Move on or Stick with it

[gapch]

First let me say, I am so happy that I found this forum, as I didn't think there was anywhere I could turn to.

 

Now here's my story...

 

In August of last year, I met this guy through a mutual friend. We became friends, and almost instantly, became very close. From the beginning, he told me that he was still in love with his ex, they had broken up in July 2007. I was fine with that info, as I wasn't looking to start a relationship with anyone.

 

Like I stated before, we became very close, spending hours out of the day on the phone...he travels alot with his job, and when he was in town, we spent most of our free time together. Eventually, we became sexual.

 

We got to the point where we could and would say anything to each other, like best friends.

 

Things progressed to the point where we would do things for each other, that I would classify girlfriendish/boyfriendish. Such as, my car broke down, he had it towed and fixed, and usually asks me to pay some of his bills (with his money of course), while he travels for work, and lots of other things.

 

In January of this year, we went on a trip together for 3 weeks, and had a great time, and this is when I realized I was developing feelings for him. I was horrified. I really didn't want to develop feelings for anyone, let alone this guy that's still in love with someone else.

 

Most of our friends and family, that know of our relationship, say that we are in love with each other. When we tell everyone we are just friends, we get looks and words of disbelief, lol. We will say to each other, I love you, but its always a friendly tone about it.

 

Well, we had a really huge blow-out the other day, and I told him, I didn't want to be his friend anymore. He cried, and begged me not to do this to us, saying that he needs me, and wants to resolve the issue with his ex, before he can move on with me. He says, he loves our friendship, and has never had the closeness we share with anyone else.

 

In November last year, one of my relatives met him while he fixed my car. This relative said to me, after talking with him....he knows this guy really cares for me, and wants to be with me, but I have to be patient, since he had been hurt in the past by other women.

 

I do know I love him, and I feel from him that he loves me to. I am not sure if I should move on, or just stick with it. My heart says, stick with it, My mind says move on...let it go

 

Any advice?

[Island Girl]

He cried, and begged me not to do this to us, saying that he needs me, and wants to resolve the issue with his ex, before he can move on with me.

 

The rest of the story speaks to working it through it with him.

 

BUT there is this GLARING quote above.

 

He still has issues because of his ex from 2 years ago?!!

 

He is in a deep emotional rut and it seems he is happy wallowing there.

He has made no progress or at least enough to show he is worthwhile to gamble on.

 

MOVE ON.

 

Get out and start dating other people. Don't wait around for this guy.

 

If he comes to you willing to REALLY give a relationship a "go" then reevaluate and see where your head is at that point. But to consider at that point he has to be willing to jump on in - not stumble along slowly.

[gapch]

Island Girl,

 

Thanks for the quick reply. I told him our relationship can't continue, but it just seems to be. I have to find a way to get this guy off my mind, and out of my heart. So thats what I'm trying to work on....its the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

[Island Girl]

Island Girl,

 

Thanks for the quick reply. I told him our relationship can't continue, but it just seems to be. I have to find a way to get this guy off my mind, and out of my heart. So thats what I'm trying to work on....its the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

Possibly it will be a kick in the pants for him.

 

MAYBE it'll show him how fearful he is behaving in life and how much he is missing out on.

 

Don't wait around for it but it MIGHT happen that way.

 

In the meantime you have to find those qualities AND passion in someone who is willing to risk for love.

There are never any guarantees.

But you want a BRAVE MAN. Not a coward.

 

I wish you luck in finding him.

[MagicRat09]

My situation has some similarities. Particularly, my person begging me to stay buddies with her even though I wanted to be more and she didn't. But I'm becoming increasingly frustrated and fed up. Mainly because she wants me to give her all the attention of a boyfriend without actually being one... and it's compromising my happiness and I won't have that. So as of this morning I'm beginning a slow fade out.

[loser101]

erm... the original post sounds like something I read here before. isn't this about the two of you pretending to be FWBs?

 

if both of you keep refering to your relationship as 'friendship' then you are both in denial. this is where you want to start

[gapch]

Start where, I don't understand what you mean?

[burningashes]

Have you told him straight out that you want to date him? If not, do that and if he still needs to resolve "issues" with the ex from 2 years ago, you have to move on. Island girl is right, you want a man, not a coward who can't make up his mind where he wants to be in life right now. If you don't do this, you risk getting into limbo with him where you aren't exactly JUST friends, but aren't dating either. It's a horrible place to be- take it from someone who knows.

 

Plus, if you do find someone, it may kick him in the nuts and he'll realize he truly wants you. Sad, but sometimes that's what it takes :/

[Charles1978]

My situation has some similarities. Particularly, my person begging me to stay buddies with her even though I wanted to be more and she didn't. But I'm becoming increasingly frustrated and fed up. Mainly because she wants me to give her all the attention of a boyfriend without actually being one... and it's compromising my happiness and I won't have that. So as of this morning I'm beginning a slow fade out.

Ditto! I moved on, but didn't want to. It was best, though. But every situation is different, so have those conversations to make sure. Not easy, but if you love him, you should so that you will always know you did the right thing either way. Good luck!