My old crush

[RecordProducer]

How come no one is interested in this shockng story?

 

When I was in my last year of college, in Paris, France, I hung out with a guy from my class. The last two months, we were very close: he slept at my place, we laughed so hard our abdomens hurt, we talked for hours, we felt each other... I lived in a very small apartment so he stayed at my place to sleep and slept in my bed. We cuddled and fooled around, but never kissed or had any form of sex. He touched me all over, though... We were both involved with other people at the time. I thought my relationship was serious but I dumped the guy a few months upon returning from Paris. My crush was already kinda over his GF but he still believed he was in a committed relationship.

 

I never stopped thinking about him as my one and only soul mate. He is the male version of me. He listened to me carefully like no other man and laughed at all my jokes. He loves women and women love him, but he is faithful. He didn't want to cheat on his GF. I was so hot for him, I would've left everything for him, but he decided to be faithful to this girl. I knew at the time that he didn't care about his GF anymore. I was 20, he was 21... They broke up a coupe, eyars later. I got married, had kids... got re-marrried, moved to the US...

 

Thirteen years have passed. I never forgot him. Finally, someone posted something on LS about old crushes and I decided to find him. I found his old number, called it, and talked to his mom. I was surprised to hear that he never got married. I was actually disappointed. A couple days later he called me (today). We talked for almost three hours until my cell phone batteries ran out.

 

He laughed at my jokes and said that of all the girls, I was the one with whom he could've had much more. He wants to get married and have kids. I can't give this to him. I already have two kids and don't want anymore. He said he was going to marry this girl with whom he isn't in love but she might be marriage material. I don't want to marry him, I want him to have a family, but I told him that marrying someone you don't love isn't the right solution.

 

I told him he should come to the US (I meant to visit) and he said Philly (where I live) was not quite what he wanted, he wanted to live in NYC and had a friend who invited him. I didn't invite him to live with me and I was confused. For a while I felt used. Then I told him that he could come to the US to get a master's degree and whatever, and he said he wasn't really interested in living in the US, but he wanted to go to school to NYC. He said Philly was not quite what he had in mind, but Penn Uni wasn't bad. I told him that he likely had no chance to get into Penn Uni. Now I don't know if he was trying to use me for cheap rent (since he suggested paying some rent if he had someomne in the city) or if he was thinking about being with me. Not that it matters so much, but this guy has NEVER been to the US and has always lived between France and Serbia. If he wanted to live in the US, he would've thought about it. He never mentioned it before.

 

I started advising him as to how to get to stay in the US (he is a French citizen) and he said he didn't want to live in the US. I get the feeling that he's been looking for the right woman and never found her (he actually told me that). He told me that he had much more with me than with any other girl. The thing is, I just wanted to reconnect and invite him to come visit me and have a wonderful vacation. This guy seems to be settled in Paris, he has bought an apartment and starting over for him in the US would be difficult. Also, he wants kids and I definitely don't want anymore kids. So I just wanted friendship with some intimacy, but I have no clue as to what he wants. He seems hot for me too. It's like the 13 years were 13 min.

 

What do I do? I was thinking about inviting him to visit. I know we'll have a great time. I know he'll come. The feelings will be strong on both sides, I already know that. But I can't give him what he wants (kids). I'd be happy if he'd be my friend forever and a lover for a little bit. But I don't know what he wants.

 

Is this weird?

[RecordProducer]

So, no one had ANY similar experiences? I usually know what to do, but this time I am confused. I am afraid to fall in love with a guy who dates three girls at once and isn't in love with anyone of them. BTW, the girl to whom he was desperately faithful while we were in college, ended up cheatng on him and breaking up with him.

 

Anyhoo, after some reflection, I realize that he has a lot of that low-class mentality in his upbringing (due to his very simple parents) and he thinks he needs to marry a Serbian girl - which makes me sick (the rule, that is). Nationalism altogether makes me sick. I just realized that his parents must have brain-washed him as to how wonderful Serbia is and how terrible France is, because he spent half of his life living in Serbia. Also, his sister who barely even speaks Serbian, left France to live in Serbia with her BF, and she is only 19.

 

He said "Neither she nor her BF have a college degree, so what could they do in France?" I said I forgot about some peope's mentality - they don't think of that education as a bridge to culture and self-improvement, but only as a meal ticket.

 

I realize now in our conversation I must have come out as a snob, not just about this, but many other things. We're probably a bad match anyway. Something in me just can't get past the fact that he said "They will have a better life there... his parents are wealthy.." about his baby sister. Who's "they"? When his sister ends up with a couple kids, dumped by the guy whose parents are wealthy, she'll see. She is allegedly attending Sorbonne University... I can imagine that while being in another country.

 

BTW, I was kidding about "shocking" story. It's just a bit shocking to me.

I'll likely forget about it soon unles he visits me.

[loser101]

I have an experience similar to yours except I met up with someone after 2 years, not 13. The gap was huge. Yes we enjoyed talking on the phone, yes it felt like old friends but when we met up I realised within half an hour that it was a mistake. We had nothing in common anymore.

 

I like your posts but in the one above you don't sound much better than him to be honest. Yes for some people a university education is just a meal ticket. Many of us just want to get out of poverty and a low-class mindset as you put it. It is incredibly snobbish to judge someone for that.

[quankanne]

are you sure that maybe this isn't a case of looking back on a glowing past event and trying to make something more of it? As in trying to find "happiness" with the one that got away ... who was much more stellar in your memory than he was in reality? Maybe if he's willing you can be soul mates who are friends, and nothing more. That's me and my guy BF from college, and it's worked out really well for the most parts, as our spouses are totally okay with our strong friendship.