jealous, unforgiving, and sad

[cassius49]

Alright this is a complicated story and cant be all summed up in a few paragraphs, so here it is in a nutshell. I am very sad and desperately would like some advice. I am jealous of my girlfriends best friends and very disturbed by things shes done in her past.

 

I am 18 and live near the east coast. Last summer i hitchhiked to montana, wound up in this city, and fell deep in love with a girl (at the time i was 17 and she was 21). i stayed with her for about three months and hung out with her and her friends all the time. then one day i met her est friend as she called him and ever since then ive been developing some major inferiority complexes. this guy is tall handsome and has a hell of a lot more in common (and more history) with her than i do. they traveled the west coast in a van, toured with bands, and all kinds of stuff. Basically everything i had wished to do for years.

One day after hanging out with the two of them i ended up feeling very lonely and very much like a third wheel. So I foolishly, instead of talking to her about it, said i needed some time alone and hitchhiked to a distant city to explore a couple of days. I ended up getting areested and sent back to ohio.

During this time apart we realized we really loved and missed eachother. She borrowed money from her mom and bought a plane ticket to come and stay with me for a while. She stayed with me for 5 or 6 months and during this time we became pregnant. We started arguing a lot and she retreated back to montana where she would have a lot more family, friends, and supprt. I am still expected to follow up and meet her there where we will work and plan on some kind of life for us and our baby.

 

Now this is my problem. I cant wait to see my child and very excited to be a father even if im not 100% prepared. But im starting doubt if my girlfriend and i are really meant to be. I am haunted by her sexual past. I am her 8th male lover and ive only had sex with 3 girls before her. But the number ist what bothers me, its the fact that shes been involved in 2 threesomes and still talks to one of her exes. I know i should just forgive and forget and i wish i could but its just easier said than done. I also know that she would never cheat on me or anything but i just dont like the companionship between her and her best friend. and i dont like the fact that she still taks to one of her exes. i even told her that it makes me uncomfortable but she thinks i am controlling and sexist for thinking opposite genders cant be good friends.

if she wasnt pregnant with my child i would have left as soon as she was safe back home, but now we are tied forever and i cant get over all this crap. We really love eachother and i want to make this work. But the past and the friends seem to be haunting me no matter what.

thank you for reading and know that i would really appreciate any advice. also know that i DO realize i am young and inexperienced. I hope that this is all something that i can grow out of.

[missednothing]

Wow, this sounds like you have more than just one problem with this relationship. I am nearly 26 years old now, and still some of my own past haunts me. Alot of people have things they have done in their life they are not proud of. The past will not change sweetheart. True love does not hold grudges.

This friend of hers, is just a friend yes? Their past is of their own, you must live yours, not theirs. You say her ex and her are still friends, theres nothing to be jelious about, she obivously wants to be with you, and not him, or any of her other past "lovers".

The people who she has been involved with in her past, have brought her to where she is now, to understand, and forgive herself for things no one could ever understand. I myself have been thorough this same problem, im am happily in a relationship and he loves me. Not for who i was, but for who i am, and who i will be. I also had a child when i was young, if it wasnt for the love of my life, i would have gave up doing it on my own.

 

Maybe she got angry and called you controlling because you didnt adress her the right way, some of this stuff is a very sensative subject for a woman to deal with.

I think you have alot of personall issues to deal with, weather you want her help or not, if she loves you she will be there for you, but you have to do the same for her.

If you would have left her along time ago, dont lead her on darling....That can just cause so much more pain on your side and hers, if you feel like you are scared and alone, she will be there to love you. But you have to change your life weather you like it or not. You just have to change for the better, and not think how the past will haunt you...you two have a future now, dont throw it away becuase you scared.

i hope this helped.

[Spectre]

This chick is pregnant with your child, but won't stop talking to ex's? Yeah, she isn't the one for you, I feel sorry for the child. I mean, there really is no right way to address her. Bottom line is she shouldn't be talking to ex's, if having an ex in her life is more important than you, then she shouldn't very well be sleeping with you now should she? Especially without protection.

 

It really doesn't matter if you not wanting her to see an ex is rational or not, it's all about trying to make your partner more comfortable. If the guy is truly her ex, and this truly bothers you, there really shouldn't be a problem with him not being in her life. Plus I bet you she wouldn't be too happy if the situation was reversed. Removing an ex from anyone's life should not be a big issue, and if it is..said person does not belong in a relationship at that time.

 

But to the person who posted above me going on about the past bla bla bla, I've said it once and I'll say it again: Our past makes up who we are in the present. Granted it is entirely possible for a person to change their ways, but more often than not, a persons past behavior can give us an idea of the type of person they are today.

 

So when I see people going on and on about how people should forget the past, I just laugh, because it's ridiculous. I'm not saying hold everything in a persons past against them, but I'll be damned if the past has no barring whatsoever on the type of person someone is in the present.

 

In other words: it is NOT wrong to be worried about someone because of their past. Once again, I'm not saying dump a chick if she has a past, I'm just saying whenever a topic like this comes up with people not being able to get over the past, people come and spout the same thing about how the past is the past. Not every single chick who's banged a buncha guys in the past has changed her ways, not every guy who was a player in the past has changed his ways. So to completely ignore the past is, to me, a form of ignorance. Once again, I am not saying people are incapable of change, just that just because something happened in the past doesn't mean said person is automatically different simply because it was the past.

[lostsunsets]

I agree with spectre.

 

Forsaking all others, means forsaking ANYONE who makes your SO uncomfortable. It is not a control issue. It is about guarding the precious feelings of the ONE person you love.