calling the OW?

[PWSX3]

Boy oh boy delajoonal are you going to be in for a surprise.

Not sure if I can make this short or not. It all started 7 years ago, the former wife served me separation papers, I begged, pleaded, etc. and so she said if I was serious to find a counselor so I did. Then a year or two later (sorry not good with dates or remembering the bad past) she did move out & we separated for 7 months, then got back together for a year & then last Aug. she moved out, filed papers Jan. 6th & it was final Apr. 13th.

 

No she didn't have an affair, I did 20 years ago, we went to counseling & thought we worked it out. Then when we separated I got on here started to learn who I was, what I wanted so when we got back together the counselor told me if I didn't like how something was done I should just do it myself, so I had to do the cooking, the cleaning, & laundry, while she sat on the couch. I had learned I didn't like living in a dirty house, I learned it is easier to keep things picked up as you go. I learned that if I wanted to do something & she said; no I don't feel like doing it I would do it by myself....So of coarse that just pushed us farther away.

 

So no she is the one that left, I didn't want the divorce, I thought I had tried everything, but when she left she said; I wished you would have loved me as much as you love yourself.......

 

So after she left I started going to a christian counselor, I joined a men's group at the church I was taking a divorce care class, I started going back to church & this might not work for everyone but it worked for me. I threw myself into anything I could to work on me. You can ask around here, I was a basket case, but then after time you start to get out of the fog & things start looking different.

 

One of the first things my counselor had me do is make a list of things that were non-negotiations because he said; she will be crawling back you wait & see. Three weeks before the divorce was final she emailed me saying; I need to ask you some serious questions about our marriage....She hinted around to maybe wanting to work on the marriage & I had look at my list, seen what she hasn't been doing, realized that she isn't doing anything to better herself & that it would have been just the same as it was before so I told her; at this time I am not willing to work on the marriage.

 

It was a hard 3 months, then each month got a little easier & now I'm at a place I enjoy being alone, I can come & go when I want. I have also met a really nice gal at church, she was also in my divorce care class but I had already made up my mind I wasn't going back before I met her.

 

Thing is, when she moved out & had no say so about it, but when she talked about coming back I did.......I can't say never say never because you never know what will happen plus a4a would hit me over the head with a 2x4 but I am happy......If this was the first time then I would have gone back to work on things, I still believe divorce is the LAST resort & I also feel you should work on your marriage but like I said it takes two..

 

I know my new friend is very happy my former wife did what she did, because she is reaping the benefits of all my work....

 

I hope that helped. I will take responsibility for the bad marriage but I won't take responsibility for the divorce, I didn't give up & I didn't walk out!!!!!

[delajoonal]

wow...thank you SO much for sharing with me and posting for us newbies your story...

 

you sound like a strong person and really been through alot.

 

i too am a huge believer in the covenant of marriage....

i just told my dh, if you want a divorce, you/he will have to do it!!!

 

i am not betraying the promises i made to God, myself and my dh.

the problem, my dh does nOT have the same belief's as me..he has NO spirituality...i think that is one thing that started to seperate us too.

 

now i am not a bible thumper, nor do i go to church, but i do watch one program on TV every week for 12 years now...i also journal and say my prayers, chairty, etc...i truly try to be a good person.= and very much believe in God.

 

i guess i am just in such a state of funk stilll, everything is so fresh and new and unbelievably painful..Oh my gosh..i never knew anything on this planet could be so painful:lmao:

 

i guess only time will tell...what i should do about the trust issue?

AND if he even wants to try with me again?

i guess his participation would help..LOL

 

anyway, you mentioned you met someone in your divorce group...

i am glad you found a nice person to share your new "you" with ...all that hard work paid off;)

 

on the other hand, THAT is exacly MY fear...my dh has been going to meetings and groups that i inadvertanly sent him too:o

 

i thought C would help him and make it easier for us to live together thru this situation...as i go to IC myself...

 

but then i started thinking..oh my gosh...what if i just sent him to another situation like the online EA?

 

he found someone online to listen to his sob stories about his

"crappy marriage", (news to me), so now i just sent him off

to find someone in person:eek:

 

anyway...i guess, in the end, what will be will be.

 

its just the NOT knowing that is killing me...and i can't get ouf my 'memories' funk either..

 

why is it, all i can remember now, is the beginning and the end...nothing in between...just the good (beginning), and the bad (end).

 

well, thanks again so much PWSX3, for taking so much time to share your story..i do appreciate it..it also gives me hope on a happy ending:p

[delajoonal]

searcher, one of us should start a new thread with this very question?

what do you think?

i have to run right now...but if you want to start that thread that would be great.

if not, i can do it later tonight...as i to am curious as to when everyone just KNEW it was over...and if the TRUST was just not going to come back?

take care sweetie...we can do this:)

[PWSX3]

as i to am curious as to when everyone just KNEW it was over...and if the TRUST was just not going to come back?

take care sweetie...we can do this:)

For me it was when I had to set down & sign the papers that the former wife had filed, the divorce papers....That is when I fell off the fence, that is when I knew I didn't want someone in my life that didn't want to fight for our marriage.

 

As they say; actions speak louder then words, so what he does, see if he makes any kinds of positive changes.....That will tell you if he is REALLY wanting to work on the marriage.

[Intricategirl]

The night my husband left, I didn't get any sleep. I stayed up and thought about the whole situation. I had asked him several days before what effort he was making to change the relationship. He told me, "Well, I thought I'd been more receptive to the changes you've made, but I guess not..." It floored me. Here I am, working my butt off trying to save our marriage, and his big, noble contribution was that he was being more receptive to all the work I was doing. Yeah, 'cause being waited on hand and foot is difficult. He hadn't canceled his plans to meet with the OW, he was just as distant as ever, the changes weren't enough and he wanted more, and when I was worried I might have breast cancer, he seemed to be more worried about looking like a jerk who would leave his sick wife than worrying about me. I realized that night that I DID still love him and probably always would in a way. And I knew that because I still loved him, I wouldn't have any choice but to forgive an affair. I'd be hurt by it, but I would forgive him. BUT, I also knew that I didn't have the first clue how to change the very essence of who I am, and that's what he claimed to dislike. And if I couldn't and wouldn't (and shouldn't) change that, then it really was over. Not because he said so, but because I knew there was no starting point for us to begin working on things.

 

I knew that I could probably talk him into coming back. But once he left, I also knew I didn't want to. Once I had that revelation, it got very easy. Less than 24 hours later, all my future plans seemed so focused, and I decided to get the kind of job I wanted since he couldn't tell me that he hated it anymore, and that I was going back to school for my English degree, then on to law school. He tried telling me that a business degree would be smarter and I told him that I am mostly finished with my English degree and have no desire to switch. He told me that a lot of places pay for your college, and I told him that I'm not doing it in that order. It took me less than 24 hours to pick up exactly where I left off 13 years ago. Like he never even happened. And when I realized that, I stopped crying. I stopped feeling like we needed to talk about where we went wrong, or hash out the past. I mean, how invested can I really be if it's like he was never there? It's said that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. And that's where I'm at right now. Last night, he was fishing for a sign from me. He said, "Pretty soon, all my stuff will be out of here and it will just be dropping the kids off and a quick hi. I bet you'll be glad." I told him, "Nope. Indifferent." And I didn't do it to be nasty. That's just the first word that popped in my head.

[Gunny376]

Indifference? That's what your looking for ~ that's the place that your wanting to get to. Neither love nor hate~ nothing, nadda, zilch. The Rhett Butler kind of indifference ~ "Frankly my dear? I don't give a damn!" kind.

 

Given time, your minds and heart will heal. The sun will come out again, the bluebirds will fly and sing again, and like dgiirl ( Get it? Don't Get It Girl ) will get out in the bright sunlight and rub a little sunshine on your face.

 

The true sign and time to get a divorce is when you've reached the point of indifference. Where you just don't give a damn anymore ~ not love, no hatred.

 

Of course your always going to have some 'love' for the person that you've shared a significant part of your life, hopes, dreams, most intimate thoughts with, even had children.

 

But that eventually gets locked up in a Pandora's Box with locked chains around it, somewhere in the back of your mind. You learn to visit there less and less, the day comes when you learn to quit sitting around and 'digging up bones' of a love that's long dead and gone.

 

English degree and law degree?

 

My older step-brother graduated with a BA in English and a 3.9 GPA (which is one of the things will get you into law school) and went on to earn his law degree and has his own practice. He went back with wife, two children, two cats, when he was 33.

 

Sleeping

 

If your having trouble sleeping go ye to Walmart and go to the vitamin and herbal section. Look for something called Melatonin.

 

It comes in 3mmg (micromilligram) 3 milligram, and five milligram.

 

Its the substance that your body naturally produces to regulate your biological clock / sleep cycle. Its light sensitive in that if your eyes detect light, (even from the clock, street lights, leds from a fan etc) your body will stop producing it. Big a boom, big a bang ~ which is why you wake up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep. Especially when your stressed about things?

 

As we age, our bodies produce less of it ~ which is why most of us need a supplement.

 

Its safe, over the counter, non-addictive, non-prescriptive, you can stop taking it at any time.

 

Airline pilots flying the 'red-eye' coast to coast use it to 're-set' their biological clocks for the flight back to the other coast.

 

Its height/weight relevant. I'm 6'1, 190 lbs and take 6 mg (sometimes 9 mg if I'm off the next day and want to sleep in) You may want to get the 3 mg and the 3 mmg bottle and find the right amount for your height weight.

 

It doesn't 'knock you out" but it will make you sleepy. About a half hour to forty-five minutes after taking it you'll start to yawn, your eyes will begin to water/tear, and you will be ready for bed.

 

If you've got things own your mind it will help quite your thoughts so that you can sleep.

 

Worrying?

 

No amount of worrying is worth a damn! It accomplishes nothing, it changes nothing, it 'un-does' nothing, it prevents nothing ~ it does nothing!

 

90% of what we worry about isn't worth worrying about ~ and never comes about anyway, and if it does? Its never as bad as we imagined it to be and framed it in our my minds to be to begin with.

 

When someone leaves you? It means one thing and one thing only? You've got to get your head and @ss together and go out and find yourself someone new that appreciates you for who and what your about? That's all it means.

 

I'll be damned if I'm going to plead, beg, implore someone to let me love them!

 

And, I've been there. Although its been a long ago and in a far, far distant galaxy.

 

But really when your buying off on their re-writing of the martial / relationship history, taking full blame for the demise of the relationship, begging, pleading, etc that's in essence is what your doing? Begging someone to let you LOVE them! BS!

 

When the fact of the matter is that they're too damned weak minded to be able to commit to you or anyone.

 

Its always amazed me why in Sam Hill would you want to cheat with a cheater? Hey my man if she would do it to me? She will do it to you! (Apply the appropriate pronoun per your case)

 

 

Getting out of bed?

 

Days when I've got to get up and about? And don't want to? I sing that song to myself that starts out with:

 

"Got to get up, got to get that 'Get Down" feeling, got to 'Get it on!"

 

That works for me. You've each have got to find your own "false motivator" ~ or in other words you've got to fake it until you make it.

 

Action precedes emotion which means you've got to make yourself 'do it" before you feel like it!

[delajoonal]

i get it now...find something , a song, a prayer, whatever, and keep doing it keep saying it, get out and keep going, pretend to be happy, pretend LIKE the sunshine today...and pretty soon, after doing all this pretending for so long...it becomes a reality...and you are actually dooing IT all cause it feels good and you want too...

is that what you are saying Gunny?

well, sounds darn good to me...so, now i need a song, a thing to go out of the house for...oh, walk my dog..duh! LOL...ok, so maybe i CAN do this too.

thanks again, you are always light years ahead of us!

[PWSX3]

start a new hobby, start a hobby you gave up because of your marriage. For me it was riding my bicycle. It is good for the mind, soul, & spirit!!!!

 

meet new people, try new things.....Once you start doing this it takes your mind off the bad situation some and before you know it you are starting to enjoy life again.

