still trying to fix the porn issue I created - any ideas?

[soserious1]

To me this doesn't sound like your typical porn viewing man who watches it sometimes to get his rocks off once in awhile. That sounds more like a man that has a REAL porn addiction, therefore he no longer is attracted to or needs a real human body. There is a difference between occasional porn viewing and an actual addiction.

 

But around here unless a man sits at home in his underwear all day surfing the web for porn, there's just no such thing as porn addiction. If there is a problem with the frequency of sex porn can never be the cause, it's just a symptom of "deeper problems within the marriage" ie: the lack of sex is the wife's fault, it could never simply be that the husband isn't interested and rejects the wife because he's already spent his sexual energy self-pleasuring with porn.

[blair08]

But around here unless a man sits at home in his underwear all day surfing the web for porn, there's just no such thing as porn addiction. If there is a problem with the frequency of sex porn can never be the cause, it's just a symptom of "deeper problems within the marriage" ie: the lack of sex is the wife's fault, it could never simply be that the husband isn't interested and rejects the wife because he's already spent his sexual energy self-pleasuring with porn.

 

 

How much to do you know addictions... there are many kinds, not just porn. Have you ever looked up porn addictions and read what the signs might be to see if they applied to your husbands situation? I know since you are no longer with him, it probably matters not. I'm not saying that your husband for sure had an addiction, just saying some people do.

[You'reasian]

okay and just how do you go about getting that ïmproved sex life"when your husband has rubbed one out and rejects your advances? How much crying, getting on our knees and begging for sex, offering him oral,anal and hand jobs if he'll only just touch us do we have to do before any little piece of this problem is not the fault of the woman?

 

Put down Cosmo.

 

Here's what you do - take the initiative.

 

Your best defense is a good offense!! - don't beg, plead or whatever - work on yourself, keep yourself in good physical shape (or the best you can) and be creative....

 

Call him while he's at work. Leave a dirty phone message - tell him what you wanna do with him the minute he gets home - and dig on the details!

 

Tell him that you're working yourself over (be extremely detailed about how its getting so damn hot that your starting to leave a damp line trailing down your panties) and you're waiting for him to come home and empty his **** in you and that you're gonna make yourself cum when he does.

 

That's how you keep him home. Hell the two of you will probably spend the entire weekend at home!! LOL

[manugeorge]

okay and just how do you go about getting that "improved sex life"when your husband has rubbed one out and rejects your advances? How much crying, getting on our knees and begging for sex, offering him oral,anal and hand jobs if he'll only just touch us do we have to do before any little piece of this problem is not the fault of the woman?

 

It has been said time and time again that this is a separate issue that unfairly gets blamed on porn. A man depriving his wife of sexual satisfaction because he would rather jack off to porn is a man who doesn't care about his wife. He doesn't love you, he's not attracted to you and you mean very little to him. And this means you have a whole 'nother bag of sh*t on your hands. If you take the porn away from him, he still won't turn to you for his sexual needs, he may occasionally, but it will just be out of sheer desperation.

 

This is a separate category of men that I don't think any of the porn defenders support. Many of the men on this board defend moderate porn use THAT DOESN"T STARVE A RELATIONSHIP OF SEXUAL MAINTENANCE. No one supports a man who picks porn over his wife.

[Juniper22]

Put down Cosmo.

 

Here's what you do - take the initiative.

 

Your best defense is a good offense!! - don't beg, plead or whatever - work on yourself, keep yourself in good physical shape (or the best you can) and be creative....

 

Call him while he's at work. Leave a dirty phone message - tell him what you wanna do with him the minute he gets home - and dig on the details!

 

Tell him that you're working yourself over (be extremely detailed about how its getting so damn hot that your starting to leave a damp line trailing down your panties) and you're waiting for him to come home and empty his **** in you and that you're gonna make yourself cum when he does.

 

That's how you keep him home. Hell the two of you will probably spend the entire weekend at home!! LOL

 

I guess, if a woman has done this, or even done it on a consistant basis for that matter....and if she still gets rejected or her man doesn't want much to do with her sexually...and still turns to porn or another for that matter....its probably best to just divorce his a$$!

[ashleyjj]

"Again, speaking to the initial issue - an improved sex life is about the only way to reduce porn consumption".

 

OR it could be the other way around...lets say a woman "withholds" because HE is watching to much porn,

 

Withholding will only work IF the man actually wants to have sex. In my case, it only ended up back to status quo - him with porn and masturbate during shower; me with frustration. Doesn't work at all.

