I'll be leaving to study abroad...

[lesoiseaux]

Hi everyone,

 

This is a little far in advance, but I'm a worrier and things have definitely been on my mind. My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old and attend the same college (in CA). We have been together for almost a year and a half. Next spring (starting the beginning of January 2010) I will be going to France to study abroad until the end of May.

 

I am worried sick about leaving my boyfriend...we have talked a bit about it and fully intend to stay together and talk as much as possible (probably daily, at least in some form--even a short email). However, I can't help but think about how difficult it will be. I am caught up in how I don't know how internet will work, how it will take a while to get settled in, and how that might prevent me from talking to him. It doesn't help that I will probably be arriving in France right around my birthday, and I'm afraid of feeling really lonely and not being able to hear from him.

 

I also worry about how I won't get to celebrate his 21st birthday with him, how I won't get to know about all his classes like I usually do, how I won't get to study for tests with him, etc. In short, I worry about how everything we do together now will be inaccessible to me once I leave.

 

On the other hand, I'm also worried that I will be so caught up in missing him that it will be harder to adjust to studying abroad. I'm a French major so going to France is basically a must, but I feel like I'm definitely putting my relationship on the line, no matter how sure he is (or how optimistic I try to be) that we will stay together. And as terrible as I feel about even considering this possibility, what if I end up "forgetting" about him or not having enough time for him while abroad? (Did I tell you I'm a worrier?)

 

I will be apart from him anywhere between 4 to 8 months. I'll return in the summer, and I might be able to visit him once back in CA, but I won't be back at school with him until mid-late August 2010. I realize that's not a long time in the long run, but every time I have been apart from him I've had trouble. I almost wish the tables were turned, that he were leaving me, so at least I would still be in a comfortable, familiar place...

 

Everything I've read on the internet seems to have been fairly pessimistic. I know that we might break up, that either one and/or both of us will change, but of course none of that helps me stop worrying. I trust him and he trusts me, and he is very confident about the situation working out perfectly fine, but this has just been weighing heavily on my mind. I feel like maybe we are "doomed" since we are both one another's first relationship, and I don't want to be naive but I also don't want to be pessimistic.

 

Just looking for support, words of advice, or anything else you can offer. Has anyone else been in my shoes?

[SophieA]

Relax, sweetheart. Breathe.

 

Okay, 4 months is an EXTREMELY short time to be apart. . 8 months isn't bad either. I don't think anyone changes much in 4-8 months!! If you can't make it work long distance for that short of a time, it's not meant to be. IMO.

[bluechocolate]

hmmm... I think you should be more worried about your anxiety, it doesn't sound very healthy to me.

 

On the other hand, I'm also worried that I will be so caught up in missing him that it will be harder to adjust to studying abroad.

 

Going from what you've written here that will undoubtedly be the case.

 

Technology now is such that you can be in contact every day, several times a day if you wanted, & it would only cost you pennies.

 

Relax.

 

btw - you should both get Skype.

[northstar1]

On the other hand, I'm also worried that I will be so caught up in missing him that it will be harder to adjust to studying abroad. I'm a French major so going to France is basically a must, but I feel like I'm definitely putting my relationship on the line, no matter how sure he is (or how optimistic I try to be) that we will stay together. And as terrible as I feel about even considering this possibility, what if I end up "forgetting" about him or not having enough time for him while abroad? (Did I tell you I'm a worrier?)"

 

It's generally much easier for the person going away, than the one staying behind. You will be immersed in a new environment, new people, seeing new things.

 

Look, you are very young and should go off and enjoy the opportunity.

[Spirit of the Ocean]

Wow, you sound exactly like me! Not that that's a good thing haha, but I understand how you feel. It's natural to be apprehensive, I worried about the exact same things and I still have my moments as per my post but you guys will have been together for more than 2 years when its time to leave so you already have a great foundation!

 

I agree with Northstar, it's slightly easier (as far as LDR's go) to be the person leaving. Having been in both positions, being the person left behind was much tougher as everywhere I went had some memory of him.

 

An important thing I think is that knowing this separation is not an open ended one and you both know roughly when you will be coming back and it's not an ongoing thing. Just keep talking to each other, get skype if you dont already have so, and dont stress

 

Good luck!

[lesoiseaux]

I really have to thank you all for your comments! It's nice to hear from people who have experienced similar situations, especially when they have encouraging things to say I've been okay at worrying less lately, I just try to appreciate each day for what it is. And we're definitely planning on using Skype which will thankfully free me from the hassles that come with figuring out international calling, haha. Merci!