and he even offered to pick me up from my house, not meet there! I left soooo excited. You’re probably wondering why I’m so pissed, but just wait…..

 

So it’s Saturday morning, I shower, make sure I smell good (lol), put eyeshadow and mascara on (not too much just enough to make my eyes pop). I get a call from him at 9:30am. He said he had too much stuff going on and wasn’t going to make lunch today. He asked me when I had to leave and I told him Tuesday morning so he said “so we still have Monday.” So we decided that he was going to call me Monday morning and we’d go to lunch.

 

Hours later I found out my parents watch my niece Monday mornings and that would be the only day I’d get to see her, so I called him, got his answering machine, so telling him the situation and asking if we could meet in the afternoon. I asked him to call me - nothing. This was Saturday night. Sunday night I tried calling him again, giving him my cell phone number as I’d be watching my niece the following morning and asking to call me…nothing. I tried one last time Monday afternoon after the thing with my niece, saying “maybe we can meet at Starbucks as we’re starting to run out of time” and to “call me as soon as you hear this.” I called him about 2 pm; 10 minutes earlier I got a busy signal meaning he was home. He never called me….not even once! Didn’t even call me Monday morning while I was away! I got his answering machine every stinking time!

 

So THAT is why I am so freaking pissed at him! One simple phone call saying “hey, Monday isn’t going to work” and things would be fine as we all get busy instead of leaving me hanging like he did. The strange thing is he said on Thursday that other than the vet appt. Sat. morning he “had nothing else going on” but yet over the phone said he had too much stuff going on. I don’t know what is going on but he hurt me bad. I spent much of Easter Sunday in the bathroom crying my eyes out cause I had no idea what was going on. There’s a lot of stressful stuff going on in my family so I primarily came home to see this guy and he pretty much ditched me. He’s never done anything like that before - even at Christmas when we were trying to get our schedules in order. I’d call, get his machine, ask him to call me, and he’d call me back almost immediately. I just don’t understand what he’s doing….

 

My one friend here said perhaps he got scared - that he likes me but knows he can’t have me and she specified “can’t have me” meaning possibly the age difference or something of that nature.

 

So here’s my plan: I’m going to wait a good week or two (perhaps a month as I’m really pissed right now; don’t even WANT to talk to him), see if he’ll contact me and realize that he messed up and hurt me. If he doesn’t then I’m going to send an email explaining everything - my feelings to him, how I’m attracted to him but just view him as a friend and not cause of the age difference but because we live so far away. Just putting everything out there and hope that he’ll reciprocat his feelings to me. Of course it’s better to do this sort of thing face-to-face but since we didn’t MEET. I just want to get the awkwardness out of the way and hope we can go back to the way we were before Christmas. Cause before christmas was great - lots of teasy emails, talking on the phone every other weekend. After Christmas (and the flirting at Starbucks) he suddenly was very quiet and was ignoring me. I think I got a total of four emails in four months and no phone calls. Something unexplainable is going on….Unfortunately, I’m almost 100% sure he will not contact me. School resumed today so he probably isn’t even giving me a second thought.

 

What do you guys all think of this cause I have no clue.

[Island Girl]

Oh my.

 

Well, I could write you a book and dissect it all -- but you aren't going to like my answer and you are angry and hurt. I don't want to compound that by telling you things you may not want to hear.

So I am ready when you are -- if you even care to read it -- let me know.

 

I am so sorry. That just sucks.

[monkophile]

Oh my.

 

Well, I could write you a book and dissect it all -- but you aren't going to like my answer and you are angry and hurt. I don't want to compound that by telling you things you may not want to hear.

So I am ready when you are -- if you even care to read it -- let me know.

 

I am so sorry. That just sucks.

 

No, I'd appreciate some advice - I've gotten advice anywhere from he likes me but knows I deserve better so purposely did that to make me mad enough to forget about him (I don't think he'd come up with something like that) to he just froze and got scared (sounds more reasonable).

 

My anger has subsided now. Now I'm just as confused as ever and still a little stinging but nothing like before. I just want to know what happened. The thing I really, really wish is I hope he notices that I'm giving him the silent treatment; have him realize that yeah he hurt me bad and he shouldn't treat ANYbody this, not just me. But it's probably a male trait where they don't notice things like that.

 

Cause 72 hours before, on Thursday, he was very flirty (nothing like Starbucks but we only had 20 minutes to work with plus a student was present for the first 5 minutes) - the way he was sitting, once the student left he was leaning towards me, the way he was looking at me (the eyes don't lie). Then all of a sudden - ignoring!

 

I am definitely not looking for anything romantic from him as I know it would never work. I am attracted to him - not gonna lie - but am just looking for a friendship; like the kind we had before Christmas.

[Island Girl]

Came home Wed. night, stopped by his office Thurs. afternoon. There was one student in the room when I stopped in so didn’t hug him or touch him in any way for fear it would embarrass him. He gave a big grin and said “oh my God, look who’s here.” Then started laughing saying “all your funny emails.” He told me to sit down next to him. While the student was there he was leaning back in his chair away from me but once the student left he sat forward. The way he sat back with the student present was odd: his legs were spread apart and his hands were clenched behind his head; a very inviting and sexual position.

 

So when the student was there, he was in that "relaxed" position and the second you were alone he wasn't.

 

If you want to read something into his body language right there he was "closed" to you.

 

But to tell you the truth - you are reading way too much in very insignificant things.

 

He asked me how my flight was and I told him and he asked how my brother was and I told him. He then went into his family which astonished me as he had never gone into specifics about his family before. We briefly talked about meeting on Saturday as he said (and these were his exact words) “I was thinking of meeting at Starbucks…like…you know…like before.” And when he said “like before” he looked at me out of the corner of his eye and had a sly smile on his face, like he very much remembered “before.”

 

Again, you are reaching for something here and all I see is that he is playing you up for attention.

 

He didn't do anything that indicates reciprocation - just encouragement of your attention. You feed his ego.

 

I only had 20 minutes to spend with him as my parents had to pick me up, so I said “I have something for you.” He gasped and I handed it to him but he looked a little uneasy so I laughed and said “don’t worry, it’s not ticking.” He opened it very slowly and then broke out in a big grin. I told him I remembered he used them in his class I took and he said “I love these things.” He kept thanking me profusely for the gift and said “well I was just going to take you to Starbucks but because of your nice gift I think I’ll take you to lunch.”

 

Looking uneasy because you got him a gift - he is borderline about how encouraging he should be of your attention. He is already questioning either the appropriateness of the relationship or possibly weighing an impact elsewhere.

 

AND he suggests LUNCH. Not something more - like diner, etc. LUNCH.

Classic "we're friends" move.

 

In any direction you go it sucks.

 

I had to go but we agreed we were going to lunch on Saturday. He said he had to take his dog into the vet in the morning but the rest of the day was free and he even offered to pick me up from my house, not meet there! I left soooo excited. You’re probably wondering why I’m so pissed, but just wait…

 

Again, I think you are seeing what you WANT to see. Reading things into the actions that aren't necessarily there.

 

I had a swimming coach that came to my house and took me out for a celebratory lunch once.

He didn't mean anything by it. It was just lunch and nothing inappropriate at all.

 

So it’s Saturday morning, I shower, make sure I smell good (lol), put eyeshadow and mascara on (not too much just enough to make my eyes pop). I get a call from him at 9:30am. He said he had too much stuff going on and wasn’t going to make lunch today. He asked me when I had to leave and I told him Tuesday morning so he said “so we still have Monday.” So we decided that he was going to call me Monday morning and we’d go to lunch.

 

So he called and canceled the "date". Yeah, that is an OUCH.

 

Hours later I found out my parents watch my niece Monday mornings and that would be the only day I’d get to see her, so I called him, got his answering machine, so telling him the situation and asking if we could meet in the afternoon. I asked him to call me - nothing. This was Saturday night.

 

So you called and he didn't answer. You leave a message that explains the situation.

 

Sunday night I tried calling him again, giving him my cell phone number as I’d be watching my niece the following morning and asking to call me…nothing.

 

Okay.

 

Now he has canceled out on you.

 

Gotten a message from you to clarify plans and received NO phone call back.

 

Then you called again. *Youch* I wouldn't have done that.

 

I tried one last time Monday afternoon after the thing with my niece, saying “maybe we can meet at Starbucks as we’re starting to run out of time” and to “call me as soon as you hear this.”

 

So with two prior phone calls and no contact from him you still called again.

Sorry but this is a mistake no matter who you are trying to date.

 

I called him about 2 pm; 10 minutes earlier I got a busy signal meaning he was home. He never called me….not even once! Didn’t even call me Monday morning while I was away! I got his answering machine every stinking time!

 

Yeah. I know.

 

It sucks it really does.

 

But you have to realize in this day and age he has caller I.D. and he knew you were calling.

Maybe he was gone a couple of the times.

But he certainly WAS home at least one of the times.

 

And he got all of your messages. He just didn't call back.

 

And why didn't he?

For whatever reason -- bottom line is he didn't care enough to call you.

 

He didn't care enough to see you.

 

He had the opportunity and he turned it down and shut it down until he knew you'd be gone.

 

So THAT is why I am so freaking pissed at him! One simple phone call saying “hey, Monday isn’t going to work” and things would be fine as we all get busy instead of leaving me hanging like he did. The strange thing is he said on Thursday that other than the vet appt. Sat. morning he “had nothing else going on” but yet over the phone said he had too much stuff going on.

 

It sounds like he thought it was okay.

 

But then he thought better about seeing you and decided not to.

It doesn't matter why.

 

I don’t know what is going on but he hurt me bad. I spent much of Easter Sunday in the bathroom crying my eyes out cause I had no idea what was going on.

 

I am so sorry.

 

These kinds of things are painful.

 

There’s a lot of stressful stuff going on in my family so I primarily came home to see this guy and he pretty much ditched me. He’s never done anything like that before - even at Christmas when we were trying to get our schedules in order. I’d call, get his machine, ask him to call me, and he’d call me back almost immediately. I just don’t understand what he’s doing….

 

Why on Earth are you trying to "understand"?

 

What would you tell a girlfriend of yours if a guy canceled a date and then avoided her as she called him again, and again, and again...

 

What would you tell her?

 

Would you tell her that she should try to understand it and make sense of it? Or would you tell her he was a total d!ck for doing that and to move on?

 

He blew you off.

 

He made plans, then canceled them, and blew you off.

 

He also made nebulous plans to begin with. -- Lunch.

Lunch can mean absolutely nothing.

So he didn't commit himself to feeling anything for you.

 

While his actions show he enjoys your attention that are all they show.

Without the effort to back anything else up you can not read more into his gestures and actions than what is there at face value.

 

My one friend here said perhaps he got scared - that he likes me but knows he can’t have me and she specified “can’t have me” meaning possibly the age difference or something of that nature.

 

He may have.

 

Who knows.

 

It really doesn't matter why. He treated you badly by not returning even one of your phone calls.

You know he got all the messages and he STILL did that.

 

He still ducked you and he is HOW OLD??

 

hat is quite an immature way to handle anything and the fact that he treated you like this any person who is your friend should be reminding you that you do not need anyone who would treat you like this.

 

Remember this is the beginning. This is when people generally put their BEST foot forward. And this is what he did to you. Just imagine if you were further in a relationship and you had an issue? He'd just duck you and ignore you?

 

And thinking there is anything here for a potential relationship is a long long long reach at this point.

 

So here’s my plan: I’m going to wait a good week or two (perhaps a month as I’m really pissed right now; don’t even WANT to talk to him), see if he’ll contact me and realize that he messed up and hurt me. If he doesn’t then I’m going to send an email explaining everything - my feelings to him, how I’m attracted to him but just view him as a friend and not cause of the age difference but because we live so far away. Just putting everything out there and hope that he’ll reciprocat his feelings to me. Of course it’s better to do this sort of thing face-to-face but since we didn’t MEET. I just want to get the awkwardness out of the way and hope we can go back to the way we were before Christmas. Cause before christmas was great - lots of teasy emails, talking on the phone every other weekend. After Christmas (and the flirting at Starbucks) he suddenly was very quiet and was ignoring me. I think I got a total of four emails in four months and no phone calls. Something unexplainable is going on….Unfortunately, I’m almost 100% sure he will not contact me. School resumed today so he probably isn’t even giving me a second thought.

