Invideo Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 If you have time read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t185856/ if you don't then just don't. I really love this one girl (my best friend), and I am mad about her. The thing is, it's killing me. I know that I can't have anything with her, but I'm still mad about her. Please tell me how stop being in love with her PLEASE I don't know what to do, please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
MagicRat09 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I'm in the same situation. I'm trying all sorts of things. I'm cutting contact, hanging with other people, therapy, keeping busy with projects, even hypnosis! Time is the one that's gonna solve it in the end. But I'm eager for any help and advice people can give. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiegelmann Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I wish I could give you an easy solution, but there is none - not to my knowledge, at least. But you are in the right path - cutting contact and hanging with other people help a lot. I guess that in the end time does heal everything. You can try to find a hobby that demands your total concentration. That might help you stop thinking about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Charles1978 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Yep you two... there is no easy way. No contact, or little. Find another girl, hang out with friends, let TIME pass, etc... that's all you can really do. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Get some self esteem/confidence and then you will not be spending time thinking about someone who doesn't want the same think as you. You will be to busy dating other women and having fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Invideo Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 Uhm, sorry but I forgot to say that she is my best friend, and I don't wanna stop being with her (as a friend). She means a lot to me.. Link to post Share on other sites
MagicRat09 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Uhm, sorry but I forgot to say that she is my best friend, and I don't wanna stop being with her (as a friend). She means a lot to me.. You and I have that in common too. Agonizing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Invideo Posted April 22, 2009 Author Share Posted April 22, 2009 You and I have that in common too. Agonizing. Oh... I feel sorry for you... Good luck with it, I know how you feel... Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Then win her over. If you are "best friends" there must be some strong foundation there. If you have been too "clingy", back off a bit, be cool. Works 100% of the time for you (your self respect) and the situation itself (lets out some steam) and for her (she will notice) If you are okay looking but not great looking, become very good looking. Attractiveness is within the reach of almost everyone today. Dress very nicely (but not stiffly), if you could lose a pound or two (or ten) lose them, at long last. If you are walking around in dull jeans and a t-shirt 24/7, try a nice blazer, a tie, shine your shoes. Women notice this immediately. If you are the "goofball" (always telling jokes for attention, to be liked), become more silent, more calm, take up an issue that "concerns" you If you are eggheadish, make something more "cool" of that. You might drop hint about some entrepreneurial idea you have; or what Google could do to boost profits If you are a morbid young poet, start your own blog or website, and put up some really beautiful writing, and just tell her and your friends that this is going to be your literary bulletin board, and hey, what do you all think... If you love sports, just sports and only sports (aside from your loving her), add yet something else to the menu, to add a "boost" to it all. Casually tell her you are suddenly into classical music or architecture. The more intriguing a man is, the more women take note no matter the level of attractiveness (barring, of course, someone being really, unfortunately ugly in character or otherwise..) If everyone has a cool car and you have a crappy car, sell the crappy, and use the profits to buy a Vespa (or a super mountain bike). Make the most of it. Show off this cool new accessory. For coming and going big distances--eh...take the train...Sounds romantic anyway... The whole point here is that you become newly, freshly intriguing to her, all the while you do not lose your sense of self, your integrity and you remain true to your interests. Improving your appearance, being in control of your emotions, and doing things in your life which show passion are beautiful qualities with which to have a relationship--not just a "friendship". There are all kinds of things a person can do to "raise" a friend level to a relationship level (barring the other person being truly taken, and I do not know if this is your case...). It is just a matter of being careful and clever and "unexpected". There is no sense living life in this kind of silent torture OE Link to post Share on other sites
MagicRat09 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 If you are the "goofball" (always telling jokes for attention, to be liked), become more silent, more calm, take up an issue that "concerns" you OE Great advice Old Europe! The above caught my eye particularly. It's almost eerie. My personality is class clown, my friends even voted me funniest person on Facebook. Which is great, but I've decided to shake things up a bit in the manner you suggested. Feels really good. Take that advice too, Invideo, back off, be cool and get involved with other people and things. It's a win-win. Either she'll come to her senses, or you'll move on. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Nice to hear this, MagicRat09!...Yes, when you act suddenly "opposite" of what they expect (and you are ultimately doing it for you, sincerely, and not just them), you get everyone's attention--and almost always in a good way. Throwing smart curve balls every now and then keeps interest alive! OE Link to post Share on other sites
