mina Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Hi Maybe this isn't even a problem and I am over reacting. I haven't slept with lots of guys and therefore don't have a lot to compare against (4 men) Anyway, I was in a 3 and a half year relationship until two years ago. The relationship wasn't particularly good. LOTS of fights, mean comments from my boyfriend, just hell sometimes. We split up 2 years ago and I have been with someone new for one and a half years now. My new boyfriend is really sweet, treats me nicely and has even brought up marriage and kids at a few occasions. From his actions, I can tell that he absolutely adores me, and there is a lot of warmth and trust in this relationship. Question: My Ex-Boyfriend, who treated me badly, said nasty things all the time and seemed to have no respect for me, wanted to sleep with me ALL THE TIME! Almost every day, he wanted to have sex and told me how much he LOVED my body (the only good thing he ever mentioned about me; I do hold a PhD after all :-( and feel that I am quite a kind nature. Anyway, this new boyfriend seems to really love me but we only have sex occasionally (maybe 2 times, maybe 3 times a week). I mean it is wonderful and he makes sure I climax, takes his time and really cares, making sure I get my cuddles afterwards and all the stuff :-) . But he doesn't seem as turned on by me as my last boyfriend?! (Oh by the way, he says I give good head?!) I reckon, if we went without a bonk for a week, he would probably hardly notice! Ok, I don't really take the initiative; but do guys really need initiative? Thanks :-) Link to post Share on other sites
cliche_boy Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 sex every day is alot, i think sex 3 times a week is a fair amount too, whats ya problem? Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 just take initiative when you want it, i think 3 times a week is good! Link to post Share on other sites
mina Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Hi I know that three times a week is theoretically enough. It's more the fact that I can feel that my boyfriend could even have less. I guess he senses that I'm insecure about this and therefore sleeps with me?! I am even building up this mania, fearing that his ex-girlfriends were such babes that I just can't compete in his eyes and he's bored of me Link to post Share on other sites
imjustagirl Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Have you thought about asking? Whenever there appears to be a slump in my life...either one of us ask what's up. Sometimes school/work have one of us not thinking of sex. Or, it could be that he thinks that he possibly can't please you sexually...either way, you two need to talk, otherwise the relationship can dwindle completely. ~justa~ Link to post Share on other sites
mina Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Also, my last (horrible) boyfriend used to say things like:"you feel incredible, or I love your waist, or your cute bum or whatever". To get things clear here, I am a thousand times happier now and have found someone who truly loves and adores me. But I just miss him making those comments, looking at my body with that adoration. I think he feels that I am very pretty (my face) and generally attractive but doesn't seem to go crazy when I take my clothes off. my former boyfriends really enjoyed my body and told me so. Does he have a different taste? Link to post Share on other sites
imjustagirl Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 possibly...but you gotta ask instead of just worrying about it. Link to post Share on other sites
cliche_boy Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 he prolly does want it all the time, but doesnt know that u want it all the time, respects u too much to ask for it all the time incase of rejection, i know im like that with my gf alot of the times,she'll have work the next morning so i wont, or she'll say "im tired, lets go to bed" so i wont. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Mina, Why don't you talk to him about it? Nothing that we say on here is going to tell you what is going through your boyfriend's head. Your thoughts come from your own insecurities. Sexual habits vary from couple to couple. Some people find it normal for 3 times a week where others have a normal habit of multiple times a day. It really depends on the couple and the report they have with one another. What was normal with your ex might not apply to your current situation. Seriously, talk to your boyfriend about it before your paranoia gets out of hand. I am sure it's a lot less then what you think it is. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
mina Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 come on "Imjustagirl" :-) Surely he isn't going to say: "sorry babe, I love your cute face and your good brain, but your body just isn't my type!" If he felt that way, wouldn't it be unfair to be with me? He has never said anything nasty about me. Why would he be so honest all of a suddden, even if it was true!? Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Hey mina, I'm a guy in a relationship (long term) with a great girl, so I'll give you my 2cents. a) I'd be f***ing JOYFUL if I could have sex 3 times a week! Seems like a great amount to me! b) Sounds like your current boyfriend is perhaps WAY more of a gentleman, and may think that making comments about your body could be taken as derogatory. Which I think is a mistake a lot of nice guys make. They over-compensate the whole respect thing, and don't let some of their true feelings come out. c) You ask "do guys really need initiative?" HELL YES! We LOVE chicks that push us down, pull our hair and do as they please with us. Don't just take the initiative, make sure you tell him you're hot and you want him right now. I think if you show him that you're looking for love, he'll be MORE than happy to oblige. Now...if this doesn't work....call me and we'll figure something out. A Phd no less? oh man...oh man... Link to post Share on other sites
imjustagirl Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 That's totally not what I ment....it maybe what I said....but not what I ment. Like Leikela said Sexual habits vary from couple to couple. Your current boyfriend may like sex only 3 times a week...your ex on the other hand several times a day. The the question I have now is...why are you comparing behavior between the two? Ooh well, justa another one of those justa thoughts that come and go. ~justa~ Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Let me add more here... Wideawake is right. Guys LOVE it when you take charge and get what's yours. Try coming on to him hard and see what happens. Also, some guys are just not very verbal about their woman's bodies. He's obviously turned on by you if he gets an erection, maintains it, and ejaculates. Just let him know you'd prefer that he be more verbal. I HIGHLY doubt it's because he doesn't like your body. Squash that insecurity pronto! Link to post Share on other sites
mina Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 hey "wideawake" Thanks, that sort of helped. You sound a bit like my boyfriend actually (sorry, I am not trying to hit on you :-) but he is indeed a bit of a gentleman in whatever he does (he's English, I'm from that mountainous country where they eat a lot of cheese). English doesn't mean boring. He's by far the best lover I have ever had. (By the way, he said the other day that he's had very intense orgasms recently). What is that supposed to mean? Anyway, I still wish he told me I am beautiful while we are bonking. Ah, well maybe I am being silly Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 Holy crap he's English! No wonder he doesn't groove with the dirtly talk. Next time you guys are going at it, tell him "Your cock is huge" or some crap like that....I bet it'll give a new meaning to his intense orgasms... Seriously though, and I hope you don't think I'm being rude by my comments above, but I LOVE it when my girlfriend will make a slightly off-color remark when we're fooling around. (ok...I'm a sucker for the big dick lines...what can I say?). It sounds like your boy is a great guy, and I bet if he knew that you wanted to hear these things, he would be MORE than happy to oblidge. Give him a hint or two, let him know that you get off when you hear him compliment your hot little bod during love making. Peace bud, WA P.S. - I was serious about pulling his hair though...it sends me through the roof! Tackle him and teach him whos boss! P.S.S. - I would think that his recent very intense O's are a sign that he's becoming even more infatuated with you, or it could be a seasonal thing. Sometimes I have really intense O's, and sometimes they're soft and fleeting. I'm not sure what it depends on, but it does seem to change from time to time. For me...Spring (June) usually means REALLY hard intense Os....I have no idea why. Link to post Share on other sites
vixen Posted October 16, 2003 Share Posted October 16, 2003 I don't see my guy often so we have sex like once a month. Why? Becouse he doesn't want every time we see each other to be about sex. I'll want him each time, but i wont say it often, and when i do, he will either be happy to, or to tired. He does work awfuly hard ya know. I'd say don't worry, over analizeing can make things complicated, and of coarse talk to him. Vixen Link to post Share on other sites
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