MagicRat09 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 My situation is explained in full in the legendary thread known as "The Talk" Here's the thing: After I expressed my feelings and got technically friendzoned, rather than being uncomfortable with me she wants to hang with me more then ever! We went out alone the following week and had an incredible time, it was as if I'd never said anything. She enjoys it so much she posts pictures and videos of us together all the time. Should I just go with this? Pull back? My instinct right now is to stay friendly and light with her, but to just say "no" more often. Try not to give her more attention than my other friends, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Unless you want to be stuck as the 'cuddle buddy' your best bet is to let her know that your intentions are to date and eventually have sex, and if her intentions aren't in line with yours then its time to walk. Girls do this all the time - it is fun to have an 'unboyfriend' - he pays for stuff, goes shopping and out with you, cuddles when you need it, takes you on dates, never complains, is always there to talk on the phone, caters to your every need and you don't even have to have sex with him or be his girlfriend! It works 100% in her favor, and maybe 10% (if that much) in yours. I'm a bit of mercenary, but what I would do is use her as a way to find and date a woman who wants more. Then cut the 'cuddle buddy girl' off immediately. It sounds mean, but that is exactly what she will do to you when she finds a man she wants to actually date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 Yeah I hear ya. Fortunately I've never gone so far as to pay for her haha. You're right though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 I'm having lunch with a mutual friend this weekend and helping them move, and this girl's gonna be there...I'd like to start putting some distance but I don't want to not show up and diss my friend. Luckily I have to be somewhere at night so I can at least cut it short. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 There is almost no escaping the friendzone. You know how its easier for a guy to meet women when they are out with a "friend" woman.... Well, women do it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Some of these types of girls really do become pretty attatched as friends. I got frustrated with the friendzone once, and actually told the girl... "the only reason I hang out with you all the time and do nice things for you is because I want to get in your pants". Yeah, didn't go over well. But, that's how I felt at the time. So, I knew the deal and ended the "friendship". It was nice, and the NC lasted about a month, during which time I dated a girl that turned into a good relationship. But point being, longterm I just realized that some people are just going to be friends... and some people end up being very good friends. To this day, we're important friends to eachother, and that's a good development. But yeah she is still single, so there are probably some other issues there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 i've been on both sides of the "intense friendship" situation. Where I knew the other person wanted more than I was gonna give but I just went with it cause I enjoyed being with them. Sometimes I confuse even myself. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 MagicRat09 The dynamic is different because she now knows you are interested. If I never had the fight with "my" girl I would be in your situation. She's obviously comfortable with the fact that you like her. So I suggest turning up the flirting. See how far you can take it. At this point you have nothing to lose right? Why not go to a bar or have some drinks with her at your place or hers then make a move. I would strongly recommend that you do not talk about your interests in her, with her anymore. Let your actions speak for you. One of two things would happen. Most likely she'd get annoyed and stop wanting to hang out with you. Or she might actually recprocate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 I feel so much more empowered and at peace now that I told her. A lot of people say "NEVER express your feelings" but I was driving myself crazy! Now at least I can say the defense rests and whatever will be will be, y'know? That said, I am never gonna express it verbally again. Thanks for the advice SomeDude I think that's a smart course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 I'm getting pretty fed up now and I think I'm ready to move on. I saw this girl (reluctantly) this weekend for a birthday brunch and I felt myself getting more frustrated and exasperated. She was flirting with another guy and I caught her using some of the same lines she uses on me. "Wow! We're like soulmates, we're so connected!" It's dawning on me that this girl would flirt with a broomstick if she thought it would give her attention. She sent me messages, wall posts and a video of herself all weekend; I'm ignoring them. Link to post Share on other sites
loser101 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 she sounds quite flaky, how old is she? for once I agree with LucreziaBorgia though, use her to meet other girls. not sure whether you should drop her after but at least you could turn this situation to your advantage. why would she send you a video of herself? she is just attention seeking. annoying Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 She's 30-something. Acts 16. Was cute, at first. Link to post Share on other sites
loser101 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 she is neurotic. run to the hills Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 While this friend of mine has never flirted with other guys in front of me, I feel your pain. However, be prepared for her to give you so much attention that you may be fooled into thinking she is pursuing you once you back off. Last night, I reluctantly ate dinner with her, and we both had a bit too much wine. And she knows that I have moved on, so of course she wanted to go back to her place to reconnect I suppose. What was odd was that she insisted on seeing pictures of my two most recent ex's... both of whom are a whole lot more attractive than her. I liked her on a deeper level, but she either never realized it, or she realized it and enjoyed the attention. Anyway, one of my ex's is moving back after our relationship ended because of distance, and she knows this. She also wanted to see her picture, and this girl is off the charts... was an NFL dancer for a season... so she is very attractive, has a great personality, and we do love eachother(didn't tell her that). This seemed to intimidate her, and she became very quiet, kept drinking, and later tried to hook up with me. I didn't because my ex and I are getting back together. But the point being... once a girl sees you as unnatainable, their view towards you completely changes. I'm not saying that every girl is like this... but always being there and catering to her every need will get you nowhere. Move on like I did... either you will get what you want, or she will eventually realize what a good thing she missed out on. Either way, it is a win/win. You are doing the right thing. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 Charles thank you for your thoughts they were a great help after a stressful day. It's a challenging time, I've lost my uncle and grandmother and my 2nd grandmother is also very ill, and work is very stressful. It's like "where's my happy?" And I have a lot of good things in my life, but this added disappointment is very hard to take right now. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Seduce one of her friends to make her jealous. That's the only way you might spark some interest. Link to post Share on other sites
windows Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 are you serious here mental_traveller? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 She came to my birthday party this weekend, stayed just over an hour and gave me a gag gift, a bunch of crap kiddie toys from a discount store. I gave them to my niece. I was kind of pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 That's kind of a stupid gift for her to give. I don't blame you for being pissed. Somehow you've got to cut her loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 She wrote me a long email the next day asking me how I enjoyed my "presents" and how she would like to get together and "play with them". i wrote back much later and told her I gave em to my niece, and she wrote back that she was "disappointed" I almost wrote back "you gave me a bag of crap from a discount store and you're offended that I didn't keep it?" But I calmed down and responded more gently but still sending the message that the ice was getting thinner. I was gonna get her something nice for her bday. Not boyfriend nice, but friend nice. But now? Bag O' Crap. If i see her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Yep, if she has a sane female friend, ask that person out, but talk to her about it first. Say "I've been noticing xxx and I'd like you to set us up" On second thought, save that strategy for someone you really are compatible with. This lady sounds like a rubber room in the making... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MagicRat09 Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 I've met most of her friends, there's no sanity there lol Actually she's had 2 friends "dump" her recently. That's a bad sign Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 You know, it was only recently that I began to see the significance of a woman claiming no/few close girlfriends, and especially when she eschews women for various reasons. I think that has joined my list of red flags. A woman who can't/won't bond with other women is suspect to me now. Learning late is better than not at all, I guess Link to post Share on other sites
messiah Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 never settle for friends! unless thats what you want of course. having feelings for someone when they dont feel the same is very unhealthy for you. I just told my "girl mate" that we cant be mates anymore because i feel for her too much. Girls dont seem to understand that tho. Its best that you find someone who is equally into you as you are to them. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Girls dont seem to understand that tho Sure they do. They'll just never admit it to you, if the reverse were to be true, rather they'll just disappear Link to post Share on other sites
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