windows Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Time waits for no one and heals most wounds. She's a friend thats unknowingly detrimenting your self. You won't stop liking her. It's a tough fact. Its really difficult to stop liking anyone, once you find them attractive, somewhere down the line they might seem attractive again. and OE you are aware he's only in Highschool? Like everyone here is saying, back away, you're too ied up in your own thoughts. Back off, no contact, whatever and if she cares she will notice, if she doesn't well then you can start rehabilitating yourself won't you? It's a long road of patience you must endure. Don't spend your high school years wasting away on this silver of hope, you need to change. For every event you must change to adapt to it and right now you're still holding onto Plan A. How do you expect your circumstances to change right now? A cupid comes down and fires his arrow at her? The only way she could change her feelings towards you is if you change and force her to change. Don't drudge on in self pity like I did, it solves nothing and leaves you with a sore heart. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Well, the advice stands whether he is in high school, a middle-aged business executive or is going into retirement. The point is, that there are all kinds of ways to make a "hopeless" situation improve for the better. It starts with oneself. A very critical, sharp look at one's strong points and shortcomings, with brutal honesty. Certainly, one is not suggesting that he trudge along and wallow in self pity. If they are "best friends" like he says, however, this is the time for him to take a very close look at what personality qualities or physical qualities might be a "turn off", keeping him from advancing with her to another level. It is rare for men and women to be "best friends" without there being some sexual attraction on one or both sides. I can tell you that a woman is usually not "best friends" with a man unless she too is attracted. A "friend" yes, but nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Invideo Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Well, the advice stands whether he is in high It is rare for men and women to be "best friends" without there being some sexual attraction on one or both sides. I can tell you that a woman is usually not "best friends" with a man unless she too is attracted. A "friend" yes, but nothing more. Well, we are best friends, not because we are attracted to each other, but because we just are... We talk every day, tell each other our deepest secrets etc. Sure, I think that she is attractive (and she is), but that's not the reason she is my best friend, and hell I know that I'm not her best friend because she finds me attractive (because I'm not attractive). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Invideo Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Oh and I forgot to say that this forum confused me even more. When I ask what to do and do I have any chances with her you are all like "No you don,t move on!", but when I ask how to move on, you come and say that I still have chances. Sorry, I know you are trying to help, but now I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Did I say those things? I sought to help OE Link to post Share on other sites
Author Invideo Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Nah, you did help (I guess), and thanks for your help, but I'm just confused because everyone is telling me a different thing (I wasn't thinking about just you when I wrote that). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Part of making a healthy decision is soliciting opinion and evaluating our disparate viewpoints to find what meshes with your personal truth and then to act. That said, you're 14 years old and no reasonable person would expect you to deal with all of this in a mature manner. That's what life experience is for. Right now, you're supposed to be having fun. My advice to you would be to take this infatuation a bit less seriously and also to share and accept sharing of fewer "secrets". Why? Simply because, if you don't, it will start a pattern of behavior for you that will inevitably lead to disappointment later in life with women. Trust me, I know. Personally, at your age, I'd, knowing what I know now, have no trouble risking the friendship and making a romantic/sexual overture to her. Clarify your intentions. It then leaves no ambiguity. She can reciprocate or set you free. Personally, I wouldn't even worry if she's "friendly" with another guy. At that age, it really doesn't matter. Relationships generally are transitory and short-lived. Good luck and, remember, girls aren't the be-all and end-all of existence. Nice addition though Link to post Share on other sites
Author Invideo Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 My advice to you would be to take this infatuation a bit less seriously and also to share and accept sharing of fewer "secrets". Why? Simply because, if you don't, it will start a pattern of behavior for you that will inevitably lead to disappointment later in life with women. Trust me, I know. Thanks for that advice man. I always knew I share my secrets too much, but never thought of stopping it or anything. Now I actually did, and I probably will. Thanks. Personally, I wouldn't even worry if she's "friendly" with another guy. At that age, it really doesn't matter. Relationships generally are transitory and short-lived.Yeah I know that, but still I am to much jealous. Even though I know nothing bad can happen, it still ****s me up seeing it. I know it's wrong and I shouldn't worry too much about it and be so much jealous, but I think it's in my nature or something.. Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
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