still trying to fix the porn issue I created - any ideas?

[Juniper22]

Well, here is just my 2 cents on the issue.

 

I had this coversation just the other day with a co worker of mine. She has been troubled by porn and the effects its had on her relationship.

 

the only thing I know to tell you or anyone else who feels a certain way on the issue is to seek some kind of help and support for how you feel. If its how you feel, then it just is. She mentioned two websites that I know of that helped her, and you can google some as well.

 

Just google, "the pain of porn" and the other one was "porn-free". It might help people who are having a hard time be able to deal with it better. I'm sure there are other sites out there as well, but this was ones she mentined she had been too and got insight from.

[Athena]

Manugeorge, Taylor, and Jersey Shortie -- all three of you have posted Brilliant posts!

[demrea]

If you came home from work and walked in your bedroom and saw that your gf put pin-up posters of naked men on the walls all around the room for her viewing pleasure..would it bother you? ?

 

yes, but not because I am jealous, but because its a juvenile way to decorate a grown adults room. would she be ok if i put up pictures of my favourite athletes? kids do that, not adults.

 

 

And if she told you she had them there so that she could look at them while she masturbated, would it bother you?

 

it would turn me on to hear her tell me what she masturbates too so not that wouldnt bother me.

 

 

And when you have sex with your girlfriend, do you ever run the porn video thru your head to help with your arousal?

 

not really, in fact i try and think of things like poker hands, stanley cup playoffs and anything that can help me from not blowing my load to soon!

 

How would you feel if your girlfriend thought about or imagined another naked man or his body parts while she orgasmed, either during masturbation or while having sex with you? Would you ever wonder if she was thinking about another man's body parts instead of yours when you were having sex with her? Would you be bothered if she was thinking about another naked man while having sex with you?

 

it depends .. if she is doing it because i am not turning the trick for her, i would prefer her to communicate how i can better please her. if she is doing it because when combined with my *skills* it gives her a mind blowing orgasm, sounds good to me!

 

 

 

but would it bother you KNOWING that you were not who she was visualizing when she orgasmed?

 

no, the fact is she is orgasming with me and not someone else.

 

 

Would it make you feel insecure if you were raking leaves or working on your car or sitting at the table paying bills and your gf told you she'd be back in a little while..and after a half-hour you went to check on her and she was in the bedroom masturbating to a porn video full of naked men? Would you even wonder why she chose to masturbate to the video of naked men rather than have sex with you? Or would you recognize that masturbation and sex with you are two, separate, unrelated activities??

 

yes this would bother me and it should bother any partner ... why didnt she just come and get me? now if she knew I was not going to be able to take part for whatever reason, then no it wouldnt bother me anymore than if she went and read a book or knitted a sweater. that being said, if she could be helping me "with the lawn duties" and decided instead to read a book, yes i would wonder if she thinks I am the hired hands. same for her rubbing one out. hey, if you can take a break to play with your pu$$y, so can I!

 

 

 

 

If your gf was thinking about her ex-boyfriend while she was masturbating, would it bother you? What if she was thinking about your best friend? How would you feel???

 

i would be turned on and would want her to share those graphic details with me.

 

 

 

 

 

Why do men need porn in order to masturbate? Women can masturbate perfectly fine...with the same effect..orgasm...without looking at pictures or videos of naked men. And we are supposed to be the sex who has a harder time climaxing. Why can we climax without porn, but men need it as a tool????

 

good question, but it just works like that. i can come without the stimulation, but it just feels better when you get worked up first.

 

 

 

Would you be just as satisfied if the only masturbation tool you had at your disposal were naked pictures of your girlfriend? Could you be happy forsaking all pictures of all other naked women and be completely happy masturbating to only pictures of your naked girlfriend?

 

 

Why do men need pictures of OTHER naked women to masturbate to? Why don't they all just take pictures of their naked wives and girlfriends and use them for masturbation purposes when their wives and girlfriends aren't available??

 

good question and i am not educated enough to explain the why's and how's of the human mind, but for some reason i think the variety of images is part of the process.

 

 

i guess i am different in that i dont believe that because you get married, two people become one. she is her own person with her own mind and her own choices. my wife goes out a few times a week without me. sometimes its just for coffee, sometimes she goes to the bar with her friends. she is a huge flirt and i know she flirts with other guys, hell sometimes with other girls. i told my best friend that if she hadnt married me, she would be in love with him (cuz he is one cool dude)

 

but i know 100% certain that in the 20 years we have been together, we have been faithful to each other. she knows i have gone to Thailand on business, into the seediest most disgusting places where sex was cheap and she knows i was faithful. no question about it, nothing to hide about how i ended up being in such a place. or even that i was there. one of the people i was with asked me while pointing to one of the bar girls "dude, how can you not want to fck her?" and i simply said, its not about want or not want, i just wont. (well who wants a disease, fidelity issues aside).

 

i showed her the pictures because it was something neither of us would have ever seen otherwise. it was crazy for small town westerners like us.

 

we let each other experiance life, together and apart with full confidence in our fidelity.

[Mr. Lucky]

If you came home from work and walked in your bedroom and saw that your gf put pin-up posters of naked men on the walls all around the room for her viewing pleasure..would it bother you?

