XDOR Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 a)How many partners have you had, in your life? b)How many partners (you think) your current parter has had in the past? I would bet the answer for (a) is usually larger than (b), because one doesn't always know all about his/her partner. So, this leads me to the question: c)Have you mentioned all your past partners to your current partner? d)Do you think your current parner hides and old relation? I think it is very common to ask these questions. In my case, I have never asked my girlfriend (directly and openly) how many men did she have sex with in her past, and this is because I'm afraid she will ask and I hide something to her: The very first day after I had sex with her for the first time, I kissed another girl, and 3 days later I had sex with yet another (maybe I wasn't thinking my new relation was already serious). Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I'm 39 next week. I have never discussed 'how many' with any of my partners. I have discussed the nature of my relationships and the nature of my sexual health. But I have never disclosed how many people I have decided to give myself to as that is a pretty intimate piece of information. I would also not expect it of my partner. I am mature enough to understand that any partner I have, has had a previous life before me and during that previous life, they probably had sex. I don't want to know who with or how many, all I need to know aside from their sexual health, is that I am at the centre of their thoughts and feelings and it's me they want sexually Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 a)I think it is very common to ask these questions. In my case, I have never asked my girlfriend (directly and openly) how many men did she have sex with in her past, and this is because I'm afraid she will ask and I hide something to her: The very first day after I had sex with her for the first time, I kissed another girl, and 3 days later I had sex with yet another (maybe I wasn't thinking my new relation was already serious). So you were unfaithful right at the start of your relationship with your girlfriend...? This has nothing to do with needing to know 'how many' but more to do with fidelity and your ability to keep it in your pants and the likelihood that if she found out she'd kick you to the curb. And in my experience, it is not common to ask 'how many', most people are mature enough to know that their partner may have engaged in sex prior to knowing them. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 This is one of those things thats crops up a lot here & it is almost always young men who have a problem with this. If you're really bored you can root around LS & find the relationships that ended because some guy couldn't get over the fact that his g/friend had a sex life before him. I never understood it. I think it is very common to ask these questions. And I think it is an immature & dangerous road to go down. In the immortal words of The Spice Girls .... (they were just on some count down on the telly.. honest !! ) If you want my future, forget my past. zigga zig ahhhh Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 a) I don't keep track, and b) I don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveNeverFails Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I am 24 years old (so is my fiance) and we are both virgins. I am proud to say it since most people are not before marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 I don't want to know who with or how many, all I need to know aside from their sexual health, is that I am at the centre of their thoughts and feelings and it's me they want sexually Exactly. I don't want to know and he doesn't want to know. All we need to know is that any relationships in the past are just that -- THE PAST. They are over and do not matter in the slightest. I second the only Need To Know info has to due with health. That is all. I think it is very common to ask these questions. And I think it is an immature & dangerous road to go down. So true. The only people who seem to ask these kinds of questions seem to ask to try to allay fears of insecurity and immaturity. And all the answers do is fan those flames and cause problems. Why, oh why, do they continue to do it? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 a)How many partners have you had, in your life? b)How many partners (you think) your current parter has had in the past? I would bet the answer for (a) is usually larger than (b), because one doesn't always know all about his/her partner. So, this leads me to the question: c)Have you mentioned all your past partners to your current partner? d)Do you think your current parner hides and old relation? Personally, I don't care how many partners she's had. She's with me and we're enjoying each other. The only concern I would have is if her past has affected her current sexual or mental health or if she's still involved with someone in her past - and by involved, I'm referring to romantic interests and communication of a romantic nature. Other than that, who cares Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 This is a question I have never asked any of my exes or any of my lovers.. I feel this is NOT my business... as I would never tell how many partners I had.. They would probably fall off their chair.. My past is MY past.. their past is THEIR past.. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 myself i've had probable 12 partners,my present wife,my guess is around 8 and a couple women. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 myself i've had probable 12 partners,my present wife,my guess is around 8 and a couple women. Don't her female lovers count as partners? Or does the answering of the ultimate male fantasy give a girl a few Mulligans? Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 It doesn't matter anyways. The only thing that counts is that you are faithful while they are with you. But to answer your question here goes... A) I lost my virginity to him therefore he was and is my only one partner. As my signature on the bottom clearly explains I'm still with long distance boyfriend. B) Many but I don't care nor do I wanna hear about it if he were to mention this to me as it's so irrelevant. So lol, in this case B is larger than A. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Me: 8 Him: Like 30 something? Around there? We didn't meet until he was 29 so he had lots of fun before settling down :-P Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 a) You can count the numbers on one hand. b) It takes more than one hand to count them but less than the average 36 year old man. c) Yes, he knows about every partner I've had. d) No, he's open about his past partners, although their names are meaningless to me. If it matters to you, ask. If it doesn't, don't. The ones with lower numbers will immediately speak up and the ones with higher numbers, might or might not conceal them. If you're concerned about numbers, make certain you don't reveal your concern when asking the question(s). Slide it into a casual conversation. Don't trust the number given, the first time around. Ask a few times, at unexpected times. If you get consistency, it's most likely true. In a situation where someone is lying, some men tend to inflate their numbers and some women will deflate their numbers. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 A high number wouldn't bother me, as I'm delusional and would believe, whatever the number might be, that I'm the best he's ever had. My own number... I think it's a dumb thing to wonder about, and a dangerous question to ask. But whoever I end up with is going to have to be ok with the parts of my past I do feel compelled to disclose, as I feel they're necessary to know about in order to understand me. And my past is shadier than just "20" or "34" or whatever would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 My girlfriend and I have had the same amount of partners. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 He's had about 4x as many partners as I have (which is cool with me, because he had been active about 4x as long as I have when we met). I have been completely open with my past and I know he has too. I can't really imagine being in a relationship without that sort of disclosure. Link to post Share on other sites
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