My journal of trying to imrove my life (watch how things always go wrong for me)

[donnamaybe]

Are you taking full responsibility for your life and the events in it? There are times that things just happen, but in most cases there are things we could have done that would have prevented a bad fallout, but we just ignored that little voice inside us that tells us the right things to do.

[Ross PK]

Are you taking full responsibility for your life and the events in it?

 

Right now there are certain other issues, and I really don't think there is anyway I can resolve them. If I could I would do, so I guess that means I do take full responsibility? I don't really know if I'm understanding you right.

[donnamaybe]

Right now there are certain other issues, and I really don't think there is anyway I can resolve them. If I could I would do, so I guess that means I do take full responsibility? I don't really know if I'm understanding you right.

 

I guess it's hard to say when I'm not aware of the issues, nor how they came to be. I'm sorry - I haven't read the whole thread.

 

Here's an example: I used to work with a gal who would put off things she needed to take care of, like paying her bills in a timely manner. She eventually found herself so far in debt that she had to file bankruptcy. Rather than buy that latte every day that she didn't need or those $500 worth of Xmas decorations she knew she couldn't afford, she just did at the time what she wanted. Then when the avalanche fell and she found herself under it, it was difficult for her to realize she was the one who caused it.

 

Or say you're dating a girl. You see a few signs that are disturbing, but she's lots of fun and really cute so you make excuses in your mind that dismiss those disturbing behaviors. She gets more involved in your life and you're at a family gathering together where she ends up making an awful scene. You then blame her because, after all, she's the crazy one. You could have avoided the situation if you had paid attention to those early signs and removed her from your life.

 

Does that make sense?

[Ross PK]

I guess it's hard to say when I'm not aware of the issues, nor how they came to be. I'm sorry - I haven't read the whole thread.

 

Here's an example: I used to work with a gal who would put off things she needed to take care of, like paying her bills in a timely manner. She eventually found herself so far in debt that she had to file bankruptcy. Rather than buy that latte every day that she didn't need or those $500 worth of Xmas decorations she knew she couldn't afford, she just did at the time what she wanted. Then when the avalanche fell and she found herself under it, it was difficult for her to realize she was the one who caused it.

 

Or say you're dating a girl. You see a few signs that are disturbing, but she's lots of fun and really cute so you make excuses in your mind that dismiss those disturbing behaviors. She gets more involved in your life and you're at a family gathering together where she ends up making an awful scene. You then blame her because, after all, she's the crazy one. You could have avoided the situation if you had paid attention to those early signs and removed her from your life.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Yeah, thanks for explaining.

 

I don't really think that's what is going on with me.

[Ross PK]

Circumstances in my life have changed and there doesn't seem to be anything that I can do about them, it's got to the point where it's really pushing me close to suicide, which is such a shame now that I've found some meds which actually work quite well on my depression and anxiety.

[Ross PK]

Nearly had an accident today, think it may have been my fault, I got beeped at and he seemed really pissed off. On my birthday too, oh well.

 

It hasn't seemed to have shaken me up as much as how a bad driving exprience would've done a while back, maybe it's the meds. I still feel dispirited though.

[Ariadne]

Happy Birthday Ross!!!

[Ross PK]

Thanks.

[Ariadne]

Thanks.

 

Hope you have a great day, and good thing you are getting used to the driving also.

[Ross PK]

Well, you've helped make me smile, so maybe I will.

[Brightmoon]

Happy Birthday Ross.

 

I have not read this thread, but I will later tonight.

 

You were supportive to me on a thread I put up.

 

All this is tough.

 

Sorry you have felt so very low.

 

(((hugs)))

[Green]

happy birthday

[Ross PK]

Thanks guys.

[lino]

Nearly had an accident today, think it may have been my fault, I got beeped at and he seemed really pissed off. On my birthday too, oh well.

 

It hasn't seemed to have shaken me up as much as how a bad driving exprience would've done a while back, maybe it's the meds. I still feel dispirited though.

 

 

Seems like some improvement then

 

Best thing to do about near-accidents is forget about em. If you were at fault, make sure you realize why and learn from it so that you will know how to avoid that error in the future.

Oh and don't worry about really pissed off drivers, they'll get over it

 

Happy birthday for the other day mate!

