should i take the risk or move on

[sithazazel]

ok, i've been dealing with this question for the past couple of months. i am in my early twenties by the way. i have a friend, more like a best friend who i see at least once a week, we were introduced by another close friend. now i've known her for about 3 years and the past two years we have gotten really close. she and i have completely different personalities but we mesh well together. she also has a one year old kid and a whole bunch of problems.

but now for the problem, the last couple of months i've felt like i want more then just being best friends with her, i care alot for her and i've gotten attached to her kid too. i like spending time with them and would like to see if we can form a family together.

now there are some people who agree with me and then there are others who say shes taken advantage of me since she depends on me heavily. i have even had my own doubts too but i never feel like i've been taken advantage of, i like feeling needed and seeing them happy makes me happy.

now i have never picked up direct signals that she feels the same way, but there are moments when i feel that kind of connection. shes very open with me and will touch my hand or shoulder or hug me generously. but then nothing further has happened.

i want to bring this up to her, but i don't know what her reaction would be, i would hate for this to ruin our friendship and the bond i have with her kid

thanks

sithazazel

[Ronni_W]

My gut instinct is that, if she has even the slightest feelings for you as a romantic partner, then she would have let you know by now.

 

Touch and generous hugs are not uncommon in a 2-year long friendship, so I'd not read too much into those...especially if there hasn't been any other signs from her of a romantic interest.

The connection that you sometimes sense can also be coming more from you wanting to see it than it actually being there.

 

I'd say leave this one as a friendship, and look elsewhere for your romantic partnerships.

 

At the end of the day, though, you'd be wisest to follow your OWN intuition and heart about it.

Best of luck.

[voldigicam]

I'm a direct person, somewhat socially obtuse. I would tend to ask for a "time out" and discuss the issue directly. So often the other partner also wants to talk about something. Neither broaches the issue, so it just simmers for months!

 

The other approach, of simply gradually attempting to steer the relationship, presents lots of opportunities for confusion.

 

I don't know that a "time out" discussion will necessarily derail the current relationship. It's bound to change over time. All do. It might, but if it does, that's likely where things were headed anyway.

 

Good luck! Finding someone you want to be with is often difficult. You're blessed to have done so.