It's amazing how out of proportion this has been blown. It would appear that what the OP's fiancee is doing (if anything), he's doing in private out of her purview and in a way that, at least told to this point by her, does not affect their sex life. The only way she knows about it is that she's snooping into his browser history AFTER TELLING HIM SHE WAS OK WITH IT!!! How is that equivalent to putting posters up on the bedroom wall?

If your gf was thinking about her ex-boyfriend while she was masturbating, would it bother you? What if she was thinking about your best friend? How would you feel?

As I've asked many times before and have yet to be answered, how would one know what one's GF was thinking about while masturbating and therefore why would one care ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[bean1]

People - STOP trying to convince the OP that porn is a good thing. It's obvious that she does not believe that and she is entitled to her beliefs, just as much as her partner is entitled to his belief that porn is okay.

 

The problem here is not that she doesn't like porn and that he does like porn - the problem is that the OP and her partner are unable to communicate their wants and needs to each other in a healthy way!

The porn issue seems to a deal-breaker here but they have no chance of working through this until they try and approach this with good communication. Hiding, snooping, yelling, anger, etc. is not helping.

[manugeorge]

As I've asked many times before and have yet to be answered, how would one know what one's GF was thinking about while masturbating and therefore why would one care ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Mr. Lucky, I think you men need chips in your brains, seriously or better yet, develp photographic memories. Don't you think that will solve this porn issue once and for all?

 

You can discreetly summon up the visual images you need at your leisure and just go to work;). No computers, no videos, no magazines. It'll all be right there in your head, neatly tucked away in files. and no one would be the wiser.

 

That is what I find amusing about the whole porn craze. He may not be looking at it but how do you know he's not thinking it? and what do you do in that case? *shrug*

[Mr. Lucky]

That is what I find amusing about the whole porn craze. He may not be looking at it but how do you know he's not thinking it? and what do you do in that case? *shrug*

It's a little bit like the "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin" debate that occupied the time of Medieval scholars. The answer can be and mean whatever you want it to be. In this case, it seems to have taken on a life of it's own...

 

Mr. Lucky

[soserious1]

What gets me about all of this is that defenders of porn yammer on about "compromise" yet it would appear that the only stance they view as acceptable is for the woman to heartily endorse her man's porn use and to join him in it, get doggin style on that bed girl and keep your head down so you don't interfer with his view of the tv screen.

 

I had a husband who would rather jerk off to porn than to have sex with me, on the occasion that he would lower himself into tossing me an obligatory mercy fsck, he needed to look at porn in order to get enough of an erection to attempt sex.

 

Deciding that if you can't fight it, just go with I told him to feel free to wank to his heart's content but that I was uncomfortable with his idea of mercy sex and would prefer that if porn excited him, that he finish taking care of his business with it. I was told here that "You should be grateful he's not actually out screwing other women" "He's making a huge sacrifice in being faithful to you,porn helps him with that"

 

I am offended by the idea that pledging to remain faithful is such a tremendous "sacrifice" such a horrible burden that I then decide that if he wanted other women he could have them too.

 

Even that wasn't good enough it seems, men are entitled to all the porn their hard drives can hold, they're entitled to strip clubs, to ogling other women openly and in a blatant manner. Women are to indulgently chuckle and say boys will be boys as they fall to their knees in gratitude before him in order to thank him for settling for us and lowering himself to actually have sex with us.

 

I've come to the conclusion that remaining faithful in body only but basically doing everything else you can to get a sexual thrill is no sort of prize or honor to me, it makes me feel massively uncomfortable and less worthy. I've decided to go with the idea that monogamy is an outdated concept, I now assume that any man I'm seeing will be a porn lover and would probably like to shag hundreds of women a day and I've decided that any relationship I'm in from here on out will be a totally open one, no more empty promises of fidelity that have more loopholes than an AGI loan contract.

[taylor]

Thank you for taking the time to post, demrea. A few more questions, please...just to dig a little deeper.

 

yes, but not because I am jealous, but because its a juvenile way to decorate a grown adults room. would she be ok if i put up pictures of my favourite athletes? kids do that, not adults.

 

But pictures of naked men is not the way a juvenile's room is decorated, nor would you find a juvenile with porn sites in his internet history. Athletes on the wall in a juvenile's room, yes.

 

Your gf may also put teddy bears on her bed..a juvenile decoration. Would that bother you, too, because it's a juvenile way to decorate?

 

Do you really care how she decorates?

 

 

 

it would turn me on to hear her tell me what she masturbates too so not that wouldnt bother me.

 

But what if after she got done telling you, she walked away from you. It seems like you don't mind if she looks at porn as long as you reap the benefit of it. What if you reaped no benefit from it, ie., she got what she needed from the porn..the orgasm...and now it was time to do the dishes.

 

Does every man who views porn get turned on and then turn to his gf or wife to finish the job, ie., does she get to reap the benefit of his arousal...or does he finish the job...have the orgasm...and then go watch the ballgame?

 

 

 

 

not really, in fact i try and think of things like poker hands, stanley cup playoffs and anything that can help me from not blowing my load to soon!

