Purrrfection8 Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 If one person in an 8 month relationship is having a considerably hard time tossing between committing/strongly devoting his life to you (his belief on love) and also wishing to be free to better himself and follow his dreams, what do you do? He sees the potential of a future with kids and marriage with you, yet is not yet certain because he also has dreams to travel, better his life and get his self back on track after a very trying year. Even if you see the same things for the future as strongly as he does, do you give him the gift of freedom and walk away knowing he may just disappear into the darkness, or do you stick around as he wishes you to while he is in turmoil over his choices? Going from one long term relationship to another throughout his life, two years prior to meeting me he made a pact with his self to remain single to better himself before he would commit to a girl. It has been 7 months now that I've been seeing this guy almost every day now. I'm the first girl to come along who he has felt a definite potential with. I'm ready to start and commit to our future and relationship, he is not. What do I do? He had a traumatic childhood (thus feels he's damaged goods) and has likened our relationship to a person who has a stomache ulcer (due to damaged good). He said that if you offer that person with an ulcer a juicy orange, altho he may want to chew into it ferociously, due to ulcer he has to be slow and gentle in eating that orange (our relationship). I'd like to remain supportive and loving and let him gently come to his decision, but honestly it hurts loving him so dearly knowing he's still undecided. Your thoughts r appreciated. Purrrfection8 Link to post Share on other sites
janeegrl Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Have you ever thought of how wonderful life can be with a more upbeat person? I was married to a man similar to yours and he was always down. If he thinks of himself as down and "damaged goods" thats all he will allow himself to be. He may need some "free" time to discover there is more out there than the troubled past he has endured. Set him free. If its meant to be, he'll come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purrrfection8 Posted October 18, 2003 Author Share Posted October 18, 2003 Hi Janee, thanks for your thoughts. Yes I've thought that freedom may be the most honorable gift to give him. I've known from the start he was intense and that loving a person so 'thought pre-occupied' would not be easy. His said life has totally re-newed this year and is beginning to look more positive that it has ever been. He lost were the friends that were not that great, his in a great new job role, his moved house and best of all he said, is that I've come along. I want to give him that freedom but at the same time I'm not ready to give up on him yet. Link to post Share on other sites
mac007 Posted October 29, 2003 Share Posted October 29, 2003 Purrrfection8, great Person you to stand with him. However, he needs to choose you also and equally. Try not to talk to him all the time, that is if you do. Keep your friendship. If he wants you to pursue you, then he will Go out and have some fun with the girsl. Find some new if you decide to set him free. His freedom comes when you are with someone you truly love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purrrfection8 Posted October 29, 2003 Author Share Posted October 29, 2003 Hi Mac, Thank u so much for ur reply. I think the main question he's trying to ask himself is whether he wants to migrate back overseas to his homeland or whether he's willing to give up that idea for me... He's wondering whether he's ready to commit whole-heartedly to a girl and stay in a country he is not from and does not like as much as his homeland... I have to work out how I can best show him that I am worth the sacrifice... I think playing a little hard to reach, not being at his beck and call constantly (phrased correctly?) would b the suitable thing to do. I thought about going out with the girls and I do, but I'm wondering if that works against me - makes me look like I'm not ready to settle down and commit the way he hopes and like I am... It's a really strange situation. I have no idea what the outcome will be. I'm just taking it day by day, trying to be patient and showing him that I understand his 'life changing' choices... I really feel this guy is worth the wait and don't want to pressure him on such a fairly important decision... We show each other love, treat each other well, have lots of laughs but I really need to gain some upperhand! Purrrfection8 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts