All love dies?

[Mahatma]

I see things like this quite frequently. When you look at love the "romance" and as the reactions that take place chemically in the brain, it is apparent it will at least die down and slow.

 

However, I find the statements that the "love" will eventually disappear to be a bit off.

 

Do you mean to say I will eventually cease to love my parents?

 

I've loved my parents for 19 years.

 

My parents have loved each other for 23 years and are still very much in love and have always been.

 

I can understand that the romance in a relationship dies down over time, but I do not think the love is destined to disappear in time too.

 

I think the love can turn more into a best friend or companion type of love, but I hardly think it just goes away in time.

[theBrokenMuse]

You are using the term love in a different manner then the people talking about 'love dying'. Infatuation and all that nice dopamine that goes with it eventually does dwindle for most people, especially those that put no work into keeping the romantic side of their relationship healthy and alive. Of course there are exceptions to the rule but they are far and few in between kind of like humans that live above hundred years of age. For most of us it is a series of falling in and out (waxing and waning) of infatuation (ie. romantic love) with a partner.

[Lizzie60]

Love between a child and a parent.. is a lot different than love between two partners.. you cannot compare that kind of love..

 

Same with love between two sibblings.. etc.. etc..

 

Love-passion between two partners changes over the years to become love-friendship.... but there are also a loooot of different 'intensity' in that love-friendship...

 

Some of this love-passion is sometimes replaced, many years later, by love-friendship.. which might turned out into hatred or just simple platonic friendship.. or FWB if you prefer.

[65tr6]

However, I find the statements that the "love" will eventually disappear to be a bit off.

 

Do you mean to say I will eventually cease to love my parents?

 

I agree with Lizzie. Love towards parents is very different from love between partners.

 

Romantic love dies...eventually...and if you cannot replace that with sustainable love, your relationship is in deep trouble. You have two choices...continue to live life like that....a majority of us do it that way or end it.

 

If you end it, there is no guarantee the cycle wont repeat with someone else. In most cases it does infact repeat itself.

 

The nice thing about sustainable love is it can keep growing between the partners. It, however, is lot of work.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, of course love dies.

Everything dies.

But Love may die when you do, or before.

A continual relationship with someone means your affection for them changes, and evolves. It transforms into different types of affection, depending on the circumstance.

When you are little you love your parents with adoration and respect, obedience.

As you become older and go into adult hood, you converse with your parents on a more equal footing - they can't send you to your room for arguing!

When they are old, you begin to care for them, as they cared for you. the roles are reversed.

 

of course, the above is a stereotypical, clinical type of description.

I am aware that this is not typical or true of everyone, I am just describing how this particular kind of love transforms, it is not an actual description of anyone.....

 

It is the same with a sexual relationship. the intitial passion, excitement and frisson passes and you become more comfrotable with each other as your relationship begins to accommodate the needs and wants of the other person.

Nothing stays the same form day to day.

And even though you say you will love somebody until the day you die, and it does go like this, your love will nevertheless have changed, and yes, love does die, eventually, but the questions are how and why...

 

_/l\_

[DayDreamer75]

I once read that if you want to be in love act like you are in love... I was no longer a believer until I experienced this with myself and in my relationship.

 

You can't imagine how much difference a mental approach can make in relationships. I've spent a couple of years nagging and complaining what was wrong in my relationship and was ready to walk... Until decided to turn myself around and for once start appreciating all the good that was there...

 

So I think that it's very difficult to keep on loving in long-term relationships. It requires effort and positive thinking. Once any of these drop, love can turn into resentment. When you resent a person you can no longer feel in love.

 

Based on my experience, I am a believer that as long as there is trust, respect, honesty and commitment, you can regain the love you once felt. You just need to start focusing more on the other person's needs and the good qualities that they have. Those qualities that brought you together in the first place.

 

My 10 year partnership was becoming stale to me... all the same problems... all the same things we did together and I was not happy. Therefore I was not feeling in love... I did a lot of reading and I understood that who was not satisfied with this life was myself. I started working on myself and improved and starting doing what made me happy. Once I changed my attitude, my partner followed me... and in few months our relationship has changed so much... it seems to me that we're in love like we just met... there's a lot of excitement, new things we do together...

 

Now I know a relationship cannot be always so exciting... but I have learnt my lesson and I hope the others will too... Love is something YOU feel. Something that YOU work on. When you start feeling bored, CHANGE YOURSELF and start bringing new excitement into your life... When you start focusing too much on yourself and on your needs, stop a minute and start focusing on others... this will help feeling always in love .

[65tr6]

So I think that it's very difficult to keep on loving in long-term relationships. It requires effort and positive thinking.

Based on my experience, I am a believer that as long as there is trust, respect, honesty and commitment, you can regain the love you once felt. .

 

 

Once I changed my attitude, my partner followed me... and in few months our relationship has changed so much... it seems to me that we're in love like we just met... there's a lot of excitement, new things we do together....

 

 

When you start feeling bored, CHANGE YOURSELF and start bringing new excitement into your life... When you start focusing too much on yourself and on your needs, stop a minute and start focusing on others... this will help feeling always in love .

 

dd, may be you should change your avatar name...you are not a day dreamer anymore to me....you are RIGHT ON. It amazes me the new threads posted here everday...."not in love anymore"....I rarely see anyone that takes the initiative and says "I am doing this to change myself and my relationship...I will be the FIRST one to do it....love to see my partner follow it but i have no expectations".

 

I think as we a society we are looking for instant gratification. If something does not work out, we start to question our own judgement and look for an exit....

[Lovelybird]

I once read that if you want to be in love act like you are in love... I was no longer a believer until I experienced this with myself and in my relationship.

 

You can't imagine how much difference a mental approach can make in relationships. I've spent a couple of years nagging and complaining what was wrong in my relationship and was ready to walk... Until decided to turn myself around and for once start appreciating all the good that was there...

 

So I think that it's very difficult to keep on loving in long-term relationships. It requires effort and positive thinking. Once any of these drop, love can turn into resentment. When you resent a person you can no longer feel in love.

 

Based on my experience, I am a believer that as long as there is trust, respect, honesty and commitment, you can regain the love you once felt. You just need to start focusing more on the other person's needs and the good qualities that they have. Those qualities that brought you together in the first place.

 

My 10 year partnership was becoming stale to me... all the same problems... all the same things we did together and I was not happy. Therefore I was not feeling in love... I did a lot of reading and I understood that who was not satisfied with this life was myself. I started working on myself and improved and starting doing what made me happy. Once I changed my attitude, my partner followed me... and in few months our relationship has changed so much... it seems to me that we're in love like we just met... there's a lot of excitement, new things we do together...

 

Now I know a relationship cannot be always so exciting... but I have learnt my lesson and I hope the others will too... Love is something YOU feel. Something that YOU work on. When you start feeling bored, CHANGE YOURSELF and start bringing new excitement into your life... When you start focusing too much on yourself and on your needs, stop a minute and start focusing on others... this will help feeling always in love .

a very encouraging post !

 

 

I saw some old couples, they have been with each other for decades, but look like they just fall in love with each other, so nice to look at them, I found one common trait of these couples, that they all have a heart of child, still ponder, curious, believe, content, appreciate....

[Passionate69]

Originally Posted by DayDreamer75

Once I changed my attitude, my partner followed me... and in few months our relationship has changed so much...

 

 

I hope all spouse are like your partner, a follower.

 

unfurtunitely most do not . instead they try or force you to change of who you are .

[voldigicam]

Hmm. Probably depends on the people. For some people, love doesn't die even when it doesn't work out. I'm like that. I still love my ex wife. But we simply couldn't live together and clashed in too many ways. I haven't communicated with her in years. But sometimes I have a memory sparked at it comes flooding back.

 

There's always something left for me.