[soserious1]

How much to do you know addictions... there are many kinds, not just porn. Have you ever looked up porn addictions and read what the signs might be to see if they applied to your husbands situation? I know since you are no longer with him, it probably matters not. I'm not saying that your husband for sure had an addiction, just saying some people do.

 

My point here is that porn is defended at all costs, anytime there's a sexual problem within a marriage porn couldn't possibly have any role whatsoever in the problem, no, there's always another issue and the blame for that issue is laid squarely at the wife's feet. She's either let herself go or she's boring in bed or she doesn't work enough or earn enough money, she doesn't kiss hubby's arse enough anytime he does even the smallest thing for their shared kids or in their shared home.

 

 

I got sooo tired of listening to all the crap.. because that's what it is crap, this business of taking a vow of fidelity but then taking every possible loophole out of it yet standing there all hurt because your wife doesn't praise you for not accidently falling and having your penis slip inside another woman.

 

My attitude now is simple, I will not promise exclusivity or monogamy to anyone and I will not expect anyone to promise those things to me either. We will enjoy ourselves when we are together and do what we will when we are not. At least it's honest and doesn't disrepect either parties intelligence.

[soserious1]

Put down Cosmo.

 

Here's what you do - take the initiative.

 

Your best defense is a good offense!! - don't beg, plead or whatever - work on yourself, keep yourself in good physical shape (or the best you can) and be creative....

 

Call him while he's at work. Leave a dirty phone message - tell him what you wanna do with him the minute he gets home - and dig on the details!

 

Tell him that you're working yourself over (be extremely detailed about how its getting so damn hot that your starting to leave a damp line trailing down your panties) and you're waiting for him to come home and empty his **** in you and that you're gonna make yourself cum when he does.

 

That's how you keep him home. Hell the two of you will probably spend the entire weekend at home!! LOL

 

During my marriage I dieted... and when I say that I mean, my husband oversaw my food, he was also my personal trainer and got me down to a size 2. I wore my hair long,medium and short, I had wigs, heels, sex toys, I would do and say anything to please him including crawling on the floor and begging him to allow me to pleasure him orally.

 

I was told after 18 months of starving and exercise that "You're straight up and down, you've got no curves" "Ï'm too tired" Ï'm a morning man and you work days, too bad" on mornings when I had the day off I was told Ï'm sorry I drank too much last night" on and on it went.

 

 

Again, at what point in any of this mess does it stop somehow being the woman's fault?

[ashleyjj]

It has been said time and time again that this is a separate issue that unfairly gets blamed on porn. A man depriving his wife of sexual satisfaction because he would rather jack off to porn is a man who doesn't care about his wife. He doesn't love you, he's not attracted to you and you mean very little to him.

 

I'm curious how you arrive at this conclusion? I'm fairly certain he loves me. We might not have sex often but that's the only thing missing; we hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands... all the time. Or what we've been called before, "you two love birds", you know what I mean?

 

Only thing missing is the sex!

[GroupFitness]

The day a man no longer wants sex with his wife is the day he no longer wants HER. Not just sex but all of her and it's the day she should head out the door accordingly. I think many women are too scared to accept that fact. He may not tell you to your face but we know how men like to avoid confrontation at all costs. His actions though will show you full well that he is desperate to get rid of you.

 

Many women will not, cannot take the hint, they stay cry, wail, yell, plead, beg, throw tantrums. They hang on to dead relationships long long after the corpse has decomposed and maggots are feasting on it.

 

How many of the women with porn issues on this site can say, "well everything is great with our relationship, EXCEPT his porn addiction". How many can say, "He is loving, kind, romantic, sweet towards me, except he will rather watch porn than have sex with me"?. None, because the porn issue is just a symptom of something bigger. Just another one in a long line of issues that has infested your relationship. Yet, you ignore everything else, because you can't handle the fact that it's time to move on. You ignore everything else and zone in on porn for dear life.

[Juniper22]

During my marriage I dieted... and when I say that I mean, my husband oversaw my food, he was also my personal trainer and got me down to a size 2. I wore my hair long,medium and short, I had wigs, heels, sex toys, I would do and say anything to please him including crawling on the floor and begging him to allow me to pleasure him orally.

 

I was told after 18 months of starving and exercise that "You're straight up and down, you've got no curves" "Ï'm too tired" Ï'm a morning man and you work days, too bad" on mornings when I had the day off I was told Ï'm sorry I drank too much last night" on and on it went.

 

 

Again, at what point in any of this mess does it stop somehow being the woman's fault?

 

 

 

There are men out there who say they want a sexy, fit woman...a woman that will do anything and everything in the bedroom....a woman with a heart of gold...good sense of humor, great attitude, beautiful inside and out...and whatever else you can list.....and SOMETIMES it will never be enough for SOME men. Those people who never see the good i appreciate her good qualities and not so good qualities and flaws etc, will never be with just one woman anyway. Nothing is good enough for him, no matter what you say, do or try.

 

I think in YOUR case, you might have been with a man that was like that. You hear tell of beautiful actresses or models..and yes even porn stars, who are fit, beautiful, daring in the bedroom etc etc. and they still don't want them or leave them. There are people like that, but there are people out there too, who are NOT like that.

[soserious1]

The day a man no longer wants sex with his wife is the day he no longer wants HER. Not just sex but all of her and it's the day she should head out the door accordingly. I think many women are too scared to accept that fact. He may not tell you to your face but we know how men like to avoid confrontation at all costs. His actions though will show you full well that he is desperate to get rid of you.

 

Many women will not, cannot take the hint, they stay cry, wail, yell, plead, beg, throw tantrums. They hang on to dead relationships long long after the corpse has decomposed and maggots are feasting on it.

 

How many of the women with porn issues on this site can say, "well everything is great with our relationship, EXCEPT his porn addiction". How many can say, "He is loving, kind, romantic, sweet towards me, except he will rather watch porn than have sex with me"?. None, because the porn issue is just a symptom of something bigger. Just another one in a long line of issues that has infested your relationship. Yet, you ignore everything else, because you can't handle the fact that it's time to move on. You ignore everything else and zone in on porn for dear life.

 

 

If men are soo unhappy then perhaps they need to speak up! straight up say

"I want a divorce" instead of dragging their wife's self-esteem down into the freaking sewer.

 

I offered my ex a divorce on more than one occasion, he literally had a shiat

fit, told me I was an over sexed middle aged woman who's interest

in sex was "disgusting" and "unnnatural" He couldn't believe I was willing to throw away our marriage over something that was in his opinion "too much like work"

 

I hate the man now, not because he fell out of love with me but rather because of what he did to me emotionally.

[ashleyjj]

 

How many of the women with porn issues on this site can say, "well everything is great with our relationship, EXCEPT his porn addiction". How many can say, "He is loving, kind, romantic, sweet towards me, except he will rather watch porn than have sex with me"?. None, because the porn issue is just a symptom of something bigger. Just another one in a long line of issues that has infested your relationship. Yet, you ignore everything else, because you can't handle the fact that it's time to move on. You ignore everything else and zone in on porn for dear life.

 

I'm not defending, I really want to know if I have been missing any signs from him. How do I tell if it's not porn but just that he wants to leave? If that's the case, why can't he just leave? Or tell me to go?

 

"well everything is great with our relationship, EXCEPT his porn addiction". "He is loving, kind, romantic, sweet towards me, except he will rather watch porn than have sex with me"?.

 

I can say these 2 sentences confidently, but you might say I'm delusional?

[manugeorge]

I'm curious how you arrive at this conclusion? I'm fairly certain he loves me. We might not have sex often but that's the only thing missing; we hug, kiss, cuddle, hold hands... all the time. Or what we've been called before, "you two love birds", you know what I mean?

 

Only thing missing is the sex!

 

 

He may love you but I would say he doesn't love you enough. Because Love is something that we do. It's actions. Not empty words and gestures. A man who genuinely loves you wants to please you. He wants to see you happy and vice versa. He wants to be close to you, he craves your touch, the sound of your voice, your laughter, your vagina, your lips, your hands. Your happiness is his happiness, your sadness is his sadness, your joy is his joy.

 

Let me ask you why you desire to have sex with him? Because he turns you on right? you are attracted to him, he ignites something in you that makes you want to touch him, to feel him. You love him, your love for him extends to wanting sex with him.

 

So how would you explain his lack of desire for you?

[soserious1]

I'm not defending, I really want to know if I have been missing any signs from him. How do I tell if it's not porn but just that he wants to leave? If that's the case, why can't he just leave? Or tell me to go?

 

"well everything is great with our relationship, EXCEPT his porn addiction". "He is loving, kind, romantic, sweet towards me, except he will rather watch porn than have sex with me"?.

 

I can say these 2 sentences confidently, but you might say I'm delusional?

 

lol, and if you divorce him, he'll start posting in the LS divorce support forum about how he never saw it coming and he'll get loads of support and you'll be the heartless shew who didn't hit him over the head hard enough with a baseball bat to communicate your displeasure with the marriage before deciding you want a divorce.

[ashleyjj]

I offered my ex a divorce on more than one occasion, he literally had a shiat

fit, told me I was an over sexed middle aged woman who's interest

in sex was "disgusting" and "unnnatural" He couldn't believe I was willing to throw away our marriage over something that was in his opinion "too much like work"

 

 

It seems like no one here could believe that a man could "not want to have sex". On the other hand, when a man complains that his wife doesn't want to have sex, no one has any problem with that statement.

[blair08]

He may love you but I would say he doesn't love you enough. Because Love is something that we do. It's actions. Not empty words and gestures. A man who genuinely loves you wants to please you. He wants to see you happy and vice versa. He wants to be close to you, he craves your touch, the sound of your voice, your laughter, your vagina, your lips, your hands. Your happiness is his happiness, your sadness is his sadness, your joy is his joy.

 

Let me ask you why you desire to have sex with him? Because he turns you on right? you are attracted to him, he ignites something in you that makes you want to touch him, to feel him. You love him, your love for him extends to wanting sex with him.

 

So how would you explain his lack of desire for you?

 

 

This makes sense. So I guess its this way for ALL things in the relationship as well, not just sex? In other words, if a person truly loved and cared enough for another they would pull out all the stops to show them, and make changes where need be etc right?

[Mr. Lucky]

He may love you but I would say he doesn't love you enough. Because Love is something that we do. It's actions. Not empty words and gestures. A man who genuinely loves you wants to please you. He wants to see you happy and vice versa. He wants to be close to you, he craves your touch, the sound of your voice, your laughter, your vagina, your lips, your hands. Your happiness is his happiness, your sadness is his sadness, your joy is his joy.

Amen. To say "but for porn, our relationship would be great" is partially denial. The truth is that "but for porn, he'd be finding some other way to avoid connecting with you" . Abuse of porn isn't the problem, it's the symptom...

 

Mr. Lucky

[soserious1]

Amen. To say "but for porn, our relationship would be great" is partially denial. The truth is that "but for porn, he'd be finding some other way to avoid connecting with you" . Abuse of porn isn't the problem, it's the symptom...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

LOL, and here it comes.. next there will be the speculations as to how and why

this is the fault of the wife posting.

[manugeorge]

This makes sense. So I guess its this way for ALL things in the relationship as well, not just sex? In other words, if a person truly loved and cared enough for another they would pull out all the stops to show them, and make changes where need be etc right?

 

 

I believe they would to a reasonable extent. They would pull out all the stops and make reasonable compromises/changes. But just because they refuse to overhaul their whole self image to please another doesn't mean they don't love truly or completely. Just because they don't endanger their lives to please another doesn't mean they don't love.

 

You have to remember too that the relationship is made up of two people so two people genuinely in love are contanstly doing things to please each other. And that includes not making outrageous demands of the other. That includes swallowing your pride once is a while and letting him/her have thier way. It's includes meeting in the middle, compromising. Each person giving up a little so neither feels cheated.

[taylor]

Under that scenario, why would the men have to be naked to be a threat? My wife is not shy about that fact that she's a big Tom Cruise fan. Since I know she masturbates, perhaps she's thinking about Tom while rubbing one out.

 

Should I be worried ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

The point isn't whether you should be worried or not.

 

The point is if a man is jerking off to a naked woman in a porn video, you can be sure he is not thinking of his wife as he gets himself aroused.

 

If your wife thinks she can get aroused by looking at a picture of Tom Cruise, and she wants to orgasm while looking into his eyes..believe me, she is not thinking of you.

 

But what if she chose to orgasm looking into Tom Cruise's eyes rather than orgasm looking into your eyes.

 

This is what these women here are upset about...that men would rather jerk off to porn than have sex with them.

 

When a woman gets denied sex because her man would rather get mind-blowing orgasms from a porn video, she sees that as a form on infidelity.

 

And even if the wife is busy..at a school function or grocery shopping, she still feels the sting of infidelity if she comes home and finds her man all hot and sweaty and tired because he just got done orgasming while looking at a naked woman in a porn video. She thinks, "Couldn't he have waited til I got home?"

 

I do not begrudge men, or women, who indulge in porn when they do not have a SO to get it from. Where else are these lonely, frustrated people supposed to meet their sexual needs. But if you are in a committed relationship, you have a wife to turn to to get your needs met. If you decide you need variety..something different from your wife..to keep you satisfied sexually, and you turn your eyes to the body of another woman while you orgasm at the sight and thought of her, you are as good as cheating, in her eyes. She feels as if you have to turn to another woman, another body, to get your pleasure. And that's exactly what cheaters do.

[manugeorge]

It seems like no one here could believe that a man could "not want to have sex". On the other hand, when a man complains that his wife doesn't want to have sex, no one has any problem with that statement.

 

 

That's not true. When a man complains that his wife doesn't want to have sex, the first question people ask is why?. It's a sign that something is off somewhere and people want to know what it is. Sex is the same as eating, drinking, it something your body craves in various doses so if you automatically don't desire it, an eyebrow goes up and people question your reason why.

[ashleyjj]

 

Let me ask you why you desire to have sex with him? Because he turns you on right? you are attracted to him, he ignites something in you that makes you want to touch him, to feel him. You love him, your love for him extends to wanting sex with him.

 

So how would you explain his lack of desire for you?

 

You're right that I want to have sex with him because of all those things but, there were also times when I did not want to have sex with him even though I love him very much.

 

A few years back, I was so busy at work that sex was the last thing on my mind. I would often reject his advances, very much like how the husbands here complained about their wifes. It didn't occur to me at that time how rarely we had sex, it just kinda slipped my mind I guess.

 

Then one day, it hit me. He has, infact, stopped asking. We might have sex here and there, but it wasn't like before. So I tried to initiate more but it was my turn to hit a stumbling block. Then it hit me again. He doesn't need me anymore because he has found a replacement, porn! It didn't occur to me, until then, that he has been watching porn all along. Like I said, I have no problem with porn so I hadn't even noticed his porn activities. Until the sex dies off, that's when I finally realized he does not need me anymore because he has his porn.

 

So how would you explain his lack of desire for you?

 

I wish I knew the answer to this.

[taylor]

Taylor, I should point out one thing about your paragraph above. Speaking as a woman, I won't F another man because I already have one at home that I promised to be faithful to. Not because I don't want to.

 

I'm not sexually dead/blind/deaf/mute because I'm in a relationship. I still notice good looking men and I still notice men with great personalities. I don't compare them to my SO, if he wasn't enough for me, I won't be with him. But I won't deny that I do ocassionally fantasize about handsome men that I see everyday. My attraction to others doesn't automatically dry up because I have a man. I'm a sexual being, and my sexuality expresses itself regardless of my relationship status. Yet I can be this way and still fiercely love, adore and be sexually attracted to my SO.

 

I know this is the same for many women too. You just don't stop noticing others just because you are in a relationship. What you don't do is ACT on your thoughts. For example, I won't flirt in front of my SO, I may flirt a bit when he's not around;). I won't flaunt the fact that I'm attracted to others in my SO's face, I won't watch porn in his presence, etc.

 

But it will be a sad day when my body no longer responds to outside stimulation because I'm in a relationship.

 

I totally agree with you, manugeorge.

 

I have made some posts to this affect on another porn thread..that women are sexual beings too..with drives, and urges and lusts.

 

Men don't own the market on sexual desire.

 

But when was the last time a woman came up to a married woman, pointed and said, "Wouldn't you like to F THAT?"

 

Men think nothing of saying that to another man..as if all men, married or not, want to F anything they see.

 

But few women are going to approach married women and say, "Hey, wanna F that. Yeah, baby."

 

The married woman would probably say, "I beg your pardon," feeling somewhat insulted by the suggestion.

 

But not the man. He's not going to feel insulted at all...He's just going to acknowledge.."Hell yeah, I want to...but I'm just going to go home and be a good little boy."

 

Am I the only one that sees this this way?

[taylor]

Under that scenario, why would the men have to be naked to be a threat?

 

Of course they wouldn't have to be naked men, but to make it "equal" they do, because the women men orgasm to on porn sites and in magazines are, indeed, NAKED.

 

If the women in the porn videos were fully clothed, I don't think there would be many men "tuning in," do you?