I cut him out of my life - unsure if it was the right move.

[amanvida]

I have known this guy for almost 2 years, we have been pretty good friends for a large portion of that time. Things between us often seemed unclear as it felt like there was always something more but we never acted upon anything. (i can say i love him, i just did know if that love transferred to romantic rather than platonic/friendly). He was dating this girl last summer. He kept it a secret from me for a long time which hurt. I thought we were friends and could be honest with each other. I eventually found out about it. It was kind of a mess, we worked through it. I would say our friendship became stronger. Their "relationship" though was basically her calling him for booty calls at 3am. She would sleep with other guys. (He's been hurt a lot in the past, it seemed super unhealthy.) I was pretty against the entire thing though kept my mouth shut.

 

A few months ago we kind of started dating. It didn't really work out. The timing seemed off and things werent really clicking for either of us. We ended things though things changed. I tried so hard to mend our friendship and it just didnt seem like it interested him that much. He is super important to me and in panic mode I confessed all of these feelings I had for him (which were developing more over the course of our dating, which I was trying to suppress, etc). He told me I should move on. I still wanted him as a friend and though I knew it would be hard for awhile his friendship to me was way more important to me than him as my boyfriend. I figured it would just take time to get back to normal and I was willing to give it that. I was honest with him about my feelings and that I was trying to get over them.

 

Last week I ran into this girl (same girl he was dating last summer.) I went over to say hello and she nervously blurted out something that happened with him and I the previous weekend...which meant he had obviously seen her again. I was ccrushed and really really upset. I called him and told him I had seen her. He said he "wanted to get to know her again." This girl used him and threw him out the minute shes found some other guy. She came crawling back to him the minute she was lonely.

 

Now had we not just had this thing between us which was still mending, this would be of no concern of mine as it is his life. But I just felt directly wounded. He went right back to this girl who he dated right before I. He could not grasp why I would be upset at all as "I don't have to see them together." But it goes much further than that as it hurts me to see one of my close friends involved in something like that. I sent him a message explaining that it hurt me, that I would love to see him have a functional relationship but that it hurts me to see addictive qualities of relationships and that my "feelings" for him aside, I consider him a good friend and was not feeling it reciprocated. I told him I had to walk away from him because I cant sit and watch this again. Its unhealthy for me to do so and I have too much to do with myself.

 

I was really really really hurt for a few days over this. I deleted all of his text messages, deleted him from internet accounts, etc. Not that I wanted him gone but I did not want to hang on to anything. I needed a super clean break and to move on 100%. I told him when he comes around I'm here but I can't do this. He basically made me feel that I was just some time killer for him, that I didnt really mean anything to him at all. Though I think I've made a good decision, I'm afraid I've lost him. I put myself completely out there and he just threw it away.

 

What do I do? I know time heals all but he is not one to make a move to come back. unsure.

[WTRanger]

When he went back to the other girl, this was after the two of you broke up? He was technically single at the time and it's his choice. That doesn't make it any easier to cope with though, so my heart goes out to you.

 

Think of it this way. You can't fathom why he goes back to a girl that treats him like garbage. Yet you pine after this guy who treats you like garbage. You are just one side in a vicious triangle. Each party treats each other like crap, yet you all want what is completely wrong for you.

 

Give it time. I have a deep faith that in due time, people who have wronged others will eventually realize the errors of their ways. They may never physically tell you that they are sorry, but it has to catch up to them eventually. One day they have to come to the truth of how they treated someone.

 

You are right to cut him out of your life. For now. Get yourself healed first.