Dexter Morgan Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks for your reply. I can't picture my life without my H. With that said I don't know if I can go back with those restrictions, I'd go back now if I didn't have to leave my job then your M and your H don't mean that much to you. and your H deserves NOTHING LESS than you being away from the OM COMPLETELY if you were to ever reconcile. So if you aren't willing to do what it takes for your M, then your M isn't your priority. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 This one's not that hard, but you are making it with your rationalizations. Simple really: Choose; your husband and marriage, or your job and contact with OM. You say you love your husband and family, but do nothing to back it up. To me, sounds like you really don't love your husband as much as you proclaim. If you did, and you really wanted to stay married to him, you would do anything and everything to make it work. To throw away your marriage and family for a paycheck is very selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
RegrettingtheAffair Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 You are all right. WTF am I doing? When I'm dead and gone will it ever matter that I kept my job. What matters is a family for my children. I've been in such a fog for the last 8 weeks. I love my H and he loves me and we have two beautiful children, what else matters, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 You are all right. WTF am I doing? When I'm dead and gone will it ever matter that I kept my job. What matters is a family for my children. I've been in such a fog for the last 8 weeks. I love my H and he loves me and we have two beautiful children, what else matters, right? you.....respecting your husband and finding another job. and you don't love him all that much if you can't at least try to find another job. Link to post Share on other sites
RegrettingtheAffair Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Exactly, and you should read my post again because I agree with you. I have to find another job. And I will, it's only a job. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Exactly, and you should read my post again because I agree with you. I have to find another job. And I will, it's only a job. ya, but you are bouncing off the wall and flip flopping. you say you think you need to find another job, but then go on to say that it shouldn't matter as long as you love your husband and have your family, and said "When I'm dead and gone will it ever matter that I kept my job." Link to post Share on other sites
RegrettingtheAffair Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Right Dexter what I meant was if I keep my job will anyone ever remember me for keeping my job. What matters is that I keep my family,that's what I will be remembered for. Sorry for confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Right Dexter what I meant was if I keep my job will anyone ever remember me for keeping my job. What matters is that I keep my family,that's what I will be remembered for. Sorry for confusion. ok then, get 100 copies of your resume and send at least one out a week to another employer. Scour the Sunday papers when the most jobs are posted. If I were a spouse of a cheating wife, which I wouldn't be for long, I wouldn't expect her to quit her job without having another one lined up....unless I made enough to support us both. And since I do, I would expect her to turn in her 2 weeks notice. But if one income doesn't do it, keep the current one until you find another one. And you NEVER quit trying to find another one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuckyClover Posted February 8, 2010 Author Share Posted February 8, 2010 Hey everyone! It sure has been a while since i've been on..... Well...the divorce is final...signed sealed and delivered... I did keep the house! I do have custody... She did take all the credit card debt... and.... she does want me back bad.... But... that's not going to happen! I really don't know how anyone can take a cheating spouse back...serious.... I thought I could in the begining.. but am so glad I didn't.... I definitly have trust issues though and hope that I can grow out of that... My children are doing great... It's weird though that the 180 is so effective. It's like if I treat a woman like she is all that matters and spoil her, well... then she starts looking for something better... If I treat a woman like she can walk out that door and I don't give a damn I'll just find someone else, well..then I'm someone to fight for.... It's pretty dumb really... but it is what it is!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Good that things went your way. Would you kids consider family counseling to help them through the D and all that stuff that goes with it? As for your ex, her loss. She has regrets, now she has to live with it. Shame that she threw away a marriage, a family unit, a husband, a life created with you. Don't let her ruin you though! One day when you're ready, love will find you.. Don't let what happened with her ruin your chances or make you feel mistrust about women in general. Shield your heart, yes, but don't let your heart close off. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Hey everyone! It sure has been a while since i've been on..... Well...the divorce is final...signed sealed and delivered... I did keep the house! I do have custody... She did take all the credit card debt... and.... she does want me back bad.... But... that's not going to happen! I really don't know how anyone can take a cheating spouse back...serious.... I thought I could in the begining.. but am so glad I didn't.... I definitly have trust issues though and hope that I can grow out of that... My children are doing great... It's weird though that the 180 is so effective. It's like if I treat a woman like she is all that matters and spoil her, well... then she starts looking for something better... If I treat a woman like she can walk out that door and I don't give a damn I'll just find someone else, well..then I'm someone to fight for.... It's pretty dumb really... but it is what it is!!! How did you get all that?!? Men NEVER get treated fair in divorce and always lose custody....... Glad it worked out for you. But seriously, if the women you find only stick around for poor treatment, then you're only finding damaged or really immature women. Don't try with anyone new till you can leave the ager behind and good luck with your new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Hey everyone! It sure has been a while since i've been on..... Well...the divorce is final...signed sealed and delivered... I did keep the house! I do have custody... She did take all the credit card debt... and.... she does want me back bad.... But... that's not going to happen! good for you!!! you probably don't think this, but you really have the world by the cahones right now. You are free from a cheater and life will now be wonderful. I really don't know how anyone can take a cheating spouse back...serious.... I thought I could in the begining.. but am so glad I didn't.... I definitly have trust issues though and hope that I can grow out of that dont worry about the trust issues. don't make any committments. Have fun being single for a LONG while. My children are doing great... It's weird though that the 180 is so effective. It's like if I treat a woman like she is all that matters and spoil her, well... then she starts looking for something better... If I treat a woman like she can walk out that door and I don't give a damn I'll just find someone else, well..then I'm someone to fight for yup, thats pretty much the way it works. thats why I wouldn't get too attached to anyone anytime soon if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 How did you get all that?!? Men NEVER get treated fair in divorce and always lose custody....... my guess is she didn't fight for custody. Because unless she is a crack addict, or sexual predator, if she wanted custody, she would have gotten it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuckyClover Posted February 21, 2010 Author Share Posted February 21, 2010 No she didn't fight it...there was a lot of convincing at first but I put my foot down and got what I wanted... The thing is I'm different then most I think...I'm still friends with and I don't bring anything up....Its the life we get to live..but our kids don't deserve to be in the middle of a resentful life...they can still be brought up with a father and mother that love them and are able to get along as friends regardless of our past.... Dexter...I did it already I got attached to a young woman who I deeply in Love with....more so then I have ever felt with my ex... I let my guard down... I gave my heart freely again...and...I'm in the same situation as before.... She says she loves me and can't get me off her mind but that she is having a hard time with commitment.... I feel Im getting myself in another situation that wont end according to my hopeless romantic fairytale wish....but Im having again a tough time letting go... Damn why me.... don't get me wrong I did before and I can do it again...it's just so damn hard to move on when she tells me everything I want to hear to keep me and when it comes to more...she bolts and crushes my heart....IDK what to do...well...I do... JUST DON"T WANT TO LOSE HER. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuckyClover Posted March 4, 2010 Author Share Posted March 4, 2010 The pain is more intense with the ex gf then with the ex wife.....God this hurts....why can't she just let me go...I'm not a fish...I won't be strung along in case she catches a bigger one...then cut me off....I'm worth more...I'm better then that....God I miss her and it's only been a day Link to post Share on other sites
mikeymad Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Its because you never let the emotional wounds close. This new girl just filled all the gaps that your ex-w left. Its typical when you get into a rebound too fast. Take some time off and deal with your own crap, otherwise it's gonna happen to the next girl you date, guarenteed. You now have 2 failed relationships to deal with. emotions arent living breathing things. they will sit in the back of your mind and ambush you when you least expect it. I liken them to bodybuilders. If you beat them up early, it's a lot easier than giving them years in the gym, because then you have a 3 ton grizzly of an emotion to deal with. not fun. Get to a divorce care class stat. Link to post Share on other sites
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