[delajoonal]

i have a fabulous hobby/job actually, i even have my own sewing studio in my home..i sew, seamstress, whatever you call it, i have an online boutique that i sell my stuff i.e. pillows, sachets, etc...all very girlie stuff, i even sold in a boutique in a near by city...

and you are right, IT all ceased on febuary 25..the day MY world stood still...the day my dh finally admitted, after pulling teeth, that he was having an online EA:eek:

 

since i have covered everything in my studio with sheets, etc...looks like the days when people would cover up furnture when an eldery relative died...it is very sad in there...i get emails daily, when can i start sewing again..i have customers i am afraid of losing, but they say they will wait forever..the love my stuff..LOL

 

anyway, i keep trying to get in there and just doing it...BUT...i just can't...

 

this might be the kicker, i had ordered a new serger a month before this happened, it was on back order, new fabulous machine blah blah...LOL

 

so now it will be here in a matter of 2 weeks...so i am wondering...will that be MY day? will i come out of this horrifc cocoon and get back in my studio and begin to create again?

 

i hope so..i really really do:love:

 

i use to sew from sun up to midnight and then draw out my patterns in teh middle of the night, ideas would come to me...some of my best ones too..LOL

 

so...maybe IT is time?

 

what else is everyone doing to just GET OUT and ON with it?

[Gunny376]

i get it now...find something , a song, a prayer, whatever, and keep doing it keep saying it, get out and keep going, pretend to be happy, pretend LIKE the sunshine today...and pretty soon, after doing all this pretending for so long...it becomes a reality...and you are actually doing IT all cause it feels good and you want too...

is that what you are saying Gunny?

well, sounds darn good to me...so, now i need a song, a thing to go out of the house for...oh, walk my dog..duh! LOL...OK, so maybe i CAN do this too.

thanks again, you are always light years ahead of us!

 

 

You create your own reality ~ and reality is relative. It is what it is. You can choose to make that a positive experience or your can choose to make that a negative one. Its all relative.

 

The glass is half empty or its half full ~ its all about perception. A spouse leaving can be a good thing, or it can be a freaking blessing ~ "Thank God and Greyhound your gone! I really don't know how much longer I could have gone on?"

 

Just because someone, for whatever reason chooses to no longer be a part of my life, is not a reflection on me and who and what I'm about ~ its a reflection on them and who and what they're about.

 

In our lives, people come ~ and people go? "No one monkey makes a show?" (Van Morrison song)

 

To me? You've got to take an approach like John Travolta in the movie "Michael" especially the dance scene at the end of the movie. Don't sweat the small stuff, and its all small stuff. Life really is a joke in some ways. But most of all? You've got to keep your sense of humor. Sometimes? Life is just too ridiculous to live. We live it somewhere between a laugh and a tear, I've seen it as I've swung by between the two a time or two.

 

In the end? Most people are about as happy as the make their minds up to be! I sometimes struggle with that, but I daily make my mind up to choose to be happy, to be positive, ~ even if I some days have to work at it!

 

I try to get out there and rub a little sunshine on my face, and what is more? I try to spread that around and share that with others. Brighten their day and make their day and make them feel good about themselves and about their lives. I try to help others and make them feel good about themseleves. For no other reason ~ than its just the right thing to do!

[delajoonal]

{quote) I try to help others and make them feel good about themseleves. For no other reason ~ than its just the right thing to do!

AND you do...everyday, since i have been reading here on LS, you make me laugh out loud everyday, and also really truly make me THINK...what am i doing...what am i going to do?...and what is IT all about...i am in control..etc....

 

your words are very poignant..to me...thank you for taking time for us, me, LS and everyone, thank you;)

[dgiirl]

i am so happy you found a man to give you all you deserve and needed.

but i bet it came only after some long hard days of re-evaulating yourself and what you want from life, and relationships?

 

i think that is the point that PWSX3 is making in his post...

 

Most definitely! In the beginning, I took ALL the blame. My exh came home one day and said he wanted a divorce and left the very next day to never return. To say I was blind sighted is an understatement. I cried, begged, pleaded, things I NEVER thought I would have done.