 

But what got you so aroused in the first place..what STARTED the arousal. I understand the "control" thing, but something had to get the blood pumping in the first place. Was it the thought of the body parts on the naked woman in the porn video or was it the thought of your gf's body parts?

 

 

 

it depends .. if she is doing it because i am not turning the trick for her, i would prefer her to communicate how i can better please her. if she is doing it because when combined with my *skills* it gives her a mind blowing orgasm, sounds good to me!

 

Here again, you are thinking about what you are getting out of it..the end result you want. You are thinking as if you are a participant in this.

 

But what if your gf or wife is getting excited and orgasming to pictures of naked men she sees on the internet...while you are on the phone talking to your mother. Say the porn is not in any way shape or form for any of your benefit...say it is strictly for her own personal pleasure. Is it OK for her to get 100 percent pleasure for herself from porn without any regard to you?

 

Do men always run and get their gf's when they get aroused by porn so that their gf's and wives can "reap the orgasmic benefit" or do they sometimes finish the job themselves...not really thinking about where their gf's are or what they are doing?

 

 

 

 

 

no, the fact is she is orgasming with me and not someone else.

 

Again, you are thinking about how you will reap benefit. But what if she is masturbating and orgasming to thoughts of her ex-boyfriend or your best friend or to a porn video. What if she is having mind-blowing orgasms and you are not the one in her thoughts. Is this not what men do? Don't they give themselves mind-blowing orgasms by looking at and thinking of other women while they masturbate?

 

It wouldn't bother you if your gf told you, "Honey, that was a great orgasm I had while you were inside me, but I want you to know I was thinking about your friend Johnny when I came. You know you are the only person I will ever have sex with. I am totally devoted to you. But I was thinking about Johnny so that I could have the most mind-blowing sex possible."

 

 

 

 

yes this would bother me and it should bother any partner ... why didnt she just come and get me? now if she knew I was not going to be able to take part for whatever reason, then no it wouldnt bother me anymore than if she went and read a book or knitted a sweater. that being said, if she could be helping me "with the lawn duties" and decided instead to read a book, yes i would wonder if she thinks I am the hired hands. same for her rubbing one out. hey, if you can take a break to play with your pu$$y, so can I!

 

Do men only get off on porn when their gf's and wives are not able to take part?

 

Also, why would your wife come get you for sex if that's all she wants to do is masturbate? Like Enema said, and most men believe, they are two totally different, unrelated activities. Aren't there times when you just want to masturbate and other times when you just want to have sex?

 

 

 

 

 

 

i would be turned on and would want her to share those graphic details with me.

 

You would be turned on if your gf told you she was able to get turned on thinking about your best friend or her ex? Would you want to help her orgasm, knowing her arousal came from thoughts of her ex? Really?

 

So she could come to you and say, "Honey, I am so horny right now. I've been thinking about Jimmy's body all day and now I'm so hot. I really need some relief. Can you help me out?" And you would be totally willing to help her come to orgasm, knowing it was her ex, not you, that got her wet?

 

 

good question, but it just works like that. i can come without the stimulation, but it just feels better when you get worked up first.

 

I can totally understand this. Kind of like "getting you in the mood," right? The porn visual gets you in the mood.

 

 

 

 

good question and i am not educated enough to explain the why's and how's of the human mind, but for some reason i think the variety of images is part of the process.

 

The thing is it's this NEED for variety that makes a woman feel like she is not GOOD ENOUGH to please a man. If your girlfriend told you she liked you penis, but she really needs to see other penises to fulfill her sex drive, how would that make you feel about your penis?

 

 

i told my best friend that if she hadnt married me, she would be in love with him (cuz he is one cool dude)

 

This is only because you think you are the better guy. If your friend was a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 and you were a 4, you wouldn't be saying this, would you?

 

one of the people i was with asked me while pointing to one of the bar girls "dude, how can you not want to fck her?" and i simply said, its not about want or not want, i just wont. (well who wants a disease, fidelity issues aside).

 

And that's the thing, Enema. You won't F another woman because you won't, EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY WANT TO. For many women, they won't F another man BECAUSE they don't want to. Men can feel secure most of the time that their women dont WANT other men. But women don't feel secure because theY KNOW their men WANT other women.

 

How would you feel if a woman friend at a bar came up to your wife/gf and said, pointing, "Wouldn't you like to F him?" And your wife said, Well, I might want to, but I won't?" Would it not bother you in the least that your wife might want to F another guy? Would it not bother you that a friend of hers was "planting" the notion in her head?

[You'reasian]

.

 

But what if your gf or wife is getting excited and orgasming to pictures of naked men she sees on the internet...while you are on the phone talking to your mother. Say the porn is not in any way shape or form for any of your benefit...say it is strictly for her own personal pleasure. Is it OK for her to get 100 percent pleasure for herself from porn without any regard to you?

 

Do men always run and get their gf's when they get aroused by porn so that their gf's and wives can "reap the orgasmic benefit" or do they sometimes finish the job themselves...not really thinking about where their gf's are or what they are doing?

 

Again, you are thinking about how you will reap benefit. But what if she is masturbating and orgasming to thoughts of her ex-boyfriend or your best friend or to a porn video. What if she is having mind-blowing orgasms and you are not the one in her thoughts. Is this not what men do? Don't they give themselves mind-blowing orgasms by looking at and thinking of other women while they masturbate?

 

It wouldn't bother you if your gf told you, "Honey, that was a great orgasm I had while you were inside me, but I want you to know I was thinking about your friend Johnny when I came. You know you are the only person I will ever have sex with. I am totally devoted to you. But I was thinking about Johnny so that I could have the most mind-blowing sex possible."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do men only get off on porn when their gf's and wives are not able to take part?

 

Also, why would your wife come get you for sex if that's all she wants to do is masturbate? Like Enema said, and most men believe, they are two totally different, unrelated activities. Aren't there times when you just want to masturbate and other times when you just want to have sex?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You would be turned on if your gf told you she was able to get turned on thinking about your best friend or her ex? Would you want to help her orgasm, knowing her arousal came from thoughts of her ex? Really?

 

So she could come to you and say, "Honey, I am so horny right now. I've been thinking about Jimmy's body all day and now I'm so hot. I really need some relief. Can you help me out?" And you would be totally willing to help her come to orgasm, knowing it was her ex, not you, that got her wet?

 

I can totally understand this. Kind of like "getting you in the mood," right? The porn visual gets you in the mood.

 

The thing is it's this NEED for variety that makes a woman feel like she is not GOOD ENOUGH to please a man. If your girlfriend told you she liked you penis, but she really needs to see other penises to fulfill her sex drive, how would that make you feel about your penis?

 

 

 

 

This is only because you think you are the better guy. If your friend was a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 and you were a 4, you wouldn't be saying this, would you?

 

And that's the thing, Enema. You won't F another woman because you won't, EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY WANT TO. For many women, they won't F another man BECAUSE they don't want to. Men can feel secure most of the time that their women dont WANT other men. But women don't feel secure because theY KNOW their men WANT other women.

 

How would you feel if a woman friend at a bar came up to your wife/gf and said, pointing, "Wouldn't you like to F him?" And your wife said, Well, I might want to, but I won't?" Would it not bother you in the least that your wife might want to F another guy? Would it not bother you that a friend of hers was "planting" the notion in her head?

 

I understand your POV about seeing porn as selfishness but women like porn too and there's nothing wrong with it. Its almost as common for women to like it as men - and yes, I've dated women who liked porn.

 

They do fantasize it in the same way we do and can come closer to simulating what they see on the screen

 

They can go out and get a Ron Jeremy sized toy and have a go at it - that's their decision. If they need to do it, why not?

 

Men are more comfortable about their porn consumption - as women whom also view porn would prefer that their men didn't - you ladies want to have your cake and eat it too and get very jealous when we start to do our own thing even though you're doing it too

 

Now on fixing the porn problem -

 

its nothing that an active (or extremely active) sex life cant solve. Although masturbation creates certain preferences, esp with the ladies.

[taylor]

It's amazing how out of proportion this has been blown. It would appear that what the OP's fiancee is doing (if anything), he's doing in private out of her purview and in a way that, at least told to this point by her, does not affect their sex life. The only way she knows about it is that she's snooping into his browser history AFTER TELLING HIM SHE WAS OK WITH IT!!! How is that equivalent to putting posters up on the bedroom wall?

 

The point was visual stimulation. He sees naked women on the internet and she is aware of it. She sees naked guys on the wall and he is aware of it.

 

OK, let's change the scenario: He discovers she has porn site accounts set up on the internet and she is actively viewing the sites. He questions her about it. She says she is using them as a tool to masturbate. He tells her he doesn't like it. She refuses to stop, making sure she deletes her history. How would he feel about it?

 

Whether the naked pictures are on the internet or on a wall...what difference does it make. Someone is looking at naked pictures and masturbating to them and everyone is aware of it...so what's the difference? Would it make a difference if she put the pictures in her home office..a place he doesn't go?

 

 

 

As I've asked many times before and have yet to be answered, how would one know what one's GF was thinking about while masturbating and therefore why would one care ???

 

If she was looking at naked men on internet porn sights while masturbating, I think her boyfriend would conclude she was thinking about other men, not him...otherwise she would masturbate to a picture of him..don't you think?

 

Enema said who cares what I guy is thinking about when he is wanking off? Women do care, just like I think men would care if they knew their wives were wanking off by thinking about old flames or his best friend. What if you came home and found your wife wanking off to a picture of her ex-husband. You wouldn't care?

 

The thing is women can be very secretive about what turns them on. It's true, men will never know. But men are pretty blatant about what arouses them. Hard for them to hide it, I guess.

[demrea]

a lot of "what if's" and well off topic now, but interesting none the less.

 

 

Do you really care how she decorates??

 

i care how she decorates if i am living in the room as well, which is the case in my instance. i dont want pictures of naked men or naked women on my bedroom wall. she could put them on her locker at the gym or elsewhere for all i care.

 

What if you reaped no benefit from it, ie., she got what she needed from the porn..the orgasm...and now it was time to do the dishes.??

 

yup, that would bother me. but isnt that an entirely different issue from whether i mind her looking at porn or not?

