A Breakup: Should I stay a friend? (long)

[Guest]

Okay, need some opinions on this one to help me clear my mind over this..

 

 

 

After 3 mo. together I had my 2nd breakup with my girlfriend. She's 25, I'm 26.

 

 

She admitted we had the most amazing chemistry she's ever felt, & that I

 

 

treated her better and made her feel more special than any guy she's

 

 

ever seen. Additionally she also admitted that she has never been more

 

 

turned on by a guy nor as sexually happy with a man as with me. Her

 

 

best friend and housemate, my coworker, doesnt think I'm good enough for

 

 

her, and tells her this but not me. Because of his jealousy, we never

 

 

fully communicated our needs.

 

 

 

She didnt after the 1st breakup, & only

 

 

after pressing her the 2nd time she broke up with me did she say what

 

 

she wanted out of the relationship. She said except for my work ethic

 

 

(I've a good job (70k) I'm happy with but apparently I'm not ambitious

 

 

enough and I don't get to work exactly on time often enough, something I

 

 

have worked out with my boss anyway), she would have loved

 

 

unconditionally, & people can't change, & if I wanted to change to help

 

 

make it work I wouldnt be changing for the right reasons. The 2nd time she broke up with me, she shut me out for a week then called me to break up, and was very cold

 

 

while doing it. She wants to stay friends, but it's difficult for me.

 

 

 

How should I deal with the anger I have towards her for how unfairly I

 

 

feel I've been treated? She never told me what she wanted until AFTER we broke up the 2nd time, but still

 

 

wanted to hold it against me for not knowing, and now that she's told me, she won't see if we can move the relationship

 

 

forward now that we know how each other truly feels. We've both

 

 

admitted that we've fallen for each other, and she does not have a

 

 

single unhappy memory of our time together and admits she'll probably

 

 

never have the chemistry we have again…. I've tried to vent some of this

 

 

to her and she agrees she was unfair, and unduly cold, and still thinks

 

 

about being with me all the time, but she does not want to invest in

 

 

doing what's fair, to try and work it out so we can make a good

 

 

relationship work in the long-term. She says she has been through the

 

 

rollercoaster ride in the last serious relationship she had 2 years ago,

 

 

with a guy who was psycho and mentally abusive, and she doesn't think

 

 

people can change and therefore it is not worth the effort to give

 

 

second chances. I'm not sure I really got a fair first chance, for that

 

 

matter.

 

 

 

Am I too judgmental in feeling wronged, or that she is taking a

 

 

cop-out to avoid a real relationship? She is outwardly a very strong,

 

 

independent woman but I see her breaking up for these reasons as a

 

 

copout, to make things easier for her.. to spare her from risking real

 

 

investment to the relationship and from further tensions with her

 

 

jealous best friend.

 

 

 

I'm just looking for feedback as to whether my being upset is misplaced,

 

 

what issues she has that I can possibly help her with, and whether I

 

 

should try again to ask her if she'll consider us working through this

 

 

to make the good thing we had last. I want to be with her, to help her,

 

 

and to do what it takes for us to succeed as a couple, if that's possible at this point. Thanks.

 

Paul

[amy]

all to often do we feel that if we don't have a partner or should i say significant other that we are nothing. what needs to happen is for us to realize that being alone is though maybe not pleasant at first possible. i think this one is deffinately a toughy, the thing you need to remember is no matter how it works out that as long as you are fair and honest to yourself that there is nothing more that you can do. remaining friends with someone that you had a messy breakup with is something very difficult to obtain. just remember that you have done nothing wrong and let what ever the course that you are to follow happen. it is hard to remain friends, i am one that would know... but i always say if you really love the person you will try your dardest no matter how hard it is. good luck.

Okay, need some opinions on this one to help me clear my mind over this.. After 3 mo. together I had my 2nd breakup with my girlfriend. She's 25, I'm 26. She admitted we had the most amazing chemistry she's ever felt, & that I treated her better and made her feel more special than any guy she's ever seen. Additionally she also admitted that she has never been more turned on by a guy nor as sexually happy with a man as with me. Her best friend and housemate, my coworker, doesnt think I'm good enough for her, and tells her this but not me. Because of his jealousy, we never fully communicated our needs.

 

She didnt after the 1st breakup, & only after pressing her the 2nd time she broke up with me did she say what she wanted out of the relationship. She said except for my work ethic

 

(I've a good job (70k) I'm happy with but apparently I'm not ambitious enough and I don't get to work exactly on time often enough, something I have worked out with my boss anyway), she would have loved unconditionally, & people can't change, & if I wanted to change to help make it work I wouldnt be changing for the right reasons. The 2nd time she broke up with me, she shut me out for a week then called me to break up, and was very cold while doing it. She wants to stay friends, but it's difficult for me. How should I deal with the anger I have towards her for how unfairly I feel I've been treated? She never told me what she wanted until AFTER we broke up the 2nd time, but still wanted to hold it against me for not knowing, and now that she's told me, she won't see if we can move the relationship forward now that we know how each other truly feels. We've both

 

admitted that we've fallen for each other, and she does not have a single unhappy memory of our time together and admits she'll probably never have the chemistry we have again…. I've tried to vent some of this to her and she agrees she was unfair, and unduly cold, and still thinks about being with me all the time, but she does not want to invest in doing what's fair, to try and work it out so we can make a good relationship work in the long-term. She says she has been through the

 

rollercoaster ride in the last serious relationship she had 2 years ago, with a guy who was psycho and mentally abusive, and she doesn't think people can change and therefore it is not worth the effort to give

 

second chances. I'm not sure I really got a fair first chance, for that matter. Am I too judgmental in feeling wronged, or that she is taking a cop-out to avoid a real relationship? She is outwardly a very strong,

 

independent woman but I see her breaking up for these reasons as a copout, to make things easier for her.. to spare her from risking real investment to the relationship and from further tensions with her jealous best friend. I'm just looking for feedback as to whether my being upset is misplaced, what issues she has that I can possibly help her with, and whether I should try again to ask her if she'll consider us working through this to make the good thing we had last. I want to be with her, to help her, and to do what it takes for us to succeed as a couple, if that's possible at this point. Thanks.