 

It took me a long time to get over my divorce, and I'm still not 100% sure I'm _completely_ over it, 4 years later. I cannot think about him without still getting angry, but I dont think of him very often. I cried a LOT for the first year, but I also reflected a lot on my fault in the marriage, who I had become and more importantly who I wanted to become. The second year was when I started making plans for my new life, finally got my house sold, could finally make plans to move to a "new" city (moving back home after 10 years away), found a new job, moved back to friends, met a ton of new friends. I was soooooo busy and having so much fun that my life was exciting and enjoyable again. And it had not been like that in a very long time, even while married. Two and a half years later, I finally started dating.

 

 

 

 

i guess really it is like you stated, that every one is different, recovery time, etc...but when did you know, you just could NOT go back to your wife and the trust was absolutely gone and NEVER to be fixed?

 

For me, it was when I made a better life for myself. When I looked at the relationship he offered me, when I realize how miserable I had been for years, how unhappy and insecure I felt, and realized that all of those feelings had disappeared when _he_ was not around. I loved my husband dearly. I thought we would have been together forever. But when I finally started living on my own, I had a sense of serenity. Things were peaceful within me. I was kinder to myself. My friends and family came to support me. Life was just peaceful. There were good qualities about my husband, but since he was leaving me, I really had to take a hard look at all the bad qualities about him. And the more I looked, the more I realized what an asshat he was. I looked at his relationship with me. I looked at his relationship with his family and friends and with strangers. And I started to see some really bad ugly qualities in a partner, and in a person, that I overlooked, and realized that I didnt want someone like that in my life.

 

 

i am asking, cause i know my husband, and he is a creature of habit and comfort and i just know in my gut he at some point, will want to come back...the only thing that keeps me saying NO, is all the lies i keep catching him in..NOT so much the EA even...but the lies, and they are stupid weird little lies...that and every time he goes on his computer i inadvertently ask, " what are you doing?", "who are you talking too?"

 

It doesnt sound like you like the way you are when you are with HIM? Really think about that. What kind of person are you around him and around other people? Does he make you feel as good about yourself as a complete stranger off the street?

 

 

but then i started thinking..oh my gosh...what if i just sent him to another situation like the online EA?

 

Dont you think you deserve something better in a relationship than these types of fears? So, you "sent" him to counselling and now you're afraid he's going to meet someone? What do you REALLY want in a partner? What is your definition of marriage? Do you guys really have a marriage if you're afraid he's talking to a mistress online, or he's going to meet someone outside?

 

 

 

PWSX3, see, and that's what worries me. I've had a couple of moments where it hurts, but mostly, I'm glad it's over. And when I do get upset, I can look back and tie every single time to being scared about the change, rather than the end of the relationship. I don't know if I'm just deluding myself and it will hit later, or if I'm really, honestly glad. I think I'm honestly happy about it, but I'm aware that it could just be my brain trying to protect me. And I DID expect the pain, I just haven't really encountered it yet.

 

Everyone reacts differently. I dont know your situation or if you were prepared for your separation, but if you've already grieved during the marriage, it's prefectly understandable you would feel relieved that it's over. It sounds like you went through a lot recently with your own health, and then bending over backwards to "please" him. With him no longer there, you dont feel the pressure to "change" anymore. You can finally be yourself, the person YOU want to be. That can definitly be relieving.

 

 

Less than 24 hours later, all my future plans seemed so focused, and I decided to get the kind of job I wanted since he couldn't tell me that he hated it anymore, and that I was going back to school for my English degree, then on to law school. He tried telling me that a business degree would be smarter and I told him that I am mostly finished with my English degree and have no desire to switch. He told me that a lot of places pay for your college, and I told him that I'm not doing it in that order. It took me less than 24 hours to pick up exactly where I left off 13 years ago. Like he never even happened. And when I realized that, I stopped crying. I stopped feeling like we needed to talk about where we went wrong, or hash out the past. I mean, how invested can I really be if it's like he was never there? It's said that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. And that's where I'm at right now. Last night, he was fishing for a sign from me. He said, "Pretty soon, all my stuff will be out of here and it will just be dropping the kids off and a quick hi. I bet you'll be glad." I told him, "Nope. Indifferent." And I didn't do it to be nasty. That's just the first word that popped in my head.

