Author LuckyClover Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Yeah thanks seibert...I have been working out....I actually see results....ITS SO FUNNY guys SHE hates that I'm getting phone calls from girls....she hates that I have a smile on my face....That doesn't mean she's remoarseful, sorry or any of that....it just means I'm making her jealous....ohhh....that feels good... F her....yes, she is still the mother of my kids...but a horrible example for them......so.there! Whatever...leave woman....go be with your man thats 15 years older then you....go retire. 28 years old and she wants an experianced, seasoned divorceie....whatever! I need to continue figuring out what I want and then find someone that wants the same thing.... I love it because the girls that are interested are nicer, hotter, and younger then her....only one thing they will never be, and thats the mother of my children, but, that's not their fault and I will NEVER let her back in my life- I gave her every oppurtunity....every oppurtunity! 9 out 10 men wouldn't have given her as many chances as I have given her. People I talk to can't even believe I let her live in the same house with me and continue to sleep next to me in the same bed for as long as I did....they don't understand when you're not in that situation you can say whatever you think you would do...but..when you're put in the moment you act and do everything differently to what you thought you would....I have no respect for you people out there that would cheat/beat on your spouse and then try to come back and do it all over again...may you rot in hell. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 just a tad bit of hatered at the end there. Link to post Share on other sites
webmuse Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 How ya doing today Lucky?..You still angry? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I would be happy I got into better shape when a woman left me, because that way I know I could pick up someone hotter after she leaves! lol. Anyway's the thing is she's hating because you are changing fdor the better a new, more hotter woman is gonna reap the benefits and positive changes that your making. She's insecure about that, and that's a good thing. her jealousy is a good thing, just keep on smiling and detaching. Once you finally finalize things and move on, you can see your probably better off, because she puts work ahead of you, where the OM is still at I might add. and she hasnt cared about your feelings one bit. Time to do things for yourself without her. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Success is the best revenge. It will feel great when your life is better than ever, and her fantasy world falls apart. She'll be at her lowest low, because she doesn't have you, nor her fantasy man. It will be a great day when she says, "I had a great life, family, husband, and threw it all away". Yeah honey, you did. Peace my man! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 so...I left and played basketball with a bunch of friends....I never do that....I've always just stayed home with the family because that's what a good husband does....spends time with his family....Yeah, that didn't get me very far.....well.....at least I have a great relationship with my kids..... One thing I notice more and more as I get older is that it is really important for power to be shared equally. I think it is human nature to abuse power when too much power is given by one person to another. When the husband is always the one staying home while the wifey goes out and has her fun, that's setting up a power imbalance. You're giving her freedom and making all the sacrifices. Another bad situation is when one partner disproportionately earns more than the other and becomes financially dependent on that bread winner. It doesn't work. Power gets abused. You have to have about half of the power in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuckyClover Posted May 25, 2009 Author Share Posted May 25, 2009 Well...tonight is the first night without the wife and kids...she's in her new place....I feel very alone and sad. I just want to hold my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Well...tonight is the first night without the wife and kids...she's in her new place....I feel very alone and sad. I just want to hold my kids. stay occupied. do something you've been putting off that will make you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuckyClover Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 Alright guys....it's happen sooner then I thought....We've been separated for 2 weeks now and she is already in regret and is asking if i would give her another chance..... She even said she would quit her job. What should I do?????? She's in a 6 month lease where she's at, so it will be 6 months before anything anyway. I don't know what to do...should I tell her to F off or should I let her back in?????? UGH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 she's in regret for a reason,just what is it? i wouldn't fall for the"honey i miss you" crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 ...She had her chance. you gave her more than ample time to do the right thing and now she's crying, now when your feeling good by moving on, now she's in regret mode, it looks like crocodiles' tears to me. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 She's in a six month lease. Let her wait it out in her new apartment. Let it all sink in. You should not take her back, just when she changes her mind. In fact, I would tell her you are not sure you want her back. If you really want to work on things, there has to be a plan to rebuild what she's stomped on. You have to consider it yourself, whether you really want it. That's a hard choice, because in my opinion, coming from a reconciliation, it's just as hard to stay married as it is to be separated. If you feel like making it work, start dating her, etc. You should be honest and forthcoming with her. Counseling should also be considered. Do not take her back, just because she's jealous of the attention you are getting. That's worthless. You have to have meaningful changes in both of your lives, for the relationship to work out. Hence, why most people will tell you to move on. If you are a better person and ready and capable of making it work, then consider it, but go slowly. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Alright guys....it's happen sooner then I thought....We've been separated for 2 weeks now and she is already in regret and is asking if i would give her another chance..... She even said she would quit her job. What should I do?????? She's in a 6 month lease where she's at, so it will be 6 months before anything anyway. I don't know what to do...should I tell her to F off or should I let her back in?????? UGH!!! Only you know the real feelings and all of the relevant circumstances. I would not rule out giving her a second chance, especially since she is the mother of your children. But if she's in a six month lease, you might want to consider using that fact to your advantage. I think time is on your side now, and you should use it wisely. Perhaps you could hold off on a divorce and get her to commit to joint marital counseling and following up on it religiously. And if she f*cks up even once -- whether it's backing out of marital counseling or communicating with her lover -- that's it. End of story. And don't look back. This is her final chance. You have to make that clear and you then have to be fully prepared to make her face the consequences if she reverts back to her old ways. Link to post Share on other sites
SRV Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Alright guys....it's happen sooner then I thought....We've been separated for 2 weeks now and she is already in regret and is asking if i would give her another chance..... She even said she would quit her job. What should I do?????? She's in a 6 month lease where she's at, so it will be 6 months before anything anyway. I don't know what to do...should I tell her to F off or should I let her back in?????? UGH!!! Wait it out, let her get through her six month lease. Watch her ACTIONS and her WORDS, whether they are in tandem during this period as you ponder whether to reconcile or not. The ship has been rocked, it is now stabilizing, let it totally stabilize before you know which direction to steer it. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Agree with TrustinYourself, good advice. Don't rush back in to anything, try dating, will be a good way to get reconnected and talk things through, if you do try to date though try to make sure that it's not all just heavy debate , if you have some fun it will maybe make you both see what you saw in each other in the first place. how have you been on your own ? Do you still love her ? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 ..... She even said she would quit her job. Her saying it does not make it so. You are still back to the same issue unless she does what she says she will. To let her return without having done this, would simply confirm for her that your rules and boundaries are flexible. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Agree with TrustinYourself, good advice. Don't rush back in to anything, try dating, will be a good way to get reconnected and talk things through, if you do try to date though try to make sure that it's not all just heavy debate , if you have some fun it will maybe make you both see what you saw in each other in the first place. how have you been on your own ? Do you still love her ? Bingo, keep it light and fun. Take it back to the days when you were irrestible, funny, charming, loving, and cool. Why go back to living together when you can take that spark she's showing and turn it into a blazing inferno. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightmare Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I am in your same situation for past 6 months. Wife cheated w a married coworker, i caught her, and now shes out. I gave her too many chances, she never gave 100% or even half of that. She still works with him. Her work knows yet they dont do anything about it. He is married and his wife is divorcing him for this as well. He stays at her apt now and they seem to be planning a future. Hardest part is knowing she is still with the person she destoyed our marriage for. I just want them over. She has blown off our kids for this. They know alot of whats going on for only 12 and 10 yrs old. She disgusts me as well. The lies still continue if not to me then to my kids. I wish i divorced when I first found out, she would have signed over everything 100%. Now we are almost done with divorce and I am getting primary custody and house as well as most assets. It pays to have an ace in the hole. From what ive been through I can tell you actions speak louder than words. I went through the same arguement about the job (that was the biggest issue) while we were supposed to be fixing us. Same excuses you got.I felt if she really cared about her family she would have quit that day, but then again if she really cared she would have never cheated to begin with. I get the begging and asking to come back bs as well ,not so much these days. And it is hard to let go, but your chasing something that wont ever be the same as you remember. I dont see the same person anymore, she gone and the damage has been done. If shes out and you have the kids go for primary custody, get c support from her. You didnt do anything wrong why should you be limited with your kids for her mistake. In my opinion if she really wants to save it with you I would say she needs to quit her job, walk from her lease ( i hope you didnt put your name on it), open everything up to you from here on out like phone records, email , whatever you want to feel comfortable. If she would be willing to do that and you coul;d live with what she did and not treat her like a dog, then it could maybe work. But once you lay your terms out get ready for some excuses, went through it a month ago. People who say let her live in apt., slowly date her and try to make yourself the person you were when you met are INSANE. That will be great for her because when your with her shes getting what she wants to fill her family needs and when she leaves for the apt she will be calling him or another guy. If you dont give her consequences for her actions it will happen again. Hence the term once a cheater, always........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuckyClover Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 It's been a while guys I know......well.....what can I say, other then....the 180 works....she has been trying real hard to show me that she wants me and only me....I have taken her back. I never thought I would, but when it came down to it...I still love her.... Has she quit her job? No. Like I said before she's stuck in a 6 month lease... she hasn't moved back in either....(I kinda like it that way for a little while anyway). She has shown me letters that he writes to her and how he respects her decision to break up...bla bla bla bla bla bs. But whatever.....I don't care about that....My problem right now is how to heal and love someone again.....because the truth is guys is I am more scared of getting hurt again ....really love really hurts.... I hated it and I have become really good at numbing myself or putting up a brick wall.... I just need to tear down the wall but I think it's too soon. Whats funny is that the kids love that they have 2 homes. I'm sure it's because we aren't fighting....we haven't faught since we got back together either... the kids drive us crazy but that's usual... also it's really hard not to make sly remarks when reminded of OM....things he said, songs they listen to, places they went, etc...etc...etc... I feel there will be no chance in hell for us if everytime a reminder pops up i make that reminder vocal....but ill tell you what, that is very hard to bite my tongue. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 There will be no chance of y'all because of HER! She's the one with the issues and whatnot. Why did you take her back without her showing you what she would do! Love isnt supposed to hurt! Link to post Share on other sites
Jonesey Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 People who say let her live in apt., slowly date her and try to make yourself the person you were when you met are INSANE. That will be great for her because when your with her shes getting what she wants to fill her family needs and when she leaves for the apt she will be calling him or another guy. If you dont give her consequences for her actions it will happen again. Hence the term once a cheater, always........ These words couldn't be more dead-on. I took my STBXW back and the same thing that happened the first time happened again. She needs to walk from the apartment and the job...... My wife was playing house with me and the boy, but as soon as she would go back to the apt, she was calling/text/talking to another man. The other man this time is the guy she is with now..... Please, do not set yourself up for failure, it will hurt worse the 2nd time around..... J Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 damn straight it hurts worse second time around. tread careful on this one. she can say all the crap she wants,promise you the moon.but you'll never really know the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Tread carefully Lucky. You are walking on very Thin Ice. She is showing you what she wants to show you. I don't know about you, but I can only tell you what I would do. There would be no R until she: 1. Moved back into the home, (how can you truly know what she's doing if she's not around, she's already proven she's not trustworthy) 2. Quit her job. (what's more important here, your/her financial well-being, or your marriage) 3. Complete transparency 4. Counseling, (individual and marriage) All that being said, I am happy for you and I pray to J. that everything works out for you. You've fought the good fight and proved you're a wonderful father and faithful husband. But, please watch your steps, (and your wife's), very carefully. None of us want you to end up back where you started. Peace and God Bless. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Seibert's got it right. You're rewarding her when she hasn't truly changed her actions and behaviors. She's still working there, and so still in contact with OM. There's no way that you can trust her again while this is the case. Taking her back too soon, before she's met your requirements, sets the stage for a lot of bad juju. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightmare Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 You have to believe me when I say I went through the exact same thing. We tried to get back together. She was loving and compassionate(somewhat remorsful) when we were together and I thought I was happy too. But every morning she would get ready for work ( she didnt quit either, and he worked there) I would go crazy knowing she would see him. I was second guessing everything. I asked her to quit and end all contact. She said she would but kept putting it off. At one point she said she wasnt going to quit for a year. I was angry but she was with me so I didnt fight it so much. All are fighting during the time after the affair was based on her job and contact with him. Texts were still being sent all said to be "work related". Finally I said you quit and end contact or you have to go, shes gone now. If your wife will not quit tommorrow morning, dont waste another day. Start protecting yourself and the kids for divorce. She will use the economy as her reasons for not quiting. But fact is if she quit and left her apt you would still be financially better off than divorced and with an apt. Her arguement is mute. I wish you the best. I have a feeling you are not happy with this and flip flopping everyday between trying to save it or divorce, shes flip flopping between two men and two different lifestyles. Link to post Share on other sites
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