Wife not being honest

[Chrome Barracuda]

Question for you Chrome, since you feel uncomfy with a woman who is seperated, how long after the divorce is final would you wait. You have a good point.

 

When she is ready to finally start dating again, without pining for her ex.

I did date a woman who was "supposedly seperated" from her husband a long time ago and when things started to get heavy between us. I suspect the ex came back into the picture. And throw in a medical emergency on her side with her family and voila! More often than not that's how it always happens. One of them either way couldnt let go.

 

I mean there are existing circumstances depending on length of the seperation or why they are even seperated in the first place. Every situation is different. but I learned to let the woman work through her emotions with her ex, without me in the picture so that way I may have a fighting chance to be in a good relationship with her if the chance arises.

 

Gary K, it's time to let her go. If she's cheating again, it's not all you. it's her. I dont think a woman like this can stop herself. Time to bounce.

[SummerLady]

When she is ready to finally start dating again, without pining for her ex.

I did date a woman who was "supposedly seperated" from her husband a long time ago and when things started to get heavy between us. I suspect the ex came back into the picture. And throw in a medical emergency on her side with her family and voila! More often than not that's how it always happens. One of them either way couldnt let go.

 

I mean there are existing circumstances depending on length of the seperation or why they are even seperated in the first place. Every situation is different. but I learned to let the woman work through her emotions with her ex, without me in the picture so that way I may have a fighting chance to be in a good relationship with her if the chance arises.

 

Gary K, it's time to let her go. If she's cheating again, it's not all you. it's her. I dont think a woman like this can stop herself. Time to bounce.

 

 

One of the reasons I asked you this Chrome is that I think someone I am very interested in does not want to date me for this reason. I think he wa shocked when I even filed for divorce and I get the impression he does not want to be involved with me until I am completely on my own. I understand this but I am very very over my marriage, it was over before it was over if you know what I mean but I get the sense of rationale.

[Chrome Barracuda]

One of the reasons I asked you this Chrome is that I think someone I am very interested in does not want to date me for this reason. I think he wa shocked when I even filed for divorce and I get the impression he does not want to be involved with me until I am completely on my own. I understand this but I am very very over my marriage, it was over before it was over if you know what I mean but I get the sense of rationale.

 

You should be happy, that a man is morally doing things the right way instead of jumping in the bed with you, wait until the divorce is final so when you do start something with this man, if anything, it wont be on his conscious in anyway's what he's doing.

 

If he's still interested give it time. Go slow things will work out for you, for the best.

[sugarmomma]

Excuse me, but we seem to have a different perspective on this. I was not invading her privacy but rather revealing her secrecy. What other good purpose is served by hiding a cell phone from a spouse and making calls to another man when the spouse is not around? It seems you want me to be the bad guy in not trusting her, but I choose to look at it that there is a reason for that lack of trust.

 

 

This is why I would never marry someone if we had to have separate phone accounts. I mean really, that should have been a sign. When my husband and I first got married we were on the same account. Then I found out he was making calls totalling 5000 minutes per month and not to me. At that point we got on separate accounts and now we're divorcing.

 

 

I guess my point is that trust, openess and transparency are required to build a foundation for a healthy relationship. I would let her go since you guys only seem to be together out of habit instead of happiness.

[garyk]

Well I guess it's update time. Had a big ruckus over nothing yesterday am. She claimed that she was no longer going to be paying any of the bills. OK, fine. i went to the credit union and discovered that our account, that had $11,000 in it on Monday, now had a balance of, I swear to God, $.86.

 

I guess that was my final wakeup call. Took her name off of the accounts, and headed home to pack up. She wanted to know what I was doing and I told her that I was leaving. She went back into the kitchen where my oldest and her boyfriend were sitting. At one point I heard her say to "squeeze harder" but didn't pay much attention to it.

 

Just as I was finishing loading up my clothes, two police cars turned up. They wanted to know the problem was and as baffaled as I was, just told them nothing and that I was leaving. They then went into the house and came back a few minutes later, slapping me in cuffs. WTF?!?

 

It seems that my daughters boyfriend was squeezing her arms to make it look as if I had assulted her. So I spent last night in jail. Lots of love here, huh?

 

I bonded out this am and was given a no contact order. No problem there. So I'm typing this right now on the laptop she attemted to hide when I came back for my stuff today (an appearance only made possible with a police escort). friday night, feeling like my life has just totally caved in, sitting in a hotel room.

 

I guess monday brings apartment and lawyer hunting. My only consolation is that my youngest keeping sending me text msgs. telling me that she wants to live with me. Funny how kids can end up being the strong one.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Wow you need to divorce this woman asap! and subpeona the daughter and the boyfriend and have them perjuer themselves on the stand for making false allegations.

 

This woman is sick and you would do well to be rid of her. If she does this to ruin you just imagine what else she'd do. Do you think she still loves you? She's crazy! it's time to protect yourself.

[garyk]

Well, since I last posted, I've found a nice three bedroom house to rent that is close by to my kids high school. My lawyer has already drawn up the temporary separation agreement and we are going to hit her with it after my trial date in a couple of weeks.

I actually talked to her for about an hour last night. Still in denial over her affair, still doesn't want me to come back home. Not a very good conversation.

I slowly getting my mind in the place where i realize that it is over. And as a previous poster mentioned, perhaps staying together WAS more a matter of habit then happiness.

I know that there is life after divorce, but to be honest, it's scaring the hell out of me. I'm 45 and she was the one i was planning on growing old with. Yesterday was also our 19th wedding anniversary and I spent it getting s*** faced. Not healthy but it was something I needed to do.

Even with all that has happened, I would still like to give us another shot. But for me that's impossible until she comes clean about her affair.

I guess today is a new day......

[Admiral]

I moved out for 3 months. During that time, I had a brief affair that I ended before moving back home. She has never forgiven me for that and I can understand why.

DO NOT let her hold that over your head. You did NOTHING wrong. You had a fight, moved out for 3 MONTHS. You have every right to meet other women.

 

During the past few months, really since last summer when I began to notice, there have been many times when things just didn't add up right. Nothing obvious, but enough to make me go hmmm. Things came to a head about 3 weeks ago when I discovered she had a cell phone that I knew nothing about. A heated exchange followed and I spent the next 4 nights in a hotel. Things were beginning to get a little better until last Tuesday. While getting ready to take the kids to school, her phone rang. while talking on it, she made it appear that she was talking to a girlfriend but both our daughter and I clearly heard a mans voice. A huge argument broke out and since then she has not said two words to me.

 

A little suspicious. If she is lying to her, that's a very bad sign. Even if she isn't cheating, she DOESN'T RESPECT YOU.

 

He then called me and tried to give me a song and dance. I told him that in no uncertain terms that he was to break off all contact immediatly and to get the F*** out of our lives. He agreed. We'll see about that.

Why are you angry at him? You should be either angry at your wife for cheating (if she did), or yourself for letting her attraction to you fade.

 

Right now, do I trust her? Oh Hell no. But as she said, I had a fling 4 years ago and this was her payback. Whether it was a EA or PA, this still sucked and I have come to better appreciate what I put her through back then.

She doesn't get revenge.Go out and meet some other women. Have some sex with younger ladies. Don't get emotionally attached. Forget about exclusive relationships at the moment.