Strength of Love

[Island Girl]

There are so many here in the LDR forum who have successful relationships.

 

And although we are separated, and that part is painful, we are steadfast in our love for the other person.

 

How many of us have heard those comments such as "I could never do that" or "how do you do that" --- or worse -- hear the question of the very validity of it being "REAL".

 

Well, having heard all of these things from so many people, my experience is that the vast majority of people can not fathom this type of commitment or sacrifice for their partner has led me to believe we do indeed love stronger than most.

 

The question remains as to why this is.

 

Do we understand the meaning of the word love differently?

 

Do we all share the belief of the rarity of true love and that if found we hang on to it come what may when others have it but let go?

 

Or do we have a different type of love that strikes less often and burns more intensely?

 

Is it that we have the souls of poets and end up feeling everything so deeply that our love is in that sense different?

 

What are your thoughts?

[quankanne]

I think it boils down to having a unique perspective on love, on sacrifice, on fidelity and the whole maturity factor ... it sounds like you and your honey are very much in tune with each other on what it takes to successfully create and maintain a relationship.

 

DH and I dated long-distance all but about 3 months of our relationship, and I have no regrets because he was my heart's desire. Yes, it was hard, but very much worth the sacrifice of being apart months on end ... and I think that has gone a long way toward a marriage that for the most part, has been successful.

 

notice how your experience helps you to more easily weed out honest-to-goodness concerns from the bullshxt ones?

[Lovelybird]

Good for you Island Girl

 

I've heard there are many kinds of love:

 

Eros (romantic love)

Agape (love like God, don't follow emotions, means even you are in a crappy cloth, or bad makeup, God still loves you)

and others I don't remember

 

Most people maybe just have eros love, or infatuation, less people can love like God, that's why call it a "narrow road", it's not an easy thing to do to love like God loves

 

Do you think it is your decision or is the romantic love always in your heart for your husband? will or luck? Love never fails?

[TaraMaiden]

Philo -s mental, psychological connection. The meeting of the minds.

Eros - physical sensual connection

Agape - the desire and complete love that puts the other person above your own wishes.

 

this is what you mean.

the three must run both ways of course.

 

_/l\_

[Ariadne]

Yeah, I get it. Is one of those loves.

 

Like me and Denver guy, that no matter what we can never be appart, even if it is with letters.

 

[LikeCharlotte]

Nothing upsets me more than to hear how it isn't "real"!

I feel like I have more communication and openness than most people I know who see each other every day. Their judgments offend me. I would never presume to assess the validity or "realness" of their relationship.

 

I tend to think that the differences are that people in LDR's do not take the other person for granted (at least not as often) and that you know the relationship isn't built on sex or comfort. It is built on things that are less tangible but (for some) more important and those things are the focus and foundation in an LDR or it will not work out. If you add that to the patience and dedication it takes to be in an LDR you have a recipe for a great relationship.

[northstar1]

There are so many here in the LDR forum who have successful relationships.

 

And although we are separated, and that part is painful, we are steadfast in our love for the other person.

 

How many of us have heard those comments such as "I could never do that" or "how do you do that" --- or worse -- hear the question of the very validity of it being "REAL".

 

Well, having heard all of these things from so many people, my experience is that the vast majority of people can not fathom this type of commitment or sacrifice for their partner has led me to believe we do indeed love stronger than most.

 

The question remains as to why this is.

 

Do we understand the meaning of the word love differently?

 

Do we all share the belief of the rarity of true love and that if found we hang on to it come what may when others have it but let go?

 

Or do we have a different type of love that strikes less often and burns more intensely?

 

Is it that we have the souls of poets and end up feeling everything so deeply that our love is in that sense different?

 

What are your thoughts?

 

I don't think it's a 'stronger' type of love. I think that it comes down to the individual and if they are able to live their lives without having their partner physically connected to them with any sort of regularity. Some are able to go months/years without being in proximity, and are able to survive without that physical contact. They feel that they will not find someone better suited to them and are willing to forgo that physical bond for periods of time, as they have the faith and strength that it ultimately is worth the wait. And I do think it takes a lot of faith and resolve.

