I stopped myself but should I still tell her about it

[MROD]

To make a long story short I was drinking with all my friends as it was someone's birthday and my fiancee (who I'm planning to marry sometime this Dec. was at work) and I let myself get drunk, a stupid action on my part as I don't drink like that ever.

 

During that drunken state of mind I started posting on single ads and telling online girls that I just broke up. Then I went on to letting my friend introduce me to a girl. So we were just talking and I don't know why I told her I was broken up along with making up more things about myself. Anyways she started talking about an abusive ex and then sat down on the bed so I sat down too. We talked for a little while but then I got out of the room as soon as I predicted that it was gonna lead to me actually having doing stuff with her (the conversation was getting kinda intimate too but don't recall some stuff I say).

 

As soon as I look at all my online ads on single as well as craiglist I took them off right away. Do I tell her this or not. I'm really not very good in lying. I hate lying about even the most insignificant stuff.

 

So help me, what do I say to her. Should I be like ''Oh sweety I was about to cheat on you with a girl I don't even know while drunk but stopped myself and kept writing on single ads''.

 

It's been 6 days since this incident took place, can't keep this anymore. I hate lying but I'm at lost, last thing I want is her not trusting me ever again or seeing me as someone different, noooooooo. I heard even stuff like this takes years (3 or 4 if possible), but by then I'll be 30 when I get marry. I can't wait that long. I want to get marry this december like I promised. I want to spend my life with her.

[MROD]

So what would be the right thing to do? Spill the beans out or letting it go as I never kiss her not slept with her. My finacee is already asking what is wrong with me as I make it so obvious.

 

So I'm I a horrible jerk so even having those intentions of cheating while drunk. Ok like I stated I stopped myself (even though I was getting turned on) but still, I was so close to it. I feel like ****.

[playlislay]

Hunny, I dont know what to say?

 

On one hand I think, especially as you two are due to be married, that you should be upfront and honest with her. Honesty, in my eyes, is very attractive and enhances trust between two people.

 

 

But on the other hand, being a woman that found out my partner cheated on me and decided to stay with him, I know how mentally desrtoying it is. Part of me wish I never knew about him cheating as it ****ed up my mindset and I lost all trust for him. We are no longer together due to lack of trust ( At the same time, I did find out that he was a serial cheater, so that added to the mistrust.

 

If you have never done this before and it is out of character then you may be ok to tell her, but just be prepared for alot of bad times becuase of it.

 

Look up on the internet on how to deal with a partner that has been cheated on, really dive into all of the info of what you might deal with and how she may be feeling etc.

 

Good luck hun, I hope you have learnt from your mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

DONT DO IT AGAIN EITHER!!!! :OS

[imagine]

Have complete honesty before marriage and during marriage. Find out what a POJA is (read articles at marriagebuilders).

[Phateless]

To make a long story short I was drinking with all my friends as it was someone's birthday and my fiancee (who I'm planning to marry sometime this Dec. was at work) and I let myself get drunk, a stupid action on my part as I don't drink like that ever.

 

During that drunken state of mind I started posting on single ads and telling online girls that I just broke up. Then I went on to letting my friend introduce me to a girl. So we were just talking and I don't know why I told her I was broken up along with making up more things about myself. Anyways she started talking about an abusive ex and then sat down on the bed so I sat down too. We talked for a little while but then I got out of the room as soon as I predicted that it was gonna lead to me actually having doing stuff with her (the conversation was getting kinda intimate too but don't recall some stuff I say).

 

As soon as I look at all my online ads on single as well as craiglist I took them off right away. Do I tell her this or not. I'm really not very good in lying. I hate lying about even the most insignificant stuff.

 

So help me, what do I say to her. Should I be like ''Oh sweety I was about to cheat on you with a girl I don't even know while drunk but stopped myself and kept writing on single ads''.

 

It's been 6 days since this incident took place, can't keep this anymore. I hate lying but I'm at lost, last thing I want is her not trusting me ever again or seeing me as someone different, noooooooo. I heard even stuff like this takes years (3 or 4 if possible), but by then I'll be 30 when I get marry. I can't wait that long. I want to get marry this december like I promised. I want to spend my life with her.

 

I think the more important question you should be asking yourself is: WHY did I feel the need to go through all of that in the first place?

 

My guess is that you're really nervous about getting married, afraid of commitment, not sure if you're ready to give up the possibility of other girls in the future. Maybe you just wanted to see what it would feel like to be single again, even if only for a night?

 

Before you worry about telling her, worry about figuring out where all that came from.

[boldjack]

If this is all that happened, then you should tell her. Make sure that she knows that it won't ever happen again, and make doubly sure that you keep your promise.

[Phateless]

If this is all that happened, then you should tell her. Make sure that she knows that it won't ever happen again, and make doubly sure that you keep your promise.

 

Not so fast, it's just gonna freak her out. If she's a smart girl, she'll take this piece of info as a major red flag. You need to take a minute to sort this out before you go telling her. Right now you're wanting to tell her to relieve YOURSELF of the guilt you're feeling, not because you think telling her will accomplish anything. Make sense?

[Lucky_One]

A bit off topic.

 

My word. How long were you drunk for?

 

You were drunk long enough to answer multiple dating ads, and to have the girls answer back. You were drunk long enough for one of these girls to actually come to where you were, and to get you into a bedroom on a bed with her.