[Pinkchillo]

Keep it so simple. Just aim for feeling good. Do what ever makes you feel good. Do less of the things that don't make you feel good. This is how to keep being creative and happy. Don't try to understand. Just keep it simple and return to good feelings as soon as you can. What do you like to do? If it's reading something lovely on the computer or seeing something uplifting on youtube or saying hello to friends or just loving and supporting yourself or dancing. Do it, whatever it is. Making sure you have plenty of vit B and C and possibly a herbal supliment or tonic to fill in the gaps in your diet. Using brain food. Have a smile day. And have another one. And smile now.

[Ross PK]

Just went to an appointment today to see a therapist who I hoped would set me up with some more therapy.

 

She seemed very harsh, not really in a being mean way, but she has one of those stupid 'tough love' attitudes, which is just something I'm not able to respond to at all. She was also very non understanding as well.

 

I was telling her all about my problems, about how I'm mentally fragile, suicidal and need help. And she kept telling me I wasn't mentally fragile/weak, and all it is is that I just think I am.

 

I told her again that I am and how things have caused me to have or nearly have nervous breakdowns and to be suicidal. And she said something to the effect of, just decide to not feel like that when you're feeling like that.

 

She seems to be totally against me getting anymore therapy, since I've not really got anywhere, even though I told her that the support from therapy I was getting was helping and I managed to stick out my driving lessons, pass my test and get a car. And she said, but you're still stuck in a rut and find it hard to drive anywhere.

 

She said I could have two sessions with her and we'll see how it goes from there.

 

Somehow I don't think she's going to help.

 

I left there feeling like complete ****, with all hope lost and suicidal. And I still feel that way now.

Edited February 10, 2010 by Ross PK

[Green]

You can get help from some one else if you think it would be better.

[Ross PK]

You can get help from some one else if you think it would be better.

 

I have made an appointment with the doctor to ask him if that's possible. But I'm worried he's just going to think I'm being annoying and I should just try the therapy with her.

[Green]

I have made an appointment with the doctor to ask him if that's possible. But I'm worried he's just going to think I'm being annoying and I should just try the therapy with her.

 

All you can do is explain how she made you feel, hopefully he will understand.

[Ross PK]

Thank God for that, I can see someone else.

 

Just saw the doctor today and he was really understanding.

[Ariadne]

I left there feeling like complete ****, with all hope lost and suicidal. And I still feel that way now.

 

Sorry about that Ross.

 

Have you tried the spiritual approach?

 

Somehow I think it´ll benefit you better since they are pretty wise.

[Ariadne]

Thank God for that, I can see someone else.

 

Just saw the doctor today and he was really understanding.

 

Glad to hear that.

 

I bet the tough love will just stress you out some more.

[mem11363]

Ross,

Glad your doctor is a kind person. Sometimes the "edgy, control driven" try harder approach just isn't helpful.

 

Do you have a purpose in life? A reason you are here? For me, when I forget my purpose, I feel sad/disoriented and sometimes overwhelmed.

 

Is there someone who depends on you, needs you?

 

 

Thank God for that, I can see someone else.

 

Just saw the doctor today and he was really understanding.

[zebracolors]

Admittedly I am prone to nerves when driving too. Sorry I know that was at the start of the thread. But I do also sometimes have a tendency to almost expect poor luck on my part, always thinking something in my plans won't go as I want. But I always push those worries aside and look to the positive side. Mostly I try not to sweat about things too much because to do so too long would only exhaust me.

 

It helps to have supportive friends all telling me they're proud of the choices I've made for myself. If I ever start to doubt, they are right there telling me all the reasons not to.

 

I won't begin to try and be anything like a therapist here. I don't see why thats not working for you. So instead I offer an ear to listen to. I know we don't know each other but I'm offering a hand in friendship. If you ever just want to chat, and if you can send PMs feel free to send to me, even if you just need to vent. I'll listen and help if I can. Up to you, of course.

[Ross PK]

Sorry about that Ross.

 

Have you tried the spiritual approach?

 

Somehow I think it´ll benefit you better since they are pretty wise.

 

Hey Ariadne. I've never really thought about taking a spiritual approach. I guess it's because I don't really know much about spirituality, or maybe I'm not a spiritual person.