 

For others, they simply cannot entertain/cope without having their partner physically near them for very long. It doesn't mean their love is any less in strength, they are just not willing to have a lifestyle where they are separated from their partner for such long periods of time. In essence, they feell life is too short to 'wait'.

 

Neither side is right or wrong, just a personal preference really.

[allyy]

I don't think it has anything to do with personal preferences, at least for me, because trust me if I had to choose being in a LDR or living in the same city with him I'd choose the second one. I don't even have to think about it. I didn't want this kind of relationship but for some reason it happened and I would do anything just to make it work.

 

Maybe you can't say we have a stronger type of love.. who knows, but what we have it sure is special. Most people with normal relationships see each other everyday and might take it for granted. For us, seeing your SO is something out of ordinary, something you need to plan, something you countdown the days for... And once you're together you never want let it go. It's hard, you have to sacrifie a lot but in the end it is so worth it.

 

I know I wasn't made for this but for him I'd do anything.

[northstar1]

I don't think it has anything to do with personal preferences, at least for me, because trust me if I had to choose being in a LDR or living in the same city with him I'd choose the second one. I don't even have to think about it. I didn't want this kind of relationship but for some reason it happened and I would do anything just to make it work.

 

Maybe you can't say we have a stronger type of love.. who knows, but what we have it sure is special. Most people with normal relationships see each other everyday and might take it for granted. For us, seeing your SO is something out of ordinary, something you need to plan, something you countdown the days for... And once you're together you never want let it go. It's hard, you have to sacrifie a lot but in the end it is so worth it.

 

I know I wasn't made for this but for him I'd do anything.

 

I meant personal preference in that you will accept an LDR and work with it, not that you prefer it.

 

I hope it's special, otherwise you wouldn't go through with it, right?

[Island Girl]

I don't think it's a 'stronger' type of love. I think that it comes down to the individual and if they are able to live their lives without having their partner physically connected to them with any sort of regularity. Some are able to go months/years without being in proximity, and are able to survive without that physical contact.

 

This speaks to my point.

 

We are able to "survive" only because we have to.

The alternative would mean not having that other person in our lives. Letting go and attempting to find another that carries all of those same qualities and also loves us just as much - that is a TALL order to fill.

 

And it is only surviving - not living.

 

Letting go of someone because of physical needs speaks to a different level of commitment than I share with my husband.

The lack of physical contact is terrible. The days are an arduous journey because of the things that ARE missing.

However, my love and devotion remains just as strong.

 

Physical touch, reassurances, demonstrations of affection, etc. are wanted desperately.

But to have those things right now I would have to sacrifice my relationship with my husband. I would have to forget him - or try - and just cut and run.

 

If I did that I could VERY easily find physical affection. But I know it would be an exercise in futility to try to find all of the OTHER characteristics as well.

These are the things that make him who he is. The man I love. - I love who he IS.

And isn't that really having love?

 

Isn't real LOVE more about physical proximity?

 

And don't you think that our divorce rate is so high because people don't understand what love and commitment mean?

 

Doesn't that speak to a lack of real love and a focus on "the little things" along with an attitude that a partner is so easily replaced?

 

They feel that they will not find someone better suited to them and are willing to forgo that physical bond for periods of time, as they have the faith and strength that it ultimately is worth the wait. And I do think it takes a lot of faith and resolve.

 

My point exactly.

 

Those of us committed in LDRs know that finding someone whom you can really love and who really loves you is something rare.

 

The physical aspect is something that can change at any time in any relationship due to illness, injury, etc.

 

For others, they simply cannot entertain/cope without having their partner physically near them for very long. It doesn't mean their love is any less in strength, they are just not willing to have a lifestyle where they are separated from their partner for such long periods of time. In essence, they feell life is too short to 'wait'.

 

This speaks to immediate gratification rather than an understanding of long term commitment and the thought that a partner is easily replaced.

 

To me, that doesn't speak to love but a lack of it.