 

I ran across this favorite posting in missed connections on CL http://knoxville.craigslist.org/mis/1116945276.html

that states it well (I love missed connections!!):

 

"And it really is OK. It's just a little crack in my heart, and it will heal. With just a little scar. There are many others, each cherished. As yours will be."

 

So there's a brief affair I think (suspect there are codewords or something in there) that the poster admits will always have an impact. If a small thing leaves an impact, how can something bigger not leave an impact? And what to call that impact?

 

Maybe some choose to hate or become numb. But others choose to let the warmth of having another close continue after that other is gone. I'm probably one of those.

[LonelyTiger]

35yrs ago I met a little boy.

 

We became friends and we bonded as children often do - but this was something very different from any other friendship either of us had experienced.

 

I loved him in a way I have never loved anyone before or since. He felt the same. We were far too young to say we were 'in love' - it was well before puberty - so there were none of those hormones that create the intensity of lust and adult 'romance'.

 

We both grew up and went our separate ways - but we always kept in touch. We met up a few times over the years and the bond between us grew and remained unbreakable. We loved each other, heart and soul.

 

Eventually the right time came along - we were both single and in the same town at the same time. We got married.

 

We've been married now for almost 10 years. Sometimes it's exciting, romantic and passionate, other times its mundane, boring and difficult. But we work at it. We've had some wonderful times and some really tough times - we almost ended the marriage last year - but did the love die?

 

NEVER!

 

There are many different ways to love another person.

 

Some kinds of love will endure no matter what.

[Athena]

Marriage can endure the shifting sands of love -- as long as both don't fall out of love at the same time.

[Frankasy]

Well life is different for everyone and love is unpredictable, for some it dies, for some it's eternal. It's the most beautiful feeling you could ever experience and although you never want it to end, sometimes it just does, sometimes it's just not worth it.

 

Speaking from my experience, it died. Even though it was beautiful and that time that I spent being in love was a fairy tale, I had made one big mistake. I entered with my head instead of with my feet, basically love blinded me. It took the advice of one very dear family member to help me realize this and although it was a coincidence, his advice actually prepared me when my love faded away a few days later. Yes, it was a bit painful to let go of that person that you have kept as your motive but in the end it was the right thing to do, for both of us. Even though it's been months and NC made me grow very strong, there are a few moments when I think about her and miss those days even though I did the right thing in the end.

 

Basically, love is a fire in your darkness, some are capable of keeping it lit and some are not. It's hard but not impossible to not let it die.

[foreverinlove]

I saw some old couples, they have been with each other for decades, but look like they just fall in love with each other, so nice to look at them, I found one common trait of these couples, that they all have a heart of child, still ponder, curious, believe, content, appreciate...

 

 

We are one of those "old couples". We are still very much in love. We hug, kiss (french kiss - is there are other way?) every day. We hold hands, spend most of our time together, talk, have fun, have sex.... "They" said it would never work out because we got married so young - me 18, him 19, but yet here we are. We had two kids right away, which should have really killed the marriage, but the trick is, don't ever ever put the kids before your spouse. Kids grow up and move away, but your spouse is still your spouse.

 

Our sons were never neglected, but they also knew that mom and dad needed some time to themselves. They are both now in long term marriages themselves and hopefully pass it on to their kids.

 

It really isn't that hard to keep the romance alive, but then again, maybe we are just fortunate.

[Athena]

basically love blinded me. It took the advice of one very dear family member to help me realize this and although it was a coincidence, his advice actually prepared me when my love faded away a few days later.

 

What was his advice to you on love?

[Frankasy]

What was his advice to you on love?

 

Actually it was advice on more the girl but it helped me realized some "dark sides" of love. At first I told him my situation. He is older than me and is more experienced than me and love is a big word but in the end he told me that what I was feeling was actually love. Anyways I asked him for advice because the next days where gonna be really important to me as I was preparing to make a big move that would kinda tie the knot(Not the actual thing of course).

