rickcarter Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 This is my first post here and I am looking forward to a lot of advice from all of you Some back ground: We have been seeing each other for about 6-7 months now and we are planning to get married in another 6 months from now. She lives in another city some 500 kms away and we have managed to meet once a month until now and talk on phone almost daily. Both of us are in late 20s and are pretty level headed. We wish to abstain from sex until we get married. This is a pretty important thing for both of us. We have until now engaged is some heavy petting and no more. So the other day I told her that I wanted her too much and that I can't wait until marriage. She had her concerns and I basically kept on emmotionally bombarding her with requests until she gave in. She being a darling has agreed (reluctantly) and the next time we meet (a month from now) we are going to have "no holds barred" The plan is that we will go to another city far away from our parents for a day and night and will share the hotel room and that night we will have sex. So right now she is all preped up mentally for that day. What I want to do is to treat her like royalty for the whole day and night. Because she is going to give in to me... And just when she is thinking that we are going to have sex, I propose marriage to her and tell her that we still wait until marriage. The advice that I need from you guys is a) Does this plan suck? b) How to treat her like royalty? c) posts on this forum that might help d) Any other suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I for one think your plan sucks. You had an agreement, and you told her that you changed your mind, and then you emotionally barraged her with BS until she reluctantly agreed. She has had to work herself into a mindset to make love with the man of her dreams - and I have problems with *that* concept anyway - but you are messing with her emotionally and mentally. WTF with the idea of "get her into bed (where she apparently doesn't really want to be anyway) and then PROPOSE, like the proposal is some big gift? You have ALREADY proposed. You are getting married in less than 6 months. Is this second, unnecessary proposal supposed to make her feel better that you badgered her into agreeing to have sex with you when she didn't want to - and it was all just some joke? maybe I am missing some romantic gene or something, and everyone on LDR will come here and think this is some fantastic grand plan, but I put myself into her virginal nightie and I think it is horrible and manipulative. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 And that first response is even without the whole "she is going to give in to me" and how she is giving in because you badgered her and she is a darling and how you have to be far away from your parents. Far away from your parents? WGF? You are both in your late 20's, and you have to be in another city far from your parents?? Give in to you? She is not your feudal serf, you realize. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Agreeing with Lucky_One here. Totally. She's a woman, not a serf. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Wow. Just wow. No, not just wow... Dude. You and she had an agreement that you were both very happy with. You then turned around and badgered her into something she wasn't on board with - because at this point you are 6 months away from marriage and based on you pressuring her, she feels backed against the wall to give it up or it will cause a problem. On top of which, you don't even MEAN it. So you are messing with her head to boot. You, sir, need to IMMEDIATELY contact your fiancee and apologize for being such a jerk. You say you are in your late 20s, but this is high school bullcrap. If you pulled this on ME I would have tossed you out the door. You're damn lucky she didn't, so make amends NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Bearandsue Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I'm sorry this plan is a little whacked. First you wanna wait then you don't want to wait. And then you change you mind again. Why would you play with her emotions like that. I think you acting like this makes it appear like you dont know what you want. Who knows maybe she really wants to wait and when you make your proposal she will be happy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
jih Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Wow. Just wow. No, not just wow... The very idea that anyone could think this is a romantic gesture, rather than the cruel trick that it is, is beyond me. Just Wow! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 You are getting married in 6 months. You also know it is important to your soon to be wife that you wait. You also agreed with this. But because it is too much for you all of a sudden you manipulate her and talk her into doing this. THEN you want to make it sweet and romantic? Come on dude. The sweet and romantic thing would be taking her wishes, thoughts, wants, etc. as your own and WAITING the extra few months. Then you'll both be in on the romantic specialness of it all -- and even more. I truly hope you reconsider this. You are going to be with this woman for the rest of your life. She will always remember that she gave in on something she wish she wouldn't have. And she could eventually resent you for that. Certainly she can be angry about your little switch-a-roo. Not a great way to start a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 So the other day I told her that I wanted her too much and that I can't wait until marriage. She had her concerns and I basically kept on emmotionally bombarding her with requests until she gave in. She being a darling has agreed (reluctantly) and the next time we meet (a month from now) we are going to have "no holds barred" Why did you do that in the first place? You genuinely wanted sex at that time and that mattered more to you than your previous agreement with her, mattered enough to you that you would 'emotionally bombard' her? Or you just wanted to test her and mess with her? If it's the former, you're an inconsiderate jerk. If it's the latter, you're even more of an inconsiderate jerk. The advice that I need from you guys is a) Does this plan suck? b) How to treat her like royalty? c) posts on this forum that might help d) Any other suggestions? It sucks so much that if it sucked any more it'd turn into a blackhole. I highly recommend that you come clean, explain EVERYTHING, apologize PROFUSELY, then MAYBE she might forgive you. But I hope for her sake she won't be a 'darling' (aka doormat?) this time and give you the boot. Honestly, I'm even finding it hard to believe that you're not just a troll seeking to elicit angry replies like mine. >_> Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 You are a prick dude. Yes a prick. Everyone on here that is in love with their partners and work hard to keep the ones that we love happy and our relationships flourishing should line up an just give you a beat down beyond all recognition for even thinking of such an idea. If you are trying to be romantic, guess what, you are not. You better do some reading and find out what romance is before going off half cocked on some idiotic mind fu*k plan for the woman you so call love. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Does all that answer your question? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Me thinks there was a troll in our midst Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Me thinks there was a troll in our midst Damn. What a waste of a verbal beatdown that we all gave him!!!! lmao :D:D Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Damn. What a waste of a verbal beatdown that we all gave him!!!! lmao :D:D I KNOW!!! We all were so eloquent weren't we?!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 If for some chance he is real and comes back, it might be the second most horrible idea that he has had since his first post on this thread. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy3Sei Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 duh, I wonder wats happened to this guy >_> anw, altho many of u have already posted exactly what i think, I'd still like to say it in my own words =P As an adviser: I dun have much experience on relationship so I won't give u any advice for that here. As an outsider: after reading ur post, i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what are u talking abt!!! As a girl: ur prolly not a good bf from my standard =/ and u seem to rush things, u should have agreement? no? Both of u should share ur own definition on "virginity", to me, it sounds like ur gf feels insecure to have sex atm without a legal bond "marriage" In short: reply to ur own thread so every1 here knows UR READING/LISTENING!!! and be patient please. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 reply to ur own thread so every1 here knows UR READING/LISTENING! Its obvious from the post that we are not dealing with a person who listens very well. You can bring a horse to water... and all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 You can still contact her and call the sex thing off, it sounded like she didn't want to do anything in the first place. Don't push her into anything like that, because you're then pushing her away. Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Bro don't do it, don't mess with her mind like that just wait for 6 months and she'll pay you back handsomely for it after your married, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rickcarter Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 Oh wow! This is a harsh group I wasnt able to get online for past few days... and... hmmm... Anyways.. The plan was never to force her into anything. I was thinking of having a day long outing with her with. Entire day she is being treated very nice like flowers, candy, movie etc and she is thinking this is because I want sex. Instead of that I propose to her during dinner (and not on the bed when we are naked). She has already agreed to marry me but I still owe her a proposal... Well its complicated. If this sounds High Schoolish... I guess we both like it this way... The overall idea sucks as you all and so I am dropping it. thanks for all the advice even though it was cruel. Let me look for something else Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Giving her a proper proposal if you didn't do that already is one thing (although you are really doing it way too late if you have it set for six months from now). Badgering her, cajoling her, "talking her into" having sex with you - however you want to justify it in your mind - when you didn't even mean to go through with it is simply ridiculous. Having a day where she gets treated "very nice" and thinking she is going to have sex... either she has gotten on board with it and is ready to go for it, and then you tell her "no I just want to propose like I should have proposed to you the first time I asked you, but I don't want to have sex now" (leaving her confused and frustrated), or she is NOT totally on board with it and is getting so anxious and nervous about having to follow through with it and then you springing the above on her (then making her pissed off because you made her be all anxious and nervous the whole time). And no, we weren't being cruel. We were giving you a good solid dose of reality. Your IDEA was cruel, to your fiancee. We are simply siding with her and making sure you understand completely just how effed up it is. You may have had good intentions, but if this is your idea of romance, you need to learn a thing or two. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Oh wow! This is a harsh group Sorry you see "no hold barred" honesty as harsh. I wasnt able to get online for past few days... and... hmmm... Anyways.. Glad to see you are back and you aren't a troll. The overall idea sucks as you all and so I am dropping it. thanks for all the advice even though it was cruel. Let me look for something else Really the cruel thing was switching your position and then "emotionally bombarding" your fiance until she agreed to your demands "reluctantly" only to have it be a ruse. I am glad you have decided against it. It really was a horrible idea. I'm sure you can think of something romantic and caring since what you want out of it is a chance at a formal proposal. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts