What has this become?

[toself]

Ever since I moved home and started taking the bus for school, I've noticed this girl on the bus. We'd stare at each other for some time during the bus drive every single day, and we eventually contacted each other after a few weeks of staring contests. It evolved into the typical high school thing. We'd skip classes to meet when we could and such. Nothing too intime though, we just talked and smiled at each other, and she definitely seemed to enjoy having me around. I certainly liked her.

 

After a while, she hinted for a hug. I hugged her before she left, and the day after I read her body language as if she wanted to kiss me. So I went for it, and it went fine. After that, we'd kiss occasionally when we had a chance to meet during school. I even went to her house once. We had a lot of fun. Watched a movie, talked about everything, kissed, etc. etc.

 

Also, I usually phoned here at least once every day, and we'd talk for a while about whatever there was to talk about. We developed a lot of inside jokes, and to me, it seemed as if we were getting quite close. Another few weeks went, and I decided to tell her I loved her. She said that she had been wanting to tell me the same thing, and now did. So it kind of cheered me up to see that I wasn't just "over-rating" things (probably not the appropriate word).

 

One thing I guess I should mention is, she was kind of discreet about all this. We talked about it a few times, and she just told me that she didn't want to develop a really serious relationship, she just wanted to "have fun". I could agree on that, even though I hoped she'd change her mind on that. She kind of kept me a secret, if I can say it that way. So I respected it, and didn't tell anyone about us.

 

Then, during holidays (one week), we gradually started talking less for no apparent reason. She seemed less responsive, so I naturally stopped contacting her all the time to see if she'd contact me. She didn't. And if there was a reason, it must have been this. I told her (while we were texting each other), that I missed her. She responded with "Don't". I told her I can't just decide not to, and she responded with "Just don't get too involved with me".

 

When we got back to school, everything seemed normal at the bus. We talked about all kinds of things, and she smiled a lot. Then afterwards on MSN, I asked if she wanted to hook up, like we used to do like every day. She said no with a twist of humour, as if she wanted to hide the fact that she didn't want to. It was like "Noo, I have to get some school work done now :p". I asked her about an hour later, and she was still responding in the same way. We didn't even talk after that.

 

And we still barely talk. Apart from on the bus. This is what's so weird to me. At the bus for school, she acts JUST like she did before. Apart from that, she doesn't even talk to me. She still gives me looks related to our inside jokes though, and it drives me insane. It reminds me of the connection I felt (and feel) to her. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm still young and all that, but when she constantly reminds me about what things used to be like, it's really hard to think like that.

 

Can someone tell me what's going on? I've gone NC, by the way. Apart from on the bus. She always sits next to me, and starts talking as if nothing has happened.

 

Please help me, I'm turning self-destructive.

[toself]

Oh come on, close to 50 views and no replies. Yesterday, she actually messaged me on msn and said she wanted to meet me (during class, that is). She used an inside joke that we used to say before when we wanted to meet each other, and she haven't used that in a long time. So I met her. We talked a bit about casual subjects until she had to leave for class. It all was a bit strange to me, but she was smilling and laughing at my jokes. Haven't talked to her since, though, and she doesn't talk to me on msn anymore unless I message her. What the hell is going on?

[Sinnamon]

toself, you seem young.... this sounds like something i've experienced in the past, speaking from the girl's perspective. to me, i think she likes you as a friend and nothing more than a friend. she likes you enough to have you in her life (ie talk to you on the bus and joke around) but not like you enough to want to be with you. and perhaps she msged you the other day for coffee can be of many reasons...1. she feels guilty for ignoring you, 2. she doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

 

i hope you find some insight. but to be honest, i think it's merely a friend thing