 

Anyways after he gave me some advice on what to say and do, he told me that even though this girl seemed like an angel, in the end she was still a woman, sooner or later something would happen and if I continued to see her as perfect, I would get hurt. He told me something that I will never forget, that a woman can put the devil in a bottle. He told me that even though he really wanted me to end up with this girl, only a small part of him believed that it would work until the end. Yes, although it was like something had rocked that perfect world that I was living in, a few hours later my eyes actually opened for the first time in ages(Ever since I met the girl).

 

Basically what I learned was that although love is a strong warm emotion, you gotta look at it with a cold point of view, be an iceman at sometimes which I did and even though I did it at the last days, it saved me from a disaster which I would've have handled if I had still let my emotions do the thinking instead of my mind.

[amerikajin]

I can understand that the romance in a relationship dies down over time, but I do not think the love is destined to disappear in time too.

 

I think the love can turn more into a best friend or companion type of love, but I hardly think it just goes away in time.

 

I totally agree with this.

 

I think that sexual feelings do dissipate over time, but if two people genuinely appreciate each other and can deal with changes in their own lives and in the lives of their partners, I think that the exciting kind of sexual love can over time be replaced by an adoration for one another.

 

I think what happens in many broken marriages is that individuals often aren't able to cope with changes in their lives and/or the lives of their partners. People are (by nature I believe) somewhat selfish creatures. It takes couples with good social skills (and a fundamental commitment to make the relationship work) to deal with the inevitable changes that people go through in life. People have to make individual sacrifices in marriage. They have to accept those sacrifices and believe that we're they're getting in return outweighs those sacrifices.

[Ruby Slippers]

I once read that if you want to be in love act like you are in love... I was no longer a believer until I experienced this with myself and in my relationship.

 

You can't imagine how much difference a mental approach can make in relationships. I've spent a couple of years nagging and complaining what was wrong in my relationship and was ready to walk... Until decided to turn myself around and for once start appreciating all the good that was there...

 

So I think that it's very difficult to keep on loving in long-term relationships. It requires effort and positive thinking. Once any of these drop, love can turn into resentment. When you resent a person you can no longer feel in love.

 

Based on my experience, I am a believer that as long as there is trust, respect, honesty and commitment, you can regain the love you once felt. You just need to start focusing more on the other person's needs and the good qualities that they have. Those qualities that brought you together in the first place.

 

My 10 year partnership was becoming stale to me... all the same problems... all the same things we did together and I was not happy. Therefore I was not feeling in love... I did a lot of reading and I understood that who was not satisfied with this life was myself. I started working on myself and improved and starting doing what made me happy. Once I changed my attitude, my partner followed me... and in few months our relationship has changed so much... it seems to me that we're in love like we just met... there's a lot of excitement, new things we do together...

 

Now I know a relationship cannot be always so exciting... but I have learnt my lesson and I hope the others will too... Love is something YOU feel. Something that YOU work on. When you start feeling bored, CHANGE YOURSELF and start bringing new excitement into your life... When you start focusing too much on yourself and on your needs, stop a minute and start focusing on others... this will help feeling always in love .

Excellent post!!!

 

I have read a lot about the subject of love. It truly fascinates me. The euphoria of infatuation is similar to a drug addiction, and it's only meant to hang around long enough to get you through the process of mating and rearing children to about toddlerhood, at best. Beyond that, it's up to you to be proactive about the love in the relationship, if you want to sustain it and enjoy all the benefits of long-term commitment and a lifetime of shared history. Most people do not know this, or they are too lazy or unmotivated to find it out for themselves.

 

Attitude is nearly EVERYTHING in every facet of life, I am learning more and more. Anything can be viewed as an asset or a liability. You really do choose your own adventure in this life.

 

I think the most important element that contributes to lasting love, beyond one's own mental state and attitude, is real compatibility with your partner. I think the CHOICE of loving -- and it is a choice -- is only worthwhile if you have real compatibility.