Afraid of Boyfriend CHEATING

[WIN3S]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year now, and he hasn't cheated on me---as far as I know, even though I cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend. It took me close to three months of explaining and convincing to win his trust back, and things have been going well since.

Lately however, I made some discoveries that were shocking and now has me thinking that maybe winning his trust back isn't enough, I've lost mine. I was so focused on making him trust me I neglected the possibility that he could be cheating on me.

Him and I sat down and talked about his previous relationships one night and he confessed to cheating on all of his ex-flings, and two previous serious girlfriends. His first serious girlfriend and him went out for over a year and he confessed to having slept with a girl once or twice because he was "bored"(he was 19 at the time). The second girlfriend and him were seeing each other for 2 years, and he cheated on her towards the end of the relationship after they went downhill with things and stopped all communication, and sex, he cheated on her with a SCARY number of girls, purely sexual trysts.

What scares me the most is that he NEVER told any of his exes about his cheating, and lived on fine without any burden on his conscience.

Let me give you some insight into our daily relationship, we see each other literally EVERYDAY. We used to live together, and we spend every night together and we both go to the same school and even though we live apart now we're only a five minutes walk away from each other.

 

So now even though he tells me he hasn't cheated on me, and I am about 80% sure he hasn't (I have been through his phone, facebook, asked his friends, and haven't found anything). But I am just scared that he will, is there anyway I can feel more secure?

 

He tells me he won't and told me that "I'm special" and "I'm unlike the other girlfriends he's had"

but I've been with too many *******s to believe it when a guy sings me praises like that.

[boldjack]

Well, Not much you can do about it now except trust him or not. You are lucky he is with you at all. If a girl had cheated on me she wouldnt' be around. No second chances for cheaters.

[WIN3S]

yes. but that's what makes me wonder though, why would he stick around? It obviously hurt him.

I keep wondering if it is because he's cheated on me as well, that he feels it's alright that I've cheated.

[sotired]

Who knows, but the fact he told you he was a serial cheater shows that he's at least trying to be honest.

 

I would imagine if he hasn't cheated (which I find hard to believe....a serial cheater that gets cheated on isn't going to stay faithful), it won't be long before he will.

 

What are you going to do if you find out he has cheated? You going to give him a second chance the way he did you?

[Kaii]

I'll give you a wise piece of advice given to me by a friend when I went through something similar.

 

She told me, "Either you trust him or you don't. Make up your mind which one it is, and then move on". It's really that simple.

 

I think cheaters always think that their partners are cheating on them. But just because you have done that before doesn't mean that everyone else does it too.

 

But you now have another dilemna, where you have now found out that your BF is a serial cheater.

 

So, again, it becomes "Either you trust him or you don't".

 

You can't become his parole officer and constantly check his email, msn logs, facebook, etc. You will drive yourself freaking crazy and you will destroy your relationship in the process.

[Dexter Morgan]

So now even though he tells me he hasn't cheated on me, and I am about 80% sure he hasn't (I have been through his phone, facebook, asked his friends, and haven't found anything). But I am just scared that he will, is there anyway I can feel more secure?

 

since you cheated on him, why the hell do you even care?

[WIN3S]

it took me awhile to go out with this guy, and one of the perequisites was that he'll never cheat on me, in the beginning before he told mee he had cheated on everyone before me, I was SO firmly believing the fact that he shall never do it, even when I did. And now I'm not too sure... and I wanto either be 100% trusting in a relationship or not at all, and I don't want to breakup with someone JUST because "they might cheat on me in the future" but I can't go on another day doubting him. help : (

[Bejita463]

it took me awhile to go out with this guy, and one of the perequisites was that he'll never cheat on me

 

I quoted this so that perhaps you might realize the hypocrisy.

Also, to be blunt, your having cheated being used as a reason to suspect him is beyond asinine.

[sotired]

Why expect someone to be faithful to you when you can't be faithful?? That doesn't make sense

[DunnoWhat]

I'll give you a wise piece of advice given to me by a friend when I went through something similar.

 

She told me, "Either you trust him or you don't. Make up your mind which one it is, and then move on". It's really that simple.

 

I think cheaters always think that their partners are cheating on them. But just because you have done that before doesn't mean that everyone else does it too.

 

But you now have another dilemna, where you have now found out that your BF is a serial cheater.

 

So, again, it becomes "Either you trust him or you don't".

 

You can't become his parole officer and constantly check his email, msn logs, facebook, etc. You will drive yourself freaking crazy and you will destroy your relationship in the process.

 

I agree with that piece of advice! I'll make up my mind about my girl too. Cheers.

[Javelin]

At this point, I'm going to say that you both deserve each other and he has probably already cheated on you. He just does not care to tell you; like all the rest before you.

 

Again, why do you care?! You're no better than he is! You think because you admit to cheating and/or feel guilt that it makes you a better person? Think again and let this be a lesson learned.