 

I hear this echoed in the words of my married friends who say "I couldn't do it" and I am thinking - you are MARRIED. Doesn't that mean until death do you part? And don't you love your husband enough that you would endure?"

[LonelyTiger]

Island Girl you are an absolute star :bunny:

 

This post is fantastic and I agree completely with everything you've said.

 

A LDR is not a lifestyle choice!!! It's not a choice at all. Of course it isn't. That's the whole point.

 

Who in their right mind would want to be alone and lonely, miles from the arms of the person they love most in the whole world - with every ounce of their being crying out for the next kiss, the next touch and the next hug? !

 

You'd have to be insane!

 

There is no doubt that there are different types of love and some loves are much stronger than others - otherwise we'd all spend our whole lives with the very first person we 'fell in love with'.

 

We all search for that one 'true love' that will last forever, no matter what.

 

Anybody who is in a successful LDR must feel that they have found that special love - otherwise why on earth would they put themselves through such awful torment and emotional pain.

 

The fact that they are prepared to go through all the sacrifice is proof to me that the love is in some way different.

 

My husband and I have loved each other since we were children. We knew even then that what we'd found was very special but, obviously, we were too young to understand.

 

It took us nearly 20 years to realise that we were clearly meant to be together. Neither of us has ever experienced anything like this with anyone else. It is exceptionally rare. Damn right that's worth waiting for.

 

Our love has endured through many good times and bad. Being separated for a few years by a few thousand miles isn't going to change the way we feel about each other - ever!

 

I certainly can't just 'decide' not to wait any more.

 

:confused: Sorry, but that doesn't even compute in my brain.

 

My circumstances are a little different from most people on here because we're currently living apart to make sure our marriage survives. It was a very big decision and a painful one but we were prepared to do whatever it took not to lose each other.

 

We could have just walked away like so many people on other LS forums do. For us it wasn't an option.

 

We go together - always and forever - no matter how far apart we are physically.

 

I'm sure there are others on the LDR forum who feel the same and if that isn't a special kind of love I don't know what is.

[Els]

Just a brief one, cause I've gotta run soon!

 

Do we understand the meaning of the word love differently? Yes, I think. Those who believe that LDR love isn't 'real' usually connotate 'love' with a more physical meaning -- sex and physical intimacy. Since the biggest aspect of 'love', to them, isn't present in an LDR, thus they consider LDR's unreal.

 

Do we all share the belief of the rarity of true love and that if found we hang on to it come what may when others have it but let go? Yes, also. Usually when people advise a person not to undergo an LDR no matter what, they say 'there are so many others where you live!' Some people are subscribers to the 'many fish in the sea -- you lose one you can get another in no time' belief. I'm pretty sure noone who is in an LDR would think that way, since what's the point of hanging on if you believe you can get an equal replacement in no time at all?

 

Or do we have a different type of love that strikes less often and burns more intensely? Strikes less often, yes. Burns more intensely... I decline to comment. I would say yes in my opinion, but 'intense' is subjective, and I believe those who equate physical intimacy with love would think that theirs is more intense.

 

Is it that we have the souls of poets and end up feeling everything so deeply that our love is in that sense different? Yes, for me. Although I think I'd make a horrible poet!

 

What are your thoughts?

[LonelyTiger]

How many of us have heard those comments such as "I could never do that" or "how do you do that"

 

I've been thinking some more about this question (anything to take my mind of my hubby ).

 

Isn't it possible that the people who make these sorts of comments just haven't had the strength of their love tested to that degree? Maybe they actually do love their SO in just the same way as those of us in LDRs but they can't imagine going through what we do.

 

I have a feeling that before I committed myself to my hubby I might have said something similar. Looking at it from an outsiders viewpoint (ie never experienced a LDR) I can understand why they wouldn't 'want' to do it.

 

I would presume though (maybe wrongly), that if they became separated from each other because of something unexpected and outside their control, (eg a disaster of some sort - God forbid, obviously) they wouldn't run straight into the arms of the next available mate - just because waiting was too difficult?

 

I don't know. Just a thought.