 

start a new hobby, start a hobby you gave up because of your marriage. For me it was riding my bicycle. It is good for the mind, soul, & spirit!!!!

 

meet new people, try new things.....Once you start doing this it takes your mind off the bad situation some and before you know it you are starting to enjoy life again.

 

Intricategirl, bravo to you for doing EXACTLY what you need to do in this situation. Building a brand new chapter in your life, the way YOU want it to be. Good luck in your new adventures and keep doing it!

 

PW did exactly what I did, we both started new hobbies, and we embraced them with all our heart. Him, bicycling, me, photography. And we probably never would have done those hobbies had it not been for our respective separations/divorces. And because of those hobbies, they've also made us social butterflies, giving us brand new opportunities to meet new people and experience new things. That's what you need in your life right now! Keep in touch we good old friends, but also get out and meet new people. Meet new people who only know YOU as the new happy single you. And it's a HUGE ego boost when you realize that people like you for YOU, not you as a married couple.

 

Also, get back to your sewing!! You need to dive right back into it. No if's and's buts about it! You dont want to look back at yourself in a year or two and be disappointed that you wasted so much precious time and stopped pursuing your passions in life for a man who has mistreated you very badly. Also, once you do start building your confidence back up by pursing the things that you are good at, you will become more positive and attractive. The confidence might bring your husband back, and it will also bring other male attention too. Life's too short and there are PLENTY of good men out there!

[gypsygal]

when i found text of the ow in hubby palm pilot i got phone number and after i went nuts with him i did call her left her a message but i was very upset and eventually she called me back but now i look back and i should have never done that .. so i hope u do not call her if u feel the need to let it out write it here i know its hard ...have a great night

 

 

 

gypsy

[SummerLady]

ok, i am having a horrible day...can't stop crying...everything is TOO Much!

 

(see original post, divorce?affair? .....

basically my dh had an online EA, not in love with me anymore, wants a divorce, ALL out of NO where, complete shock and surprise, etc...the same ol' song and dance)

 

my mind is going 100 miles an hour...i keep going back to this OW..

she knew MY dh is married and she continued with their EA...

i just want to scratch my own eyes out!

btb, she is married too..and i DID call her husband about a month ago...apparently he arleady knew too..she gave him the same song my dh gave me...anyway....

 

Ii have ALL her phone numbers, i am a fraction of second from calling her and basically just reminding her of the devastation she took part in in destroying my family:sick:

 

PLEASE...anyone out there today...

stop me, encourage me...i am so darn lost today!

 

i just want to call her and scream (one version)

or

(second version)

just calmly say this is a reminder of what YOU did to me and my family and i am not going to let you forget IT for a VERY LONG TIME!

 

ok...please thoughts, anyone...i am fit to be tied!

 

p.s. i hope everyone is having a better day than me:love:

 

 

I called the other woman. I wanted to do it and I did it, no one could have stopped me. Do I think it was worth it? Nope. She was pathetic to say the least. She was afraid I was going to call her husband so she was playing the whole relationship down and making excuses. What did it confirm? It confirmed that she and my husband were total *******s. It confirmed that marriage was not all to important to either of them, it confirmed that her maturity level was about at a 12 year old stance which would insult most 12 year olds, it confirmed what I already knew, MY MARRIAGE WAS OVER!

I cannot tell you what to do, you will do what you want but it will not change what has gone down. Many marriages survive infidelity, mine was not one. Good Luck in what you chose to do. And remember this is not about you its about selfish, unethical adults that made very very bad decisions. Time to pay the piper.

[delajoonal]

SummerLady..

thank you for your response...you will be glad to know, i NEVER did call her..after i posted here a few other members responded immediately and divereted my attention from that angry place i was in that day when i wanted to call OW so badly...i did not:laugh:

 

i am very very HAPPY i did not...it would have disgusted my dh...and made me just as ignorant as they are for being married and having the EA in the first place...so i decided, why should i let OW know i am miserable right now...for all they BOTH know i am swinging from a chandelier having the time of my life with a man half my age...LOL...i am SO not...but they don't know that...my point, that call would just prolly had made her happy i was miserable.

 

btb, OW broke it off with my dh over a month ago...so now, he is alone..which is exacly where he needs to be right now...alone with his thoughts....

 

 

dgiirl...

about the counseling issue...with dh..i was thinking, if he found some sappy OW to listen to his lies and garbage online and get her to say

I LOVE YOU in only 3 weeks and NEVER even met each other or a PA...than i figured, well, what's to stop him from meeting someone in person..right?

 

anyway, today is one of those days, i couldnt' care less where is or who he is with...

BUT..

Talk to me at about midnight tonight..wheni am alone in bed and missing my man..ack!

some man, really, right...LOL

 

as for my sewing..i still can't get the creative juices flowing..too much hurt still? my new serger will be here in a few weeks, so i am trying to set up projects to start on my new machine...

new machine, new start, new life, right..LOL:love:

 

thanks all so much...what woudl i do without you all..angels... all angels!

[SummerLady]

SummerLady..

thank you for your response...you will be glad to know, i NEVER did call her..after i posted here a few other members responded immediately and divereted my attention from that angry place i was in that day when i wanted to call OW so badly...i did not:laugh:

 

i am very very HAPPY i did not...it would have disgusted my dh...and made me just as ignorant as they are for being married and having the EA in the first place...so i decided, why should i let OW know i am miserable right now...for all they BOTH know i am swinging from a chandelier having the time of my life with a man half my age...LOL...i am SO not...but they don't know that...my point, that call would just prolly had made her happy i was miserable.

 

btb, OW broke it off with my dh over a month ago...so now, he is alone..which is exacly where he needs to be right now...alone with his thoughts....

 

 

dgiirl...

about the counseling issue...with dh..i was thinking, if he found some sappy OW to listen to his lies and garbage online and get her to say

I LOVE YOU in only 3 weeks and NEVER even met each other or a PA...than i figured, well, what's to stop him from meeting someone in person..right?

 

anyway, today is one of those days, i couldnt' care less where is or who he is with...

BUT..

Talk to me at about midnight tonight..wheni am alone in bed and missing my man..ack!

some man, really, right...LOL

 

as for my sewing..i still can't get the creative juices flowing..too much hurt still? my new serger will be here in a few weeks, so i am trying to set up projects to start on my new machine...

new machine, new start, new life, right..LOL:love:

 

thanks all so much...what woudl i do without you all..angels... all angels!

 

 

Good for you!!! Sounds like your on the right track. You deserve only the best, never settle for anything less:) Have fun.......

[delajoonal]

thank you again for taking time to read and respond to my posts, etc...

it really does mean the world to me...and more, my recovery from this nighmare my dhz/ stbx has put me thru:sick:

 

without sweet angels on LS such as yourself, i dont' know where i would be?

 

i have a fabulous bff, can i say bff at 43 years old..LOL

anyway, she is amazing and i would die without her...she is just an angel too:love:

 

he's been gone for nearly a week now, (3rd time kicked him out and last time, 3rd times a charm, right..LOL)

 

and i seem to be getting better each day i wake up?

i only cried once last night and that was during prayer time...

i have had no fits of rage, no more crying jags...something is changing.

 

i even wrote in my journal. "goodbye D****, and good luck!"

i have never wrote or said those words, good bye or "i want a divorce " yet...

 

BUT i did last night, out loud to myself, and very softly, it just came to me...i want a divorce;)

 

so many weeks of reading on LS and posting, it is painfully clear that my dh/stbx had really betrayed me, in SO many ways, said awful things to me, yelled at me, etc...things that i am sure cannot ever be recovered...just TOO MANY LIES...

 

and it just became so clear..WHY on earth, would i want work so hard to stay, keep, or get back a man who has had an EA, lies , and LEFT his family standing at the door, i swear i could hear country music playing in the background as he drove off...LOL

(i love Country music...but you know what i mean...the whole my truck broke down, my dog died, and my wife cheated on me country music..LOL)

 

anyway... have a Fabulous day!

p.s. it is sunny, hot, i am got a brand new swimning suit and i am gonna use it today at our pool wink wink..LOL:laugh: