It's been over a month how come I'm not over her and why is she still mad?

[somedude81]

Now I'm starting to get angry. I haven't spent any time with this girl since February and I'm still stuck on her. I need to get her out of my f-ing head. The thought of her is sucking out all of my energy and giving me headaches.

 

I saw her today at work when she clocked in. I said, "What's up Chelsie?" She looked at me then walked away without saying a word. That was the first time I talked to her since I apologized a month ago. I have no clue why she is still mad.

 

We had a stupid fight over sex (she refused) that was more than a month ago, I didn't call her any names or insult her, so why is she still holding on to it? I sent her a text after work asking what's going on but she never replied.

 

I don't know what is bugging me more. The fact that I still constantly think of her. Or the fact that she will not let me talk to her.

[WTRanger]

Things such as what happened in your situation take more than a month to deal with. Unfortunately for you, you have to see her at work which doesn't properly let you move on from her. You've got to find something else to focus your energy on. Perhaps a hobby?

 

She's pissed at you because you reduced her from a woman to a walking vagina. Which means that anything you ever said to her means nothing anymore. It's like taking the entire transcript of everything you told her and replaced the words with, "All I want is sex." Imagine hundreds of pages of that. I'll bet my left testicle that 100% of women do not really think highly of a guy who reduces them down to nothing but a walking, talking, sex doll.

 

The more you try to talk to her, the farther away she'll run. Stop contacting her, stop saying hello, stop everything. You are just pissing her off more and you are not helping your own self either. Focus on you. Get yourself all back together and let this one go. I know it's tough. Show her that you can respect her as a woman by letting her go. Let her live her own life. Move on before she slaps you with a restraining order.

[somedude81]

Wow, what a brilliant response.

 

Now I understand. If I knew the outcome would be this I would have never said those things. It was not my intention to turn her into a "walking vagina." But ignorance is not an excuse. How funny that I can empathize with her pain when I'm the one who caused it.

 

She'll never give me a chance to try and make things better will she? Is every time I run into her at work going to be awkward?

 

I've spent so much time with her (more than any other girl) and gotten so close to her. It's a shame to have to let her go over something stupid I said and completely regret. I've invested so much of myself into her.

 

Thank you for telling me to stop trying to talk to her or contact her. I will leave her alone.

 

Now how do I fix myself?

 

I wish I was close to another girl so I could transfer my feelings from girl A to girl B. I feel so empty and alone. Not having any friends makes this even more painful. That's what I get for thinking a girl is the only thing I needed.

 

I must find a way to distract myself. I have a research paper due in 9 days yet I couldn't even work on it today. It seems I can only do stuff that really interests me when I'm this way. I don't have any hobbies aside from video games and I think I grew out of them several months ago. I feel that I've hit a point in my life where women are the only things that matter.

[Quinch]

I suggest you should get yourself a new girl, ideally not one you have to work with. It sounds like this girl you're so infatuated with is not the one for you after all and you'll feel better when you've allowed yourself to move on. You've made a mistake but that doesn't mean you can't learn from it.

[WTRanger]

She'll never give me a chance to try and make things better will she? Is every time I run into her at work going to be awkward?

 

Only time will tell. If you respect her and give her a lot of distance she might at least give you a shot. Probably only as a friend though and I'm talking like 6 months to a year of time here. If that doesn't sound worth it, and sometimes it's not, then just act like you've never known her. Learn from this and move on.

 

Yes, it will be awkward at work at first. Once you start to move on, it'll become less and less awkward. Again, just respect her distance and from what it sounds like she'll respect yours. Just get in, do your job, and go home. Each day you do that, it's one step closer and one more victory for you.

 

You know what you said was wrong, but every single human that has ever walked this Earth since the dawn of language has said something they've regretted at least once in their life. So really, don't beat yourself up over it. Just learn to think about your responses, especially when the situation is tense as in an argument. Act like that other person is a judge or a cop, would you really want to say that to them? If not, stop, breathe, and re-think your response. Sometimes, rather than make an ass of yourself it's just better to walk away and finish the conversation at a later time when you are more civil.