 

Does every man .??

 

i cant beging to speak or everyman, just myself. if i had the choice of porn or my wife, 100% of the time i would choose my wife.

 

 

 

 

But what got you so aroused in the first place..what STARTED the arousal. I understand the "control" thing, but something had to get the blood pumping in the first place. Was it the thought of the body parts on the naked woman in the porn video or was it the thought of your gf's body parts?.??

 

again, speaking for myself, i get aroused at the smell of my wife's neck. thats all i really need to get the blood pumping. in fact, it can get me over aroused, which is why thinking of other arousals would be a negative for me. speaking for myself.

 

 

But what if your gf or wife is getting excited and orgasming to pictures of naked men she sees on the internet...while you are on the phone talking to your mother. Say the porn is not in any way shape or form for any of your benefit...say it is strictly for her own personal pleasure. Is it OK for her to get 100 percent pleasure for herself from porn without any regard to you??.??

 

of course its ok ... is it ok for me to bothered if she is looking at facebook or LS while I am on the phone with my mother? of course not, so why cant she look at a naked man if that is somehting that is relevant to what she is doing.

 

Do men always run and get their gf's when they get aroused by porn so that their gf's and wives can "reap the orgasmic benefit" or do they sometimes finish the job themselves...not really thinking about where their gf's are or what they are doing?

 

i dont know ... i cant speak for "men", just myself.

 

 

 

 

It wouldn't bother you if your gf told you, "Honey, that was a great orgasm I had while you were inside me, but I want you to know I was thinking about your friend Johnny when I came. You know you are the only person I will ever have sex with. I am totally devoted to you. But I was thinking about Johnny so that I could have the most mind-blowing sex possible."?

 

it woudnt bother me, although i am sure there are ways she could say it that would. the last sentance yes would bother me, but the fact someone else was on her mind wouldnt.

 

 

 

Aren't there times when you just want to masturbate and other times when you just want to have sex?.

 

not really, i masturbate when i cant have sex. given the choice, i wouldnt choose it over real life sex ever.

 

 

 

You would be turned on if your gf told you she was able to get turned on thinking about your best friend or her ex? Would you want to help her orgasm, knowing her arousal came from thoughts of her ex? Really??."?

 

to clarify, in some cases it would bother me. if she just finished telling me i was terrible in bed and the only way she could get off was through fantasy of others, yes it would totally kill my self esteem. however, if she was simply showing her sexuality to me, no i would be turned on.

 

 

So she could come to you and say, "Honey, I am so horny right now. I've been thinking about Jimmy's body all day and now I'm so hot. I really need some relief. Can you help me out?" And you would be totally willing to help her come to orgasm, knowing it was her ex, not you, that got her wet???."?

 

well, that turned me on thinking about what your wrote, so no it wouldnt bother me. unless of course it was in the context of her telling me how aweful i was in bed.

 

 

The thing is it's this NEED for variety that makes a woman feel like she is not GOOD ENOUGH to please a man. If your girlfriend told you she liked you penis, but she really needs to see other penises to fulfill her sex drive, how would that make you feel about your penis????."?

 

i have a total "penis size" phobia. i am not that big really, but i know i cant do anything about it and make the best i can out of it. but to be frank it doesnt bother me if she craves a bigger one, i just wish i had it to give her. i would rather have a sexually liberated lady and deal with the issues that come from that than the alternative and have one who is frigid and afraid of their own sexuality.

 

 

 

This is only because you think you are the better guy. If your friend was a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 and you were a 4, you wouldn't be saying this, would you? ????."?

 

i think my friend is an 8 and i am more a 6 so no. he just moved to LA as he is a TV producer (although at this stage his best works are only on display in Canada on the Slice network). he is a catch, no question about it.

 

 

How would you feel if a woman friend at a bar came up to your wife/gf and said, pointing, "Wouldn't you like to F him?" And your wife said, Well, I might want to, but I won't?" Would it not bother you in the least that your wife might want to F another guy? Would it not bother you that a friend of hers was "planting" the notion in her head?

 

this has happened ... so what, she is a human, she can want to F anyone she wants as long as she remains faithful. if a friend was encouraging and engineering her to cheat, yes i would have a problem because that is a friend who doesnt respect her relationship with me (or me). two different issues, no?

[taylor]

I understand your POV about seeing porn as selfishness but women like porn too and there's nothing wrong with it. Its almost as common for women to like it as men - and yes, I've dated women who liked porn.

 

They do fantasize it in the same way we do and can come closer to simulating what they see on the screen

 

They can go out and get a Ron Jeremy sized toy and have a go at it - that's their decision. If they need to do it, why not?

 

Men are more comfortable about their porn consumption - as women whom also view porn would prefer that their men didn't - you ladies want to have your cake and eat it too and get very jealous when we start to do our own thing even though you're doing it too

 

Now on fixing the porn problem -

 

its nothing that an active (or extremely active) sex life cant solve. Although masturbation creates certain preferences, esp with the ladies.

 

How many women go into their bedrooms, flip on the computer screen, and masturbate to porn video on a regular basis while you are at work?

 

I will venture to say the ONLY time men don't mind women watching porn is if THEY will reap some benefit from it, ie, they want the women to use it as a tool to get wet so that they can move in for the "good" part.

 

How many men would encourage their wives to watch porn (perhaps get them a few videos for Mother's Day or for Christmas) knowing they wouldn't reap any benefit whatsoever from their wive's usage..if they were "left out" of the picture.

 

Yet men view porn all day long with no thought whatsoever of using it to please their wives...only themselves...whether their wives like it or not.

[soserious1]

How many women go into their bedrooms, flip on the computer screen, and masturbate to porn video on a regular basis while you are at work?

 

I will venture to say the ONLY time men don't mind women watching porn is if THEY will reap some benefit from it, ie, they want the women to use it as a tool to get wet so that they can move in for the "good" part.

 

How many men would encourage their wives to watch porn (perhaps get them a few videos for Mother's Day or for Christmas) knowing they wouldn't reap any benefit whatsoever from their wive's usage..if they were "left out" of the picture.

 

Yet men view porn all day long with no thought whatsoever of using it to please their wives...only themselves...whether their wives like it or not.

 

 

An even better question would be, how many men would encourage their wives porn viewing and ogling of other men if they knew that the self-pleasuring sessions their wives would be having would result in LESS sex for them.

 

Imagine turning to your spouse because you're craving intimacy only to be told "Sorry, I took care of myself this morning" imagine that scene happening with regularity.

[ashleyjj]

 

I had a husband who would rather jerk off to porn than to have sex with me, on the occasion that he would lower himself into tossing me an obligatory mercy fsck, he needed to look at porn in order to get enough of an erection to attempt sex.

 

 

I have the same problem with my man, maybe not as bad yet but I fear it's just going to get worse. Thing is, I just feel that he's stop making effort in the sex department. I really don't care that he's watching porn, it's his right. What bothers me is that he's solely using porn for sex and neglected me. We might have sex once or twice a month, and we have also gone a few months without sex, at all. To say that I'm sexually frustrated is an understatement.

 

If you're wondering whether I'm just too ugly or lazy, the answer is no. Not supermodel-like, but decent and I'm pretty sure I can find men to have sex with if I want to. I've tried many ways to improve our sex lives but it really doesn't help; mainly because he has no desire to improve. He's not evil or anything, he loves me alot but he has just given up and accepted our mediocre sex lives and focus on fulfilling his needs from porn. I can understand why, it's so much easier with porn, he can control whatever, whenever and however he wants it. I just don't understand why he could forget about me? What about me?

 

I don't think any man can understand how painful it is for a woman to find out that her man will rather masturbate to porn than to have sex with her, all the time.

[soserious1]

I have the same problem with my man, maybe not as bad yet but I fear it's just going to get worse. Thing is, I just feel that he's stop making effort in the sex department. I really don't care that he's watching porn, it's his right. What bothers me is that he's solely using porn for sex and neglected me. We might have sex once or twice a month, and we have also gone a few months without sex, at all. To say that I'm sexually frustrated is an understatement.

 

If you're wondering whether I'm just too ugly or lazy, the answer is no. Not supermodel-like, but decent and I'm pretty sure I can find men to have sex with if I want to. I've tried many ways to improve our sex lives but it really doesn't help; mainly because he has no desire to improve. He's not evil or anything, he loves me alot but he has just given up and accepted our mediocre sex lives and focus on fulfilling his needs from porn. I can understand why, it's so much easier with porn, he can control whatever, whenever and however he wants it. I just don't understand why he could forget about me? What about me?

 

I don't think any man can understand how painful it is for a woman to find out that her man will rather masturbate to porn than to have sex with her, all the time.

 

Oh but it must be your fault dear, how much weight have you gained? are you hitting the gym everyday? You must have let things go stale, men like variety, have you tried wigs,new outfits, piercings, are you enthusastic about sex, did you beg him for anal?

 

Are you a nag? do you bother him with little things like bills and those annoying little creatures you call children? remember dearie if you want sex you need to handle all these details by yourself, lest your shrewishness cause him to lose his erection.

 

 

If there is ANY problem at all with sex within a marriage it can NEVER be caused by porn, why that's only a symptom of something deeper and darker and that's always the woman's fault.

 

I got to the point that I no longer cared what he watched, who he ogled or even who he had sex with, as long as he left me be and stopped insulting my intellect.

[taylor]

Yup, that would bother me. but isnt that an entirely different issue from whether i mind her looking at porn or not?

 

You said it would bother you if she viewed porn but you did not reap any benefit from her viewing...

 

But isn't this exactly what men do sometimes? Don't they view porn and get off on it..while their wives and gf's get no benefit from this at all?

 

No, it is not an entirely different issue. It IS the issue. Women get very upset that their men are getting sexual gratification from something that doesn't involve them in the least bit.

 

What does a wife "get" from her husband jerking off to a naked woman in a porn video..The only thing she gets is UPSET.

 

Just like you would be if your wife orgasmed to a naked man in a porn video and you got NOTHING from her experience.

 

 

 

 

i cant beging to speak or everyman, just myself. if i had the choice of porn or my wife, 100% of the time i would choose my wife.

