My journal of trying to imrove my life (watch how things always go wrong for me)

[Ross PK]

Glad to hear that.

 

I bet the tough love will just stress you out some more.

 

Yeah, I guess maybe some certian types of people can benefit from it, but I doubt I can. Just seeing her for that first time, all the 'tough love' approach seemed to do was to just break me down even more.

 

I will see her just at least for that first session, just to see how it goes though, as I'm curious, and I know that I can stop seeing her whenever I want and see someone else who is more understanding.

[Ross PK]

Ross,

Glad your doctor is a kind person. Sometimes the "edgy, control driven" try harder approach just isn't helpful.

 

Do you have a purpose in life? A reason you are here? For me, when I forget my purpose, I feel sad/disoriented and sometimes overwhelmed.

 

Is there someone who depends on you, needs you?

 

The only purpose I have in life is to enjoy it (as you only get one), and to have peace of mind.

 

I think 'maybe' my mum might depend on me/need me, but other than that, no one.

[Ross PK]

Admittedly I am prone to nerves when driving too. Sorry I know that was at the start of the thread. But I do also sometimes have a tendency to almost expect poor luck on my part, always thinking something in my plans won't go as I want. But I always push those worries aside and look to the positive side. Mostly I try not to sweat about things too much because to do so too long would only exhaust me.

 

It helps to have supportive friends all telling me they're proud of the choices I've made for myself. If I ever start to doubt, they are right there telling me all the reasons not to.

 

I won't begin to try and be anything like a therapist here. I don't see why thats not working for you. So instead I offer an ear to listen to. I know we don't know each other but I'm offering a hand in friendship. If you ever just want to chat, and if you can send PMs feel free to send to me, even if you just need to vent. I'll listen and help if I can. Up to you, of course.

 

No problem, the whole driving thing is still relevent as it's still a problem for me. Even if it wasn't, it still doesn't matter if you or anyone else wants to talk about it.

 

As far as the PM thing is concerned, thanks for the offer. Maybe I will do sometime.

[D-Lish]

Ross, when going to therapy, it's important to connect with your therapist, you won't benefit from it if you don't- so moving on to another one is a great idea and I'm glad your doc supported that.

 

Instead of focusing on what goes wrong, have you thought about using your journal to record all the good things that happen to you. When you look for disappointment, you are actually inviting more of it.

[mem11363]

Ross,

Do you have a job?

 

Do you like it?

 

Do you ever do anything where you meet people?

 

When was the last time you had a romantic partner?

 

 

No problem, the whole driving thing is still relevent as it's still a problem for me. Even if it wasn't, it still doesn't matter if you or anyone else wants to talk about it.

 

As far as the PM thing is concerned, thanks for the offer. Maybe I will do sometime.

[Ross PK]

Ross,

Do you have a job?

 

Do you like it?

 

Do you ever do anything where you meet people?

 

When was the last time you had a romantic partner?

 

I don't have a job, if I did, I hardly doubt that I'd like it, as no 'normal' jobs appeal to me in the slightest.

 

The only thing I do where I meet people is getting my haircut, even though I do really enjoy talking and having a rapport with someone who I can connect with, I don't really care that much about actually going out and sociallising with people.

 

I've never had a romantic partner in my life, I've never even known someone to be romantically interested in me, at least offline anyway.

[Ross PK]

Ross, when going to therapy, it's important to connect with your therapist, you won't benefit from it if you don't- so moving on to another one is a great idea and I'm glad your doc supported that.

 

Instead of focusing on what goes wrong, have you thought about using your journal to record all the good things that happen to you. When you look for disappointment, you are actually inviting more of it.

 

I don't think I have, but it's a good idea.

 

I did do something similar where whenever someone was nice to me, or treated me with respect, I would write it down. It did make me feel a bit better to read it back if I was feeling down about how I think people see me or if I had a negative experience with someone.

Edited February 13, 2010 by Ross PK

[mem11363]

Ross,

Are you independently wealthy? Just curious - most people need to work at least part time.

 

I have found it to be almost always true that people who help others, are happier than people who focus on their own happiness. So when I wake up day after day asking the question

- "what can I do to make ME happy", that doesn't work nearly so well as

- what can I do to be useful/helpful to others, either at work or socially

 

Turns out at least for me, nothing feels better than being useful. I actually think that is true for most people.

 

Was there ever a time in your life where you were doing something really well/helping others, that you look back on as a happy time?

 

 

I don't have a job, if I did, I hardly doubt that I'd like it, as no 'normal' jobs appeal to me in the slightest.

 

The only thing I do where I meet people is getting my haircut, even though I do really enjoy talking and having a rapport with someone who I can connect with, I don't really care that much about actually going out and sociallising with people.

 

I've never had a romantic partner in my life, I've never even known someone to be romantically interested in me, at least offline anyway.

[zebracolors]

Good to hear that you're trying writing down the good things, I hope that is helping a little.

 

I sometimes keep journals that only I look at. Those are reserved for the things I don't want to reveal to the rest of the world online. I don't have to worry about typos, or bad grammer since only I see it. Funny thing about my writing is that I only seem to feel the need to write when nothing is making any sense, or when there is something is missing. However it does help to put my thoughts in order when they tend to ramble or repeat in my mind.

 

But I have read that writing down things is sort of theraputic for when you dwell on thoughts too much. Something about if you actually see your thoughts right there in front of you, it might stop the cycle of the thoughts turning in your head.

[Ross PK]

Ross,

Are you independently wealthy? Just curious - most people need to work at least part time.

 

I have found it to be almost always true that people who help others, are happier than people who focus on their own happiness. So when I wake up day after day asking the question

- "what can I do to make ME happy", that doesn't work nearly so well as

- what can I do to be useful/helpful to others, either at work or socially

 

Turns out at least for me, nothing feels better than being useful. I actually think that is true for most people.

 

Was there ever a time in your life where you were doing something really well/helping others, that you look back on as a happy time?

 

I'm not sure what independently wealthy means.

 

I've helped a lot of people, and yeah it feels good, but it doesn't really have a proper effect on my happiness in general/how I really feel deep down inside. The only way to change my happiness in general is focusing on myself. Not sure if I've explained this that well, but, I hope you know what I mean.

[Ross PK]

Good to hear that you're trying writing down the good things, I hope that is helping a little.

 

I sometimes keep journals that only I look at. Those are reserved for the things I don't want to reveal to the rest of the world online. I don't have to worry about typos, or bad grammer since only I see it. Funny thing about my writing is that I only seem to feel the need to write when nothing is making any sense, or when there is something is missing. However it does help to put my thoughts in order when they tend to ramble or repeat in my mind.

 

But I have read that writing down things is sort of theraputic for when you dwell on thoughts too much. Something about if you actually see your thoughts right there in front of you, it might stop the cycle of the thoughts turning in your head.

 

Yeah, that's what I seem to do when something bad happens, I just can't help going over and over it again in my head.

[deux ex machina]

Yeah, that's what I seem to do when something bad happens, I just can't help going over and over it again in my head.

 

That can be a tough pattern to break - only because it's sort of like a record...all those grooves in it will keep playing the same tune all of the time.

 

It is possible to scratch the record up all to hell and get a new patterns engrained - it does require consistency, but if you start a little new habit of just 15 minutes length or so to break up the patterns, that could be helpful. It would feel a bit uncomfortable at first, because it is new - yet it's doable, and thus tolerable, in a tiny increment of time such as 15-30 minutes or so. One could write it down on an index card (a good size to carry with you), and tick it off every day.

Edited February 13, 2010 by deux ex machina

[Ross PK]

Well, that was totally bizarre, she was really nice and understanding when I saw her today. She was the complete opposite of how she was last time.

 

So I'm going to continue seeing her.

 

And after we talked about going out on my own today, I'm going to try and start doing it.

Edited February 17, 2010 by Ross PK

[wuggle]

Well, that was totally bizarre, she was really nice and understanding when I saw her today. She was the complete opposite of how she was last time.

 

So I'm going to continue seeing her.

 

And after we talked about going out on my own today, I'm going to try and start doing it.

 

She might have just had an 'off day' , happens to us all. Good luck , stick with it

[deux ex machina]

Maybe she just wanted to make a lasting first impression.

 

Good to hear all went well!

[torranceshipman]

See, this sort of thing shouldn't happen. This sort of thing doesn't happen to normal people.

 

You are normal. Crap happens to all of us regularly. So do good things, but you cant sit back and expect them to happen, you have to make them happen. And I know this comment is heavy handed, but have you even read the news lately? Haiti? Now that is bad. A bit of trouble driving is really nothing, and ridiculous as a statement of how life is crap. If thats the worst you experience then you are really doing very well.

 

I am not trying to minimize how you feel, however...cause I think you might have depression and that wpuld make you see everything through a grey lens-no-one would feel better in your shoes if they also had depression...have you talked to a doctor about this?

[Ross PK]

You are normal. Crap happens to all of us regularly. So do good things, but you cant sit back and expect them to happen, you have to make them happen. And I know this comment is heavy handed, but have you even read the news lately? Haiti? Now that is bad. A bit of trouble driving is really nothing, and ridiculous as a statement of how life is crap. If thats the worst you experience then you are really doing very well.

 

I am not trying to minimize how you feel, however...cause I think you might have depression and that wpuld make you see everything through a grey lens-no-one would feel better in your shoes if they also had depression...have you talked to a doctor about this?

 

Just because there are disasters (and most people being affected by a serious disaster is a very rare thing. If most people were commonly affected by disasters then you'd have a point that I'm doing well), doesn't mean that anything else that happens to anyone which is less means nothing and they shouldn't be bothered by it.

 

Yeah, I've seen my doc.

Edited February 23, 2010 by Ross PK

[zebracolors]

Crap does happen to everyone I'll give that, and its happening to me too actually both in my personal life and family right now. But it does not mean people like Ross and myself are unsympathetic to troubles going on else where in the world. We're aware that there are things we could do to help, but I would not think its selfish for us or anyone going through personal problems to want to see about healing ourselves first.

[Ross PK]

Forgotten to post this. But yesterday I went out on my own to see the therapist, and then went shopping, it wasn't too bad.

 

Plus I'm feeling better about driving too.

[lino]

Good to hear that you're feeling better about driving

 

Driving is literally something that gets easier the more you do it.