nosferatu Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I've been struggling with some feelings for a friend recently and I'm not sure if they're reciprocated at all. We met through a mutual friend a few years ago. We clicked instantly but didn't really become close until last year. We pretty much do everything together now. But lately the dynamic has gotten a little fuzzy... I'm getting some mixed signals from him; he's very quiet and it can sometimes be awkward between us when we're alone. He's a total gentleman and the best friend I could possibly ask for but I'm at a loss as to where I stand with him now. For example, he'll do something totally sweet and amazing like give me a hand-me-down acoustic guitar for my birthday and a personal lesson to go with it but then he also does stuff like inviting me out to dinner and movies... and then he invites our other friends at the last second as well. And when we're in public he's totally disinterested. He'll even walk ahead of me (and think I can still hear him). He also does this thing where he'll randomly refuse to let me pay for a meal. He's done it with a group of us before, but it happens more often with just us (I think it's because it's cheaper for him that way lol). He's also not a very physical person; I can get a hug out of him once in a while but I have to initiate it. He does smile when I do that though. One other thing is that he's an engineer and therefore crazy busy - he's also said he's never really had time for dating before (I later found out that this means NEVER). One more thing that confuses the heck out of me is something that happened recently. I went out on a date a while ago that ended badly. He came over the next evening and very excitedly asked me the details of the previous evening. When I elaborated he became extremely uptight and protective, he even demanded the guy's name and address. My other friend that was with us wasn't nearly as worked up (though he was a little worried). Every day since then he has asked me if I've run into the other guy at all. We never talk on the phone except to plan an evening or something. We live in the same building so we run into each other a lot during the day. To sum up all of this nonsense, I am confused and he seems to be terrified of being alone with me; either that or he's feeling obligated to always invite other people. Am I totally nuts and reading too much into this? I also would really not like to mess up this friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 He sounds as confused as you are... Please do not take this the wrong way, but could he also be confused about his own sexuality? It sounds as if he may be either homosexual, or bi-sexual, but that he may not have confronted his own issues yet. This of course is entirely speclation, and I cannot be in your mind and see with your eyes. I hope I have not offended.... Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 You could just ask. But I'm socially obtuse - I ask the embarassing questions! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nosferatu Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 He sounds as confused as you are... Please do not take this the wrong way, but could he also be confused about his own sexuality? It sounds as if he may be either homosexual, or bi-sexual, but that he may not have confronted his own issues yet. This of course is entirely speculation, and I cannot be in your mind and see with your eyes. I hope I have not offended.... No, no offense taken at all. I've thought about that before, actually. It's an entirely valid observation. He comes from a very conservative family and doesn't really talk about sex or relationships at all. He avoids it, actually. So you may be on to something there. Link to post Share on other sites
loser101 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I think he is someone that would be very difficult to be in a relationship with so it doesn't really matter what his motives are. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Instead of him always planning the evening, why don't you plan one? You seem to always be waiting for him to plan everything but then you don't like the way he plans it by inviting other friends. So that the bull by the horns so to speak and you plan the one on one date. He could be really shy and the other friends are a comfort blanket for him. He could be afraid of the awkward silence and with other people there the conversation almost never dies down. If he refuses to do the one on one with you, then I'd move on. This guy has social anxiety problems that he needs to solve before you can get involved with him. I doubt he is gay or bi-sexual. Most gay guys won't get so jealous over a bad date that they want to confront the other man. This guy is an engineer. Which is a very male dominated field. Guaranteed this guy works at a sausage plant, IE the company is probably 90% male. Any female at the company is probably completely tired of being hit on and water cooler fodder that she has become cold to guys. So this is all this guy might know of women, girls that are completely fed up of constantly getting hit on. Or girls that are complete workplace teases but will never go beyond that. So he could be really confused and since he probably doesn't have much interaction with women he's just not sure how to proceed. Doesn't mean he won't work for you in a relationship, but that side of him that you want to see might need some coaxing out. It's there, believe me. You just might have to find it though as he probably won't show it to you. All he knows is how to be a good guy friend, you might have to show him how to be a good boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I doubt he is gay or bi-sexual. Most gay guys won't get so jealous over a bad date that they want to confront the other man. Actually, read again. She did not say "jealous" she said "uptight and protective". An simply because he is an engineer this does not make it impossible for him to be gay. I have gay friends and some of them work in very male oriented fields. And one very good friend is very protective of me. He could do some damage if pushed....! so i think perhaps this means nothing. If anything, if he IS confused about his sexuality, this will make him more introspective, not less. I mean, if you work in such an environment with lots of 'buddies', would you want them all to be aware that you are homosexual - ? This is just my viewpoint. I do not wish to be controversial... _/l\_ Link to post Share on other sites
sotired Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I agree with Tara. Something isn't quite right about this guy and I don't think he even knows what it is just yet. My first thought was gay too. He seems to "like" you...but I don't see a real relationship happening. And I think you said he's never dated anyone ever before? That is a big red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
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