I don't want to be here.

[Aerorobyn]

It sounds pathetic, but I really don't want to be here. I don't want to live life anymore.

 

There's so much going wrong in my life, and I'm not happy--at all. My family is pretty much dysfunctional, and we don't even do that much together as a family. My friends are pretty much gone: marriage, children, military/overseas, or I just have nothing in common with them anymore. I can't find a job for the life of me...I don't know how many applications I've put in, and I've heard nothing. Even the couple that I've called up on, they just tell me that if my skills fit what they're looking for, they'll call back.

 

And, to make things worse--as you all probably know by now--the man I was so in love with and devoted to dumps me. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think he ever truly loved me like he always said. I think he was always just infatuated with me, but was too afraid to leave the relationship in the past. Nonetheless, I was--and still am--in love with him.

 

 

I know there's things out there for me, but I don't want them. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy with myself. I know I'm smart and can succeed if I try, and I do have confidence in myself (I know I'm not ugly or fat or anything). But...life just sucks. I'm not happy with life, and I don't want to put up with it. I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to try anymore.

 

The only reason I haven't done something so far is because of my grandmother and dad. And my two doggy's, heh.

 

But I have these thoughts every single day. Should I go ahead and end my life? If I end it, how should I do it? I truly believe that I will do it someday--it could be tomorrow, it could be five years from now. All I know is I'm getting braver on this situation with each passing day.

[Tony T]

No, you shouldn't end your life. Everybody goes through bad, awful periods in their lives when everything that could possibly seem to suck actually does suck. It always gets better, ALWAYS!!! Right now things are bad for a lot of people because of the economy. That seems to be putting a lot of people in bad moods and shifting their lives in negative ways.

 

We are all made up of fields of energy. Right now, you are radiating a lot of negativity that is attracting crap into your life. When you really get sick of it...or something happens that's really positive...that energy will shift and things will come together for you.

 

You only get one shot at this life...a tiny morsel of consciousness not accorded many sperm and egg that never, ever meet. You are one of the lucky ones. Make the best of things for now...keep the best attitude you can...and I unconditionally promise you things will get better.

 

A very big cry now and then seems to help a lot of people. Of course, winning the lottery is great too.

 

How about Googling some jokes or funny quotes. Pick yourself up somehow...get some positive energy going. Get out and circulate among positive people who would rather do nothing more than help set your life on a new course. There are workshops and seminars for that purpose.

 

Yes You Can!!!

[Lovelybird]

Hi, if you ever visit the poor countries, people who don't even have clean water to drink, you would know how extremely lucky you are, how much you can offer to others. It may seem the circumstance doesn't look good for you right now, but that is only PERSPECTIVE. If you too focus on negative things, that is all you can see, and forget all good things around you.

 

I've heard some people really changed their attitude toward life, some are addicters, some are suicidal, when they joined the program that pastor Dickow promoted "fasting from negative thoughts", here is his website http://kahri.blogspot.com/2008/05/fasting-from-negative-thinking.html

 

I will pray the changes enter your life soon, the changes that bring new life into yours

 

How about count the little things you appreciate? soon you can see all positive things. you don't know how many people want to be in your position. maybe you are prepared to meet the next good man who would love you dearly

[Rav]

Trying to find meaning in this life is a gargantuan task.

 

All I want to ask you to do is to give it a day, and then another. But know that suicide can wait for another day. You can always wait another day. I've been there. You never know what you can discover about life tomorrow.

 

Two inspirational writers during turbulent times for me have been Kurt Vonnegut and Neale Donald Walsch. Reading their works have given me courage to give it day after day.

 

So please, just give it another day.

[stillafool]

It sounds pathetic, but I really don't want to be here. I don't want to live life anymore.

 

There's so much going wrong in my life, and I'm not happy--at all. My family is pretty much dysfunctional, and we don't even do that much together as a family. My friends are pretty much gone: marriage, children, military/overseas, or I just have nothing in common with them anymore. I can't find a job for the life of me...I don't know how many applications I've put in, and I've heard nothing. Even the couple that I've called up on, they just tell me that if my skills fit what they're looking for, they'll call back.

 

And, to make things worse--as you all probably know by now--the man I was so in love with and devoted to dumps me. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think he ever truly loved me like he always said. I think he was always just infatuated with me, but was too afraid to leave the relationship in the past. Nonetheless, I was--and still am--in love with him.

 

 

I know there's things out there for me, but I don't want them. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy with myself. I know I'm smart and can succeed if I try, and I do have confidence in myself (I know I'm not ugly or fat or anything). But...life just sucks. I'm not happy with life, and I don't want to put up with it. I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to try anymore.

 

The only reason I haven't done something so far is because of my grandmother and dad. And my two doggy's, heh.

 

But I have these thoughts every single day. Should I go ahead and end my life? If I end it, how should I do it? I truly believe that I will do it someday--it could be tomorrow, it could be five years from now. All I know is I'm getting braver on this situation with each passing day.

 

I'm much older than you and I can tell you I have felt like you several times in my life and it always seemed that when I felt I had hit rock bottom that's always when things started going great. Just hang in there it's going to get better. Start counting your blessings and writing them down. You already are blessed with a grandmother, dad and two doggy's who love you. They will never let you sleep on the street or go hungry. I have seem the homeless and it ain't pretty. Be thankful for your health and youth because that will give you more opportunities. Your whole beautiful life is ahead of you!

[RecordProducer]

Robyn, please don't do anythng before talking to ME. OK?

You'd be surprised.

[Sco]

Good morning A,

 

Remember you're not alone. Everyone of us from time to time gets discouraged about life and feels sometimes "ending it" is a better option.

 

That's normal, but that's also always "the wrong answer". Research shows that Everyone who has attempted to end their life, and survived, was glad they did.

 

Your judgement is being clouded by your intense emotional pain, and you're trying to end that pain.

 

Ending that pain is different from ending your life. Don't confuse the two. The emotion that's causing these feelings will pass, and things will change.

 

Call 1 800 SUICIDE, just for the heck of it, and just listen, just listen...

[Tony]

Robyn, please don't do anythng before talking to ME. OK?

You'd be surprised.

 

This person is not yet able to receive Private Messages and this site may not divulge an Email address or other personal information because of stated privacy policy which each person relies upon when joining. Whatever you want to communicate must be done in the open forum. Thank you for your concern.

[GorillaTheater]

Aerorobyn,

 

I understand how you feel. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts off-and-on for 30 years or more. It's odd, the things that can act as triggers. Generally it wasn't a failed relationship, but rather a deep, general sense of pain and insufficient perspective (due to my generally depressive state of mind.

 

I found this online, and I hope there's something here that will help:

 

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.

 

Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens

when pain exceeds

resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

 

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

• Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
  
• Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
  
• Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
  
• Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
  
• Call a psychotherapist
  
• Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
  

But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.

Now: I’d like you to call someone.

And while you’re at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check out these sources of online help.

 

Additional things to read at this site:

• How serious is our condition? ...“he only took 15 pills, he wasn’t really serious...” if others are making you feel like you’re just trying to get attention... read this.
  
• Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal? ...while most suicidal people recover and go on, others struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings for months or even years. Suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
  
• Recovery from grief and loss ...has anyone significant in your life recently died? You would be in good company... many suicidal people have recently suffered a loss.
  
• The stigma of suicide that prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict on us... and that we ourselves add to. Stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal feelings.
  
• Resources about depression ...if you are suicidal, you are most likely experiencing some form of depression. This is good news, because depression can be treated, helping you feel better.
  

.

 

Other online sources of help:

• The Samaritans - trained volunteers are available 24 hours a day to listen and provide emotional support. You can call a volunteer on the phone, or e-mail them. Confidential and non-judgmental. Short of writing to a psychotherapist, the best source of online help.
  
• Talk to a therapist online - Read this page to find out how.
  
• Depression support group online: Walkers in Darkness - Please note: this is a very big group, but amidst all the chatter (and occasional bickering), it is possible to find someone who will hear you and offer support.
  
• Psych Central has a good listing of online resources for suicide and other mental health needs.
  
• Still feel bad? These jokes might relieve the pressure for a minute or two.
  
• If you want help finding a human being to talk with in person, who can help you live through this, try reading this article about how to Choose a Competent Counselor.
  

Sometimes people need additional private help before they are ready to talk with someone in person. Here are three books you could read on your own in private. I know from personal experience that each one has helped someone like you.

• Suicide: The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett, PhD (Continuum, 1989, $8.95, ISBN 0-8264-0391-3). Frank and helpful conversation with a therapist who cares. Choosing to Live: how to defeat suicide through cognitive therapy by Thomas E. Ellis PsyD and Cory F. Newman PhD (New Harbinger Publications, 1996, $12.95, ISBN 1-57224-056-3). Another conversational book with practical help for suicidal persons. How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention by Susan Rose Blauner (William Morrow, 2002, $17.47, ISBN 0066211212). A very practical survival guide by an actual survivor.
  
• 
  

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

[marlena]

Robyn,

 

Do me a personal favour and give it another year and then you can reconsider. OK? What' s another year? You've made it so far, one way or another, you managed to stay afloat. Take pride in that. Perhaps you are more of a warrior than you know.

When life gets tough as it is bound to do all we can do is get tougher and kick its rear end. You will come out a winner if only you persevere. You'll see. I promise you that. You are only in the beginning of your journey and there are many wonderful things in store for you. Things that you can not even imagine in your wildest dreams.

 

I wish I could PM you but I can't. So keep posting. There are many people in here who will help you through this, step by step, day by day until you gather your strength and life smiles back at you as it inevitably will one day. Perhaps you could offer your thoughts and help to some of us on here as well. LS has been a lifeline to a lot of people. Maybe it can be for you too.

 

Seek comfort in any way you can and know that you are not alone. Your first step is to visit a doctor and he will guide you in the right direction. Do that and then come back on here and hang out with us.

 

You are not alone, dear.

[Island Girl]

I understand where you are coming from.

 

I couldn't ever understand why people committed suicide.

 

Then I went through an extremely dark time. And I could comprehend those feelings.

I had those thoughts myself.

Just as you do now.

 

I reached out and got help and I am SO very thankful now that I did.

 

It didn't seem even worth it but because of the people who do care about me, I did.

 

And after seeking help I found I was suffering from Depression.

 

Depression is different than sadness. It is different than just having a bad day.

 

And it IS treatable.

 

I have better days now - even my worst day isn't as bad as those dark days.

 

Nothing about my circumstances has changed.

 

But I have a clearer perception of the world and my place in it.

And I find joy in my days.

 

I am back in my life and I no longer feel like I am just a passenger in my own life.

 

Here are anonymous people on the internet reaching out because we all care.

Even not knowing you we care.

 

Please care enough about yourself and those who love you (including the doggies) to reach out for help there in your area.

Those people care too. A lot of them have been where you are and DO understand your feelings.

 

You don't have to feel like this anymore.

 

And you do not have to end your life to stop the pain.

 

PLEASE.

Use the resources that are available and waiting for you.

PLEASE.

[Meaplus3]

It sounds pathetic, but I really don't want to be here. I don't want to live life anymore.

 

There's so much going wrong in my life, and I'm not happy--at all. My family is pretty much dysfunctional, and we don't even do that much together as a family. My friends are pretty much gone: marriage, children, military/overseas, or I just have nothing in common with them anymore. I can't find a job for the life of me...I don't know how many applications I've put in, and I've heard nothing. Even the couple that I've called up on, they just tell me that if my skills fit what they're looking for, they'll call back.

 

And, to make things worse--as you all probably know by now--the man I was so in love with and devoted to dumps me. And to be perfectly honest, I don't think he ever truly loved me like he always said. I think he was always just infatuated with me, but was too afraid to leave the relationship in the past. Nonetheless, I was--and still am--in love with him.

