Boyfriend went to Argentina and brought condoms but claims he never cheated

[Lizzie60]

Am I the only one who thinks that no straight males EVER pack condoms for their friends?!

 

 

...nope.. you're definitely not the only one..

[phoenixangel]

hey guys, thanks for all the support!

 

@Dumbledore: Haha, I doubt he'd be transporting drugs. If it were for that reason, I would definitely dump him flat out!

 

@others: It *might* be plausible that he'd bring them for his two friends. I've actually met them before and they are *very very* shy (when we all went clubbing, they wouldn't even dare go on the dance floor). My boyfriend said that he was their "wingman" while they were over there - basically, he was the one that approached all the women (arghhhhh) and chatted them up. In the end, he said that none of his friends did anything (one of them didn't even talk to the girls). But him on the other hand...

 

Eh, I don't know. It's just so hard to accuse him because I called him up (to rant for two hours, actually) and he kept on saying that he was innocent and didn't even intend on doing anything. (But then, what would he bring condoms for?) He also that he didn't know why he would bring them in the first place and that it was in his backpack already and he didn't think about taking it out. He said that he was disappointed that I wouldn't trust him because he would have blind faith in me (yeah, probably because I've always been a "good kid" whereas he's always the rebel boy).

 

I still think that he might have been thinking that he wanted to be prepared in case an opportunity to cheat came up (just like reservoirdog1 said). But...if he's actually telling the truth (that he didn't intend on doing anything), then it would be bad to break up with him over this. Ughh, I just can't figure it out! On one hand, I want to stay with him, but on the other, I still have that nagging suspicion...

 

Plus, I asked him if he did anything else over there (he said he did not kiss any girls or even dance with them - can I really believe the no dancing part?) He said that if he did kiss girls or touched their boobs, he wouldn't consider it a big deal (he wouldn't consider it being unfaithful, that is). ARGH! His values are so different from mine! I would consider that a big no-no.

 

I'm still confused. I'm torn between believing him (which I really, really want to do) or believing you guys (who seem more like the voices of reason)...

[samsungxoxo]

He said that if he did kiss girls or touched their boobs, he wouldn't consider it a big deal (he wouldn't consider it being unfaithful, that is). ARGH! His values are so different from mine! I would consider that a big no-no

 

Ok that's a good reason for him to become your ex boyfriend. Not only is he a suspect on cheating but the fact that he considers kissing and inappropriate behaviors as no big deal.... Anyone in a commited relationship would have consider that cheating.

[phoenixangel]

Well, when I told him how I felt, he said that he would respect my wishes and not kiss or touch or bring condoms again.

 

But is that enough? It just seems like he hasn't really been schooled in "real relationships." Before me, all he had was 1-month long relationships. I guess I'm his first long term (and long distance) person, which means he has no knowledge of a lot of the things I (or any regular person) consider to be right or wrong for a LTR. Could it be that he's just "untrained" (haha, like a puppy dog) or that he's simply a douchebag? :-P

[Jake Barnes]

Why do you think 3 single guys are going to South America in the first place?

 

Let's say he did not have condoms in his bag.. Then you would believe him? lol

Oh come now Boxing, you know how shy and prudish South American women are

[Citizen Erased]

Oh come now Boxing, you know how shy and prudish South American women are

 

Don't stereotype Jake, I'm sure they aren't shy and "prudish" at all.

[DunnoWhat]

He said that if he did kiss girls or touched their boobs, he wouldn't consider it a big deal (he wouldn't consider it being unfaithful, that is). ARGH! His values are so different from mine! I would consider that a big no-no

 

Ok that's a good reason for him to become your ex boyfriend. Not only is he a suspect on cheating but the fact that he considers kissing and inappropriate behaviors as no big deal.... Anyone in a commited relationship would have consider that cheating.

 

I agree with that too.

 

What Phoenixangel must understand is that you can't really teach somebody whats right and wrong. It takes years of teaching to change somebodys values. Most people never change.

 

He sounds like a different person with different values. If he has no problem kissing women without thinking it's cheating then sex is also no big deal to him. He probably sees that as a bit of fun too.

[Cherished]

Why are you finding this funny? Do you realize she is in pain here?

 

Why do you think 3 single guys are going to South America in the first place?

 

Let's say he did not have condoms in his bag.. Then you would believe him? lol

[Dumbledore]

He's only guilty of caring about his friends. They were probably just having so much fun that he forgot to hand them out. Once again I ask: what's the big deal?

[MissConduct]

@others: It *might* be plausible that he'd bring them for his two friends. I've actually met them before and they are *very very* shy (when we all went clubbing, they wouldn't even dare go on the dance floor). My boyfriend said that he was their "wingman" while they were over there - basically, he was the one that approached all the women (arghhhhh) and chatted them up. In the end, he said that none of his friends did anything (one of them didn't even talk to the girls). But him on the other hand...

 

OMG please please stop making excuses for him, your boyfriend cannot be trusted, he brought them for him for his friends doesn't matter he had them in his suitcase.

 

He also that he didn't know why he would bring them in the first place and that it was in his backpack already and he didn't think about taking it out. He said that he was disappointed that I wouldn't trust him because he would have blind faith in me (yeah, probably because I've always been a "good kid" whereas he's always the rebel boy).

 

 

Oh god more lies, men do this when they lie. They tell one story, if it doesn't work then they tell another story and then if that doesn't work they pull out the "I don't know why I did it I can't remember. Let's move on. If I were in your place I would forgive and move on" It is typical behavior of someone cornered against a wall with no where to go, and who also ran out of excuses to give. And guess what if the roles were reversed he would dump you in a heartbeat because men's egos are a lot less tolerable in this respect than we are. Trust me on this!

 

 

HE IS LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus, I asked him if he did anything else over there (he said he did not kiss any girls or even dance with them - can I really believe the no dancing part?) He said that if he did kiss girls or touched their boobs, he wouldn't consider it a big deal (he wouldn't consider it being unfaithful, that is). ARGH! His values are so different from mine! I would consider that a big no-no.

 

WHAT? he doesn't think dancing or touching boobs is cheating? Is he for real?

 

God I would dump that loser's ass, I have no patience for liars like that. His morals are very open to interpretation, he will use any excuse to get out of his stories and I can see you 10 yrs down that road at home with a baby and him working late coming home smelling of some other woman's smell and him telling you that kissing or touching boobs is not cheating.

 

I'd tell him to go to hell now before you are in way too deep!

[MissConduct]

Once again I ask: what's the big deal?

 

 

The "big deal" is that this woman found condoms in her long term boyfriend's suitcase after he returned from a trip she did not attend.

That's what the big deal is.

[phoenixangel]

Thanks for everyone's responses so far! I'm really lucky to have your support :-)

 

@MissConduct: Thanks for your insights. What you said really hit home to me (especially the one about 10 years in the future). Now that I think about it, he has done a lot of things that I really really should have broken up with him for (but I didn't because I was too in "love").

 

For example, very early on in our relationship, I insisted on using condoms, but he apparently didn't like them very much. Thus, on our very first "night" (you know), he wasn't even going to put one on until I refused to have sex without them. Afterwards, he kept on pressuring me to go without condoms because "it felt good" (FOR HIM! geez, that was our first argument since I felt like everything had to be good "for him"). It seemed like he didn't care about my arguments at all (that I could get pregnant - I wasn't on birth control at the time - or he could have an STD and I wouldn't know). I finally caved in (stupid!) and went without condoms on our 3rd week together (since he just wouldn't shut up about how condoms "felt really bad"). I did get him to take an STD test (and luckily it came out clean). However, even now, I feel a bit angry at him for pressuring me so much in the beginning.

 

Then, there was one week (I stayed with him during Christmas break) that he smoked pot every single day (in the morning and at nighttime - a few drags). At the time, I was very against drugs because I thought it was an immoral and risky thing to do. He did it even after I asked him to stop (he said it was part of his nature and that I can't change him that way). He also tried to pressure me to do it with him. Ugh. After a few weeks of that, I caved in too (can you see a pattern? god, I am such a stupid girl). After I tried it, it wasn't as bad as I thought (although I still wouldn't do it all the time). However, it still stuck in my mind that HE was the one who pressured me to do it and wouldn't change his habits for me.

 

When I asked him about these things, he said that he was just showing me the "fun side" of life and that I was too sheltered.

 

But...now I realize that there is a big big pattern. I always succumbed to his pressuring and maybe I am just like a doormat to him.

 

You're right. I'm probably stupid to trust him again when he's shown me already that he has no respect for my feelings (even though he tells me he loves me everyday and that I'm the only girl he wants). Everything is all about him.

 

So. I guess the only thing is to break up with him since I can't foresee a good future with the two of us. (By the way, the "friend" that gave him the condoms has a fiance in the Philippines and was hooking up with another girl in the meantime! He got both of them pregnant.)

[Dumbledore]

he has no respect for my feelings

Yes, it's time to free yourself from his evil manipulation. He is the weakest link - goodbye!

[Ruby Slippers]

This guy is a LOSER.

 

Taking condoms on a trip for your guy friends is like taking tampons on a trip for your girlfriends -- NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

 

Also, which is it: he took them for his friends , or he forgot they were already in his bag? TWO DIFFERENT STORIES.

 

DTMFA.