 

What do you guys all think of this cause I have no clue.

 

I do not know why you would reach out yet again.

 

It reads like you are a glutton for punishment.

Although I am at a loss as to why you should clamor after a guy that hasn't really shown real interest and then treated you like crap for days.

 

You even say yourself you do not expect him to contact you.

So you can't feel that you mean much to him.

 

Are you thinking that somehow you will win him over? Or things would be different?

 

Because he had a full open opportunity to make something happen.

He chose not to.

 

He had ample opportunity to keep communication open. He chose not to.

 

And he had every opportunity to not treat you like you are meaningless and not worth any time or effort.

But he chose to.

 

So why -- WHY -- would you persue ANYTHING with him any further.

 

The last four months he has been in just about NC.

 

Then he pulls this crap and shuts down to speaking with you.

 

What indicates to you that you should IN ANY WAY try any more to have a relationship with him?

 

DO NOT send an e-mail.

 

DO NOT contact him.

 

Consider it over and done and move on.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. I really am.

But the sooner you move on the better.

 

Do not consider him EVEN AS A FRIEND .

 

Friends don't treat each other like that.

If someone does he/she isn't your friend.

[monkophile]

Hi Island Girl, thanks for the advice. The reason i didn't respond sooner was cause I had sporting events to work and they just got done.

 

What you said made a lot of sense and a couple of times (like the calling him) I'd be like "OMG what did I do? I just made things worse!"

 

As stubborn as I may be (hey I'm German), I think it would be best if he would know that I only consider him a friend and nothing more. I think that's been the problem this whole time - he probably knows that I have feelings for him and that's putting him on edge; why he's been quiet and ignoring me. But if he knew that I only consider him a friend, then perhaps he can ease up and we can return to how we were before.

 

One clarification (another person asked me this, too): with his sitting arrangement, yeah he was in a relaxed position while the student was there but once the student left, then he was leaning forward towards me, which made it seem like what I had to say was important to him or whatever.

 

Yeah I can see about the picking me up - he could have just been nice; lots of friends do that to one another. I made that one more than it actually was.

 

This one friend of mine thought he was not immature, but rather mature about it. Yeah what he did was rude to not even call, but he's shy and perhaps he felt more comfortable letting me know how he feels about me (not romantically but friends) in action rather than words. Makes sense but even friends don't do that to one another. Unless if he's kicking himself for being that rude.

 

That's been in my mind - do you think he's even thinking this over, like thinking to himself "boy I was really harsh on (my name)." Or "haven't heard back from her. Wonder what's going on?"

 

I think before we were good friends and now lately I've been nothing but a big ego boost for him. Hey, look at the 25-year old liking the 60-year old....(disgusted groan). I am so stupid!! I guess it's true what they say that men and women can't be just friends cause of all this crap that happens. Stupid emotions and hormones!

 

But believe me when I say I am OVER with him in terms of a relationship; just want his friendship back. I know, you're probably like "what? After what he did to you?" But like I mentioned earlier, I honestly think that if he KNOWS that I just consider him a friend, things will go back the way they were. It's just now I'm sure he has a good idea that I have feelings for him and that's making him uneasy. Should never have given him that gift. But he should know that friends give each other gifts all the time - and it's not like it was some expensive thing anyway. It was a school-related gift that I bought on ebay for pete's sake!

[Island Girl]

Okay.

 

We are going to be honest here.

 

You brought the gift and acted the way you did because you WERE into him.

 

But now that is over.

 

So should you pursue a friendship.

 

Certainly it is up to you.

 

But I wouldn't and I wouldn't advise you to.

 

Give yourself a break now that the whole "possible relationship" obsessing is over.

Just drop it for now.

 

If after some time you still want to reignite the friendship then figure it out at that point.

 

For now be pissed that you were treated badly and focus on other things for the first time in...how long now...?

[Lucky_One]

Was the other student male or female?

[monkophile]

Was the other student male or female?

 

The other student was male

[Lucky_One]

That's good, bc the way you were describing his body language, it sounded like he was into the other student and you walked in on an intimate situation.

 

I went back and read your old stuff, and honestly, I would just leave this alone. You seem to have been reading a lot of excitement and intent into his emails and behaviors, but he clearly was not excited to see you over the recent break.

 

Flirting is fun, but that doesn't always mean that someone wants a romantic relationship with you. He is WAY older than you, and that is really a problem for any future with the two of you; I suspect he sees that.

[monkophile]

That's good, bc the way you were describing his body language, it sounded like he was into the other student and you walked in on an intimate situation.

 

Unless if he really is gay and I still walked in on an intimate situation

 

I went back to work today after my break, trying to forget about him. But I may have an idea of what's going on (hey, I'm trying to forget him. Totally forgetting him would be impossible!):

 

My opinion is he doesn’t know what the hell he wants. I think he likes the attention I give him, but when he thinks of the possibility of the two of us together, he freezes. I don’t know his love history, whether he’s been married before, had significant others, etc. But the guy is 60 years old and if he’s been alone the majority of his life, he must be used to his independency.

 

 

 

Besides, HE was the one who emailed me, asking me if I’d be home for Easter. I honestly hadn’t even thought of coming home for Easter since we had home sporting events going on and it’s a short holiday until he mentioned it. So it sounded like he wanted to see me. Then he ditches me?? Not to mention the open invitation to his home the next time I’d be home back at Christmas. Something’s going on and I would give anything to know what’s up. The guy keeps doing one thing then does the complete opposite later on!

 

 

 

I’ll be perfectly honest - I am attracted to him…it’s slowly going away after this stunt he pulled, but I was/am attracted to him. But friendship is the best and only option for the two of us.

[Lucky_One]

Yeah, he emailed you, but you have been emailing him for months with no reply.

 

And when you went into his classroom, he even laughed about the emails.

 

A man who is interested in a girl emails her back. Consistently. He is older, and he is of a generation that treats women very differently than the guys you are used to.

 

So he said something about you coming to his house at Christmas. That was FOUR months ago. There are many times when I see people out in public, and I say "Oh we should get together for a barbecue some weekend!" or "I'll call you for lunch!" or "I'll email you about when we can go to the movies." But that really doesn't mean jack**** unless I follow it up with an actual invite and an actual day. And again, a man who is interested in a girl calls her and asks her out. He doesn't give air kisses and vague open-ended invites when he wants something more.

 

I am sure he likes the attention; everyone does like that from attractive people. But he doesn't seem to be into you.

 

Sorry.

[whichwayisup]

I think that he isn't thinking much of anything. You're putting way too much thought and energy into this. He's a GUY and sure, he wanted to see you and all, but with the cancellation, maybe he made other plans, got your message and didn't call you back because it wasn't that important to him. I highly doubt he's done all this on purpose to play games or piss you off.

 

As for emailing him, well, he finds your previous emails funny - So he either thinks you have a schoolgirl crush on him and he finds that 'cute' or he's just getting an ego feed out of all this. Either way, if he truly wanted to pursure this he would've made MORE effort, he didn't though..

 

Honestly Mon, I wouldn't email him anymore. Let him contact you..

[monkophile]

As for emailing him, well, he finds your previous emails funny - So he either thinks you have a schoolgirl crush on him and he finds that 'cute' or he's just getting an ego feed out of all this.

 

A lot of people commented about him saying "all your funny emails" and I have to clarify (although it probably doesn't really matter/not important). He and I send each other what I call "teasy" emails; just nonsense banter. Like he calls me silly names and everything and I tease him about the weather (I live in the southern US and he lives in the north). Stuff like that. So that's why he says "all your funny emails" cause we just send banter-type of stuff.

 

But I do agree I'm probably just boosting his ego.

 

I'm just so confused cause he has never done anything remotely like this before. I mean back at Christmas when we were trying to figure out our schedules and I'd call, get his answering machine and leave a message. Almost immediately he returned my call. So it's just so weird.

 

Not to mention HE is the one who emailed me last month asking if I'd be home for Easter. I honestly didn't even think about coming home since it's a short holiday, so it sounded like he wanted to see me. Then he pulls this stunt. He does that a lot - he says/does one thing then the next thing you know he does the complete opposite. Anyone got a book on how to decipher men, LOL?

