seibert253 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Consult with a lawyer and make sure this is legal before trying this: In the state where I reside, parents have equal custody prior to any divorce agreement. If I were you, I would retrieve my daughter and she would now live with me. I would also petition the court for emergency custody due to the afformentioned incident you described. I don't think you would have a problem with the court ruling in your favor. It's time to step up to the plate and play hardball. Your wife is gone, deep in the fog, and it doesn't sound like she's coming back. Time to start planning life without her. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Dude, classic signs of something sinister going on. If she's not having an affair, she's on the brink. Time to start snooping. Keylogger on her/your computer, check out call and text history in her cell phone. If she deletes this, get a detailed copy of her phone bill. This will show all calls and texts. Hire a PI if necessary. Dude I'm telling you something's not kosher. You feel it and know it, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking. Keep us updated and good luck. I am totally perplexed on why you would snoop and go through people's emails?? Why must we do this? This is where the breakdown starts and never stops. I know we have to know if the person is really cheating or not but I do not agree with this. Now if you pay a private dectitive to follow the person that may be a tad better but pulling phone records and emails is just plain wrong. Do you see my point at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Gowithflow Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I am totally perplexed on why you would snoop and go through people's emails?? Why must we do this? This is where the breakdown starts and never stops. I know we have to know if the person is really cheating or not but I do not agree with this. Now if you pay a private dectitive to follow the person that may be a tad better but pulling phone records and emails is just plain wrong. Do you see my point at all? People who cheat and lie deserve it. That's called evidence. That is how they get "busted". There's no denying fact. That's what phone records and email provide. Not everybody can afford a PI. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 You know what the saddest part about this whole thing is? She is listening to and taking advice from people that are half her age and havent even lived yet and she ignores her mother and the man she has spent the last 20+ years with. The man that has given her everything he has to give and has loved her no matter what. I just do not get it. Do you understand her? Who is to say that living married with children for the past 10+ years has truly been living? Has she not been living for you and the children? That is why these young people and their advice is so attractive to her. She is drawn to being independent and young and free. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Mark number one I really dont have any close friends that I do stuff with outside of work. My whole life for years has been my kids. I mean I do everything with them. I go to all of their activities and I was with them at the end of each day and at night before they go to bed. It has gotten to the point now that my oldest daughter (18yrs) is getting very angry at her mom. She and her mom share everything with each other and this is one thing that she doesnt want to be involved in and I guess that her mom and myself included have been talking to her a little to much. Anyway, my daughter told me yesterday that she was positive that I didnt need to worry about another man and she was sure of that because her mom tells her stuff. The thing my daughter dont know is before my wife blocked me from checking the phone records I found out that she was talking to the guy I suspected. The funny thing about the calls is that they only last for like one or two minutes and thay are at random times. I dont think she is having an affair with this guy yet but I sure think she finds him very interesting. Also, usualy if a woman wants to hide something from her family she will keep them away from it. She works with this guy and she still takes the kids to eat where she works and introduces them to all of the people there and it is no big deal. Maybe I am just blowing this all out of proportion. No, your wife is not going to share the details of (possible) infidelity with your daughter. No matter how close their relationship. Follow your gut. You are in marriage mode right now. You want to support your wife and understand and give her room. At a certain point, you have to put your foot down and create consequences, rather than enable her behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Well I wish I would have read this thread a bit sooner. First and foremost. Get back into your home. She wanted out, she should move out. Second, cut her off from the finances. Third, contact a lawyer, prepare for the worst. Fourth, tell her you want to talk. Lay down the law. She either wants to work it out with you or she wants a divorce. No middle road. Consequences are the only thing that will create change between the two of you. Your role in all this is to be passively positive and cooperative for the sake of your children. It's up to you whether or not you want to be understanding or caring in this situation, but first and foremost, you must be ready emotionally and spiritually to confront her and the end of your marriage. Best wishes and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScottT Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 She keeps telling me that I am not giving her the time and space she needs. She said that she needs time to miss me being in her life. I just dont see how she can miss me if she is constantly surrounded by friends and who know what else and she is going out every two or three nights after work to have "drinks with friends". Things really blew up with her and my oldest daughter last night. My oldest moved in with me. The second oldest wants to so this is happening fast. I talked to a lawyer this morning and I know what I need to do. Now I just need to get the money and get him hired. I think I am ready to get this done. She is absolutely ruining my daughters senior year and the other kids are just as upset. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 let the games begin!!,continue to write everything down. i would be nice if you have a witness to show her constant partying. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Stay calm, play it cool. You don't need to be vindictive. Just tell her, that you understand her need for space, but you have to live your life as well. You're trying to understand, but she's not being honest with you, the children, or herself. Her behavior is saying it's over. Unfortunately, only she can save herself from her downward spiral. You want to help her realize what is happening? Press with moving on and supporting your children through this tough time. Let her know you can not put up with her actions. It's going to be extremely difficult, because being married requires self sacrifice and that's your instinct. Resist it, because by drawing a hard line, you are gaining respect for yourself. Put yourself first, even though it's counter intuitive. And also, stay positive, which will also be hard. If she's the woman for you, and a good mother, she'll realize what she is doing. If she's not, she'll show you with her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScottT Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 Last night my two oldest daughters ask me if I would give their mom until May 11 to see if she is going to make some kind of effort to save this marriage. I mean what do you say to that? I have agreed to honor their wishes because I dont want them to think that I didnt do my part when this all goes to divorce. I think I am making the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Tell your daughters that you will always be there for your wife but start preparing now. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 what's the deal with may 11th? Link to post Share on other sites
Pradajunkie Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 day after mothers day? Does she have plans to go out of town soon? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScottT Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 She has no plans at all other than work and stuff. But May 11 will be one month on the separation. We all feel that by then she should have made some kind of effort to contact me or do something. I am not going to drag this on for months or even a year. I dont agree with this and I am not going to sit by while she is having a good time and I am living in hell. My girls just feel like that would be fair to give her a month to be without me. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 She has no plans at all other than work and stuff. But May 11 will be one month on the separation. We all feel that by then she should have made some kind of effort to contact me or do something. I am not going to drag this on for months or even a year. I dont agree with this and I am not going to sit by while she is having a good time and I am living in hell. My girls just feel like that would be fair to give her a month to be without me. Give her to the 11th, then have her served. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScottT Posted April 23, 2009 Author Share Posted April 23, 2009 That is my plan. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 having a plan is one thing,sticking to it is another. quit playing games and do it,have then drawn up now,can always wait till the 12th to deliver. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScottT Posted May 18, 2009 Author Share Posted May 18, 2009 Well it has been about 35 days and I finally caught her cheating with a 24 year old guy. Let me remind you that she is 39. I am in the process of tearing her life ass she knew it apart. The kids all want to live with me full time and I closed the checking account. The worst part about this is she was using my money to do all of this. I know thats my fault for not cutting her off sooner but oh well its just money. I meet with my lawyer tomorrow and he cant wait to get started. It is hard to believe that she would do this to me and the kids. She told my oldest daughter that she just done it to me and my daughter corrected her in a hurry. You know another sad point to this story is that my 13 yo son was sick and down and wouldnt hardly come around me for like 2 weeks and I found out the he knew of the affair then and didnt want to see me because he didnt want to tell me and see me hurt. What a young man to shoulder all of that for so long. Now that he knows that I know he opened up to me and is doing much better now. I know that battle is just beginning but I have the kids on my side and they want to live with me so nothing else matters. This will give her the freedom and all of the time she has ever wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 18, 2009 Share Posted May 18, 2009 well now that you've stopped financing her cheating lifestyle, don't be suprised if she comes begging back.don't under any reason other than court ordered give her a dime.document EVERYTHING related to her,cover your azz. Link to post Share on other sites
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