GorillaTheater Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 and my sympathies to whoever you end up with coz it will surely be a beige boring ride! Married for over 25 years, thanks to destiny and stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Jack - and where is this "dishonesty" that I'm accused of over and over again? I've done nothing wrong and don't intend to. I live 4000 miles away as a matter of fact and you know what even if I lived 4 minutes away, I wouldn't act on it unless I was looking to end my marriage and I'm not sure I'd ever want to do that. I've been talking about a feeling inside, not physical action. I'm talking about "what if" and not "let's do it". I'd love to run away with this person but that's not in my reality right now, maybe one day it will be, who knows, but right now, I'm just in a space where I feel a bit lost. Thought it may be cool to speak with some people online who would be impartial (without judgement) to just listen, but the complete bloody opposite occurred and got more judgmental bible beating replies and soul-absent replies than I ever thought was possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Married for over 25 years, thanks to destiny and stuff. my condolences to your partner to be married to a corpse Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 What gave you the idea that I was cheated on? Actually, If you would read some of my posts, you would know that I was the cheater. This is what gives me some insight into what is happening to you, and your inability to see anyone's point of view except your own. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Have you told your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 my condolences to your partner to be married to a corpse Good shot! I suspect it's your otherworldly passion at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Bent, that's not it at all. Once again the people in this thread can't seem to comprehend what is being said here. It's not me, I'm articulate and can express myself so what is it then? It must be the overwhelming lack of passion out there in the world. So sad. Yes, I've tried to work on my marriage problems for the past 3 years and still the fire is gone. So I'm at a crossroads. What I'm saying is that for this person from my past to appear in my life at this time in my life is something of a mystery, and maybe this is happening for a reason. But this sentiment has fallen on deaf ears in here. Jack, I've not told my husband as there isn't anything to tell, look if I carry a torch for a person in my past, the feelings were there before I met my husband, it's not anything to do with him, it's 16 years before him. Everyone has a past, I can't erase mine because I got married nor would I ever want to. Anyone who has ever loved passionately and lost love will always have a small flame for the person they lost, regardless of where they are in their lives now. I don't just erase and blank feelings out like a droid. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Capecod - lets look at it from another direction. Your marriage certainly has problems and needs change. You have said your efforts at change have not been encouraged by your Husband. Brick Wall there. Your marriage, the central point of your life, is pretty much dead and efforts to save it have been rebuked. So, now you are down to YOU. Your life. And your Husband - his life. YOU are at and ready for a TURNING POINT. OM , and thoughts of him - may be pushing you towards that turning point - without him having to ever actually be involved. Fine. Still - change has to come. What direction do you want to face? Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 No there are some really articulate, intelligent, professional people here who have lived life to the max and have some pitfalls that it is clear you have yet to experience. Which lends to thoughts of your age. We get it, more than you will ever know. Please leave your H before you get to the door of cheating. Again, you're speaking as if you actually know me, well news flash "you don't". You've no idea what I've been through in my life and I am in my late 30's so I've been there and done that many times over. And if you could actually read and comprehend, you would have by osmosis seen that I've stated now 5 times that I've no intention to cheat, I'm talking about a feeling inside and not a physical action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Capecod - lets look at it from another direction. Your marriage certainly has problems and needs change. You have said your efforts at change have not been encouraged by your Husband. Brick Wall there. Your marriage, the central point of your life, is pretty much dead and efforts to save it have been rebuked. So, now you are down to YOU. Your life. And your Husband - his life. YOU are at and ready for a TURNING POINT. OM , and thoughts of him - may be pushing you towards that turning point - without him having to ever actually be involved. Fine. Still - change has to come. What direction do you want to face? Thank you 2Sure!!! You actually "get" what I am saying, and you expressed it without scorn, resentment, and judgment and I do thank you for your open-mindedness! I have been asking myself these questions for over a year now and I really don't know what to do at this point and time. And yes, with or without the thoughts and feelings from my past, I have been feeling this way for sometime now. I just think it's so strange for this person from my past to have held a torch for me all these years and reveal this to me at a point in my life now when I'm in this space so it's beyond confusing for me to think straight about me and my life. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Cape Cod, If you are as intelligent and articulate as you say, then you are aware that these are not " past feelings", because you are acting and obsessing about them, NOW. So NOW is when you should tell your husband. Please, for your own sake and your husband's, end this marriage and try to reclaim your lost romantic persona. You will always be wishing you had. I never regretted trying to reunite with my old flame , but I ALWAYS regretted not being open and honest about it. I hurt people deeply and didn't mean to or want to. An honest and open split with your husband will give you the freedom and piece of mind to pursue your dream, and I truly hope that you find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Oy Vey! I give up! I can't compete with someone who has a one-track mind. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Oy Vey! I give up! LOL. There ya go. You will notice however, that Bent's posts, though harsh - are given from the heart. Bent aint wrong. Still Cape - you are unhappy with your real life, so this distraction of OM may be especially appealing right now. Certainly your marriage is vulnerable. You have to address or change something. This is great place to verbalize your thoughts. Sometimes, I even end up taking my own advice in the end! Why not use this forum to address the problems within your marriage...in an effort to move forward in one direction or another? Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 2sure, you are a great poster.:) Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 I agree, but both you and Bent have shown much more grace towards the OP than I was able to muster up. Maybe I need to rethink getting involved in threads where I find myself annoyed from the get-go. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Ive made nearly every single possible mistake there is to make. Buncha times. And as much as I have learned from them...I still find new ones to make. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 I'm simply amused, and it started with the capitalization of Artist. Twice! I could almost hear it being said..."Are-teest!" OP, if you're in contact with this guy, and having romantic feelings for this guy, you're ALREADY cheating on your husband. It's called an emotional affair. Ask your husband what he considers 'cheating'. Is exchanging secret emails and carry long-lit torches cheating in his eyes? Would he consider you thinking some other man is your DESTINY cheating? Ask him. We'll wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 LOL. I'm amused as well. I think your name says it all "Lonely and Frustrated", good luck with that. "Artist" when spoken in the first person as one's profession is always capitalized from where I come from, there's no pretentiousness about it, it just is the way it is. So you can read into it whatever you choose, whatever floats your boat. Perhaps it would be more constructive of you to work on that lonely and frustrated life instead of mocking other people who were just looking for a bit of a release. Like I said, it's been cathartic to get it off my chest and also it's been a huge eye opener to the way so many people have lost or never had any passion in their lives. I rather die a broken heart a thousand times then never have felt that burning passion and soul-mate connection with someone. But as you said, for me being an "Ar-teest" I must be operating on a different level than the closed-minded, shut-off grey world that you inhabit. You can make all the jokes you want at my expense peeps, just remember that at the end of the day, I was just looking for someone out there who was objective and non-judgmental to talk too. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I'm glad to know that the world today is peopled with such kind-hearted souls. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 We're all in the same world, darling. Or have you not noticed that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author capecod Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 No. I think you and I definitely inhabit different worlds and I'm well pleased about that! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 At first, I felt the same way about the whole " the Artist" thing. But you know, they really are a different breed. Think of the stereotypes, scale them down, and they often hold true. Artist= dramatic, fantasy based, creative, reflective, sensitive. These things are evident in OP line of thinking , way of thinking, questions, and maybe priorities. She is an artist, a creative person - they are geared differently. Me - I'm all black & white. So - my views are different. But OP perspective is part of who she is. Like it or not - people are that way. They almost have to be or they wouldnt be creative. I personally am sometimes put off by the whole artist thing - but no surprise, I am not an exceptionally creative person. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 So 2, these "artistic", people aren't accountable? They are above us mere mortals and shouldn't be expected to behave with common polite manners? This woman has done nothing but sneer and insult everyone with a different opinion. I"ve never accused her of anything and have been vilified. If you want to continue posting with her, be my guest. I'm finished here. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 LOL. No! They are as accountable as the rest of us!! I just mean, OP sounds like she is preferring to dwell in fantasy land with her OM rather than deal with reality...and for creative people, they spend a lot of time dealing with fantasy based thoughts so... What OP imagines in her creative mind is always going to be better than real life - even with OM. Its probably harder for her to get around her own perception. Oh, forget it. Ive lost interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Capecod, sorry, but you are full poo. The entire first post, the passion, the longing, the true love, the tearing off of the clothes, the soulmates, the lips that are made for each other, the tears when he told you he loves you still - all of that screams "Can't wait to f*ck your brains out the next time I go visit my parents, but I am going to deny it to myself and to anyone else with 20/200 vision and a brain injury." Tell your husband about this. You are cheating on him emotionally at this very time. You can deny it all you want, but it is what is happening and apparently we can all see it. Good luck. You are going to need it. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 First and foremost, there are some posters here that do not like me either, let me tell you why: I cheated. I have not told. I cheated with my ex (my long lostsoulmate, hence the user-name). You are right about the fact that some are not open-minded and are quick to judge you as you were their XW/XH/XMM/XMW/XSO/WS. After the one night I spent with my ex, I came home to my fiance. Driving home was when I realized I was really truly unhappy. It took me longer to figure out why, but I kinda knew in my heart why. We aren't right for each other. We are no longer engaged and I am looking to move back home (14 hours away) with our daughter. Cape, I, too, and a hopeless romantic. I truly believe my ex is my twin flame. Although since the one night we have been on NC. I wanted to make sure the unhappiness I was feeling was because I wasn't happy with my current SO. Didn't want to make those decisions while in the "fog". After months now, I know that we are not right for each other. I am working on myself, being selfish for the first time in my life. It feels good. My advice is not to try to figure out if the grass is greener on the other side. Go see for yourself. But go alone, without the guilt of cheating. If you are unhappy in your marriage. Get out. Then find your lost love. Whether it works or not, at least you are not settling for less, or not enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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