Does he want to date me or be friends with benefits?

[Arienette]

So, I've been having sex with a co-worker. He's 29 and I'm 21. We've been seeing each other off and on for a month.

 

When we started, I was still with my boyfriend, but have since broken up with him, although we're still living together until our lease ends.

 

I haven't told my co-worker that we broke up, and I'm a little nervous about doing so because I'm not sure what he wants out of our relationship. I've been operating under the assumption that we have a friends with benefits arrangement... although we're not really friends, just co-workers.

 

He gives me mixed signals. We're pretty dirty and to the point when it comes to sex. But then, he's really sweet sometimes. He holds my hand when he's driving, cuddles up to me and falls asleep when we're watching TV, talks in a cutesy voice like you would talk to a girlfriend, always suggests things we should do the "next time" we see each other, and when he drops me off at home, he always says, "Call me tomorrow." On the other hand, if I do call or text him, he doesn't answer and takes two or three days to get back to me. The last time I talked to him, I invited him over, but he said he was too "embarrassed" to come into the apartment where I live with my now ex-boyfriend.

 

So, basically, my question is... is this guy date-able or does he just want sex? I'm a little oblivious. He's some years older than me and at a different place in his life, so I find it hard to read him.

 

Thoughts?

[gapch]

I hate to be harsh, but sounds like he just wants sex. IMO, some guys will do anything for sex, and if you really want to know, or have an interest in him thats more than sexual, talk to him about it. That way, at least you will know where you stand. Me myself I hate being in "limbo", and thats where I am

[Lizzie60]

sounds to me that this is a FWB type of relationship..

 

He hasn't talk about you leaving your bf? He's enjoying sex with you.. I don't see anything wrong with it.. he never promised you anything.. you already were with someone..

 

Methink that even if you tell him that you broke with your bf.. I doubt he'll want more..

[Arienette]

He definitely seems more like the FWB type of guy, and if that's the case, I wish he wouldn't be so... ambiguous... and cuddly. Blarg.

 

He didn't know I had a boyfriend in the beginning. After I told him, I believe he said something vague like, "That kinda sucks, but it is what it is." And we left it at that. We've only been getting together once a week, aside from the time we spend together at work.

 

Anyway, he's super hot. I don't care if he wants to date me or just have sex. I definitely don't want another boyfriend. I'm not really into committed relationships, but I wouldn't mind going on a real date. I just don't want to creep him out. When I eventually tell him that I've broken up with my boyfriend, I don't want to sound all over eager and scare him away.

[carhill]

Would your ex be interested in a FWB? Maybe you could have both

 

Probably better to live alone though....

 

To answer your OP, IMO he's a FWB guy. Is he married?

[Sibyl Vane]

How can you stand to even look at your ex, let alone continue to live with him?

[Arienette]

How can you stand to even look at your ex, let alone continue to live with him?

 

We don't hate each other or anything. It was a mutual break-up. We're friends. And I am moving out soon. There's less than a month left on our lease. I think he would be interested in a FWB thing, but one of the problems we were having was in the bedroom. He's gained a lot of weight since I started dating him and it has really affected the general mechanics of things, as well as his stamina.

 

And no, my co-worker is not married. He owns a one bedroom condo and lives alone with his dog. His dog is so freaking cute.