jenny Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 i grew up among people who er..erred on the side of wit and fun as a matter of course. i think, as a result, i actually have no internal sensor that indicates when when i should be taking someone seriously, or when someone is taking me seriously. this is a ridiculous question, but i really have a hard time sensing it and it has caused at least two friends to get mad. how do i know when someone, specifically men, have crossed this line past banter? my 'glean what afflicts me' friend is often furious with me around this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Listen to their tone of voice,it usually say how serious a person is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 that's just it though; the tone of voice and expression of them being serious is evidently almost indistinguishable from the 'aren't the earnest amusing' phatic signs. i know this is a silly question; i don't know how else to ask it. how do u let your guy friends know when something is *not* a joking matter? Link to post Share on other sites
aquaria127 Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 your post is kind of confusing, but I think I know what you mean. - your friends get mad because you don't know when to take them seriously - you don't know how to get them to take you seriously - you don't know how to distinguish between serious and non-serious matters are these good friends you've known for awhile, or just recently met? that might make a difference on reading them correctly. pay attention to what they tell you and how. body language, facial expression, tone of voice. observe the location. people who might normally get into the 'witty repartee' with you might tell something thoughtful or important somewhere that is not the usual hanging-out place or at an unexpected time. what do you do or say? pay attention to your own reactions, maybe you're doing something to make them think you're not taking them seriously, or not being serious yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 I used to have the most horrible habit of taking people far too seriously far too much of the time. One very good friend of mine pointed this out to me (now several years ago, back in high school) by telling me, "Beth, you're going to rupture every vein in your head if you keep thinking like that!" I think the poignant irony of that was he was actually being "serious" to a degree! Anyway, what I learned to do, at the risk of making myself seem like a complete dolt, was to ask people how serious they were being. I know that the image that invokes is that of a valley girl, shocked expression on her face, saying "Omigod! Are you serious ?!?!?!" But the way I found that proved most effective was to use a nice, casual, even sometimes utterly oozing with sarcasm tone of voice in asking. Soon, people were much more careful to emphasize their joking as such, and keep the serious stuff more serious; it also provided me with the tools to really learn the ways in which my friends communicated things they were joking about versus things they were serious about. In regards to your "glean my issues" friend, I dare say if you were to bluntly ask him, "So, *****, what's really bothering you today, hm?" in a nice trite manner, you may see some changes in his "Please, pry " attitude. Of course, I gladly admit up front that my ways of going about things may be entirely incorrect! Link to post Share on other sites
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