 

Who knows, she might try to talk to you in due time. The point is, that is her decision and there is nothing you can do to force it. When you see her at work, just focus forward. Keep walking, don't look at her, don't smile, don't say hello. Just get out of there. Think of her as having the worst, most contagious disease possible or a bad case of the walking farts.

[WTRanger]

I've spent so much time with her (more than any other girl) and gotten so close to her. It's a shame to have to let her go over something stupid I said and completely regret. I've invested so much of myself into her.

 

You know the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." That's total f*cking b*llsh*t. Never, ever under estimate the power of words. Sure, sticks and stones may break your bones but words are like thermonuclear weapons that will vaporize your stinkin' bones then reduce you to a blubbering pile of goo.

[somedude81]

I've definitely learned from this experience. I added a few words, phrases and concepts to my collection of things to never say to a woman.

 

I'm not going to wait 6 months to a year for her. Wait is a funny word. It implies that I wouldn't chase other girls in the meantime and that is certainly not true. There are other girls that I'm at least somewhat interested in. Though if I do run into her next semester and she's willing to give me another chance I'm not going to refuse. But if I never see her again or if she is still cold to me that's fine too.

 

I know I should have stopped the argument. I was just so mad and lacking in common sense. I had no rational thought. It's been many years since I had an argument with somebody. Usually I'm very calm and collected. But my emotions got the better of me.

 

I hate how I have to treat her like somebody I'm mad at. It just seems wrong, it goes against my very nature. But I see it's all about respecting her and giving her space.

[Awesome84]

What has always worked for me when someone isn't talking to me... is that I stop talking to THEM... and turn the tables pretending that I'm not talking to THEM. They always find a way to start talking to me again.

 

Only time will tell if she'll do that. You pissed her off BAD!! But she's pissed for good reason!

 

Were you a jerk??? Yes.

Do you need to leave her be for awhile??? Yes.

Will she give you another chance??? Maybe... but that's a long shot!.

 

What you can do right now Somedude... is learn from the situation. By reading your other posts about women and friends... it's likely that you need to do some inner soul searching.

 

You are not a lost cause... you just need to learn how to view women in a different light. That way you can become friends with women in the future. Being friends with the opposite sex without having sex with them is a really great thing. Try becoming friends with females that you do not find attractive. There are plenty of females out there that you may not find attractive but someone else does. Because you can truely learn from these females.

 

I love having male friends. Some are attractive, some are not. It says a great deal about your character if you can move pass the being attracted to someone and honestly become a true friend to them without alterior motives. It takes a strong and confident person to do that.

 

Move away from thinking that because you've had bad experiences with women or girls that ALL of them will be that way. For example... I've had a handfull of bad experiences with men... but I love men... I love everything about them... I love how they are different from women... I love how they talk and act. The fact that I love men (in a non-sexual way) is the reason why I respect them. I don't take my bad experiences with a few jerks and put it on all men. The point is... you can do this too!

 

Anyhow.... In a nutshell... leave her alone. You two may not become friends again... but I say... Oh the f.ck well... there are plenty of women out there for you to hang out with. But you gotta stop thinking of them as sex objects and start thinking of them as PEOPLE... The differences in men and women are far more complex than just what lies below the waist.

[somedude81]

Only time will tell if she'll do that. You pissed her off BAD!! But she's pissed for good reason!

 

Were you a jerk??? Yes.

Do you need to leave her be for awhile??? Yes.

Will she give you another chance??? Maybe... but that's a long shot!.

After she didn't say Hi back to me, I realized that she would probably never forgive me.

 

I've been trying to think of something that somebody could say to me that would hurt me so bad that I couldn't forgive them even after they've given me an honest and heartfilled apology. I can't think of any. But I guess women are that way.

 

She also must have really cared about me for her to be so hurt because of something I said.

 

As for having close female that are just friends. I can't consider that right now. I know what I need in my life right now. Maybe in the future. For now, I'm just not strong enough.

[WTRanger]

She also must have really cared about me for her to be so hurt because of something I said.

 

Maybe. But you objectified her. I can meet random women on the street and tell them they are fat and disgusting. They might be really hurt by that and think about that comment for days. Did they care about me? No. But I objectified them. The same thing works for me. A completely random girl on the street could tell me that I have a small penis. I'd think about that comment for days, even though she never really knows my size or has seen my penis. Do I care about her? No. But she objectified me down to a dick with legs. Which when that happens, you strip away the fact that you are human.

 

This is why the silent treatment is such a POWERFUL tool. You have taken away the very fact that a person exists. Even if she hates you, calls you names, and bitches at you all day. By her doing that, she at least acknowledges that you EXIST. By ignoring you, she takes away the fact that you exist. Your inner Self cannot stand that. All humans desire other humans to acknowledge the fact they exist. The Ego demands it.

 

As for having close female that are just friends. I can't consider that right now. I know what I need in my life right now. Maybe in the future. For now, I'm just not strong enough.

 

It sounds like you want to land on Mars but you haven't reached the moon yet. Stop thinking that there is some set in stone process on meeting girls and getting into relationships. It's like learning how to have sex from only watching porno's. You develop this mental check list about how it's supposed to work. She blows me, check, I go down on her, check, missionary, check, doggy style, check, cowgirl, check, reverse cowgirl, check, pile driver, check, missionary again, check, money shot, end. It doesn't work that way!

 

Stop thinking of women as objects you just want to f*ck. You'll never progress until you stop seeing women that way. You need to see women for what they are. These beautiful humans that can make you life worth living. So what if you don't get to have sex with a particular girl? Keep her in your life still. She can provide you with so much more than sex. Sometimes the mental connection is far beyond anything in the physical realm.

 

Female friends are the key. They'll teach you how the machine known as the female mind works. They'll be your wing-ladies. They are your manual on how to operate the female mind. You can go to them in situations as yours and get the female perspective on things. There are few things in this world that I'd trade for the love and respect that I have and get from my best female friends. It's all the love and respect you'd get in a relationship without any of the bullsh*t. It's amazing.

 

Do I want them out of my life? Absolutely not. I love my sisters from other misters.

[somedude81]

Maybe. But you objectified her. I can meet random women on the street and tell them they are fat and disgusting. They might be really hurt by that and think about that comment for days. Did they care about me? No. But I objectified them. The same thing works for me. A completely random girl on the street could tell me that I have a small penis. I'd think about that comment for days, even though she never really knows my size or has seen my penis. Do I care about her? No. But she objectified me down to a dick with legs. Which when that happens, you strip away the fact that you are human.

I disagree with you. If some random person yelled that I'm short I might be mad for a couple of days. Will I be mad a month later? Hell no. I probably wouldn't even remember that hit happened.

 

It's common sense that the closer you are to somebody, the more their words have an impact on you. It's good that she hasn't said anything mean to or about me (that I know about) if she did it would crush me.

 

This is why the silent treatment is such a POWERFUL tool. You have taken away the very fact that a person exists. Even if she hates you, calls you names, and bitches at you all day. By her doing that, she at least acknowledges that you EXIST. By ignoring you, she takes away the fact that you exist. Your inner Self cannot stand that. All humans desire other humans to acknowledge the fact they exist. The Ego demands it.

I actually wasn't aware that it is the silent treatment. But you describe it and my reactions perfectly. I want some reaction from her. Well not really. I could drop by work today and force her to talk to me but there is no point in doing so when she is obviously still mad at me. I'm not looking for a fight. Either way, the silent treatment only works when the other person respects the boundaries. I'm not going to try to talk to her anymore and I removed her number from my phone. Whether or not she wants to resume contact is up to her.

 

It sounds like you want to land on Mars but you haven't reached the moon yet. Stop thinking that there is some set in stone process on meeting girls and getting into relationships

I don't have a clue what the process is. All that I know is that going the friends way has repeatedly failed. All I can do is try a different tactic.

Stop thinking of women as objects you just want to f*ck. You'll never progress until you stop seeing women that way. You need to see women for what they are. These beautiful humans that can make you life worth living. So what if you don't get to have sex with a particular girl? Keep her in your life still. She can provide you with so much more than sex. Sometimes the mental connection is far beyond anything in the physical realm.

 

Female friends are the key. They'll teach you how the machine known as the female mind works. They'll be your wing-ladies. They are your manual on how to operate the female mind. You can go to them in situations as yours and get the female perspective on things. There are few things in this world that I'd trade for the love and respect that I have and get from my best female friends. It's all the love and respect you'd get in a relationship without any of the bullsh*t. It's amazing.