[Island Girl]

He does that a lot - he says/does one thing then the next thing you know he does the complete opposite. Anyone got a book on how to decipher men, LOL?

 

What that means is "you are boosting my ego and that part is fun but I do not take you seriously and in my mind we have no "relationship".

[monkophile]

He does that a lot - he says/does one thing then the next thing you know he does the complete opposite. Anyone got a book on how to decipher men, LOL?

 

What that means is "you are boosting my ego and that part is fun but I do not take you seriously and in my mind we have no "relationship".

 

Gotcha

 

Okay, let me see that I got this right: we started out friends, last summer when we both started flirting he probably saw me starting to get close and kind of played cat and mouse where he seemed interested which made me get closer but in reality my increasing attention to him was just making him feel good about himself.

[Lucky_One]

This started last summer? (I didn't read all the way back.)

 

That is almost a YEAR ago.

 

Men are not that subtle. If he wanted you, I mean REALLY wanted you for a romantic relationship, he would have done something - anything - by now.

 

I know that what we are saying is disappointing; sorry about that. But IMHO you are way too young (not to mention way too far away from him geographically) to keep putting this much thought and effort into someone who isn't into you. Go find some nice single guy where you live - that will be much more fulfilling than occasional emails with someone old enough to be your grandfather.

[Island Girl]

Okay, let me see that I got this right: we started out friends, last summer when we both started flirting he probably saw me starting to get close and kind of played cat and mouse where he seemed interested which made me get closer but in reality my increasing attention to him was just making him feel good about himself.

 

That seems to be the case.

 

The says one thing but does another is a big wake up call.

 

Know people by their actions more than their words.

 

It's okay -- now you can move on and find someone who is really into you.

And I don't think you'll jump too quickly now - but you'll be making sure words and actions match up.

[Dumbledore]

This thread is amazing. I voted it five stars for excellence.

[monkophile]

This started last summer? (I didn't read all the way back.)

 

That is almost a YEAR ago.

 

Actually, we've known each other for five years (had him for a class junior year of college), have been good friends for three years (ever since I graduated) and started flirting last summer.

 

Men are not that subtle. If he wanted you, I mean REALLY wanted you for a romantic relationship, he would have done something - anything - by now.

 

Perhaps my initial thought of him may be true. I've always thought he might be gay (just by the way he talks and acts; I know, not a good enough argument). But perhaps he was just flirting for the fun of it - nothing behind it - but then saw I was taking his flirtations seriously. I think i read somewhere that two people of the opposite sex can flirt just for fun with no hidden meanings? Is that true? I didn't know that.

 

I really need a boyfriend to get him outta my mind, LOL

[Island Girl]

I think i read somewhere that two people of the opposite sex can flirt just for fun with no hidden meanings? Is that true? I didn't know that

 

Yes. That is true.

 

I am a total flirt sometimes.

 

I like attention sometimes. Who doesn't like to feel attractive and sexy?

 

Do I want the person with whom I am flirting? No.

It is just harmless flirting.

But because I am married I make that well known.

 

If I was single I may not feel the need to clarify.

 

 

You'll find someone else soon enough.

Just make sure that when you do his actions match up with his words.

AND dating IS fun so make sure you have a lot of THAT!

[monkophile]

I like attention sometimes. Who doesn't like to feel attractive and sexy?

 

Yes, I agree with you there. I felt very confident and happy and good about myself when I'd flirt with him and when he'd flirt with me. It was fun!

[Island Girl]

Yes, I agree with you there. I felt very confident and happy and good about myself when I'd flirt with him and when he'd flirt with me. It was fun!

 

Of course it is.

 

And there is no harm in it.

 

But when you are considering investing your emotions make sure the guy is making an effort.

 

You are young and should be ENJOYING the journey toward love.

Not every guy you date is going to be a love connection.

Not every guy you date is even going to be a potential when you are going through the evaluation process.

 

But the "no" candidates help you realize more and more what you ARE looking for.

Then you will recognize him when you find him.

 

So meet, flirt, date, and have a whole lot of fun discovering what you want in your life.

[monkophile]

Of course it is.

 

And there is no harm in it.

