I don't know how to deal with this break-up...advice needed please!!

[chloe]

I've been seeing this guy that I really fancied for 4months and although I like him he has been pretty mean to me and messed me around. Basically when it comes down to it he has always said that he hasn't been single for quite a number of years and although he likes me he wants things to go slowly....very slowly. Anyway, things got messy, i got hurt because he couldn't handle it. Now hes told me that he just wants to be friends but that he wants to hang out and do things still because he'd miss me, and that maybe something could happen in the future when hes had some time to be single and sort his life and his head out. And from what I can tell he does have things to sort out even though hes 8yrs older than me.

 

What bugs me is that a few weeks previously i suggested being friends and he kind of agreed but then said that wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want me to be unavaliable when he wanted to see me and that I had to tell him as soon as I liked someone else cuz otherwise he'd be pissed off. But that didn't really work for long.

 

I feel pretty bad right now cuz ultimately I've been rejected and the whole thing was quite painful anyway. Firstly I don't want to be left hanging because nothing may ever happen between us again so I don't want to be waiting around mentally for him, and I need to get over him and help him get over himself. Secondly, we are supposed to be going to a couple of events involving alcohol in the next few weeks and I don't know if its a good idea because I want him to be there but Its because I fancy him not because hes my friend. I don't know how I should be around him and I don't know if I can really forgive him for the way hes treated me.

 

Sorry that this is complex sounding...I just want to know what the best things to do is. If Im all mad at him hes only gonna be glad he called time-out. I rather make him regret being mean and not being ready to go out with me

[Iamhappy]

He might be 28 years old, but he's no "man."

 

Sweetie, this man doesn't want a relationship with you, at least not the kind you're looking for.

 

Now hes told me that he just wants to be friends but that he wants to hang out and do things still because he'd miss me, and that maybe something could happen in the future when hes had some time to be single and sort his life and his head out.

 

What, he wants a friends with benefits type of deal?

 

Wake up and smell the coffee. Does this sound like a guy who wants to commit to you? He wants to play the field and he's stringing you along until he finds something better to occupy his time. Ever heard of having your cake and eating it too?

 

He didn't want me to be unavaliable when he wanted to see me and that I had to tell him as soon as I liked someone else cuz otherwise he'd be pissed off.

 

Let me see if I have this right: He wants to get his life straight by seeing other people but you aren't allowed to see other people because it would piss him off?

 

How utterly selfish and thoughtless.

 

Do yourself a favor and run away from this loser as fast as you can. You don't need a manipulative, selfish, self-centered, thoughtless, emotional f**wit in your life.

 

He's a boy not a man. He's an emotional vampire who'll suck not only the life out of you, but your dignity and self-respect. Run away!!

[chloe]

I know...Hes pretty horrible and I've definately lost confidence since I've been around him. Thankyou...thats the kind of reply I need