 

Don't all men have this choice if they are in loving relationships? They all have the choice of porn or their wife. It only makes the wife upset when he chooses the porn instead of her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

again, speaking for myself, i get aroused at the smell of my wife's neck. thats all i really need to get the blood pumping. in fact, it can get me over aroused, which is why thinking of other arousals would be a negative for me. speaking for myself.

 

Ah, that's sweet. But, what about the man who uses porn to get aroused and then comes searching for his wife to finish him. Women find tremendous value in being able to arouse a man. If he is using something else..another naked woman's body on video, to get him aroused, it makes her feel like she is not ENOUGH to get him aroused.

 

I am sure your wife feels validated when you tell her the smell of her neck arouses you. She feels sexually empowered and validated as a woman when you do this. But what about the woman who's husband only wants her after the sight of another female body turned him on. It makes her feel like she doesn't have that power to arouse her man..she's not good enough.

 

 

 

of course its ok ... is it ok for me to bothered if she is looking at facebook or LS while I am on the phone with my mother? of course not, so why cant she look at a naked man if that is somehting that is relevant to what she is doing.

 

NO, you missed the most important point...She isn't just looking at the naked men on the internet sight...she is masturbating and orgasming to it while you are on the phone with your mother. You are not available when she has the urge, so she satisfies herself while you are busy catching up with mom on the phone. By the time you are off the phone, she is done. You reap nothing from her sexual encounter with the internet. Is this not what men do? Have sexual encounters with the internet or the magazine when their wives aren't available. Again, is it OK?

 

 

 

 

 

 

not really, i masturbate when i cant have sex. given the choice, i wouldnt choose it over real life sex ever.

 

I agree. I think men and women both do this...masturbate when sex is not available. But what about the women who are screaming out for sex because they are standing right there...available to their husbands, but their husbands are off in another room mesmerized by the big boobs of another woman on the computer screen.

 

How many men are looking at porn while their wives are washing dishes or cleaning the toilet? Why not grab up your wife and do the deed, rather than surf the porn sites.

 

 

 

 

 

 

to clarify, in some cases it would bother me. if she just finished telling me i was terrible in bed and the only way she could get off was through fantasy of others, yes it would totally kill my self esteem. however, if she was simply showing her sexuality to me, no i would be turned on.

 

What if she simply told you she enjoyed thinking about the big penises she saw in the porn videos..or enjoyed thinking about your neighbor's big biceps..because it really aroused her and that helped her have mind blowing orgasms? Would that bother you at all? Say she made no mention of how you were in bed. No man will ever tell his gf she sucks in bed, but a man will say that looking at a woman's big boobs in a porn video does help him have great orgasms.

 

 

 

 

i would rather have a sexually liberated lady and deal with the issues that come from that than the alternative and have one who is frigid and afraid of their own sexuality.

 

Do you think women who don't advocate porn are frigid or afraid of their own sexuality. Is that what men think? If your wife started acting like half the men you know who like to ogle women and who love looking at porn, would that be something you would admire in her..enjoy about her?

 

 

 

 

 

i think my friend is an 8 and i am more a 6 so no. he just moved to LA as he is a TV producer (although at this stage his best works are only on display in Canada on the Slice network). he is a catch, no question about it.

 

Whew...good thing he's a million miles away.

 

 

 

 

this has happened ... so what, she is a human, she can want to F anyone she wants as long as she remains faithful. if a friend was encouraging and engineering her to cheat, yes i would have a problem because that is a friend who doesnt respect her relationship with me (or me). two different issues, no?

 

Did you feel this way towards the man who said, "Wouldn't you like to F that woman?" Did you feel at the time he was being disrespectful toward your relationship with your wife? Were you bothered by it? If you weren't why would you be bothered by a woman suggesting the same to your wife in a bar?

 

I really do appreciate your input. I know it seems as if I am putting you on some kind of defensive. It really isn't my intention. I just want to know WHY. I want to know what is in a guy's head..and if he really does think about what all of this would look like if the porn situation were truly reversed. Can a man put himself in a woman's shoes....

[manugeorge]

And that's the thing, Enema. You won't F another woman because you won't, EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY WANT TO. For many women, they won't F another man BECAUSE they don't want to. Men can feel secure most of the time that their women dont WANT other men. But women don't feel secure because theY KNOW their men WANT other women.

 

How would you feel if a woman friend at a bar came up to your wife/gf and said, pointing, "Wouldn't you like to F him?" And your wife said, Well, I might want to, but I won't?" Would it not bother you in the least that your wife might want to F another guy? Would it not bother you that a friend of hers was "planting" the notion in her head?

 

Taylor, I should point out one thing about your paragraph above. Speaking as a woman, I won't F another man because I already have one at home that I promised to be faithful to. Not because I don't want to.

 

I'm not sexually dead/blind/deaf/mute because I'm in a relationship. I still notice good looking men and I still notice men with great personalities. I don't compare them to my SO, if he wasn't enough for me, I won't be with him. But I won't deny that I do ocassionally fantasize about handsome men that I see everyday. My attraction to others doesn't automatically dry up because I have a man. I'm a sexual being, and my sexuality expresses itself regardless of my relationship status. Yet I can be this way and still fiercely love, adore and be sexually attracted to my SO.

