Lostgurl Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 I have been where you are right now. Please don't give up. You have depression, and it's treatable. I tried committing suicide once in the deepest and darkest moments of my life. I've thought about it on a daily basis as well. But i fought through it. Please try to fight too. Go to the doctor and talk to him. You are close to your Grandmother and Father right? Confide in one of them, you don't need to be alone. Let them know how you feel, and they can help you through to winning the fight over depression. You will come out of this alive. You just need to remember things are going to get better. Life isn't always going to be the way it is today. Things change. Just go see your doctor, and remember that. You'll win. Trust me, I did, and you can too. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Love is subjective and relative, OP. It's not like you had something and then it was snatched away from you. You can keep the love you felt for your ex and turn it into something new and beautiful. There are no limits. Nothing ever really ends, and nothing really lasts forever either (I know, it's a paradox!) So it's up to us to create our own realities, our own truths. We all have the power to achieve that. Everyone has given great advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aerorobyn Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 Thanks for the replies everyone...I'm still alive and kicking. I've been trying to do anything and everything to get my mind off of all the negatives, but nothing seems to help. Last night was awful...I literally sat in bed and cried for 3 hours straight. I don't even know what I was crying about--I just know I felt sad and hurt, and crying and having negative thoughts was all I could do. Everybody says that things will get better in time. That may be true...but how much pain do I have to go through before things get better? How do I make myself strong enough to get through each day, when the pain, heartache, anger, and every other negative emotion I feel is so intense? Another reason I think I may be possible to actually attempt it is because I have a few family members who have attempted, or actually have. I'm grateful for the people I do have in my life, as well as everyone on here who is showing care and compassion. Today is actually my 20th birthday, and I know my family is trying to make it the best possible for me, but I feel like crap...I'm not enjoying my birthday at all. The only reason I'm actually putting on a smile today is because we're also celebrating my dads birthday (his was yesterday), and I don't want him to feel down on his day... Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 I know there's things out there for me, but I don't want them. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy with myself. I know I'm smart and can succeed if I try, and I do have confidence in myself (I know I'm not ugly or fat or anything). But...life just sucks. I'm not happy with life, and I don't want to put up with it. I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to try anymore. The only reason I haven't done something so far is because of my grandmother and dad. And my two doggy's, heh. But I have these thoughts every single day. Should I go ahead and end my life? If I end it, how should I do it? I truly believe that I will do it someday--it could be tomorrow, it could be five years from now. All I know is I'm getting braver on this situation with each passing day. I hope you don't go through with it. I would be very sad if you did. There are lots of people out there just like me, and we would like to meet you some day. To see you laugh, to let you teach us something about life and love, to love you back. You have a lot to offer the world. We have alot ot offer one another. It would be sad to miss out on that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Happy Birthday...and happy bday to your dad too. Please don't isolate yourself...If you really do feel awful call someone, a hotline or even 911. Talk to people about how you're feeling. Would you consider going to talk to a therapist? To help you cope and feel better? I'm glad you posted back... Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Life can be absolute **** at times. I know it was for me about 8-10 months ago but now I am so much happier than I could have imagined then. I have gone through some of the worst pain in my life in the past year (I am more than twice your age too). Please do not think this is all life has to offer you. Yes there is more pain out there but there is also so much more love and happiness to be had. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 So glad you responded. At least I can go to bed now. How do you get through? answer: day by day, and each day you need to find at least part of the day 'for you' doing stuff that makes you feel good. Take you dogs for a walk, I know you said you love them (I love my cats so can totally understand ) It's good that your family are there trying to make your birthday better, I know you said they were dysfunctional but then aren't all families these days ? Why not spend a couple of days with your grandparents ? , the thing about grandparents is they totally love you without judgeing and really are often quite clever (something to do with experience I think ) When we say 'it will get better' that comes from most of us having experienced a lot of cr*p and looking back we can see that there ups and downs in life, one minute it's cr*p the next its wonderful, that's just life. You put up with the rubbish but don't forget to revel in the wonderful bits. How long will you have to wait ? - I honestly don't know, but it probably won't be too long. The universe has this wierd sort of way of evening things out , call it Karma, God , whatever, but I really do gaurantee you things will get better. Maybe Brad Pitt will knock on your door tomorrow ? who knows, that is part of the wonderful, not even knowing what is going to happen. For now, try to do some nice stuff, get over the pain and look forward to life's next offering - it might be wondererful , you never know. Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY :bunny::bunny: Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Thanks for the replies everyone...I'm still alive and kicking. I've been trying to do anything and everything to get my mind off of all the negatives, but nothing seems to help. Last night was awful...I literally sat in bed and cried for 3 hours straight. I don't even know what I was crying about--I just know I felt sad and hurt, and crying and having negative thoughts was all I could do. I think we are all glad to see you post. I'm sorry that things suck right now. Everybody says that things will get better in time. That may be true...but how much pain do I have to go through before things get better? How do I make myself strong enough to get through each day, when the pain, heartache, anger, and every other negative emotion I feel is so intense? Another reason I think I may be possible to actually attempt it is because I have a few family members who have attempted, or actually have. What kind of negative thoughts do you have? What do you feel is the cause of your pain? I'm grateful for the people I do have in my life, as well as everyone on here who is showing care and compassion. Today is actually my 20th birthday, and I know my family is trying to make it the best possible for me, but I feel like crap...I'm not enjoying my birthday at all. The only reason I'm actually putting on a smile today is because we're also celebrating my dads birthday (his was yesterday), and I don't want him to feel down on his day... You have a big heart. Your father is lucky to have a daughter who cares for his feelings like that. I wish you as happy a birthday as possible! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 I'm grateful for the people I do have in my life, as well as everyone on here who is showing care and compassion. And those people are greatful for YOU. Happy Birthday Robyn. Thanks so much for posting you have know idea how much better I feel. We are here for you. Hugs. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Thanks for the replies everyone...I'm still alive and kicking. I've been trying to do anything and everything to get my mind off of all the negatives, but nothing seems to help. Last night was awful...I literally sat in bed and cried for 3 hours straight. I don't even know what I was crying about--I just know I felt sad and hurt, and crying and having negative thoughts was all I could do. Everybody says that things will get better in time. That may be true...but how much pain do I have to go through before things get better? How do I make myself strong enough to get through each day, when the pain, heartache, anger, and every other negative emotion I feel is so intense? Another reason I think I may be possible to actually attempt it is because I have a few family members who have attempted, or actually have. I'm grateful for the people I do have in my life, as well as everyone on here who is showing care and compassion. Today is actually my 20th birthday, and I know my family is trying to make it the best possible for me, but I feel like crap...I'm not enjoying my birthday at all. The only reason I'm actually putting on a smile today is because we're also celebrating my dads birthday (his was yesterday), and I don't want him to feel down on his day... Happy b-day! I know what you mean, sometimes it just feels like there's no point, but I can promise there is, and things do get better. Like I said before, look at this as your opportunity to prove to yourself that you can get through it. Do you have any hobbies? As cheesy as it sounds, exercise releases endorphins and really helps. Swing Dancing in Dallas Ft. Worth area: http://fwsds.org/ Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Robyn... thanks for the update.. Listen.. I might have missed it.. but have you been to the doctor.. you need to get antidepressant ASAP... I was exactly where you are.. less than 10 years ago, I attempted suicide 3 times.. was in a coma in 2 of those attempts.. and let me tell you that unless you seek medical help.. you can't get out of a deep depression all by yourself.. So it is crucial that you seek medical help.. and as soon as possible.. if you know you can do something stupid.. get to the nearest emergency.. and get some help... Trust me on that one.. life WILL get better.. I swear... Good luck... keep in touch... Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 H_A_P_P_Y_____ B_I_R_T_H_D_A_Y______ R_O_B_Y_N !! :bunny::bunny: Enjoy today as much as you can. The effort your family is putting into your day today tells you they LOVE you! Please, on Monday, see your doctor. Anti-Depressants can help and there are a few that kick in fairly quickly. Lots of people feel as you do right now. Help is available for you. It is one step but it will take you light years from where you are now. Thank you for coming and letting us know you are okay. We do care. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Happy Birthday Robyn. Plenty of advice provided already. Look after that heart of yours, it is needed. Seperate the tasks from the feelings. Keep reaching out and you will get stronger again. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aerorobyn Posted April 18, 2009 Author Share Posted April 18, 2009 Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone... I take it back about my dad. We were supposed to have a family dinner tonight, and he said he'd be there when we got there to pick him up. We got there, he was gone. We waited, he never showed. He's off getting drunk...being an alcoholic. I guess that's more important than celebrating his only daughters 20th birthday with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I take it back about my dad. We were supposed to have a family dinner tonight, and he said he'd be there when we got there to pick him up. We got there, he was gone. We waited, he never showed. He's off getting drunk...being an alcoholic. I guess that's more important than celebrating his only daughters 20th birthday with her. I know it's difficult, especially with what you are going through now. Your father is the way he is because of many things in his past and perhaps even because of some genetics. Alcoholics are seldom there for the people they love. You will feel much better when you are able to forgive him and get past his disease. Maybe someday he will realize he has a serious problem and seek treatment. Maybe he drinks to escape the same feelings you are having now. Please don't take the route he is taking! Right now, our focus is on YOU. We are here for you and beyond having a HAPPY BIRTHDAY we want you to have a GREAT LIFE full of people who love you and things to do that are fulfilling. It's not all that hard if you let us help! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Sorry about your dad... But don't make his drinking problem about you. That's his own personal demon that has NOTHING to do with you or your family. Try not to let that spoil your bday! Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Robyn, if your dad wasn't there that's his problem, not your's, and please don't think it's anything to do with you. If he has a problem with the booze, that's his issue, I'm sure he still loves you. He probably has his own pains to deal with. You need to be looking after yourself now, when you are stronger then maybe give something to your dad and help him, but trust me, as a father the thing he wants most is for you to be happy in life , for now this is about you. What makes you feel good ? what did you enjoy doing when you were younger ? did you have any hobbies you've lost, any passions, dancing, art, pets. When life has given you a kicking you need to kick it right back and squeeze some enjoyment out of it. What makes you feel good ?? - so go do some of it. Have to go to bed now, it's 2.30am and I'm tired. Off to see if I can see some lambs being born tomorrow. Take care. Post and let us know what you're thinking, and dont hold it against your dad, at least until you've spoken to him. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 My mother is an alcoholic. This became apparent in my mid/late teens after my parents separated. I battled with this for years but then I came to the conclusion - why should I waste my life on some one elses mistakes. It is true that my mother does not know what I am doing, where I live, what I am doing, etc.... I don't even know if she is still alive. But why should I keep trying to find her when she is(was) no longer interested in me. I now focus on the people that really care about me and they in turn give me strength. Do not let your father rule your life - I know you can never fully let go but you can still have a vey happy, fulfilling life. This is your life, you live it, you make the most of this just like the rest of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Robyn.. I hope this will cheer you up! This is just for you!.... Happy Birthday Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I was exactly where you are.. less than 10 years ago, I attempted suicide 3 times.. was in a coma in 2 of those attempts.. and let me tell you that unless you seek medical help.. you can't get out of a deep depression all by yourself.. wow ... this is some pretty powerful stuff to consider Robyn ... lizzie's full of piss and vinegar, and while sometimes I don't agree with her, I can't help but admire her attitude, especially now knowing that she's experienced her own dark night of the soul. You rock Liz! Now go post some dirty jokes I'm glad you posted, Robyn, we wuz pretty worried about you. My personal believe is that no matter how these love relationships end, you gain something incredibly powerful that carries you through the next stage, and it brings you that much closer to the love you're ultimately meant to enjoy. what have you learned from loving this person? And how has it strengthened you in your life? The scenery may change, but you never, ever lose what you gain, and in this case, it sounds like you learned to trust love. And that is a good thing, because you know know that your heart is capable of growing bigger each time. happy birthday, and remember, it can only stay shxtty for so long before it starts looking up. You will survive and succeed, even if it means forcing yourself to claw your way out of the shxt pile. hugs, q Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Thanks Quack... Robyn.. remember this.. people that have it easier.. that are spoiled to death.. that have everything on a gold plate.. DO NOT learn life the right way... each little mistake we do.. each pain... each struggle... makes us stronger... Remember that.. it will get better.. trust me.. And, after my ordeal.. I can say now.. that I will NEVER EVER try anything foolish again... EVER... Life is good .. but sometimes it takes some pain to make it great... My dad was an alcoholic too.. (but in my days.. most dads were).... it is sad.. but hey.. you can't live his life.. don't let him ruin yours.. Soon you will look back and feel sorry for him... you'll be much stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aerorobyn Posted April 18, 2009 Author Share Posted April 18, 2009 If my dad wants to be an alcoholic, he can. He's been going on binges since I was a little girl, and things are only getting worse. I can't stop him. I have a strong feeling he's getting into drugs now, though he denies it, I'm almost certain. But the point is...he made me a promise. He said he'd be there for us to celebrate our birthdays. And he wasn't. I saw my mom yesterday, for the first time in years, and she didn't even give me any birthday wishes. I used to exercise all the time. Every single day, for at least two hours. It always did make me feel better...and I've gotten back into that routine, but it doesn't help. The negatives are weighing down on me too heavily, that nothing seems to help--except Lizzie's video, that put a bit of a smile on my face. I feel that I need to get away from here. I want to get in my car and leave...go on a journey into the unknown by myself. But I can't really do that without a job and money. When will things pick up? Things are getting worse and worse each day. Will the whole 2009 year be this way for me? Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Sadly alcoholics often fail to live up to thier promises, nothing to do with you or you're fathers love for you, Alcohol just sort of f*cks them up a bit. Let him sort himself out for now, I'm sure he still loves you deeply , he is just in a sort of messed up place himself. I Loved that video, I kinda imagined my little black cat singing like that. I know this sounds stupid, but why not?. Why not just get in a car and drive ?? , if your so pis*ed off with everything just drive, or walk, or whatever. There was a tv show over in uk about a bloke called Reggie Perrin who decided instead of doing something dumb he pretended to and started a whole new life, just sort of left his clothes on a a beech and started a completley new life. And you now what ? his new life was a complete success, totally suceeded !! Not saying you should do that, but a time out might do you good, go drive for a few days, stay at a motel, whatever. Try not to get so hung up on your dad, his problems are not yours. Let him sort his out and you look to yours. take care. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Oh,and when your done sorting yourself out get back to the gym you lazy sod , it really will do you good. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Oh gosh.. Wuggle is sooo right.. exercise is good for you. Even small amounts of activity, such as 10 to 15 minutes at a time, a good walk.. can improve mood in the short term or at least until you get to see a doctor. Apparently exercise raises the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. It may also boost endorphins, release muscle tension, help you sleep better... it also can have calming effects. Exercise can improve symptoms such as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue. Start slowly.. I swear it will do you good.. it really works. Link to post Share on other sites
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