 

 

I know there's things out there for me, but I don't want them. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy with myself. I know I'm smart and can succeed if I try, and I do have confidence in myself (I know I'm not ugly or fat or anything). But...life just sucks. I'm not happy with life, and I don't want to put up with it. I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to try anymore.

 

The only reason I haven't done something so far is because of my grandmother and dad. And my two doggy's, heh.

 

But I have these thoughts every single day. Should I go ahead and end my life? If I end it, how should I do it? I truly believe that I will do it someday--it could be tomorrow, it could be five years from now. All I know is I'm getting braver on this situation with each passing day.

 

Robyn, Ending your life is not the answer. We all go through times that are real rough.. and may have feelings of defeat and giving up but, you can get through this. I'm glad to see your thinking of your loves ones here. Because, the pain and destruction you would cause them would be the immense and simply heartbreaking. I myself have been through a real rough time the past couple of years. I'm now on my own with 3 children, I sufffer from panic attacks, I have some disfunction in my family with siblings.. and you know what some day's this completely over whelms me. But, I have sought help from a therapist, practice yoga and meditation, execercise in an effort to turn my life around.. and I'm doing it. I'm taking it all one day at a time.. and making the most of each day. You can make a change even if it's just a little simple one. Little steps can help so much. Please hang in there. Post, vent and read here.

 

Mea:)

[wuggle]

Robyn, you know you're right. Life is crap. Absolutely crap.

 

But, and this is such a big But , life is also absolutely fantastic and brilliant as well.

 

We all get that your feeling like sh*t right now, honest. Lots of people here have been through some rough times and many have thought the same sorts of thoughts you are now, but as almost anyone on this site will tell you it isn't the answer. If life is crap right now I gaurantee you as well that it will get better.

 

For now look to the things that make your life good, your dogs and your grandparents. I'm sure you could talk to either of these and explain your feeling low and I bet either of them will pick you up.

 

Even though you may not believe it right now, because you really loved the guy, if it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be. And again I gaurentee you you will find someone else you love just as much if not more. Just give it time.

 

Try to do the stuff that makes you feel good, play with your dogs, go for walks .

 

things will get better.

 

And if you do anything stupid, we are all going to come round to your place and sort you out.

[boldjack]

Robyn, Nothing and nobody is worth having the thoughts you are having. I have gone thru war, deaths, divorce and troubles too numerous to mention , and I'm still here, so you can get thru this hard time too. I and all of the posters here, are with you, and SOMEONE is always on-line to talk to. We want to help in any way we can. I don't know where you live, but I would do anything that would make you feel better. If you need to be with someone physically, almost any church will be more than willing to come visit you or have you visit them. There are many crisis intervention services available as well as hospitals, police, or emergency services you can call or go to. There are literally THOUSANDS of people who are always there to help. You may think that nobody cares, BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE!! I CARE. I WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP..........JACK

[imani]

Life changes with every second of everyday. Suicide is final.

 

Things may not be where you want them right now in your life, but trust us when we say things get better. They do. With time.

[marlena]

You may think that nobody cares, BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE!! I CARE. I WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP..........JACK

 

See? You have lots of friends here! And all of us, or most of us, have been through the wringer, not just once but many times! And you know what? We've become better and stronger people because of it!

 

And look at Mea's smile! Now if that doesn't put a smile on your face I don't know what will. Or wait! Maybe I do? Your puppies? Your grandmother? Your Dad? That lovely face I see in your avatar?

 

And,yes, you are smart. I can tell by the way you write.

[Kasan]

I find these threads so disturbing, so I tend to avoid them like the plague.

 

But.....a friend suggested that I come here and read, so here I am.

 

I thought that I had a good understanding of the thought process that motivates a person to consider taking their own life.

 

Sadly due to the honesty of some of the members here, I find that I haven't a clue, and it would most likely be better for them to answer you instead of me.

 

But......I want you to know the reason that I stopped looking at these threads.........

 

I will always wonder what happened to you, especially if you never post again, as I wonder about the other posters who have come and gone here.

 

My hope for you is that somewhere, be it here on an anonymous forum, or in your real world, you find the reason necessary to seek the help that you need, so that you will be able to go on and lead the wonderful, fulfilling life you were meant to lead.

 

We are all capable of doing extraordinary things with our lives, and you, are no exception.

 

Please let me and the rest of us know how you are doing.............

[westernxer]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, even if you think it's killing you.

 

Existence is suffering, and many who appear to be okay continue to suffer in silence. The intensity wavers, but it never vanishes. Not completely.

 

It hurts because you care.

 

Embrace it as a strength, otherwise you will implode.

[Phateless]

All I know is I'm getting braver on this situation with each passing day.

 

Bravery can be your best ally or your worst enemy. Embrace this bravery and boldness, and use it to do something completely uncharacteristic. Make a change in your life, take a new direction. Sometimes you need to do something just because it's something you would never ordinarily do.

 

Your entire life can change in a week. I've seen it happen. My buddy's house burned down and he was homeless, fighting with his gf, unemployed, really self-destructive. In ONE DAY, he got a great deal on a year-lease on a gorgeous house and moved in with his gf, found a job 5 minutes from that new house, and discovered the insurance would cover everything.

 

Your whole life can literally change in a week.

 

I'm begging you not to give up on yourself. Take this as an opportunity to be prideful, difficult, rebellious and stubborn. Use this to prove to yourself and the world that you CAN get through it.

 

Take that bravery and apply it toward LIFE. This is your chance to do something completely unpredictable and off the wall. Take a risk! If you were planning on giving up your life anyway, you have NOTHING to lose by taking a risk!

 

You can do this girlie.

[quankanne]

robyn, know that you've fallen into a very strong, vibrant CARING community here at LoveShack, and even though we don't know you in real life, we already care for you. Might not sound like a lot, but I can personally testify that when I went through my own bad patch of depression and pain and loss five years ago, the folks here were my lifeline to sanity, and they helped me heal by making me laugh when I thought I couldn't.

 

somewhere in cyberspace, there's an email floating around that talks about the impact a single person has in the lives of many, many others. We often tend to think of our close circle of friends and loved ones, but we ... YOU have unknowingly affected the life of hundreds of others.

 

in the way you smile or do small acts of courtesy ... in the way you'd been willing to give a friendly ear or taken the time to talk to someone who needed your attention, even though you didn't realize it ... just by *being* visibly present. So in that sense, while we can sometimes feel alone, we really aren't, because the things we do and say have a huge ripple effect around us.

 

you're listed as being in the fort worth area ... honey, you're only a couple hours away from me, and how I wish I were able to PM you to set up a visit or call or something just to let you know that I'm here for you.

 

you'll be on my mind and in my prayers, kiddo, and remember, YOU ARE LOVED!

 

quank

[Island Girl]

Aerorobyn

 

I sure wish I could see a post from you.

 

I have been thinking about you since I read your post.

 

You are foremost in my thoughts.

 

I wish there was more I could do than just post to this thread.

 

In any event I am thinking of you.

 

{{{ H U G S }}}

 

I G

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry that you're hurting and I really hope you come back and continue posting. Let us help you.

 

You DO matter to alot of people, so no matter how crappy you feel, please don't do something that it just so final...

[wuggle]

Robyn, A lot of us aren't going to get much sleep tonight unless you post. Even if it's just to tell us all to s*d off. Please let us know your ok.

[boldjack]

Yes, Robyn, you need to get online and talk to us. Throw a dog a bone, will you? I want to hear what you have to say, even if it's f**k off.

[Lizzie60]

Listen to the many posters here who are supporting you...

 

I've been exactly where you are a few years back... and trust me.. it WILL get better..

 

I have to go now.. but I will be back later... and write more..

 

(((HUGS)))