SummerLady Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I am thinking nothing serious but what about a date here and there for fun? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Sure, I'm open. When and where? IMO, this a great reason to have friends of the opposite sex. You can go out on "friend" dates and have a great time, eat dinner, see a movie and no expectations. I know I definitely wouldn't want to be cultivating "new" people whilst dealing with the pain and logistical issues of divorce and it surely wouldn't be fair to them. After that stuff is all done I'd have no reservations about calling up a few nice older ladies and sharing their company. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I was thinking of dating maybe in a year after my divorce, met up with one of the girls I went to divorce care last fall, we went out just to talk about old times & our class, which led into a couple more dates & now we are dating so be careful, it might lead to more then you were hoping. I feel it is good to get out & date, or at least go out as a group just to get to know people. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I haven't NOT dated since my marriage ended. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerLady Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 I was thinking of dating maybe in a year after my divorce, met up with one of the girls I went to divorce care last fall, we went out just to talk about old times & our class, which led into a couple more dates & now we are dating so be careful, it might lead to more then you were hoping. I feel it is good to get out & date, or at least go out as a group just to get to know people. My marriage was not good the last 2 years, so its been a while since I felt that chemistry or had a great time with the opposite sex. I am really ready to be "happy" in a realtionship but know I need more time, just to clear my head. I am also trying to figure out what is going to happen with an exboyfriend of mine. In the meantime would love to do drinks and a movie or hit the beach, something light and fun. So ready to live once again. I so deserve it. I have been asked out a couple of times in the past couple of months but did not do it. I have had many men flirt with me and its kind of neat and scary at the same time, have not been single for 8 years. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 my 55 yr old ex husband is living with a 33 yr old, beautiful young woman, stunning actually, makes me look like dog vomit. I've had one date, guy from craig's list I paid for everything, aside from that it's me and the cats. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 my 55 yr old ex husband is living with a 33 yr old, beautiful young woman, stunning actually, makes me look like dog vomit. Hah! I'm sure you will have the last laugh.. I doubt a beautiful 33 year old will last long with a 55 YO. Can you imagine 5 years from now, a sexy 38 YO woman living with a 60 YO guy? Too big an age gap for it to be real and long lasting.. I'm 38 now, I can't imagine me going for a 60 YO woman, unless she was some rich Hollywood star bankrolling me.. even so, wouldn't be a healthy relationship. The 33 year old woman will be bangin the 26 YO neighbor boy soon enough.. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I am thinking nothing serious but what about a date here and there for fun? Thoughts? why would you even question dating after a divorce as if it was forbidden or something. get out there...date...have fun...you deserve it...unless your divorced because you cheated or something;) Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I started dating about a week after I served my ex-wife (married for 13 years) with divorce papers... was about 6-12 months after the ex-wife dropped the "Love you, but not in-love with you" bomb. First relationship I was in was semi-long distance, we would see each other every other weekend, when i could get away.. Telling my (legally seperated but co-habitating) wife I was going fishing..did come back smelling a little fishy ... We were engaged (ex-fiance #1)before I was divorced.. but it all fell apart.. I wasn't ready and she wasn't the right one for me. Dated a few gals for a few months after my divorce was final and got engaged again to (ex-fiance #2).. that relationship fizzled after about 4 months.. Dated a few more girls.. finally met fiance #3 who is now wife #2. Have been extremely happy for the last year and a half! So, just be really careful about jumping in head over heels.. I had to learn all over again what I was looking for in a spouse.. and even if I wanted to be married again. Life goes on and gets much better if you find the right person.. but chances are you will not find the right person if you don't date (and sleep) around.... Just don't fall for the first obsessive looney that wants you! Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 oh gosh, dating...i have been married for 14 years, my dh/stbx had an online EA, no PA....we are seperated, he wants D... my point..LOL...i am scared to date, there are so many things that have changed since i have been married...the whole online dating match game thing, weird new std's...and i am so old fashioned, if a man asked me to Go Dutch..i would put on a pair of clogs for the date..LOL i think i have a ways to go in finding myself before i can do that whole dating thing...but this is just me:) i do have a question, maybe this could be a new topic? is it easier for MEN or WOMEN to start dating after a divorce or seperation? any stories, advice, etc...would be appreciated:) have a great day all!