 

I know this is the same for many women too. You just don't stop noticing others just because you are in a relationship. What you don't do is ACT on your thoughts. For example, I won't flirt in front of my SO, I may flirt a bit when he's not around;). I won't flaunt the fact that I'm attracted to others in my SO's face, I won't watch porn in his presence, etc.

 

But it will be a sad day when my body no longer responds to outside stimulation because I'm in a relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

If she was looking at naked men on internet porn sights while masturbating, I think her boyfriend would conclude she was thinking about other men, not him...otherwise she would masturbate to a picture of him..don't you think?

Under that scenario, why would the men have to be naked to be a threat? My wife is not shy about that fact that she's a big Tom Cruise fan. Since I know she masturbates, perhaps she's thinking about Tom while rubbing one out.

 

Should I be worried ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[ashleyjj]

Oh but it must be your fault dear, how much weight have you gained? are you hitting the gym everyday? You must have let things go stale, men like variety, have you tried wigs,new outfits, piercings, are you enthusastic about sex, did you beg him for anal?

 

 

You're funny but so spot on! Whenever a woman has this porn problem, everyone starts asking those questions, presuming that the problem is with the woman. I might have the same response too, in the past! I'll say no woman could understand this problem too until it hits them. You mean to say my man doesn't want to have sex with me? That's impossible! You must be ugly or something!

 

Are you still with your husband? I'm wondering whether I could tolerate this myself. I've been trying to do all these stuffs to pleasure him so that he'll be interested but sometimes I have this intense anger and frustration, especially when I "knew" he was watching porn, and felt that I should just give up - you live with your porn and me with my vibrator. But even saying this sounds so sick, a marriage shouldn't be like this.

[You'reasian]

How many women go into their bedrooms, flip on the computer screen, and masturbate to porn video on a regular basis while you are at work?

 

I will venture to say the ONLY time men don't mind women watching porn is if THEY will reap some benefit from it, ie, they want the women to use it as a tool to get wet so that they can move in for the "good" part.

 

How many men would encourage their wives to watch porn (perhaps get them a few videos for Mother's Day or for Christmas) knowing they wouldn't reap any benefit whatsoever from their wive's usage..if they were "left out" of the picture.

 

Yet men view porn all day long with no thought whatsoever of using it to please their wives...only themselves...whether their wives like it or not.

 

Men don't have to encourage women to watch porn - they do it because its their choice, their freedom. Your responses are as if women don't like it - they do and there's nothing wrong with it.

 

They reap the benefit themselves. Its none of my business, frankly.

 

Again, speaking to the initial issue - an improved sex life is about the only way to reduce porn consumption.

[blair08]

"Again, speaking to the initial issue - an improved sex life is about the only way to reduce porn consumption".

 

OR it could be the other way around...lets say a woman "withholds" because HE is watching to much porn, and she feels slighted.I did NOT say withholding was right. So, therefore if he left the porn alone more, he might would get more sex from her....this is just flip side depending on each persons situation.

 

I see it sometimes as, a childish battle in away. "Ill give you more sex, if you lay off the porn so much." OR, "I wouldn't be on porn so much if you would have sex with me more."

[soserious1]

Men don't have to encourage women to watch porn - they do it because its their choice, their freedom. Your responses are as if women don't like it - they do and there's nothing wrong with it.

 

They reap the benefit themselves. Its none of my business, frankly.

 

Again, speaking to the initial issue - an improved sex life is about the only way to reduce porn consumption.

 

okay and just how do you go about getting that "improved sex life"when your husband has rubbed one out and rejects your advances? How much crying, getting on our knees and begging for sex, offering him oral,anal and hand jobs if he'll only just touch us do we have to do before any little piece of this problem is not the fault of the woman?

[blair08]

okay and just how do you go about getting that ïmproved sex life"when your husband has rubbed one out and rejects your advances? How much crying, getting on our knees and begging for sex, offering him oral,anal and hand jobs if he'll only just touch us do we have to do before any little piece of this problem is not the fault of the woman?

 

 

To me this doesn't sound like your typical porn viewing man who watches it sometimes to get his rocks off once in awhile. That sounds more like a man that has a REAL porn addiction, therefore he no longer is attracted to or needs a real human body. There is a difference between occasional porn viewing and an actual addiction.

[soserious1]

You're funny but so spot on! Whenever a woman has this porn problem, everyone starts asking those questions, presuming that the problem is with the woman. I might have the same response too, in the past! I'll say no woman could understand this problem too until it hits them. You mean to say my man doesn't want to have sex with me? That's impossible! You must be ugly or something!

 

Are you still with your husband? I'm wondering whether I could tolerate this myself. I've been trying to do all these stuffs to pleasure him so that he'll be interested but sometimes I have this intense anger and frustration, especially when I "knew" he was watching porn, and felt that I should just give up - you live with your porn and me with my vibrator. But even saying this sounds so sick, a marriage shouldn't be like this.

 

I ended up divorcing my husband, I now pay him fairly hefty alimony, he's living with a woman 22 yrs his junior that he met on craig's list while still married to me.