FabulousLadee Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 For anyone in an LDR who met thier SO online or blindly but had in-depth/intimate heated long conversations before the first meeting, exchanged private photos, etc...did you "get down" during your first visit? You all know what I mean...heeheehee And if so, did it change anything afterward? How does everyone feel about this happening on the first visit...whether you shouldn't or just go with the flow? And if you did have a difficult time holding back, what did you all do to help? I'm asking because as the time is approaching for me and my babe's first meeting (10 days away..yeehaw!!)...our convo's and photo's are getting more and more intense... it seems like it's going to be very difficult for us. We're both anticipating that it will be hard for us. We are staying in the same room but we have 2 Queen beds...lol "Yeah right!!" is what I'm starting to think!! LMAO!! Link to post Share on other sites
Faded Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 First night together in person was our.. first night together.. If you know what I mean. Talked for 3months beforehand. Edit: as for it changing anything? Maybe the outcome of the next few days, when we continued doing said deed. Enjoy yourself, but be safe. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 If you want honesty FabulousLadee here goes! I know you must both be getting very excited about this first meeting but if I were you, I'd get two separate rooms booked right now - or you may regret it. I haven't personally met anybody that way but I have a close friend who did. They got on brilliantly over the phone etc, liked the look of each other, thought they had fallen in love, both thought they had found a soulmate etc. Didn't get too intimate fortunately, but were very 'suggestive'. When they met in person it didn't quite go as planned. Yes, they still got on like a house on fire, still felt a deep emotional bond and still felt they'd found a soulmate in each other - but the sexual chemistry wasn't there. She couldn't put her finger on it - wrong pheromones, turned off by the way he walked??? Something else that she maybe didn't want to admit - who knows? I'm not saying that's going to happen to you and I do hope that everything is perfect and he is everything you hope for but please do give yourself the option NOT to sleep with him. From a slightly different angle, it's also my belief that a woman should never give her body away immediately to a man she wants to become a permanent fixture in her life. The emotional bonding period is so important for a long term relationship. Although you've done a lot of bonding online or the phone, or whatever, you still need him to see you and desire you ...... and let his desire grow. What he gets too easily he won't value so highly - it's human nature. I'm certainly no saint and not a stranger to the odd brief fling (before I got married ) but you're obviously hoping for a lot more than a fling from this relationship. I'm sure there will be a lot of people on here who disagree with me entirely - maybe slept with their SO the first time they met and have been happy ever after. If that's so, then I'm genuinely happy for them that it has worked out. It's just not the route I would choose if I wanted the man to be for keeps. Have fun - whatever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 My biggest fear is for that "in-person" chemistry not to be there. OMG!! I sooo feel for your friend, LonelyTiger. How did she handle that?! I know that had to be the wackiest feeling ever. I so hope and pray that doesn't happen for me. I also feel that it is very important not to engage in that during our first meeting. I mean, I don't do that on a regular first date so why would this be an exception. I think that I would question myself and worry too much after it happened. I have to be honest with myself and already know that I WANT to be intimate but I can't. I know some people would probably say go with the flow but I have to be sure of myself and know that I won't feel like a whore afterwards...lol...which I know at this point..I would. Then again, we might not even click with each other in person like we want to. That's so scary. What if we meet and it's just so corny and dry?! LOL!! To Faded: Are you both still together and if so..how long? Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 How does everyone feel about this happening on the first visit...whether you shouldn't or just go with the flow? I think that it is fine as long as both partners wants the same. Meaning, if you both already feel in love with each other and there is chemistry, and if you both want an exclusive relationship, I do not see any problem with anything happening on the first visit. If you want a relationship but haven't discussed the subject yet, I recommend that you be very careful and only have sex if you know you can handle the situation in case things do not turn out the way you'd like. And if you did have a difficult time holding back, what did you all do to help? Since you are already sleeping in the same room, talk to him about it before you meet. And stop exchanging pictures or having intense conversations at least until you meet, or you risk building up expectations and feeling like you "have to" have sex anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 With long distance dating a lack of 'in person' chemistry is always going to be a risk, but judging by some of the happy stories around it's obviously one worth taking. My friend was very upset, they both were - but I think it was a lot worse for him because the chemistry was there on his side. She tried meeting him a couple more times because they had formed such a close friendship and she really wanted to be attracted to him - it just didn't happen. Very sad and I think he was quite badly hurt, poor guy. I do hope your story is one with a happy ending. There's no reason to think it won't be at this point - all the signs are good. I agree with Adunaphel that getting too 'hot and horny' before you actually meet will create an expectation and it sounds as though you're not mentally ready, even if the chemistry is there. I definitely think you should book two rooms though. If you're sleeping in one room and there's no chemistry - very difficult and potentially embarrasing situation. If there is chemistry - done deal - no way you'll be able to resist . At least if you have separate rooms you have a choice which one to sleep in - or not ........ . Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Um, yes, we did. Not to boast, but 14 times over the course of 3 days. Seriously. I was TERRIFIED that there would not be the same chemistry he had online. But a very close friend told me the first time I was in front of him, I should kiss him hello. And I did. I was shaking with nervousness and anxiety, but I did. And to this day he STILL talks about how that kiss totally disarmed him. He was nervous too, but already 2 drinks in and was playing it cool, and that just floored him. Took me about 45 mins to an hour to really relax, but I couldn't stop touching him. Touched his hand, touched his arm, touched his leg. When we got up from the lounge, he helped me off the barstool and put his hand at the small of my back to guide me - I felt the electricity shoot up my spine. BUT - I had a backup plan. I made sure that he met me in the hotel lounge, and he didn't know what room I was in (just texted him things like "hey I just made it in the room, going to take a shower, be down fast" kind of thing). He was under no illusion that if I wasn't completely comfortable, he was going to have to find another place to stay (and since we were in a heavily populated area, there were plenty of hotels he could get a room last minute). Didn't need it, obviously. I only wish he was here right now to shut down my laptop and carry me off to bed. *sigh* Edited to add: One thing we DID talk about was if we did end up in bed not to put too much expectation on it. New relationship means learning each other's buttons to push, so try to keep that in mind. My LDR is the most generous lover I've ever been with. While yes, he has needs and desires, his goal is to make me fall asleep completely satisfied. He's open to suggestion and constructive criticism, and will keep trying until it's done right. Then he will try something new so it doesn't become boring and monotonous. *sigh again* I think I need to call him, excuse me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Bearandsue Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 OK so I have be procrastinating replying to this post. That is because my story is crazy. As most will know my SO and I met online. The thing is I never even thought of not having "physical chemistry". OMG. The first time we met, he moved here for 6 months. That is nuts isn't it....lol. What if we weren't attracted to each other, what a weird 6 months that would be. Well obviously that wasn't the case. Sparks flew like fireworks. So that is my crazy story. I'm sure you guys will be fine. The worst thing that can happen is you aren't attracted to each other then you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 The worst thing that can happen is you aren't attracted to each other then you move on. EXACTLY. Although I think the worst thing would be letting the love of your live slip away because you were too chicken to go for it Life needs to be lived, put no expectations down, just go with the flow. If it feels right, go for it, if it DOESN'T feel right, have a plan B! But trust your instincts Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Try and tamper your expectations. Online/phone chemistry does not always translate to in person. Good luck, and hopefully it does!! IMO, it is ridiculous for people to say they are in love when they have never met the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I love this thread. It doesn't apply to me at all but I still love it. It just goes to show love can happen in many ways. Some seemingly impossible but then, boom, there it is. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodlife Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Currently in an LDR and had two previous short lived LDRs. When I met the first one, all of our expectations fell short and I ended up leaving a day later. But I was young, only a teenager and I think my immaturity/nervousness played a huge role. Second one was years later, and there was MAJOR sexual tension the minute we saw each other. Didn't have sex, because we hadn't even been together for long at that point we met, so I wanted to wait. And good thing because I got dumped a week after I came home. This time, we have yet to meet (will be in 2 months!!) and I am certain there will be fireworks. But I am taking the precaution to have a separate room...just in case. 10 days for you!! Good luck and have a blast! Just go with the flow and have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 THIS IS AWESOME!!! SO MANY GOOD POINTS!! I mean...It's so interesting to read how other LDR's progressed from the first meeting...especially if you all "got it in" on the first visit...lol Honestly, I'm still going back and forth about it but I'm a Scorpio and I know how I can be very uninhibited because I'm such a free spirit. He makes me comfortable just talking on the phone already. I am starting to question us booking a second room though or maybe we can just plan for that to be an option. But it's only going to be for one night...and it's only 2 and 1/2 hours away. If it gets that bad my happy butt will come right back home for that matter...and I even have family that live where we're meeting. I know me...LMAO!!! Please..singing.."Say a little prayer for meeeee..." lol I hope we have the time of our lives though and this grows into a beautiful relationship FOREVER and EVER!!! Okay guys..I know...just let me dream a little...LOL I'm enjoying this thread though. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I'm really enjoying this thread too. It's great to read such lovely romantic stories - Bearandsue's is priceless - but what a wonderful outcome. I can't wait to hear what happens when you guys get together FabulousLadee - I hope it's major fireworks all round :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I can't wait to hear what happens when you guys get together FabulousLadee - I hope it's major fireworks all round :bunny: I know!! I am on pins and needles now! LOL You will have to update us right when you get back! I have all of your questions in my head now too! But of course I believe in true love -- "Forever and Ever that's how it must be!" :love::love: Link to post Share on other sites
Bearandsue Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Bearandsue's is priceless - but what a wonderful outcome. Well I said it was crazy. Me and My SO make jokes about how nuts we were for doing it. I was thinking about this today, what if I had chickened out(and I seriously thought about doing so. It was nuts to think about doing something like that) then I would have missed a chance meeting my soul mate. And the moral of my story is....Take a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Well I said it was crazy. Me and My SO make jokes about how nuts we were for doing it. I was thinking about this today, what if I had chickened out(and I seriously thought about doing so. It was nuts to think about doing something like that) then I would have missed a chance meeting my soul mate. And the moral of my story is....Take a chance. Love is ALWAYS worth the risk. Because if it ends up being true, it is SO worth it! Your story absolutely illustrates that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovin a scrapper Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Love is ALWAYS worth the risk. Because if it ends up being true, it is SO worth it! Your story absolutely illustrates that point. I totally believe that. We all have had our quirky little stories but we do know that we love our SO's with all of our hearts, minds and souls and every step of the journey has not always been smooth but its been pretty fun and definately worth it. And yes her and I got crazy on our first visit together to answer the thread and I wouldnt have changed one thing about it. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I don't think it matters what route we all take to find true love - crazy or otherwise - as long as we find it. Love is a risky business but so, so worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bearandsue Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 For anyone in an LDR who met thier SO online or blindly but had in-depth/intimate heated long conversations before the first meeting, exchanged private photos, etc...did you "get down" during your first visit? You all know what I mean...heeheehee And if so, did it change anything afterward? How does everyone feel about this happening on the first visit...whether you shouldn't or just go with the flow? And if you did have a difficult time holding back, what did you all do to help? I'm asking because as the time is approaching for me and my babe's first meeting (10 days away..yeehaw!!)...our convo's and photo's are getting more and more intense... it seems like it's going to be very difficult for us. We're both anticipating that it will be hard for us. We are staying in the same room but we have 2 Queen beds...lol "Yeah right!!" is what I'm starting to think!! LMAO!! I really hope all these lovely people here put you mind at ease a little. I really hope It works out and you keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 If I'm gonna be completely honest here(and I am), then...Within 30 minutes of seeing him. I picked him up at the airport, and let me tell you, the chemistry was enough to knock a person to the floor. Of course I would have never considered it if it had been otherwise, but it literally felt like there was electricity in the air. And yeah, I think we lost count over the 4 days he was here. We always lose count . Guess I'm just a little firecracker in that area with him, haha. Tomorrow, here I come! Edit: Oh, and it didn't change anything at all except for the realization that I get really, really hungry afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Cora Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 FabulousLadee: I just wanted to wish you the best of luck and say that I'm so excited for you!!! I hope your first meeting is simply magical!!! Hope everything goes well. Looking forward to your updates! Link to post Share on other sites
allyy Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Heyy FabulousLadee, just so you know I'm meeting my boyfriend for the first time too! So I know exactly how you're feeling. I've talked about it with him and we're not really expecting anything at this point, we don't want to force things. I want everything to be natural and perfect.. He knows how I feel about this and he totally respects me. Good luck to you and don't be afraid to tell him how you feel, communication is key. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FabulousLadee Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Hey you guys!! I thank you all sooo much for all of your encouragement and well wishes. I am soooooo excited it's driving me BANANAS!! We had a little dispute today but even though we are in the "honeymoon gooshy" stage...we are still being realistic and it's not a fairytale....well..it kind of is but..you know..lol!! We have had two misunderstandings...just over little things like...missing calls or returning calls..communication issues and what we expect from each other... with all bars down and I love it because it shows that we are willing to work for something good. So many people think good relationships or good marriages just happen...it takes loyalty, respect, devotion, communicating, trust, and sacrafice....you can't get something great for nothing. We respect each other so much and having a few misunderstandings is all a part of really getting to know someone so the next time, the understanding won't be missed. We are fabulous, though!!! I just hope and pray that this will blossom into something beautiful amd remain that way for ETERNITYYYYYYYYYYYY!! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 I talked to my ex for about 7 months before meeting him, met him online before he came to Canada from Ireland. We had loads of chemistry- but I waited until the third date to sleep with him. It could have happened the first night- but I held off. There is something about meeting online first that makes you feel like you are already intimate with the person before your first physical meeting. I often wonder if I would have felt the same chemistry had I met him randomly in a bar or something... I am thinking I wouldn't have. Just do what feels right. Link to post Share on other sites
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