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerLady Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 why would you even question dating after a divorce as if it was forbidden or something. get out there...date...have fun...you deserve it...unless your divorced because you cheated or something;) No I was cheated on. Just wondering how long folks wait. I am just starting to go out so we will see. How do you all meet new people? I know bars are not good. Through friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerLady Posted April 21, 2009 Author Share Posted April 21, 2009 I started dating about a week after I served my ex-wife (married for 13 years) with divorce papers... was about 6-12 months after the ex-wife dropped the "Love you, but not in-love with you" bomb. First relationship I was in was semi-long distance, we would see each other every other weekend, when i could get away.. Telling my (legally seperated but co-habitating) wife I was going fishing..did come back smelling a little fishy ... We were engaged (ex-fiance #1)before I was divorced.. but it all fell apart.. I wasn't ready and she wasn't the right one for me. Dated a few gals for a few months after my divorce was final and got engaged again to (ex-fiance #2).. that relationship fizzled after about 4 months.. Dated a few more girls.. finally met fiance #3 who is now wife #2. Have been extremely happy for the last year and a half! So, just be really careful about jumping in head over heels.. I had to learn all over again what I was looking for in a spouse.. and even if I wanted to be married again. Life goes on and gets much better if you find the right person.. but chances are you will not find the right person if you don't date (and sleep) around.... Just don't fall for the first obsessive looney that wants you! I hear ya. I actually wanted to meet up with an exboyfriend of mine, he is divorced but I think that would get serious fast as we still have a ton of chemistry and that scares me, I think it scares him to, big time. But I feel like its something I have to do. But in the meantime I would love to just go on a fun date. Just not sure how to meet people. Been out of the game for 8 years.. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 How do you all meet new people? I know bars are not good. Through friends? Not through friends, at least very close friends. Cos if/when we break up, our friends will be put into the middle. Pick up some new hobbies or take some new classes. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 No I was cheated on. Just wondering how long folks wait. I am just starting to go out so we will see. How do you all meet new people? I know bars are not good. Through friends?Now that I know you were cheated on, I can relate. I started dating lightly not long after we separated. If you feel you're ready, get out there. The sooner, the better. Just don't get into anything serious for awhile. Rebound relationships can set you back, badly. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 i'm with dgiirl on the Not through friends dating... that is how i met MY dh/stbxh...so i am sure that is definately NOT the way for me to go this next time around..LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Intricategirl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Hell if I know how long you should wait. I just accidentally found myself being asked out this weekend. My ex will have been moved out for 3 weeks. lol Fortunately, we both share the dating philosophy that you start out deciding whether you'd even like to hang out with this person, and see what happens from there. And I was upfront with him that I have kids and I'm just getting out of a long-term relationship, hoping to scare him away. So far, no luck. So yeah. Don't get in too deep, too fast, but overall who cares how long it's been. If your last relationship is really, truly over, don't sweat the timing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerLady Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 Not through friends, at least very close friends. Cos if/when we break up, our friends will be put into the middle. Pick up some new hobbies or take some new classes. Good idea, any suggestions on classes. Like Cooking, any ideas??? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Good idea, any suggestions on classes. Like Cooking, any ideas??? First and foremost, you have to find something that interests you. That should be the primary reason you are taking up a new hobby or class. Plus, if you do meet someone through that, you will have a genuine common interest instead of faking it. After that, if you are looking to meet men, find a hobby where the ratio is more in your favor. Although more and more men cook these days, I still think the ratio would be more women to men in the classes. Why not dance classes like Salsa or Swing? Photography? Bicycling? Martial arts? Bowling? Rock climbing? There's a whole range of things that will interest you. This is also a perfect time to try something completely new! Something you might have always wanted to try but never got around to it, or were to afraid to do. Test your limits and your comfort zone! Having said all that, I do think cooking classes is a great idea too. You dont want to limit yourself to just making male friendships, but make some new female friendships too! Dont focus on dating so much as making new friends with everyone! These friendships might not go anywhere, but they might open other opportunities for you to meet other new people. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 ooo! thanks for the advice...the classes and stuff... i was thinking just a part time job at Home Depot or something..LOL it's a man candy store..LOL..plus, with my dh gone now, i can learn to fix and repair and all that stuff HE used to do, now i can do it ALL myself:)..LOL i am totally serious... Link to post Share on other sites
Intricategirl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Delajoonal, you should definitely do that! I firmly believe that women should know how to fix all the things a man "usually" does. The other day I was in my apartment complex office talking to the property manager, telling him that several outlets weren't working. He assumed the breaker flipped and I told him I had checked it already. He asked where they were and I told him it's the kitchen. He was going to send the maintenance man over to push the reset button on those bathroom/kitchen outlets! I looked at him like he was crazy and told him I already tried it. I already knew that more than one was out because it was on a run, and thought about doing it myself. And just wait until I diagnose the problems with the upstairs toilet. Learn to do those things for yourself, but use it as an excuse to meet guys anyway. lol Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 intricategirl...LOL...we sound so much alike.. when i was property manager, i had a million vendors and men under me...they were always trying to TELL me right from wrong, etc...i learned SO MUCH on that job..i loved it! i would love to do it again...i have actually searched for such jobs, but they are hard to come by..and usually are retrieved from a friend of a friend type thing, never in the paper... anyway, so there are alot of things i can do by myself...i mean alot of things most women would have NO clue where the water shut off valves are, inside and out, etc..and bigger problems..my dh taught me alot then, and i learned just from trial and error too...anyway, sounds like you have IT ALL under control... good for you:) Link to post Share on other sites
Intricategirl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 i have actually searched for such jobs, but they are hard to come by..and usually are retrieved from a friend of a friend type thing, never in the paper... I'd actually offer you a job managing my property because it beats relying on the ex to do it, but it's a single property with two tenants. And only one of them is a problem. Not to mention, what I can afford to pay right now is pretty insulting. If I ever become a property mogul, I'll keep you in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SummerLady Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 First and foremost, you have to find something that interests you. That should be the primary reason you are taking up a new hobby or class. Plus, if you do meet someone through that, you will have a genuine common interest instead of faking it. After that, if you are looking to meet men, find a hobby where the ratio is more in your favor. Although more and more men cook these days, I still think the ratio would be more women to men in the classes. Why not dance classes like Salsa or Swing? Photography? Bicycling? Martial arts? Bowling? Rock climbing? There's a whole range of things that will interest you. This is also a perfect time to try something completely new! Something you might have always wanted to try but never got around to it, or were to afraid to do. Test your limits and your comfort zone! Having said all that, I do think cooking classes is a great idea too. You dont want to limit yourself to just making male friendships, but make some new female friendships too! Dont focus on dating so much as making new friends with everyone! These friendships might not go anywhere, but they might open other opportunities for you to meet other new people. Those are great ideas thanks!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 No I was cheated on. Just wondering how long folks wait. Phffft....that being the case, you don't wait one minute. Hell, as far as I'm concerned, you can start dating once the betrayal is found out AND a separation has taken place. Your life shouldn't have to go on hold because of a long drawn out divorce while your stbX-WS is dipping his wick. Now if you are truly mourning the loss of your marriage, well then the time to wait is up to you....but I wouldn't wait. But then again, i wouldn't make it a point to go looking....I just let it happen if it happens. Go out with friends. But that is a double-edged sword as far as I'm concerned...because what do friends usually do? Go out to a bar or club...and I wouldn't want to start a relationship with anyone that frequents clubs. In my experience, club hoppers aren't trustworthy. (no offense to any of the hoppers out there) Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I hear ya. I actually wanted to meet up with an exboyfriend of mine, he is divorced but I think that would get serious fast as we still have a ton of chemistry and that scares me, I think it scares him to, big time. But I feel like its something I have to do. But in the meantime I would love to just go on a fun date. Just not sure how to meet people. Been out of the game for 8 years.. Online dating.. you will have a lot of fun. I did Match.com and a free one (Plentyoffish.com), both worked fairly well. Just throw a profile up. Link to post Share on other sites
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