 

But when you are considering investing your emotions make sure the guy is making an effort.

 

You are young and should be ENJOYING the journey toward love.

Not every guy you date is going to be a love connection.

Not every guy you date is even going to be a potential when you are going through the evaluation process.

 

But the "no" candidates help you realize more and more what you ARE looking for.

Then you will recognize him when you find him.

 

So meet, flirt, date, and have a whole lot of fun discovering what you want in your life.

 

You're right. I guess what my problem is is that I have virtually no experience in dating....people my age have had countless boyfriends, going on one date after another; some are already married and have kids. To show you how sad my love life is, I have had one "true" boyfriend (and when I mean "true" I mean we both liked each other). He was my first and only boyfriend and the last time I kissed a boy....and that was 7th grade (around 14 years old)! Other than that I had a friend who was a guy in high school who I thought liked me (very similar situation with this guy now) - but I told him how I felt and he didn't feel the same way; our friendship became so awkward that it died. He's married now; I'm happy for him. But I just seem to do that; the very few guys that I become friends with I seem to ruin.

 

I mean I'm young, but I'm very quiet and don't get out much; I mean I'm not a party person; I don't drink so don't go to bars or dancing or wherever else is a "blind date" hot spot. Not saying I thought I had a chance with this guy; no way; maybe a slight perhaps with a little fling but nothing serious. And I was not waiting for him or anyting like that; I just liked talking to him and being around him; he seemed to like me and he made me feel important in his eyes.

[Island Girl]

A very good friend of mine never really had a boyfriend.

 

She thought guys were attractive, etc. but she didn't really have any dates. None actually.

 

She didn't even get to th eflirting stage with anyone.

 

One day a guy starting talking with her at school (last year of college). He went to a different school out of state and had met her and her roommate.

 

He started calling occasionally and she always thought he was calling for the roommate - but they'd chat.

 

She was oblivious to the fact that he liked her.

Fell in love with her.

Then asked her to marry him.

 

They have been married 16 years now.

 

So he was her first boyfriend - first everything.

 

And they are so very happy.

 

Love happens in different ways. No one has the same story.

 

Just be open to interaction. And be open to finding it the way that it happens.

It might be online as a number of the relationships here.

 

It may be in person - in a way you least expect it.

 

Just have faith and do not think because that your history will ever be your future.

[whichwayisup]

A lot of people commented about him saying "all your funny emails" and I have to clarify (although it probably doesn't really matter/not important). He and I send each other what I call "teasy" emails; just nonsense banter. Like he calls me silly names and everything and I tease him about the weather (I live in the southern US and he lives in the north). Stuff like that. So that's why he says "all your funny emails" cause we just send banter-type of stuff.

 

Maybe, but why would he comment on friendly flirty banter that you two have done? Before this, you've been sending him emails and wondering why he wasn't contacting you..I could be wrong, but I'm betting that's what he meant by 'funny emails'. HE was entertained by your efforts and all those emails. Ego feed is right!

 

But I do agree I'm probably just boosting his ego.

 

Yes. I think he thinks you have a 'crush' on him and he is flattered, but not interested in a romantic thing with you. Problem is, I mentioned this before, the amount of energy you're putting into him, you're not getting back FROM him and that is another reason why you're disappointed and/or feeling let down. It's a BIG deal to you, but to him, it seems it isn't.

 

I'm just so confused cause he has never done anything remotely like this before. I mean back at Christmas when we were trying to figure out our schedules and I'd call, get his answering machine and leave a message. Almost immediately he returned my call. So it's just so weird.

 

Sadly, you've forgotten how long he took to reply to you..Didn't he go AWOL not answering your emails or calls for like 3 months?

 

Not to mention HE is the one who emailed me last month asking if I'd be home for Easter.

 

Yeah but after how many emails that YOU sent him?

 

I honestly didn't even think about coming home since it's a short holiday, so it sounded like he wanted to see me. Then he pulls this stunt. He does that a lot - he says/does one thing then the next thing you know he does the complete opposite. Anyone got a book on how to decipher men, LOL?

 

Again, I think maybe you're putting waay too much focus on how important he is to you than you are to him. Just relax and let him contact you from now on.