 

I know you say you don't drink often, but is there a reason why you don't?

[Phateless]

A bit off topic.

 

My word. How long were you drunk for?

 

You were drunk long enough to answer multiple dating ads, and to have the girls answer back. You were drunk long enough for one of these girls to actually come to where you were, and to get you into a bedroom on a bed with her.

 

I know you say you don't drink often, but is there a reason why you don't?

 

Don't blame this all on alcohol. HE did those things, not the alcohol. And you're misreading, the girl on the bed was already at the party. She did not come from an ad.

 

These actions are his own and he needs to OWN them and figure out why he did them. You can't just call this a fluke, blame it on the alcohol and let it go. This came from somewhere inside him and it won't go away until it's addressed, one way or another. Maybe subconsciously he was trying to sabotage the relationship?

 

I love to drink and I still don't think he can blame it on alcohol.

[mental_traveller]

If you didn't follow up on it by actually meeting someone or making out, then just delete the ads, and if necessary make it clear to any women involved that you are seeing someone and not interested.

 

You didn't actually cheat, you just got tempted while you were loaded. However, if this becomes a regular thing, rather than a one-off moment of drunken weakness, or if you ever actually meet up with or make out with another woman, then it's more serious and your gf needs to know.

[Dexter Morgan]

To make a long story short I was drinking with all my friends as it was someone's birthday and my fiancee (who I'm planning to marry sometime this Dec. was at work) and I let myself get drunk, a stupid action on my part as I don't drink like that ever.

 

During that drunken state of mind I started posting on single ads and telling online girls that I just broke up. Then I went on to letting my friend introduce me to a girl. So we were just talking and I don't know why I told her I was broken up along with making up more things about myself.

 

Ok, does anyone else smell a little bulls##t here?

 

so let me get this straight....you get drunk at someone elses place. And once drunk you ran to the nearest computer you found and started posting on singles ads that you are broken up.

 

hmm...or were those single ads there for a while and you were looking all along, and this story is a cover for the fact that you were on them all along and are blaming it on being drunk.

 

Never being drunk did I think to myself..."where is the nearest computer...i gotta tell everyone I'm single!!"

 

But lets just say that you did do that, , seems that being drunk brought out in you what you really feel anyway. You wanted girls to know you aren't "taken", and wanted the girl at the party to know you aren't taken.

Drinking brings out that in people that they just don't have the guts to do while sober. Your true feelings came out.

 

So maybe you should just make good on your singles ads, and make good on the words you spoke to the girl at the party, and break up so you can be single.

 

got drunk at someones house and made way for a computer to announce your available status.....:lmao: Oh my, that is a good one.

[Lucky_One]

Don't blame this all on alcohol. HE did those things, not the alcohol. And you're misreading, the girl on the bed was already at the party. She did not come from an ad.

 

These actions are his own and he needs to OWN them and figure out why he did them. You can't just call this a fluke, blame it on the alcohol and let it go. This came from somewhere inside him and it won't go away until it's addressed, one way or another. Maybe subconsciously he was trying to sabotage the relationship?

 

I love to drink and I still don't think he can blame it on alcohol.

 

Whew - thanks for pointing out that I mis-read. I was trying to picture a 12 hour binge!

 

Oh trust me - I am not blaiming anything on the alcohol. I was more concerned that he has some issues with alcohol dependence. I am not a fan of active alcoholics and their behavioral justifications!

[cheeky_ricxz24]

You should face the consequences that you really made a mistake.

You can't blame alcohol your girl won't just believe it she'll just think that your just telling her you were drunk that time but you really are not you just want to flirt on the net with girls.

 

I think you will have a problem talking to her seriously in that incident because she will already have lost some trust in you. You should make her realize that you really are sorry for this mistake and you don't have any intention of being in a relationship with the girls in the internet.

[MROD]

Looks like there're lots of replies ok I will read through them. As far as it goes I did told her everything that went on during my drunken state that day. Inicially she had asked me if there was something more into it and I told her no, that was all and I had no reason to lie and if she don't believe me she can ask my friend or cousin who were there.

 

They insisted that I did not need to tell her about it but if I'm in a relationship esp. with the woman I will marry then she deserves to know just like I would if it was vice-versa.

 

She seems ok now and we are still on our way to getting marry.

[MROD]

I know you say you don't drink often, but is there a reason why you don't?

 

I must have been drunk for like about 8 hours to be exact and no nothing like this will ever happened again.

 

Yes I do not drink that like I did that day. I do have my reason why I would now never in my life drink that way. A couple of years earlier way before I met my fiancee I did something aweful as a result and did not stop myself. Something I don't wanna talk about because it has taken me a long while to get over what I did. Now that I'm with my fiancee I don't think about it no more.

[daisybabe]

I just read your whole thing and I'm really glad you made the decision to tell her. I'm sure she is too. Especially since she could tell something was up before hand. I think with continued honesty (and not letting those situations happen again) you will have a great marriage.

 

Also, in regards to your drinking, some people might say that if you cant drink because you're worried about what might happen because of the past, then that means you cant be trusted. But as long as you recognize what you truly want, and see that drinking will hurt that, then you are strong for realizing that drinking is dangerous for you. Don't let anyone pressure you into that state again.

 

Good luck with everything!