nerf Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I am with my bf for 1.5 years now and things have been great between us. We are even making plans to get married. However, I don't feel happy everytime he's having outings with his friends. I mean, I understand that he needs his own "me" time and needs to build rapport with his own colleagues and friends and all but I still feel sort of dejected everytime he has such outings. I just can't get over that fact that he is having fun without me! Last night for example, he had a company party. He asked my permission to go and everything and I agreed. I mean, I wanted him to have fun but I still can't help feeling dejected and lonely the whole of last night. I know this is very selfish of me and i understand that it is very important for him to have his own life too but i can't help it. Did some soul searching and partly it's because I know that I would never ever have such fun without him by my side. Or maybe it's because that I know I would never get to have such fun because of my own social circle and of course, how can he have fun without me by his side? I know this is very unhealthy and negative. What can I do? Is there something wrong with me? Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 i don't see nothing wrong with wanting to have fun w/ the one you love.how come you didn't go to his company party? Link to post Share on other sites
Britney23 Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I think you should tell him how you feel and tell him that it would mean a lot to you if he sometimes asked you to come along to company parties, etc. How come you don't think you will have fun without him by your side? Its important that you have your own friends and hobbies, so you are more interesting person. A guy who has a lot of interests outside the relationship is much more attracted to a girl that has their own life too and can maintain a degree of independence. He will start to resent you if you begin to make him feel guilty about seeing his friends and going out, I've seen this happen too many times.. You don't want to push him away do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nerf Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 Thanks mark982 and Britney23 The party was solely for employees only. He did ask me along for some other outings but to tell the truth, I was not really enjoying myself if i tagged along. On the other hand, I could try harder to mingle with his friends... I guess the only way out is to occupy myself with other activities when he's out? Sigh. I could try harder. I don't want to push him away Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Part of loving someone is wishing happiness for them and supporting them in pursuits in which they find joy/fulfillment, even it is done solo. This is especially critical when one is married Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Thanks mark982 and Britney23 The party was solely for employees only. He did ask me along for some other outings but to tell the truth, I was not really enjoying myself if i tagged along. On the other hand, I could try harder to mingle with his friends... I guess the only way out is to occupy myself with other activities when he's out? Sigh. I could try harder. I don't want to push him away This is definitely something you need to learn to manage. He will sometimes have work events that are for employees only. He's invited you to other events but you don't enjoy yourself. Your feelings are your feelings, but this kind of thing can really poison relationships and breed resentment. Have you spoken to a counsellor? Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 He asked you for permission? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 If she could only see the value in that..... Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 If she could only see the value in that..... Not only the value but the power she has in this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Yes, and with power comes responsibility. Is she up for that? Link to post Share on other sites
missdependant Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 He did ask me along for some other outings but to tell the truth, I was not really enjoying myself if i tagged along. So regardless, you're not going to have fun? Whether he goes with or without you, it's not fun for you... so why would he invite you? I would suggest a girl's night with friends.. or a night out without him, whether or not you're going to have fun. You probably WILL end up having fun. You are being too clingy and dependent on him if you're not able to have any fun without him. If you are planning on getting married this is something you should try and get past. Link to post Share on other sites
dogtown Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I had a gf who acted the same way. She would get upset every time I went out without her. That possessive mentality became really unattractive. Looking back on it I now realize that it was because she had no friends herself. Go join a club or figure out a way of making some friends who you can share a good time with. An important part of any relationship is carving out your own time. Link to post Share on other sites
warner0137 Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I feel like this sometimes of my boyfriend, but just coz his having fun with his friends doesnt mean he doesnt spend the best times with you, of course he loves being with you best. why not try meeting up with your friends when he is going out with his friends ? or even go along with him perhaps they have partners too you could all have fun together. Link to post Share on other sites
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