Can men and women be friends

[sue]

Hi: I'm friends with someone I know from school. We only communicate once a week. After class or we skip class and go for a coffee. Usually meet for about 2 hours. Our conversations have been getting into personal info. About ourselves, our families, our philosophy on life. I find myself becoming frustrated, I enjoy his company, but it is for 2 hours a week. Does anyone think a friendship like this can be sustained without it becoming intimate? It has the feel of a personal relationship, but it is not physical. We don't communicate during the week, phone calls are out of the question and he is not an e-mail person. Can a friendship like this be sustained? I find myself wondering if he is falling in love with me? How do you know??? Thanks for the advice. Sue

[Tony T]

Anything can be susstained if both parties want it to.

 

It sounds like you are wanting more of his time and emotions. Many very nice romances begin the way you describe here and evolve over a period of time. Others fall by the wayside. Sometimes, each person is waiting for a sign of more interest from the other and both are afraid to give the sign...so nothing ever happens.

 

Take the initiative and invite him to a play, concert or other social function. If he accepts, you've moved on to Step 2. If he can't make it, ask him again in a week or two. Tell him there's a great movie you'd like to see and you want him to join you. You have to jump start this thing.

 

By now, you must know if he has any other romantic interests or if he is gay. Assuming the answers to both are negative, you are clear for take off.

 

Your friendship as it stands right now can be sustained while you are both in school or while he has not other female interests. But when one of you starts seeing someone in a romantic way, your friendship will probably collapse. Situational friendships, such as the ones we form in school, at work, etc. can go either way. But most of the time, romance becomes all consuming and the platonic relationship pretty much fizzles to nothing.

 

So, if you're interested in this guy, go for it. If you aren't, just enjoy the friendship, conversation and coffee and don't worry about how long it lasts. Enjoy each encounter for itself.

 

Friendships between two different sexes can be sustained without intimacy. I personally have dozens of female friends I would never consider being intimate with but I love them as friends nevertheless. It is my experience that everyone defines friendship differently and relates to friendships with the opposite sex in their own way.

 

While many men can't understand how their girlfriends could have male friends without sleeping with them, many men do have difficultly having female friends without sleeping with them.

 

Life does get confusing sometimes. Enjoy your friend!!!

[sue]

Hi Tony thanks for the great answer. I feel better already.

 

I mentioned to him that I may not be taking class in the summer. He told me he'd miss me and that I was his motivation to take class, and probably wouldn't have signed up if it wasn't for me. I think I'll wait another month or so and mention something. Thanks, Sue

Anything can be susstained if both parties want it to. It sounds like you are wanting more of his time and emotions. Many very nice romances begin the way you describe here and evolve over a period of time. Others fall by the wayside. Sometimes, each person is waiting for a sign of more interest from the other and both are afraid to give the sign...so nothing ever happens. Take the initiative and invite him to a play, concert or other social function. If he accepts, you've moved on to Step 2. If he can't make it, ask him again in a week or two. Tell him there's a great movie you'd like to see and you want him to join you. You have to jump start this thing.

 

By now, you must know if he has any other romantic interests or if he is gay. Assuming the answers to both are negative, you are clear for take off. Your friendship as it stands right now can be sustained while you are both in school or while he has not other female interests. But when one of you starts seeing someone in a romantic way, your friendship will probably collapse. Situational friendships, such as the ones we form in school, at work, etc. can go either way. But most of the time, romance becomes all consuming and the platonic relationship pretty much fizzles to nothing. So, if you're interested in this guy, go for it. If you aren't, just enjoy the friendship, conversation and coffee and don't worry about how long it lasts. Enjoy each encounter for itself.

 

Friendships between two different sexes can be sustained without intimacy. I personally have dozens of female friends I would never consider being intimate with but I love them as friends nevertheless. It is my experience that everyone defines friendship differently and relates to friendships with the opposite sex in their own way. While many men can't understand how their girlfriends could have male friends without sleeping with them, many men do have difficultly having female friends without sleeping with them. Life does get confusing sometimes. Enjoy your friend!!!