 

Do I want them out of my life? Absolutely not. I love my sisters from other misters.

My views of women are screwed up and it's going to take a long time to fix.

 

I have never kicked a woman out of my life. All of them have kicked me out of theirs. And yes most of the time, sex was the reason. With each new girl I find a different way to have a fight about sex. And it's always only one fight. Sex is my biggest weakness. Until I get that part of my life handled I feel that I'm going to keep repeating the same situations over and over.

[Awesome84]

Sex is my biggest weakness. Until I get that part of my life handled I feel that I'm going to keep repeating the same situations over and over.

 

Perhaps you can spank the monkey for awhile. LOL.

 

You know... like on the movie 'Something About Mary'??

 

If you spank the Monkey regularly... then you have been satisfied atleast once that day to not have the sex thing get in the way...

 

:p

 

HEY... It's funny... but I'm being totally serious here!

[GorillaTheater]

Perhaps you can spank the monkey for awhile. LOL.

 

You know... like on the movie 'Something About Mary'??

 

If you spank the Monkey regularly... then you have been satisfied atleast once that day to not have the sex thing get in the way...

 

:p

 

HEY... It's funny... but I'm being totally serious here!

 

This advice may or may not be applicable to the OP's situation, but in general it's good advice. A long time before the movie came out, I got similar advice: to "take care of business" before a date, so that the manic, scary "ME WANT SEX NOW!!!" light isn't in your eyes. Helped me, at any rate.

[somedude81]

Perhaps you can spank the monkey for awhile. LOL.

 

You know... like on the movie 'Something About Mary'??

 

If you spank the Monkey regularly... then you have been satisfied atleast once that day to not have the sex thing get in the way...

 

:p

 

HEY... It's funny... but I'm being totally serious here!

And you think I haven't? It just doesn't work that way. There is simply no comparison.

 

Also the reason I've been failing with these girls is because I've been waiting too long to try and have sex with them. It's like I've been trying to make a move a few months after the window closed. Which probably means I should keep myself horny when I'm around them...

 

I've been doing a lot of thinking, wondering what sex is like with somebody you have an emotional connection with and really care about. I can't believe I've gone so many years without being to experience that.

 

I honestly don't know if I'm looking for just sex or to really connect with somebody, of course sex has to be involved. Nobody should go more than a year without getting laid. It's I'm being punished for a crime I didn't commit.

[Awesome84]

And you think I haven't? It just doesn't work that way. There is simply no comparison.

 

Also the reason I've been failing with these girls is because I've been waiting too long to try and have sex with them. It's like I've been trying to make a move a few months after the window closed. Which probably means I should keep myself horny when I'm around them...

 

I've been doing a lot of thinking, wondering what sex is like with somebody you have an emotional connection with and really care about. I can't believe I've gone so many years without being to experience that.

 

I honestly don't know if I'm looking for just sex or to really connect with somebody, of course sex has to be involved. Nobody should go more than a year without getting laid. It's I'm being punished for a crime I didn't commit.

 

Umm No... If you haven't been laid in a year then you should definently not keep yourself Horny around women.

 

I agree that masterbation isn't as good as sex but until you find someone where you both have chemistry (Intellectually and Physically) then you should spank the monkey a few times..IMO.

 

Women don't really like 'Horn Dogs' anyway. We can see right through a guy who's overly horny. Well... most of us can.

[engravefeelthevoid]

I did something that regret with a girl...my situation is very similar to urs only that she doesnt work with me and i ddnt ask her for sexxx...I lied to her big time and she found out....my friends told me she will give me a shot after she forgets what I did and remembers the good times...i will work on myself now so that when she gives me a shot id be more acceptable...but do guess it needs time !!!! and im suspecting 6-months to a year !!!

[Odyssey]

Hey Somedude81,

 

I'm in the same boat as you; only i didn't breakup over rejection of sex. She said she was confused and felt guilty that we had sex because she wasn't over her ex-boyfriend.

 

Anyway, it hurts like hell, having to face your ex at work every damn day! Makes moving on impossible. I got laid off a month ago, so it's been better now. I'm in day 7 of NC (i just need to stop texting her, because I've been feeling blue about no job).

 

Good luck.